Moving on getting difficult, is this right?

[martys]

Hey guys,

 

You might have to read my other thread to get an idea of what I went through, wasn't exactly a great breakup, or relationship for that matter. In a nutshell, I was used just to fill a void in her life. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/385591-how-cope-being-used

 

She broke up with me on 31st Dec 2012, been in NC since Feb 15th 2013 or somewhen around that date.

 

And now recently I have been having these weird thoughts, like hoping she will ring up and apologize for what she put me through, but I know, deep deep down she won't, because she is making out as if she is the victim, and I'm sure she is happy now that I am gone.

 

She is already going out with someone else, about 3 weeks after our breakup, an old friend of mine, can read more about it in my previous thread. So I KNOW this, it's not a big surprise, and yet I keep looking on her facebook, or his facebook, or deviant art profiles or what-not (i have blocked her on facebook, I use another account... i know, pathetic.) hoping to find some sort of something, I don't even know what I'm looking for when I go snooping.

 

It's been almost 5 months since she broke up with me, and I don't know why i'm doing this, I'm trying to move on, but I keep getting bombarded by thoughts, of what she did to me, how she used me and took me for granted, and i'm constantly angry towards her... but if she were to contact me I know exactly what I would say, which is to tell her to piss off, and tell her exactly what I think of her...

 

I'm so confused! I am over her, but I'm not over how I was treated :/

 

Is this normal? I feel like I'm not moving forward, just staying the same, in limbo :/

 

Any advice or hints and tips would be amazing.

 

Thanks

Edited May 25, 2013 by martys

[siankat]

i think that how a break up happens has a lot to do with how fast or slowly we heal. Some break ups can be traumatic due to the way they are done rather the absence of that person from your life. It is hurtful when someone doesnt have even common courtesy or care, to end it the best way possible for both. I think that a weaker person may try and alleviate guilt about initiating a breakup by attacking the others character, verbal bashing etc. If this happened with you, it's likely due to her guilt and lack of courage to end it nicely. Im sorry it happened this way for you but the quicker you realise it wasn't her saying 'ok you are a piece of s*** and im going to treat u as such'. It more likely stemmed from her not having the guts to do the right thing. If it helps, you are not alone.

[J_L_C]

i think that how a break up happens has a lot to do with how fast or slowly we heal. Some break ups can be traumatic due to the way they are done rather the absence of that person from your life. It is hurtful when someone doesnt have even common courtesy or care, to end it the best way possible for both. I think that a weaker person may try and alleviate guilt about initiating a breakup by attacking the others character, verbal bashing etc. If this happened with you, it's likely due to her guilt and lack of courage to end it nicely. Im sorry it happened this way for you but the quicker you realise it wasn't her saying 'ok you are a piece of s*** and im going to treat u as such'. It more likely stemmed from her not having the guts to do the right thing. If it helps, you are not alone.

 

Tell me about! Ugh

[martys]

No apology from her is going to make you feel better. Snooping her on social media is not maintaining NC. That's why you can't move on.

 

You have to accept that after 5 months of the relationship being over, there are no longer any sins she needs to apologise for. Forgiveness comes from within. It is not immediately granted just because someone apologises to us. So you have to decide to forgive her and move on, and stop stalking her on social media, or remain in limbo.

 

she was so nice to begin with, then she turned into a bitch... well i don't know if an apology would make me feel better, your right, but it's just nice to hear it from the person who was wrong i guess.

 

i might delete my other FB acc, perhaps that is it. although i dont check it all the time, maybe 2 or 3 times a month. its when i start to think about her i tend to go snooping.

 

i think that how a break up happens has a lot to do with how fast or slowly we heal. Some break ups can be traumatic due to the way they are done rather the absence of that person from your life. It is hurtful when someone doesnt have even common courtesy or care, to end it the best way possible for both. I think that a weaker person may try and alleviate guilt about initiating a breakup by attacking the others character, verbal bashing etc. If this happened with you, it's likely due to her guilt and lack of courage to end it nicely. Im sorry it happened this way for you but the quicker you realise it wasn't her saying 'ok you are a piece of s*** and im going to treat u as such'. It more likely stemmed from her not having the guts to do the right thing. If it helps, you are not alone.

 

yeah maybe, its how she was DURING our relationship which really scar'd me the most, the constant lying, treating me like ****, etc.

 

thanks for the advice guys : )

[martys]

bumpety bump! anyone know why im doing this to myself, i don't understand why i keep going snooping, seeing her with my old friend in facebook pictures and what not, not sure why i keep torturing myself :/