yummyyummy Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 So this is my first original thread on this site... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/197144-husband-friendship-someone-kinda-long That was in 2009. After a lot of stress, talking, communicating, counseling etc, husband finally decided that he would not talk to her at work unless necessary (this was in 2011). Last summer we went to a work party, we walked in and his friend waved him over like "Hi, we're over here!" etc. I could tell husband was not acting like normal at the party, like he was avoiding talking to her and she was acting normal (SHE was with her husband and kid....she got married in the last 2 yrs). After the party I basically went nuts at my husband for lying to me, telling me he was going to cut off communication unless necessary but at the party I could tell they were still 'friend' like at work. So last summer we went to counseling, after more talk/communication, husband decided on his own he was going to just back off from talking to her this time because of his OWN decision, that it wasn't worth the fight from me etc. She once confronted him at work and said "I don't know what you did that you have to atone for but I am just being 100% professional with you and I expect the same from you". Since then they apparently don't talk at work at all unless necessary and it's been like that. Husband also has become more communicative with me, shares more with me etc. It's not perfect or a complete 180, but it's a lot more. So sometimes I still have little triggers or things that bother me (I mean they DO work together). Plus I'm pregnant now and feel like I keep thinking back to that original situation and last year and OBSESSING over it. How do I move on? Go to individual counseling? I think I have some issues myself to work on from my past (fear of abandonment, jealousy issues, insecurity issues etc). But I also want him to keep going in this positive direction of communicating more.... Any advice? Nothing REALLY big happened, it was a small betrayal but a betrayal nonetheless. I want to move on and stop obsessing, stop wondering, stop letting it ruin our time now. Being pregnant now makes the feelings amplified...I think
Appleness Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 If it bothers you, I think you should talk about it. I think he deserves to know that you feel that way so that if he is innocent, then at least he has a chance to lay your fears to rest. Otherwise, those thoughts are going to get the best of you. It's not easy completely trusting someone if they've betrayed you but you need to find a way to put it behind you especially when kids are going to be involved. Only you know how you feel about what happened. I think counseling is a great idea. You may want to start individually and if you're therapist thinks that it's beneficial to bring him in, then make sure that he'd be okay with that. If he's not supportive or if he's trying to dismiss your fears, then I think you should still go because ultimately this is for you and not him. If you feel something is weird, trust your instincts. Address the issue, don't sit there guessing. 1
Author yummyyummy Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Thank you. I think I'll go for individual counseling to work on this. He said he would go individually too or together to work on communication. Tonight I told him I will start to slowly trust him again and give him the opportunity to earn it back. I'm pretty scared but it has to be done.
angie2443 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I replied to your old thread. I guess I've been on LS a long time! Anyways, I wish I could give you better advice. I would be concerned that your husband is still friends with this woman after you told him how much it hurt you. If the friendship was as harmless as he made it out to be, then it wouldn't have been that hard to end it. Your situation is tricky, because your gut is telling you something (I think it is important to listen to this), and yet there is no concrete evidence of anything here. I guess I would just keep my eyes open and listen to my gut here. Sorry I can't offer more advice. I'm glad that you guys are having better communication, though:)
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