pinkstar Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I know him from work. We are not working in the same work place any more... First time I met him , it was in his city and he showed me around and even invited me for dinner.Then my ex boss moved him to my city. We worked together for 2 3 weeks then my contract ended. He is very shy. Once I left, which is 3 weeks ago, I decided not to contact him and he did . He text me and asked me how I am doing, what I'm up to...he did several times already. he didn't ask me out. I like him and I don't want to lose him. Does it look bad if I ask to meet for an event or something like that ? Link to post Share on other sites
JonasB Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Why would it look bad? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 "make him ask me out" what sort of mind games is this, why on earth would you want to play a mind game. If you want to go out with him ASK HIM. You dont see me doing this at a car dealer. "ooo i hope that hit on the right account number at random with all the hints i placed around the dealer, i really don’t want to lose the car over such a small thing of paying them". If i want the car, i pay for car, i get car. If you want to go out with him, ask him, then if he says yes, your going out with him, if your not that interested, then hope he asks you, game done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 You know what's worked wonders for me? "Hey, want to go out on a date with me? I was thinking we could go to dinner at XYZ." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkstar Posted May 20, 2013 Author Share Posted May 20, 2013 I just don't want him to think I'm so desperate ... He has all I want and look for it... I'm not lucky to lose my job and him at the same time... So we can't meet each other everyday like before Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 What's desperate about going after what you want and not being scared of failing? I'm pretty impressed with people who have a big enough set to do that. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 for me I don't see why is going after what you want a masculine trait I agree with whoever it was who replied to you when you asked the same question 12 hours ago to say that going after what you want is a mature trait. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 well people always argue that real men go after what they want they say that as to why men have to do the approaching and initiating and I don't understand YES!! I'm a REAL MAN! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) well people always argue that real men go after what they want they say that as to why men have to do the approaching and initiating and I don't understand Well, it's historically and traditionally the man that does the wooing, courting, chasing, asking out etc. The "why" of that is a really long history, sociology and probably biology lesson. Just accept, for now, that it's tradition and that in these modern times women can do the approaching, too, but men still do most of it. Edited May 20, 2013 by sillyanswer typo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 YES!! I'm a REAL MAN! Suddenly I like men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I know him from work. We are not working in the same work place any more... First time I met him , it was in his city and he showed me around and even invited me for dinner.Then my ex boss moved him to my city. We worked together for 2 3 weeks then my contract ended. He is very shy. Once I left, which is 3 weeks ago, I decided not to contact him and he did . He text me and asked me how I am doing, what I'm up to...he did several times already. he didn't ask me out. I like him and I don't want to lose him. Does it look bad if I ask to meet for an event or something like that ? If I've got this right you don't work for the same company any more. He might be interested, based on him trying to keep in touch, but equally that could be friendly. Sure! ask him out! No, it doesn't look bad. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Threaten him with violence if he doesn't ask you out. Link to post Share on other sites
JonasB Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Well, it's historically and traditionally the man that does the wooing, courting, chasing, asking out etc. The "why" of that is a really long history, sociology and probably biology lesson. Just accept, for now, that it's tradition and that in these modern times women can do the approaching, too, but men still do most of it. Historically and traditionally women stayed at home with their parents awaiting their suitor to pick them up, historically and traditionally women raised the children, cooked the food, cleaned the house, did the dishes and washed the clothes. Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I just don't want him to think I'm so desperate ... I know that's a cliche, but most men don't really buy into it. Women seem to cling to it though. If you're grown up enough to have a job and be really interested in someone, you should be woman enough to ask the guy out. You said he showed you around and invited you out, it's your turn to return the favor or forget him and learn to grow up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkstar Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 If I've got this right you don't work for the same company any more. He might be interested, based on him trying to keep in touch, but equally that could be friendly. Sure! ask him out! No, it doesn't look bad. Good luck. Yes, I am not working for that company any more. you guys are right, I think old-fashion. So, I will ask him out, I think he may accept, do u think he will consider it as a date? or just a friendly catch up? Link to post Share on other sites
