Author WreckedDan Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Oh hell yes I felt that way! Matter of fact I want(ed) to feel that way. Why on earth would I want to be in an emotionally vulnerable position ever again?! Believing in another being to be honest, loyal and truely loving... no freakin way! Now.. I went at this from that perspective... found someone interested in me but not interested in anything long term. There was an attraction on both sides and we both wanted to play... we told eachother if we found ourselves feeling an attachment that we would be open and honest and if the other wasn't feeling it we would end on a high note. We are keeping things low key, not invading eachothers space at all. We plan our time together in adbance at least a couple days. There has been a couple times where one of us does something potentialy viewed as romantic, and it comes up jokingly... we have decided to just go with the flow. We are both having fun and seem to be on the same page as far as not wanting to be hurt. With this open communication it seems like a safe environment. Fairly sure anyone posting regularly on this site is not ready to enter a full on balanced love union... but, we all gotta start somewhere right? Dan 2
worldgonewrong Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 WD- let this thought liberate you: everyone in Life is making it up as they go along. Everyone. The basic tenet that should guide our actions - when one puts all the self-help books aside, etc. - is quite simply LOVE. Love your kiddo, love yourself, and maybe someday really love another woman. It's always there to give/re-generate even during the depths of despair. You're doing good, man. The 'low' you're feeling is natural. I felt one yesterday, and it sort of took my breath away -- but it had more to do with the kids, and NOT the disintegrated marriage. I don't miss my old Life with 'her' at all, although I miss my kiddos when I don't see them. 2
Author WreckedDan Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Been a quiet night. Those are the hardest to get through... No distractions leads my mind open to trying to define things, self doubt is a mother... eondering why this highly motivated, sexy, life of the party type is interested in me.. and it bothers me... FWB is confusing... maybe this was a bad idea. Damn Aries in me starting to get possesive and jealous when I have no reason to be either. Confusing because I'll start thinking about this girl, then think "Don't text, you will seem pushy, and she doesn't want that." Then seconds later she texts me... I know I'm supposed to guard my heart. Fairly sure this isn't just about her. Likely left over feelings of being alone. Writing this out to unjumble my thoughts right now. Likely after some sleep I will be clearer in the morning. Gonna go for a bike ride with the kiddo, should help I guess. G'night LS, Dan
debtman Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Dan, and hayewils, The emotional destruction your stbxs caused will have a profound effect on all of your relationships for a while. Dan, I know it seems great to have this new person and it DOES make things easier, and it is, just remember, you're still on that emotional roller coaster. It's easier to have things stable out when there's someone else there for distraction, fun, filling that hole, etc., but don't forget that the ride isn't over yet. Those momentary funks will certainly remind you of that. Hayewils, at first, I felt the same way, surely my ex couldn't have ever loved me to treat me like she did. Thought we were soul-mates, never considered not working the marriage out. I can feel myself putting up emotional walls with my new gf, but we talk about it. I tell her what I'm struggling with and she's fine with taking whatever time we need. We have fun together, that's all that matters for now. Live in the moment. Enjoy the now. Every minute we're here is precious and shouldn't be wasted trying to figure out why someone else made bad decisions. Great sentiments WGW...absolutely...just making it up as we go...but remember WE are making it up, so make it good!! Keep your heads up, it gets better every day. Good luck, keep posting and blue skies... 1
Author WreckedDan Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 Thanks for the inspiration guys, exactly what I needed to hear! That dip in the coaster didn't last long, and was certainly not as deep by any means Bothered some that the Stbx hasn't brought up the papers yet... she knows they are ready to sign... feel the need to get this ball rolling. At the same time I still worry about rocking the boat so trying not to be pushy. Have plans for tomorrow night with my new friend.. soooo looking forward to it and she keeps reminding me That stock market refrence was pretty dead on. Hopefully the stocks keep getting more value Thanks you guys! Dan 2
worldgonewrong Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 ...but remember WE are making it up, so make it good!! AMEN to that, brother. We are the authors of our own lives.
