GoogleRocks Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Is she supposed to hop on the back of a bike with him anytime they want to go somewhere? I used to ride 40 miles a day. Biked to work and back even during the winter and this is when I had an Oldsmobile. I rarely drove because I didn't want to drive. The women who hit on me didn't care, they knew I didn't drive.
crude Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 My mother's philosophy was very simple. She said "if I have to work, why bother to get married." That's why I'm not too thrilled with the concept of the man paying for all dates while the woman just sits and watches. Once you enable the woman's sense of entitlement, it lasts a lifetime.
shexy Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 If she's too good for him, she should dump him. If a woman driving is an issue, don't date a guy that doesn't drive. Simple as that. I don't date men for the material things they have, that's just me.
Pillow Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 The truth is, as a woman, the first time you introduce a guy to your friends or family, here are their first questions: 1. Where does he work? (always the first question) 2. Does he have a car? 3. Where does he live/who is he living with? 4. What's his education? They never ask you, how kind he is, is he sweet, how attractive he is, nothing like that. If the guy doesn't pass those four questions, everyone will think you are settling. That's the way it is. 1
ReelAhdvice Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 He's 32, lives with roomates, and no drivers license - just something about that sentence, that says she feeling the guy. quite the catch, or should the details come after the hookup?
hppr Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 The truth is, as a woman, the first time you introduce a guy to your friends or family, here are their first questions: 1. Where does he work? (always the first question) 2. Does he have a car? 3. Where does he live/who is he living with? 4. What's his education? They never ask you, how kind he is, is he sweet, how attractive he is, nothing like that. If the guy doesn't pass those four questions, everyone will think you are settling. That's the way it is. Yeah I have definitely noticed that. My girlfriend's mother thinks that she is settling for me because I don't make a lot of money. I got her dad on my side though so she doesn't cause any drama. If you are a guy and you're in a similar situation you have to get at least one parent or family member totally on your side otherwise your girl will get a steady barrage of 'leave him!' from em.
ChessPieceFace Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Cars are expensive. Some cities have decent mass transit, or maybe he works nearby or at home. Barbara Walters never got a driver's license, is she a loser too? Roommates are annoying but should hardly be a deal-breaker. However, if he has no ambition or money-making ability, I'd judge that pretty harshly. I make enough to make ends meet, and I wouldn't consider getting a GF in my financial situation even though I know guys who make a lot less and have GFs.
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 All depends on the city and the transport. I live in Sydney, Australia - 3rd most expensive city in the world! I'm 30, with a roommate, and no car. Transport here is excellent and very safe. I wouldn't judge a bloke on the car & apartment. In my city, a dual income is the only way to afford city housing :-( 1
GravityMan Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I don't think you should date this guy, OP. You two just don't seem compatible. The uncle was looking out for his nephew's best interests, not yours. The uncle may be well aware that the nephew is a deadbeat and a parasite, and is thinking that setting him up with someone as accomplished as you will cause him to try and get his act together. Well...that's nice and all, but it's unfair to you and what you want in a man. It's a good idea to be wary of situations where an older figure recommends his son, nephew, etc. to you for dating, because of bias. I think it's better if a mutual friend introduces one of his or her single male friends to you. This guy should have gotten his driver's license years ago. Hell, the vast majority of people living in places like New York and San Francisco get their drivers licenses by their mid-late teens, even though it's generally impractical to actually own and operate your own vehicle. 32 is usually too old for guys to be living with roommates, unless living in a high COL area like NY or SF. This guy has a job, and considering it's in construction I imagine it pays a decent amount better than a Walmart cashier or a job at McDonalds. He should have his own place, even if it's a cheap 1-bedroom apartment. If he's the type who just likes daily company, then a dog will suffice. (It's a bit more socially acceptable for women to have roommates into their 30s.) This guy just sounds lazy to me. It wouldn't surprise me if his roommates felt a bit chilly and ambivalent towards him, as it appears he's not pulling his own weight. There's also the possibility of insecurity...that he could be one of those types who would feel like "less of a man" because the woman he's seeing makes way more money and is far more successful than himself.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 No drivers license would bug me. No car is one thing, my man rides a motorcycle and we are considering going getting rid of it. That is a lifestyle choice, no license just seems lazy. As for taking advantage of you? Just go on the date. Have fun and stop worrying so much. It's just pizza.
Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 hi hun, personally if it was me i wud not date him but if u like him long term u will have to be prepared to drive him pick him up etc, and possibly he will move in with u if u want to be serious in future 1
Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 in life there is tradeoffs. he might be poor and lazy but if he is handsome it is ok for you to give him sex. i doubt you can find some one rich and motavated plus handsome al;l guys i have dated have been minimum 10 years older, ugly, fat and rich, but i love my fat men!
NYC-BigKat Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 All depends on the city and the transport. I live in Sydney, Australia - 3rd most expensive city in the world! I'm 30, with a roommate, and no car. Transport here is excellent and very safe. Yes I agree with u! Subways & buses feel so safe to me & I'm used to it. I'm just better at taking them than riding in a car 'cause so many people keep on beeping at me & driving really really fast & road rage & then there's all that parking & moving the car out of tight spots. Eeeekkk! My mom dont drive a car either & has no license but my father has one but its nothing to brag to anyone about u know.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Talking to some of you on here is like talking to the wall! It isn't about how many "material things" a man has. It's about the minimal of what he should have to show that he is a responsible contributing member of society and that he is relationship material. Not having a car at his age doesn't cut it. It puts the responsibility on the woman he's dating to drive him around and if she doesn't want to do that, they will not go places that she/they want to go for entertainment and enjoyment. She is NOT his mother. She should not have the responsibility of providing all the driving or means of transportation in the relationship. And I'm sure she doesn't want to ride a filthy bus around town with him. What about this do you not understand?? She stated over and over again that she's materialistic. She even gave us a checklist of the cool things she has ("own my home", "drive a nice car"). My post was not directed at anybody else in this thread. It was solely for OP who is materialistic and basically acknowledged that she is.
ltjg45 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 She stated over and over again that she's materialistic. She even gave us a checklist of the cool things she has ("own my home", "drive a nice car"). My post was not directed at anybody else in this thread. It was solely for OP who is materialistic and basically acknowledged that she is. After reading this thread, I basically came to the same conclusion myself. Even if I were to have the income necessary to get a car, I still wouldn't get one unless I know that I actually need the use of a card. If my public transportation system can get me to where I'm going at this and that time, then there is no need to get a card. Furthermore, I wouldn't get anything strictly just to please a woman and her expectations. The only reason why I got this and that is because I felt it is needed to me, not because I couldn't date women without getting one.
Geiss Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) A lot of women here are going to pass up on good guys because they don't have enough things or don't have what they think they should have. There is a big difference when it comes to women's expectations of men and men's expectations of women. That's why men will date the waitress and women want to date the CEO. Men don't care if a girl doesn't have a driver's license. That doesn't make her undateable. Or if she had roomates that drive her around. It's a new reality that women are going to have to drop your expectations because we live in a feminist society and women are now out earning men and men are dropping out because women are so independent and guy's just love hearing about how little they are needed. And also remember as you are turned off by his living situation he might be turned off by your living situation as well. Edited June 3, 2013 by Geiss
Dusk1983 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 This post (and this entire thread, actually) reeks of classism. You're out of his league because you have more material things than he does? Interesting outlook on life. Let me know how far you get with it. I'll tell you where it gets you - stuck in your 30s asking for help on a dating forum. With a 14 year old photo as an avatar. 3
serial muse Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Well, I don't think no license and roommates are, in and of themselves, automatic dealbreakers - the question is why those are his choices. I think the part that sounds red flag-ish, as others have mentioned, is that he's relying on those roommates to ferry him around. But I wonder - says who? His uncle? Or Billy himself? It's all in the details, IMO. If this guy has figured out ways to (usually) get himself around sans car and he's saving money for xxx reason and etc. etc., then I don't see a need to write him off immediately. But if he's just being lazy, that's a different story. Honestly, OP, the only way you're probably going to find this out is to talk to him about it. People can give their impressions here but we don't really know what his deal is. I think you're right to wonder, and ask questions, but I wouldn't just assume if I were you. On the other hand, as was said upthread, don't date him just to make the uncle happy! If you're genuinely interested in him otherwise, one date isn't that big of a deal...
