average guy Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Hi everyone, Do those of you whose were abused and have anxiety as a result ever look back at your life locked in a prison of isolation of being abused and feel anger at fate for tempting you with situations which you could not respond to (such as someone trying to reach out and hug you) but you were to frozen in fear/anxiety to do anything and the person probably thought you didn’t like them and never tried to reach out to you again. Sometimes I feel anger at fate itself (not just my abuser or myself) but at “God” for having persecuted me (beyond my abuse) by literally flashing life and love before my eyes when I was completely unable to respond to it. Does anyone else fel this anger at ‘life’? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 It's your own fault, not fate's or God's. What, are your decisions supposed to be made for you? Bunkum. What's the point of life if you can't live it on your own? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I think you have a right to feel cheated by life for the terrible things that happened to you. And those things can really affect how you relate to people. I'd be kind if pissed about it, to be honest. Maybe I'd be pissed at the people who did it, instead of fate. I wouldn't recommend dwelling on it though. I've known people who continually blamed life and their parents and the government and their bosses and co-workers and basically anything they could blame except themselves for their problems. Once you become an adult that starts to sound like a cop out. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I think religion and/or fatalistic spiritualism is very dangerous, for this very reason. It gives people something/someone to rile against, to curse, to blame. s*** happens, for no rhyme or reason. People tend to focus so hard on the whys and wherefores of the sadness of their lives, that it keeps them from moving on. This has happened to me, and I'll rot before I let what-ifs rule me again. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 It's pointless casting blame at 'fate' and railing against the past. Use your energy, instead, to learn to accept life and adapt to it. Learn to look toward the future and the opportunities to come rather than to the past and missed opportunities. Don't sacrifice your tomorrows grieving over yesterdays. You haven't been persecuted. Life is what it is - and sometimes what it is ain't great. The trick to living successfully is learning to cope with the fact that life is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author average guy Posted October 3, 2004 Author Share Posted October 3, 2004 Hi everyone, It's not so much about the past as a history of "bad luck". I know "**** happens" "get over it" "get a life", but when it seems chronic, then you begin to wonder. I've actually found a few other people who have the same problem as a result of losing control of their lives from being molested. (I wanted to ask Kevin if it was my fault I was mloested at 5 as well Anyway, for examples, I've been on sedatives the last month for uncontrolable anxiety, and a few days ago I decided I was better enough to stop (as they as supposed to be for short term use). Anyway, that morning I was nearly run off the road by a bad driver in the rain who cut me off and slowed down in front me of and I couldn't see them because of the spray of the water from their tires). Anyway, it sent me into such panic and anxiety that I am now back on the sedatives. This morning I woke up and realised there is no god - so I can't blame him (or her)! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Of course there's a God. You're alive, aren't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Yes, but which one do I choose on this fine African summer morning? Ah, decisions, decisions. I think I'll go with Cthulhu today Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Average Guy, Have you ever thought that what you went through was meant to happen? I mean, I know you say that you think there isn't a God. There is, and sometimes He allows terrible things to happen to us so that when we get through it all, we can better help others that are going through similar situations. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 I was molested from the time I was 5 to 12 years of age. I use my experience as a learning one. I have a child now, and I watch for signs that I remember when I was a kid. I was molested by my mothers bf from 5-7 and then from a stepdad from 7-12 when I finally got the courage enough to tell (I was told if I tell something bad would happen to my mom or I wouldn't be believed). I have bad luck - I'm broke alot, bad luck comes my way sometimes, I have panick attacks. I recently got on Symbyax as I have found out that, not only do I have this to deal with but I"m BiPolar. just great. Average Guy, go to the doctor and see if there is anything else that can be done. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 You don't necessarily have to believe in God but you do have to believe you have a purpose in life and that purpose is not to feel miserable and angry all the time. I know it's tough but when things go wrong, don't go with them. Move past your past, do things that make you happy, help others - sometimes that is enough to pull you out into the light. One day at a time average guy. So you're on the meds an extra day or week or month. You rejected the hug? Go back and hug the person. You have to keep trying and reaching out. Hang in there honey, tomorrow is another day. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 supermom, I'm sorry to hear of your childhood experiences. You have had remarkably bad luck. That means you're in for a winning streak round about NOW Average Guy, I think anger at life can be very helpful as a step in the healing process between turning it inwards and acceptance. My impression is that you are on the road to recovery but you are not yet at the point where you have fully come to terms with and accepted your past. Given that, your anger is a normal reaction and is entirely understandable. It's a fact that forces outside your life robbed you of control over what happened to you. Part of learning to deal with that is finding ways to regain that control, becoming more than the sum of your experiences. You're getting there. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 supermom, I'm sorry to hear of your childhood experiences. You have had remarkably bad luck. That means you're in for a winning streak round about NOW That would be nice! I have just learned from my childhood experiences that THAT is not what I want for my daughter and I will do whatever it takes to prevent it Link to post Share on other sites
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