Father's Day

[underwater2010]

Can I ask what you expected? You have inserted yourself into their marriage. Now you want to send a gift, that is earned because he has kids with his wife. You are totally over stepping the boundaries of being involved with a MM.

[Summer Breeze]

If you want to know the truth I'm not a huge one for either Fathers or Mothers Day. My D always got me something for Fathers Day rather than Mothers because she said I worked so hard to make sure she didn't find herself lacking because her dad wasn't directly involved with her life most of the time. It never dawned on me to send him anything and he never did me either. I think it's a little strange you are asking about it OP but then again I think the whole 'Day' thing is strange too.

[Got it]

Can I ask what you expected? You have inserted yourself into their marriage. Now you want to send a gift, that is earned because he has kids with his wife. You are totally over stepping the boundaries of being involved with a MM.

 

So, the OP should expect labels and insults?

 

I really don't see the big deal if someone wants to celebrate Father's day or Mother's day for someone but sending a gift or a text. What on earth is the big deal?

 

I swear the most bizarre things are made into major deals on this forum.

[SoleMate]

What I would like to know is if any of the OW here have a suggestion for a nice Father's Day gift or gesture for my MM. I'd like to make him feel special, but not compromise discretion or make him uncomfortable.

We've had the question about discreet gifts to an AP before. Almost any tangible gift would potentially compromise discretion...even a trivial one, like a box of mints, if it was something he did not normally get for himself. Any woman can recognize the special goodies that would typically only be given by another women. And a card is the worst of all. Seems like a D-Day just waiting to happen..... (Married couple at breakfast table or in bedroom dressing) "Oh, nice card, who sent you this?" (Wife reads card. Several moments of silence.) "....Who is 'ForeverPatient' and why is she thanking you for all the joy you have brought to her life? What the hell??"

 

In most cases, the sight of any package or card that may be from you would only make him writhe with anxiety. To be able to continue your A, no gifts!

Edited June 4, 2013 by SoleMate

[thefooloftheyear]

I think if I got a card from OW, the first question would be "Oh shyt, dont tell me you're knocked up?!"

 

TFY

[findingnemo]

We've had the question about discreet gifts to an AP before. Almost any tangible gift would potentially compromise discretion...even a trivial one, like a box of mints, if it was something he did not normally get for himself. Any woman can recognize the special goodies that would typically only be given by another women. And a card is the worst of all. Seems like a D-Day just waiting to happen..... (Married couple at breakfast table or in bedroom dressing) "Oh, nice card, who sent you this?" (Wife reads card. Several moments of silence.) "....Who is 'ForeverPatient' and why is she thanking you for all the joy you have brought to her life? What the hell??"

 

In most cases, the sight of any package or card that may be from you would only make him writhe with anxiety. To be able to continue your A, no gifts!

 

I must agree with this ^^^^. Cards, gifts are serious d-day triggers.

 

OP, why do you want to give him a gift for this particular day? Why is it special to you?

[HonestNeurotic]

I'm not trying to be hurtful - nor a prude. But these are NOT YOUR CHILDREN.

 

I find all the "holidays" are more just a consumer/corporate/profit driven thing anyways. I celebrate every time I am with those that I love. Birthdays? ha! I didn't ask to be born, so my uterine liberation date is of no consequence to me. Only the insurance companies seem to really care. They can suck more funds for me as I pass those mile markers in life. I do realize though, that most of the people, in the western world anyways, get all into these "holidays".

 

I'm in an affair. Well, from MM's side, it is an affair. He is a great father. While he is busy BEING a great father, on fathers day, I should interfere with HIS time with HIS children? That's not my place/space. It's HIS. I won't even text him at ALL. We text about once a day, even on the weekends. But certainly no "happy mother's day". That's downright creepy.

 

To me, and again, I live outside the boxes in the world, so my opinion is not necessarily be the popular one - but insinuating YOURSELF on the MM with Fathers Day greetings is just looking a little too obsessive. Disrespectful of his CHILDREN, by taking his thoughts away from them and onto you.

 

Like I said, I'm in an affair. But getting involved with anything that has to do with the CHILDREN, that are not YOURS, is kinda messed up. Even if, he left his wife to be with YOU - Fathers Day is still not yours to celebrate with him, unless of course he invites you, which the kids will most likely not take kindly to. I don't understand why you feel insulted when people tell you, regardless of who they are on LS (OM/BS/OP) that it's a bad idea.

 

Affairs are selfish cake eating adventures, to be sure. I'm not sure you understand what it is and who you are in this man's life. You don't get to share in all the regular holiday whatnot. This one particular day, Father's day, is certainly one that you can let him have to himself. Innocent happy fathers day text? Or really, just insecure that he's connecting too much with his family and you don't want him to forget about you?

 

Sorry to be so blunt. But if anything, parents are the parents. Affair partners, especially those with NO children, don't get to interfere with parenting.

[William]

In order to preserve posting privileges, I'm going to close this, as apparently the thread starter has received the desired information.