How to ask a guy out or make him ask me out?

[Gpc2013]

No, it doesn't look bad at all! Just say "Hey, want to hang out sometime?" If he's receptive to the idea, suggest a day, time, and place. If you want it to sound casual, say "grab a bite" or "get a coffee" or whatever. No pressure, no expectations beyond enjoying someone's company. Things will progress naturally from there. You may wind up dating, or you may wind up just friends. Or you may start a friendship that eventually develops into something more. Or the two of you may never speak again. All of these are possible and none of them are fatal, LOL.

I have a close male friend (who I admit I have a bit of a crush on), and I initiate us hanging out all the time. He's always down to hang out. He's become one of my best friends, and it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't approached him first about hanging out.

 

Go for it! You might be surprised at how happy he is you asked!

[pcplod]

He's as shy and uncertain and as culturally as conservative as you. Meet him half-way. Nudge the conversation along, keep it going. You don't suddenly have to leap into something intimate, just keep it nudging along, small talk about about personal thoughts about dating back home compared to Australia, how it's different, how you feel about it, how awkward you think it is. All just little hints that don't mean committing yourself straight-away. Small physical gestures, touches. Gently invade his personal space.

 

Come on, you can do it. You know you can do it but you do need a bit of determination, a bit of confronting of your fears, whatever they may be and maybe just a soupçon of madness. And if you crash and burn you will be surprised how easily you can survive it and bounce back.

 

By the way, don't get angry about the "who's paying" thing. Next time just tell him gently but firmly with a smile that you are in a Western country and like to do as westerners do and to be able to assert yourself in that manner, that it matters to you that you can pay at least some of the time. If he won't go that route after your trying to persuade him tell him that you will insist in going dutch, ie paying half-and-half. According to the dinosaurs on Fox News in the US in 40% of US households the woman is the primary earner. If that is the case, men need to get used to the idea and deal with it and the women are going to have to be prepared to tell them that they are going to have to.

 

Anyway, I am old-fashioned in the sense that I find the notion that love and affection can be either bought or sold is seriously alien. If it has no intrinsic value then it has no value worth having at all.

[Veronica2025]

Thanks guys for your advice... so I asked him to meet tomorrow night, there is a light festival in my city , so I asked him to go together and he said "yes!!" , I hope it goes well...to be honest, I wasn't sure if he accepts...

 

Whoop , whoop! Good for you!

[phineas]

Most women don't ask out guys cause they just don't have to and you really can't blame them.

 

Why would I put myself out there when I have so many guys vying for my attention already? Unless its like a really special guy

 

Yep. I know a woman from work that keeps notifying me of events and asking me if I want to go in a group thing. Each time the group gets smaller and she spends less time talking to other guys & more to me.

 

Which I found odd because i'm literally the only guy not tripping over himself to buy her drinks or telling her how hot she is.

 

But, I do occasionally see her at work (do not work with her at all) and i've found that when it does come to work situations the woman has to make it clear she is interested first otherwise you can very easily get a bad reputation.

 

She's clearly not used to putting herself out there for the reason's you stated but she's crafty. She'll figure out a way to make it so we end up somewhere alone.

 

Thanks guys for your advice... so I asked him to meet tomorrow night, there is a light festival in my city , so I asked him to go together and he said "yes!!" , I hope it goes well...to be honest, I wasn't sure if he accepts...

 

Good. If he's shy he may not make a move.

 

You can subtly show interest by standing close to him, bumping into him while walking and using it as an excuse to touch him.

If there is a concert stand in front of him & lean back into him.

If he doesn't put his arm around you he either isn't interested or so shy you will have to just jump him.

or gay.

[musemaj11]

A woman should ask a man out under two conditions:

 

1. The man is shy.

 

2. The woman is more attractive than the man.

 

If either of these conditions arent met, then its best for a woman to follow different routes than asking a man out directly.