MidwestUSA Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I'll tell you where it gets you - stuck in your 30s asking for help on a dating forum. With a 14 year old photo as an avatar. Nominating this, yep.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Wow, you guys are being so mean to OP! I don't think she is single because she's materialistic. Plenty of materialistic idiots get husbands. Perhaps she's single because she put all her energy into her career, made enough money to obtain all her "nice things," but is now finding herself alone. Many women focus so solely on their career these days that the end up in their 30's wondering how they also ended up alone. I think if she starts putting as much effort into her dating life as her job she'd have no problem getting a boyfriend...maybe she'll even get one with a license!!!
pink_sugar Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Haha, LOSER ALERT! Sure, they're just "things," but what kind of guy doesn't have a drivers license? I wouldn't even consider dating a guy without a drivers license. 32 is too old to live with roommates. Get it together bud. You can definitely find a man who is a little more "together." Don't waste your time. Just imagine driving yourself to the hospital when you're in labor. LOL. No license is a turnoff, but living with roommates is quite common where I live being one of the most expensive places to live in the nation. My dad has roommates ranging from 25-40+ in age. A friend of mine has roommates in their 50's. Considering renting a room can range from $600-$1100 here, it's pretty common as even a studio in this area is around $1200 a month. If he was living in a big city where there is no need to own a car, it's not really a big deal either if you both are taking transit. It just depends on the circumstances.
pink_sugar Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I'm not trying to start anything, but from what I have seen and heard, having a roommate means you can't afford the rent/mortgage on your own. Not necessarily. My dad makes over six figures a year. Since he's a single guy living in a 4 bedroom house, having roommates brings in extra income that helps pay for other expenses and save for retirement.
mortensorchid Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Does he have a job? I know guys without cars and even a few with suspended licenses here and there. But if there is no job then there's a problem. If he's a good guy despite this then he deserves a shot at least. If none of them, then he's a loser and you should move on. Otherwise he is looking for a mother not a lover.
Jane2011 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 (edited) I think it's okay to have roommates at any age, really, although technically I'd rather date a guy without them because I'm not super-social and wouldn't want to have to hang out with or small-talk with his roommates while visiting him. I'd date a guy who had them, though, if I liked him. About the car thing. It's odd that he doesn't have even just a license at his age. I actually think not having a car is kind of a cool thing, in some ways. A guy not having one would be odd to me, but I could also potentially see it as cool, environment-conscious, etc. The major problem I have is not liking the type of person (at any age) who's always asking people for rides to this and that. I have a male friend who is 36 who always does so. Any time our circle of friends starts making plans, he's all, "Can you (whoever) pick me up?" It's not so much the concept of not having a car that is a problem. It's more that it often has the residual effect of making you an annoying person who's always looking for a ride, and inconveniencing people who have to leave 30 to 45 minutes early for stuff in order to pick you up. If I knew a person who didn't have a car who just got around by walking, riding his or her bike, or even using public transportation (buses, etc) and didn't immediately go "can you pick me up?" when a social event arises, I'd think they were fine. The other thing is the friend who's like "I can only go if you can give me a ride." (or if "someone" can give him/her a ride). It has this air of, like, their social fun is contingent on your generosity or not, and whether stated or not, you seem selfish for not being willing to pick them up. I also sometimes see it, especially when one lives in a driving city, as you (whoever) trying to be the exception to something that is pretty much a standard burden to everybody. It's a little unfair that everyone else has to make car payments, pay car insurance, buy gas, and you're just bumming rides...(I'm sure some people compensate a little for it, but still they're getting a convenience that most everybody doesn't get). Edited June 4, 2013 by Jane2011 2
edgygirl Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Haven't read all posts, but just to put it out there - in NY and other large urban areas most 32 yo don't have a car, and do live with roommates. Like many, he might be saving for a down payment. I would prefer a guy who thinks about the future than a guy who spends 70% of income on rent. Man, I couldn't care less about a guy having a car / what car / a driving's license. These are shallow things, for me. But maybe it makes sense in LA or so. 2
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