Aerrie Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 The sentence Treasa posted clearly sais a date. Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Well, it's historically and traditionally the man that does the wooing, courting, chasing, asking out etc. The "why" of that is a really long history, sociology and probably biology lesson. Just accept, for now, that it's tradition and that in these modern times women can do the approaching, too, but men still do most of it. Traditional it may be but the origins of it are mostly cultural and social conditioning. Maybe, like gay marriage, it is time for things to change. The dynamics of male<>female relationships are changing in any event, why should women handicap themselves by sticking to this old principle? Some people will persist in the bloody-minded view that the good old days were actually good and want to return to it when the reality was actually a load of bollocks. Yeah, let's return to the good old days when a father effectively gave his daughter's hand (and body) away in marriage in exchange for some implicit or explicit favour, often a financial or social gain or to just rid the family of the economic liability of his wife having carelessly borne him a daughter instead of a son. I can see it working well in a modern context. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) Most women don't ask out guys cause they just don't have to and you really can't blame them. Why would I put myself out there when I have so many guys vying for my attention already? Unless its like a really special guy Edited May 21, 2013 by Revolver 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 PinkStar I cringed at the "make him" phrase too! Maybe "How might I persuade him"? "How can I attract his attention"? Anyway, maybe not a major crime if it was only a careless choice of words or there is no sorcery to be involved. It really shouldn't be that difficult, especially seeing that you are neither totally an unknown quantity to one another. You don't need to be blatant which is maybe what you mean by "appearing desperate". No lying down on the floor, naked, in front of him. That would be desperate unless it was at some further point in time when it would be fun. However, you do need to be both subtle but unambiguous. He has already asked you out to dinner once already, all you need to do is to find some pretext in which you can 'retaliate' without putting yourself out on a limb where if you get blown out of the water you don't feel totally humiliated. Mind you a little embarrassment is probably unavoidable if it does happen. You need to be a big girl with big girl's knickers or you won't get anywhere or achieve anything you want. What is the female equivalent of the male idiom "Left standing naked, with your dick in your hand"? I mean, it is just a personal view, but if a woman came up to me and said that she was bored with going out for meals or to the cinema by herself and she would like a bit of company, just for a change, I would not be at all surprised, nor overly presumptive as to her intention. If you just came up to me and said "I want to have your babies", then I would be kinda "WTF, is this some sort of wind-up? Where are the hidden cameras"? You're bright enough to get your thinking cap into gear and think of something and to think of some sort of follow-up chit-chat. If necessary, brain-storm it, write down as many possible scenarios as you can think of and don't feel self-conscious about doing that. Most experts may have natural skills but the successful ones practice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkstar Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 Thanks guys for your advice... so I asked him to meet tomorrow night, there is a light festival in my city , so I asked him to go together and he said "yes!!" , I hope it goes well...to be honest, I wasn't sure if he accepts... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) You know what's worked wonders for me? "Hey, want to go out on a date with me? I was thinking we could go to dinner at XYZ." Yeah seriously. It's 2013, freaking show your interest. It's not desperate if you ask once, jeez. I'd say a girl asking once has the best chance of getting a quality guy. If you just sit around waiting to be approached, many of the guys approaching you will be players. Edited May 23, 2013 by ChessPieceFace 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hudson701 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Jesus...Double standard alive and well here. Just ask him out ffs. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Thanks guys for your advice... so I asked him to meet tomorrow night, there is a light festival in my city , so I asked him to go together and he said "yes!!" , I hope it goes well...to be honest, I wasn't sure if he accepts... What matters is, your pace. Some women are perhaps comfortable saying 'do you want to go on a date with me' while your approach is more about asking him to join you at an event - which is more low key. I'd be like you as well, I don't like plying pressure on early. No need to jump in and call it a date, just socialise together and see whether there is a connection. I think you will know very soon. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkstar Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 It was a giant step in my life to ask a guy out...but I did. We are both living in another country,far from home, but we are from the same background, same nationality...In our country, it's not that much usual for a girl to ask a guy out. So I could not say " it's a date"...we went out last night and it went well..I am still interested, I do believe there is a connection ( from my point of view...) if he doesn't call me back, I don't think so I am so brave to do so... Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkstar Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I asked him to go out to see the light festival in the city, as you guys advised...so we went out and spent some time out and it was raining really really hard...he's new in Sydney ( my city), so he doesn't know Sydney well, I asked him to go and sit some where to have dinner, because it was raining. So, we did and at the end, I told him, I would pay, because of his arrival to Sydney and also, last time he paid for dinner ( last time in Melbourne), my debit card was in my hand to give it to the restaurant staff and I did not understand how come he gave his own credit card to them..honestly I got really really angry,specially I asked him out and I did not want him to think, I am after free dinner or some thing like that.. I'm still angry he paid for the dinner. then we came back and it was pretty late at night. He told me he would drop me home since it was late.. anyway, he got off the train and walked me home.. and we said good bye..and he left. He text me several times to ask how I am going and I told him about my interview and it was great I got the new job! he once called me and talked about an hour...and told me we can go to movies, but did not tell when , where, what movie,etc... and that's it. So here I am again, confused...I really don't know if he's shy, not interested, cautious and what exactly on his mind, I did the first move, what else can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
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