[musemaj11]

I asked him to go out to see the light festival in the city, as you guys advised...so we went out and spent some time out and it was raining really really hard...he's new in Sydney ( my city), so he doesn't know Sydney well, I asked him to go and sit some where to have dinner, because it was raining. So, we did and at the end, I told him, I would pay, because of his arrival to Sydney and also, last time he paid for dinner ( last time in Melbourne), my debit card was in my hand to give it to the restaurant staff and I did not understand how come he gave his own credit card to them..honestly I got really really angry,specially I asked him out and I did not want him to think, I am after free dinner or some thing like that.. I'm still angry he paid for the dinner.

 

then we came back and it was pretty late at night. He told me he would drop me home since it was late.. anyway, he got off the train and walked me home.. and we said good bye..and he left. He text me several times to ask how I am going and I told him about my interview and it was great I got the new job! he once called me and talked about an hour...and told me we can go to movies, but did not tell when , where, what movie,etc... and that's it. So here I am again, confused...I really don't know if he's shy, not interested, cautious and what exactly on his mind, I did the first move, what else can I do?

You already made the first move. DONT make another one until he does. This is important. If he doesnt, then chances are he doesnt see you in a romantic way.

[Emilia]

He's as shy and uncertain and as culturally as conservative as you. Meet him half-way. Nudge the conversation along, keep it going. You don't suddenly have to leap into something intimate, just keep it nudging along, small talk about about personal thoughts about dating back home compared to Australia, how it's different, how you feel about it, how awkward you think it is. All just little hints that don't mean committing yourself straight-away. Small physical gestures, touches. Gently invade his personal space.

 

Come on, you can do it. You know you can do it but you do need a bit of determination, a bit of confronting of your fears, whatever they may be and maybe just a soupçon of madness. And if you crash and burn you will be surprised how easily you can survive it and bounce back.

This is good advice. Some men just need encouragement. There is a fine line but they usually make it obvious that your approach is welcome.

[pinkstar]

This is good advice. Some men just need encouragement. There is a fine line but they usually make it obvious that your approach is welcome.

so how do they normally show if they're happy with it...? I do like him.that's why I did the first move

[Emilia]

so how do they normally show if they're happy with it...? I do like him.that's why I did the first move

so what was his response?

[phineas]

so how do they normally show if they're happy with it...? I do like him.that's why I did the first move

 

They show up for starters.

At the end, if he doesn't make a move tell him you had fun & to give you call to do it again.

 

If he doesn't call he's either not interested or hopeless.

 

You can only do so much.

[pinkstar]

so what was his response?

Well, when we went out, it was great , I posted earlier, how it went, he paid for the dinner, which I really felt bad about it, specially I asked him out.. .. he walked me home and we said good bye, he did not hold my hands, etc... ( may be too shy or not interested) I am not sure..then he said, we had fun...I got another job, few days after and I text him and told him about it. He called me and we talked about an hour. My friend, who introduced us at the start, asked to go to movies together ( 3 of us, me, him and my friend ( a married lady) . I could not make it, because I was busy...I really don't know if it was my friend idea or his idea....but I am sort of angry, if it is his idea, why he could not ask me directly ....? I think, girls can be shy, but shy guy?? NO way !! by the way, we didn't go to movies, because I was busy on that day... I've made my decision, I will not ask him out again...

[pinkstar]

They show up for starters.

At the end, if he doesn't make a move tell him you had fun & to give you call to do it again.

 

If he doesn't call he's either not interested or hopeless.

 

You can only do so much.

 

I'm an idiot, I did not say, give me call, we do it again

[Emilia]

Well, when we went out, it was great , I posted earlier, how it went,

sorry I should have read back properly

he paid for the dinner, which I really felt bad about it, specially I asked him out.. .. he walked me home and we said good bye, he did not hold my hands, etc... ( may be too shy or not interested) I am not sure..then he said, we had fun...I got another job, few days after and I text him and told him about it. He called me and we talked about an hour.

What did you talk about? Was he trying to get to know you?