Author WreckedDan Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Well, Thursday was amazing. Me and my new friend took out one of our mutual friends for his birthday and had a blast! Spent some serious quality time after, and the next day =) I'm sure she has a huge part in how easy this has all become... but it feels so good to not care about the ex any more. I mean don't get me wrong, I hope all goes well with her since my daughter will be effected by her life, but otherwise I could so care less... I heard through the grapevine that the guy she's hooked up with might be married LOL! Meltdown in 3, 2, .... Still need to get papers signed, I'll push for it this upcoming week. *hugs LS* Dan 1
Author WreckedDan Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 So, came to a conclusion today; when this all went down I was really screwed up over it, as we all are to some degree. It sucks! But I think that our relationship had been dieing for 3 years and neither of us wanted to pull the trigger and put it out of it's misery. Most likely we both held on for the kiddo or the good times that popped up now and then made it easier to hold on to a disintegrating pieve of flotsam in the ocean. I think it crushed me so hard at first because I felt like I failed or was losing something. But the truth of the matter is, I won... I won me back! I gave up a lot in life to have what I had, I was okay with that because I felt like it was "The right thing". Now I get to look forward to relearning, reinventing, and reinvesting in me and my kiddo's lives without the boat anchor. Who cares what she does, no longer part of the equation Peace out LS, Dan 1
Author WreckedDan Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 So I get my night time call for the kiddo, and she whispers to me that the stbx whore had her man over twice for dinner while the kiddo was there... guess that's gonna happen. Finding a strange balance here.. my main concern is that I know her situation is going to crash and burn, and I don't want the kiddo to suffer from this.. I really wish she had a better female rolemodel.. seems I chose poorly lol. The balancing factor is that I spent the day in and out of bed with my friend so I'm feeling a bit like I could care less.. my daughter has to see what a mess her mom is and hopefully I can keep up the slack and show her how a real parent acts. Wonder if this will hit me later? Dan
worldgonewrong Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Wonder if this will hit me later? Probably. But the impact - each time out - will be different, lessened. My marriage is buried 6 feet under now, turned over in the soil. I don't miss it. But as history & ongoing life pertain to my kids, I feel something every other week or day. Not all-out tears, mind you, but a heaviness in the heart.
Author WreckedDan Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 She signed! Now I just gotta save up the money to file and boom! She signed away my 401k, and letting me claim the kid every year on taxes.. now after I fike we just have to get together for the parenting plan, custody and child support. Can't wait for this to be over and done with Side note.. have't slept in over 24 hours... totally worth it things going well and smoothly with my new friend :)just gotta get through my work day and I can sleep for like 14 hrs Love ya guys! Dan 3
hayewils Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 that's great Dan! Good to know that you guys can atleast come to an agreement and she isn't trying to take you to the cleaners.. they can be, well ya know.. Bit***. And it feels so good to get to the point where you can just SLEEP DAMNIT!!! Two Saturdays ago I slept for 17 hours.. only got up to make sure the commode was ok and to let the dogs out.. I was exhausted for two weeks. everything caught up with me. feeling great today!! 2
Author WreckedDan Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Rofl! Only reason I skipped sleep was to be with my new girl bro I sleep like a baby now.. I am indifferent to the ex now I know it sounds cheesy but I'm an Aries so yeah... once I'm done with something I move the f*ck on... happier than I have been in years The next three months will be stressful while dealing with the ex and getting my finances back under control but after that, smooth sailings! I can read the positive attitude you are cultivating lately in yoir thread and mine, love to "hear" it bro! Cheers LS! Dan 3
Author WreckedDan Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Ps keep it up haywils seems you are right behind me here... if you lived nearby I would invite you to come out and have a kick ass time with me and my friends... Dan 1
Misadventure Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Ps.. anyone reading this who is in the middle of hell, and yeah, been there, wanted to die.... That's me. Hi. Just joined... I hope I can see that light one day, I guess I am on step one. Dan, reading this gave me hope though. I am a mess of a mess but I smiled at this thread when happy things started happening for you.
