Author murphomatic Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Yep, she cheated. And others knew. Now I'm the fool. F u c k. M y. L I f e. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Yep, she cheated. And others knew. Now I'm the fool. F u c k. M y. L I f e. I am so sorry. I have been there, others here too. Hold on, you are not alone in this. It sucks. Let me tell you what I regret now, 10 years after my 1st wife cheated on me. It was not being a fool - being cheated on or trusting - no what I regret was being weak in responding to her cheating on Dday not standing up for myself, my hurt, and holding her accountable. Get mad not sad. She is the fool, not you. Let us know what happened and whats going on. Also please get to an individual therapist for support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 So - I'm a programmer. I wrote a keylogger to get into her stuff ... which worked beautifully...much to my dismay. I opened up her email and found a ton of naked pictures of herself to this guy who is in a nation-wide running club she also belongs to. Apparently, while she was away this weekend - they consummated their relationship. We let this sh i tbag stay in our house a few months back when he ran a marathon in our area. I shook this guy's hand and invited him into my home. I'd like to remove his head, along with other parts of his anatomy. I confronted her with it, and she tried to deny - but with me having so much evidence, she couldn't. She told me that she didn't feel "seen" in our relationship, that ever since she lost her job - she felt worthless and like she wasn't a contributor. Apparently, this guy laid some sweet talk on her. I will never know because she deleted all the Facebook messages (before I confronted her). I find this all rather ironic since I've been the one who has been feeling unloved and unappreciated for the better part of a year now. So, this ass made her feel "seen" and "loved" ... all the things I apparently failed to do for her. And she jumped in the sack with him and rode to hog-heaven. I broke some stuff last night .. smashed some pictures. Punched a wall .. that was dumb. Now I have to get up and go to work. My entire life has been turned upside down. I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know is that I love my kids so much, and the thought of leaving them destroys me. And as much as I hate to admit it - I love her still too. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 If you let her see your emotional state, you are through. She has you over a barrel because of your attachment to her kids. See a lawyer immediately. Do not make any promises or undertakings to her. Don't beg or plead. Just take time and think this through. Honestly, I would say move out immediately but you seem too weak to do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Thanks Anna. I think I will move out. Immediately. Poor kids will just get to lose I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 You are not a fault, you are not to blame, do not accept her denials or blame avidonace or excuses, get mad at her, not yourself, tell her is she wants to sta married for the time being - YOU demand accountability, demand regret, and NO CONTACT. No BS no compromise. Rinse and Repeat. Your love for her is not the isssue, her lack of love AND RESPECT for you is. If this man is married, contact his spouse. Your wife has conracted cold sores (HSV1) lets hope its not also the other kind (HSV2) and the "other" location. Avoid physical/sexual contact with her and get tested. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Thanks Anna. I think I will move out. Immediately. Poor kids will just get to lose I suppose. Whos home is it? or do you rent? Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Her house... since we've only been married 18 months, my name was never put on the mortgage. So I can walk. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) Her house... since we've only been married 18 months, my name was never put on the mortgage. So I can walk. Excellent. Then you are sitting from a position of power. If you love her and hope she "might" turn around and work to get you back - this is the place to be doing this from. Her home, her mortgage, no obligations for child support. Accountability is forced on her now and you can set the terms if she wants to reconcile with you. I know this does not help with the hurt and loss - and possible ending of your being a dad, but believe me it is the best place to be to resolve this one way or another. Edited June 12, 2013 by dichotomy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wifehurtheart Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) Murph - So sorry for the situation you've found yourself in. Totally sucks. Please get yourself some professional help, and if you do move out do everything in your power to stay in touch with your kids. They are going to need you, since your wife sounds like the classic definition of a "narcissist" and will probably turn the focus of her attention pretty much totally on herself when you do leave, as she will become the victim of her own actions but never even consider acknowledging that fact and will blame you instead. Edited June 13, 2013 by wifehurtheart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 She actually asked me how I was able to just walk out on the kids.. My response was that she pushed me out the door. I didn't walk out on anyone. She did. I screamed at her a lot yesterday. Said some really mean things. Probably didn't help. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 She actually asked me how I was able to just walk out on the kids.. My response was that she pushed me out the door. I didn't walk out on anyone. She did. I screamed at her a lot yesterday. Said some really mean things. Probably didn't help. I have started 2-3 responses and not sent them. So sorry. You have every right to shout, be angry and frankly walk out. The love you have shown for the kids in such a short time is incredible and your support for her "hobby" too. Will write more, but wanted to say people re rooting and want the best for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 She actually asked me how I was able to just walk out on the kids.. She sure has some nerve. If you stayed in a relationship with this woman, you'd sure get into a lot of trouble. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 It appears that your wife is trying to justify her behavior by shifting the blame to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 The thread has moved to the Infidelity section...... Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Any insight would be awesome. I have only read your initial post and not read anything else on this thread yet ( I will later). But, from your initial post, I can tell you this: 1) You both need to go to marriage counseling together. Insist on it. You won't get anywhere with your wife without it, I suspect. 2) You need to get familiar with Dave Ramsey, the money guy. www.daveramsey.com I have listened to this brilliant Christian man for years, he is the expert on marriage and money, and he has books out and a daily AM radio show. Also, he has a "Financial Peace University" 9 week course at churches nationwide. You and your spouse must eventually go to that. You MUST get on the same page about money, for this marriage to survive. You CANT just hand over the paychecks to her and cross your fingers. You are traveling at warp speed for a collasal financial and marital train wreck here, I promise. Get marriage counseling (long term, 6 month minimum). If YOU don't like the counselor, get a different one. You have to find one that YOU and SHE can agree on (that you both respect, so she will actually LISTEN to the input from the counselor, etc etc. ) I am 44 and have been through all this so this is why I give you this advice. Gotta run, more later. Good luck to you both! Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Wow .. re-read my first post in this thread. I remember when this was my life, and my problems were so simple. What a joke... Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 I just read the rest of this thread. I am so sorry for all you are going through, you seem like a very nice man and you didn't deserve any of this heartbreak and grief. If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone, this crap has happened to so many decent people like yourself, it just isn't fair. I am moving on read your other thread next ( I noticed you have another thread that takes up where this one left off). I hope you are hanging in there emotionally. I also hope you filed for divorce. Divorce isn't the end of the world. I divorced after 16 years of marriage, and it's been one of the best things I ever did, seriously and truly. All the best to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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