My friend, who introduced us at the start, asked to go to movies together ( 3 of us, me, him and my friend ( a married lady) . I could not make it, because I was busy...I really don't know if it was my friend idea and his idea....but I am sort of angry, if it is his idea, why he could not ask me directly ....? I think, girls can be shy, but shy guy?? NO way !! by the way, we didn't go to movies, because I was busy on that day... I've made my decision, I will not ask him out again, if he wants, he should...if he doesn't want or not interested..I have to deal with it

Whether someone's is shy or not has usually something to do with the way they were brought up and socialised. Not related to their gender necessarily - though boys and girls are socialised differently usually, in that you are correct.

 

What happened during and after the phone call exactly? How did the two of you leave it?

[pinkstar]

sorry I should have read back properly

 

What did you talk about? Was he trying to get to know you?

 

We talked about everything, he asked what I am doing at home, because I wasn't working and he talked about office people,etc. Then asked if I have been to any performances recently or not and I said no.. because last time he text me I was in the theatre and then he said, "I've never been to any performances in Australia..where about it is in Sydney,etc.." I'm upset, he wants me to lead...I don't want to do that all the time he asked, about if I cook or not, almost everything we talked, he was talking more than me, I think 80% of our conversation he talked, basically I am a talkative person, but in this special situation, I was really silent

Whether someone's is shy or not has usually something to do with the way they were brought up and socialised. Not related to their gender necessarily - though boys and girls are socialised differently usually, in that you are correct.

 

What happened during and after the phone call exactly? How did the two of you leave it?

During phone call, he asked me if I can make it for the movies our friend asked or not, I told him I was busy for that Friday night and no... he said ok, we can wait... and then he said again "you did very well to get a new job, it's only one month you were looking.. " then asked, what I plan to do , because my new job starts in 10 days and asked if I want to go home ( our home country) and I said no... I think I ended , because I was busy babysitting a kid and busy...

[Emilia]

We talked about everything, he asked what I am doing at home, because I wasn't working and he talked about office people,etc. Then asked if I have been to any performances recently or not and I said no.. because last time he text me I was in the theatre and then he said, "I've never been to any performances in Australia..where about it is in Sydney,etc.." I'm upset, he wants me to lead...I don't want to do that all the time he asked, about if I cook or not, almost everything we talked, he was talking more than me, I think 80% of our conversation he talked, basically I am a talkative person, but in this special situation, I was really silent

 

During phone call, he asked me if I can make it for the movies our friend asked or not, I told him I was busy for that Friday night and no... he said ok, we can wait... and then he said again "you did very well to get a new job, it's only one month you were looking.. " then asked, what I plan to do , because my new job starts in 10 days and asked if I want to go home ( our home country) and I said no... I think I ended , because I was busy babysitting a kid and busy...

Maybe he isn't sure about you either because you were so quiet on the call and you ended it as well. It's kinda hard when both people are shy. I think he is interested in you - not many men will sit on the phone for an hour when they aren't - but I can't tell you why he hasn't asked you out when you already initiated once. Maybe he wants to get to know you better because he feels awkward otherwise? Since his call, have you tried to reach out to him at all?

[pinkstar]

Maybe he isn't sure about you either because you were so quiet on the call and you ended it as well. It's kinda hard when both people are shy. I think he is interested in you - not many men will sit on the phone for an hour when they aren't - but I can't tell you why he hasn't asked you out when you already initiated once. Maybe he wants to get to know you better because he feels awkward otherwise? Since his call, have you tried to reach out to him at all?

 

He's working during week so apparently is weekend, we went out 2 weeks ago, then next weekend, our friend asked us to go to movies ( I am not sure if it was her idea or his suggestion ) ...anyway, which I could not make it and this weekend, I hope he asks.. ... After his call, I text him today to say a hi and how r u ..? and he was at work, but kept texting for a while.. it seems He's not certain or confident, or really shy.. I am not that much experienced with guys, but he's different from those I have seen in my life and it makes it harder.. The problem is, I still like him and he's the one I was looking for years, otherwise I just forget about him and move on...