Author WreckedDan Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Cheers Mis! The beginning is pure hell! But you can't fight it... it's brain chemistry.. you litteraly have to ride this wave of your life. I'm not gonna tell you to stay positive, cause you can't bit that is not any fault of yours. Beat you can do so early is try to find one motivating thing in your life (for me it was my beautiful kiddo) focus on that. Cry as much as you can, until you are sick of it, then take a break and cry more. It helps! Then when you can sleep again, do so. Add food back into your life slowly, and eat good stuff, your body will need it. Then, and this was a great turning point for me, start some small routine that is new, or just i,proved version of something you already do. I got into cleaning and yard work. Keep crying when you feel the need. At some point your new life starts emerging from this... and your old life starts to fade out. Then, boom, one day you realize you can let it go. As soon as that happens your free! Love to all of you, Dan 1
hayewils Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Ps keep it up haywils seems you are right behind me here... if you lived nearby I would invite you to come out and have a kick ass time with me and my friends... Dan Hey Dan, You know I thought the same thing. I think with all the crap weve all been through, such similarities that it would be awesome. But, not close to Washington State, I believe that's where you are. Im in San Antonio Texas and I am actually on my way to Port Aransas, Texas.. Going to the Coast to have some fun. Meeting my sister and her boyfriend down there.. Do some fishing, drink some beer and have good time.. Look at the girls in those bikinis.. That's what I am talking about. LOL
Author WreckedDan Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Sounds like a blast bro! Live it up, have a couple beers for me man Dan
Author WreckedDan Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Well, today the kiddo called me to say her good nights... I asked her if she did anything fun. She told me how Chris had taken them out for dinner. Not sure why that hit ne like it did. Deep and quick falling sensation. That was my job. That was something I took pride in, great pleasure taking the two people I loved more than anything for a night out. I know that none of this has anything to do with me logicaly, just feeling a bit lonely tonight I guess. Side note; things are moving along at a slow but steady pace with my young lady. Little fears creeping in, that I'm not worthy of such a catch. Stupid insecurities. She's such a wonderful girl, she even assures me that she thinks she's the lucky one in all this lol. It's funny, for a long time I had someone to open up to and I could tell her anything. Now I find there is no one who knows me well enough to see through my eyes anymore. As happy as I've been lately I guess a part of me still misses that. The light at the end of the tunnle is you waiting for you to catch up Almost there, Dan 1
Author WreckedDan Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Well, I guess life wanted to make me burn out some more tears... My mother's dog had to be put down today. Can't stop bawling. But on the upswing I'm talking with the ex like we are best friends with no connection to the past. I told her I'm happy for her. She's happy and I'm honestly glad to hear it =) Tears keep coming but they are cleansing =) Love to all LS, Dan 1
befree7 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Hi Dan, What an inspirational thread I've just read. I'm glad you have found peace and comfort, I hope to find the same one day.
Author WreckedDan Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 There is only 1 thing in this life you can find... seek it all you want, put up road blocks, interrupt your search.... doesn't matter, you will find it. YOU, anything external is just that. Emotion, like today is a reminder... that there are things outside yourself to experience and feel. We need all that to grow, the good and the difficult. (Notice I did not say bad) The worst thing that can ever happen to you, is nothing, Dan PS.,, get.all philisophical and bad spelling when I drink 4
hayewils Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 There is only 1 thing in this life you can find... seek it all you want, put up road blocks, interrupt your search.... doesn't matter, you will find it. YOU, anything external is just that. Emotion, like today is a reminder... that there are things outside yourself to experience and feel. We need all that to grow, the good and the difficult. (Notice I did not say bad) The worst thing that can ever happen to you, is nothing, Dan PS.,, get.all philisophical and bad spelling when I drink I like this. I seek, but I quit, I have roadblocks,but not in my way, but to my heart. BIGTIME! I feel myself building a very large wall, I feel a protective shield going up around me. Its been building for a month or so. I feel myself becoming hard, a titanium skin so to speak. I am really worried about myself and my future. Not so much my future as far as work goes, but as for relationships..Im not real sure I can let anybody else in to my heart again. Surely in time. I am talking to a gal right now but, she isn't my wife. I still haven't let completely go yet. I don't know what to think sometimes. I do know that when I drink, I really start analyzing and looking back on the wrongs and why this all happened. I think for myself, I learn a little more.
revitup Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Wow,I have just read your thread-short version. Man did you switch gears,an about-face altogether! Great for you. I looks like you used the old "The best way to get over a woman is to get under another one" strategy!I would just say to be careful there and not jump from the fryin' pan into the fire. You seem to be happy and enjoying your time with your DD8, that's a huge benefit.The fact that your DD8 is so intuitive in this is amazing-bright girl. Your STBX is really out there! I saw the pain in the beginning of your post and it is awful to read.She really went off the rails- the pics with Honey Boo Boo acne man's Anthony Wiener was a little funny to hear about though. You did great by ignoring the FB requests,these little things will draw you backwards so fast you don't know what happened,if you don't know better-you knew better. Anyway-enjoy the ride my man.You're making the best of it and I think you have made a huge upgrade. REVITUP 3
Author WreckedDan Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Hey Hay, hey Rev, Yeah, it's strange, I was actually hitting a point where I was just deciding to open up to the idea of change, and little miss wonderful walked right up... timing is everything I guess. We are taking this slow for sure. At first it was.just good times when we had the time... then a minth into it I noticed not one day jad gone by that we hadn't texted... when there is mire than a day between time we get to spend together "I miss you" is often said by both of us... We have a weekend trip planned fir a week from now, little camping and a live concert at an open arena venue... rhymes with Thwack Babbath! Can't wait It's funny, my face is still all puffy from crying over the loss of one of my dogs, but my current situation cheers me on I guess Haywils, a roadblock is a road block brother... don't let it get you down! Just slow it down when you see it coming, get out your I.D. flash a smile and drive through that bitch Loves LS, Dan 3
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