Father's Day

[Foreverpatient]

Hi. I'm new to the forum but have been reading and following for several months. I'll spare you the details of my R, as it's not unique to many of the situations chronicled here. What I would like to know is if any of the OW here have a suggestion for a nice Father's Day gift or gesture for my MM. I'd like to make him feel special, but not compromise discretion or make him uncomfortable. I know it's kinda f'd up. But he and I are totally into each other and the situation is what it is. For now. I'm not asking for more. At least not now. Any suggestions?

[awkward]

Maybe a Starbucks card.

 

Do you have children with MM? If not, then don't get him anything. Even he would probably understand the inappropriateness of his OW celebrating Father's Day with him.

[Praying4Peace]

Tell him to spend the day with his kids and not worry about you. If you try and celebrate Father's Day it'll be very strange.

[who_am_i]

if he isn't the father of your children...or your father...that's kinda weird

[Praying4Peace]

It's kind of like if you did something special for his anniversary...just as an analogy.

[whichwayisup]

Hi. I'm new to the forum but have been reading and following for several months. I'll spare you the details of my R, as it's not unique to many of the situations chronicled here. What I would like to know is if any of the OW here have a suggestion for a nice Father's Day gift or gesture for my MM. I'd like to make him feel special, but not compromise discretion or make him uncomfortable. I know it's kinda f'd up. But he and I are totally into each other and the situation is what it is. For now. I'm not asking for more. At least not now. Any suggestions?

 

Sorry but I don't understand why you would celebrate fathers day with your MM since you two share no children. That IS f'ed up! You said it first.

 

Him being a father has nothing to do with you at all and please out of respect for his wife and children, don't go celebrating fathers day with him. he should be with his family that day, not you.

[MissBee]

Hi. I'm new to the forum but have been reading and following for several months. I'll spare you the details of my R, as it's not unique to many of the situations chronicled here. What I would like to know is if any of the OW here have a suggestion for a nice Father's Day gift or gesture for my MM. I'd like to make him feel special, but not compromise discretion or make him uncomfortable. I know it's kinda f'd up. But he and I are totally into each other and the situation is what it is. For now. I'm not asking for more. At least not now. Any suggestions?

 

Maybe it's just me...but if you don't have a child together, it's kinda weird to give him a father's day gift. That seems irrelevant to your relationship.

 

For me personally, I've never given a guy I'm dating a father's day gift. His child and child's mom usually do that. I give birthday, valentine's day, christmas etc. as those are "everybody" holidays but father's day in my mind is a holiday where you give gifts to your own dad/men in your life who have acted like a dad to you or to the father of your child. I would not give a bf a father's day gift and esp not a MM...just seems...oxymoronic:laugh:

[MissBee]

It's kind of like if you did something special for his anniversary...just as an analogy.

 

Ditto!

 

I think it is extremely inappropriate.

 

If you're in an affair, be in it, but I do think there should be some boundaries. Things having to do with the MM's family life/children are one. I don't think an OW should be planning anything for father's day with the MM if she isn't the mother of his kids.

[underwater2010]

You do not have kids with him!! It is very inappropriate. Save it for bdays, xmas and/or your affair anniversary.

[fllygirl]

I'm sure he is not expecting anything from you. Just send a text, save your money or buy something nice for yourself.

[SidLyon]

Unless he's your stepfather or father , or the father/stepfather/father figure etc to children that you are responsible for (that are too young to get something themselves), then it's wrong, wrong wrong.

[waterwoman]

He's not your father. Nor the father of his children. Nothing to do with you.

[So happy together]

My bf sent me flowers on Mother's day. He said that it was to let me know how much he appreciates that I am a good mother.

[thefooloftheyear]

As an xMM I would say that I wouldnt want to be reminded that I was robbing my own kid of quality time while knee deep in the A...I had enough guilt as it was...

 

TFY

[grassisorisntgreener]

I think most of the replies on here are a little harsh.

 

I also don't think a gift is appropriate, but a text or message to him to let him know you are thinking of him seems okay to me.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

My xOM was a father and yet I would not have sent him a father's day gift. I am a mother and he would not have sent me a mother's day gift. That's just odd.

 

I understand what you want to do, but it isn't really appropriate. Just tell him to have a nice day spending it with his children.

 

Just interested - are you married or do you have children?

[Mr. Nibbles]

Buy him a flashlight.

[HonestNeurotic]

That's just too weird. Even sending a text is just too weird.

 

I am remarried. My husband has no children, and mine were almost all grown when we first got together and live 2K miles away - they have a most excellent father. No step dad stuff going on at all.

 

It would be extremely stupid for my husband to give me a mother's day card! I'm not his MOTHER!!! In fact, I always found it kinda odd that mother's or father's day was something where a SPOUSE was giving a gift. I grew up with the day was for gifts or a card from the CHILDREN. Now, my dad took us shopping for something for mothers day, and made sure that mom didn't have to cook - but it was about MOTHERS - not WIVES.

 

I guess we all have our own family traditions in that regard. I personally, would not intrude on this man's time with his children.

[So happy together]

I think that's an entirely different scenario than the one presented by the OP. he is married, and will be spending the day with his wife and kids.

 

Yes, after I posted I thought about it and realized it is different.

[Got it]

Hi. I'm new to the forum but have been reading and following for several months. I'll spare you the details of my R, as it's not unique to many of the situations chronicled here. What I would like to know is if any of the OW here have a suggestion for a nice Father's Day gift or gesture for my MM. I'd like to make him feel special, but not compromise discretion or make him uncomfortable. I know it's kinda f'd up. But he and I are totally into each other and the situation is what it is. For now. I'm not asking for more. At least not now. Any suggestions?

 

I think gifts are lovely for whatever reason. Why not give him a certificate to golf or his favorite sport? Or for a massage, or some other pampering activity.

 

Or you can make your own coupons on what he can redeem when cashed in. :bunny:

[thomasb]

Nothing quite like trying to make a day intended for his children all about you, is there?

[Athens]

Give yourself the gift of therapy, because the thought of this is truly ill.

 

What gives, you do not have to be a bitter BS to see the truly sickness in this idea.

Edited June 3, 2013 by Athens

[HonestNeurotic]

Is he your "daddy"?

[skylarblue]

Just a father's day card (and not a from the W/mother kind of card). And I only suggest this if you can give it to him on father's day. If you can't, just send a text. Not really appropriate since you don't have any children together, even more you say you're not even on that level.

[Foreverpatient]

Wow. Point taken. I will not extend a gesture other than a kind text. For those who gave sincere feedback, thank you for your insight and advice. I certainly wasn't looking for hurtful insults or labels.