[Emilia]

He's working during week so apparently is weekend, we went out 2 weeks ago, then next weekend, our friend asked us to go to movies ( I am not sure if it was her idea or his suggestion ) ...anyway, which I could not make it and this weekend, I hope he asks.. ... After his call, I text him today to say a hi and how r u ..? and he was at work, but kept texting for a while.. it seems He's not certain or confident, or really shy.. I am not that much experienced with guys, but he's different from those I have seen in my life and it makes it harder.. The problem is, I still like him and he's the one I was looking for years, otherwise I just forget about him and move on...

Understand. Yes it sounds like he should be taking the initiative. He might not be the one you were looking for pinkstar. You must remember that you barely know him.

 

Well I do have a cutoff point when I feel I tried everything and the other person wasn't keeping up for one reason or another. Perhaps this has come for you as well, sorry.

[musemaj11]

We talked about everything, he asked what I am doing at home, because I wasn't working and he talked about office people,etc. Then asked if I have been to any performances recently or not and I said no.. because last time he text me I was in the theatre and then he said, "I've never been to any performances in Australia..where about it is in Sydney,etc.." I'm upset, he wants me to lead...I don't want to do that all the time he asked, about if I cook or not, almost everything we talked, he was talking more than me, I think 80% of our conversation he talked, basically I am a talkative person, but in this special situation, I was really silent

 

During phone call, he asked me if I can make it for the movies our friend asked or not, I told him I was busy for that Friday night and no... he said ok, we can wait... and then he said again "you did very well to get a new job, it's only one month you were looking.. " then asked, what I plan to do , because my new job starts in 10 days and asked if I want to go home ( our home country) and I said no... I think I ended , because I was busy babysitting a kid and busy...

Based on this piece of information, I have to say this guy seems to be very inexperienced with women and seems like a very shy guy.

 

My guess is he is interested in you because he keeps fishing for you to ask him out. And as Emilia said, a guy won't waste his time entertaining a woman like having a lengthy talk on the phone if he isn't interested in her.

 

So its your call.

[pinkstar]

Based on this piece of information, I have to say this guy seems to be very inexperienced with women and seems like a very shy guy.

 

My guess is he is interested in you because he keeps fishing for you to ask him out. And as Emilia said, a guy won't waste his time entertaining a woman like having a lengthy talk on the phone if he isn't interested in her.

 

So its your call.

 

I am also shy and not experienced with men...I'm not lucky not to work in the same place with him any more... I'm not sure what to do next.

[pinkstar]

let us know how it progesses

 

well, no news from him..last time, I text him on Tuesday and nothing yet ...I decided not to do anything.. but I feel really bad

[pinkstar]

well, I am a patient girl...so I did not initiate any contacts since Tuesday, he text me today and he continued for 45 mins...He still did not ask me out. I still think about him, I am not gonna ask him out again... I am not sure what he is after. We are not working together any more, and not sure if he wants to stay friend, have interest in me, just wanted to ask how I go.... the problem is, I do like him and chemistry was very strong wherever we were together. ( at work and 2 times we went out) I am not that much experienced with men...I don't know what to do.

[BluEyeL]

I'll tell you what to do. Go out there as much as possible and date as much as possible. Forget about the guys who are not sure about you, they are wasting your time. Best way to forget? Meet others who are crazy about you. Enough said.

[pinkstar]

I'll tell you what to do. Go out there as much as possible and date as much as possible. Forget about the guys who are not sure about you, they are wasting your time. Best way to forget? Meet others who are crazy about you. Enough said.

 

It's not easy... specially I am not living in my home country ...and he's got whatever I was looking for years...but you are right...he's either shy, not interested, not sure...

[BluEyeL]

It's not easy... specially I am not living in my home country ...and he's got whatever I was looking for years...but you are right...he's either shy, not interested, not sure...

 

I know it's hard...I've been there. What helped me was thinking that the Universe might not give us what we want, but it gives us what we need. So if it's not meant to be with this guy, it means he wasn't for you and hope that is all for the best.