Author underpants Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 I visited with friends today. Nothing special, and I was quiet, observing behind my big sunglasses. I recall sitting quietly thinking what if everyone lies to me? What if the people I love most in the world lie to me too? Then I excused myself and came home. 3
Author underpants Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Its done. The hardest thing I've done in a long time. A weight has been lifted but the pangs in my gut have been on and off, they have lessened with action. I really hope I did the right thing here. I hate the thought of hurting people, but truth, just truth. 5
BetrayedH Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I'm glad you found the courage to follow-thru. And it appears that you haven't been "killed." Care to share how it went? You seemed to be focused on writing a letter.
Art_Critic Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 its done. The hardest thing i've done in a long time. A weight has been lifted but the pangs in my gut have been on and off, they have lessened with action. I really hope i did the right thing here. I hate the thought of hurting people, but truth, just truth. **Hugz**
Author underpants Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I'm glad you found the courage to follow-thru. And it appears that you haven't been "killed." Care to share how it went? You seemed to be focused on writing a letter. Not yet. Next week should be interesting. I did find it fascinating among my personal friends in the tell vs. don't tell camps. Like 30 tell vs. 3 don't tell. Then family, and the choice becomes obvious. I thank goodness I am and have chosen to surround myself mostly with good people along with a few bad ones to know the difference. I know I owe you nothing, but it would be nice to know you appreciate a truth giver when the winds blow your way. 2
Trimmer Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Not yet. Next week should be interesting. I did find it fascinating among my personal friends in the tell vs. don't tell camps. Like 30 tell vs. 3 don't tell. Then family, and the choice becomes obvious. I thank goodness I am and have chosen to surround myself mostly with good people along with a few bad ones to know the difference. I know I owe you nothing, but it would be nice to know you appreciate a truth giver when the winds blow your way. I don't know if you're talking metaphorically to the BW here, or to us, but I sure as hell appreciate not only the simple fact that you did it, but the thoughts and motivations that were powering you to that decision. It reveals an admirable character, and I do appreciate that. You've done good, and you've done well. 8
Author underpants Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Well she got my letter and we had a phone conversation. She is very thankful to get proof. She even said under different circumstances we would probably be friends. They were about to get married so she is very glad that the news arrived before that. He is lying his arse off right now and I just forward her anything he sends to me. Talk about double down on stupid. It is only helping her see what a liar this douche bag really is. 1
freestyle Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I tip my hat to you, underpants, for doing the right thing. It was a brave thing to do. Now his partner can make an accurately informed assessment about where she's investing her heart, and her energy. You may very well have spared her years of wasting her time on a man who would lie to her. 3
Trimmer Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) Well she got my letter and we had a phone conversation. She is very thankful to get proof. She even said under different circumstances we would probably be friends. They were about to get married so she is very glad that the news arrived before that. He is lying his arse off right now and I just forward her anything he sends to me. Talk about double down on stupid. It is only helping her see what a liar this douche bag really is. You know, I was going to point out that a situation like this double, triple, quadruple sucks because you are put into a situation - against your will or knowledge - in which you have to make a choice, and all choices - even just going on with your own life and doing nothing - are bad. Before this asswipe, you were just living your life and then you get this dumped in your lap, as if with gun to your head, and you have to make a choice, including doing nothing, but no matter what you choose, it's bad. And that's all true, but then I looked at it in another way. In chemistry, a chemical referred to as a "catalyst" can lower an energy barrier and allow a reaction between other chemicals to proceed that wasn't able to happen before. In this case, even before you came along, there was something bad brewing - a bad reaction in the making, if you will. Can there be any doubt that he would have eventually pulled a douchebag maneuver on his fiancee/future wife one way or the other? Now, it certainly would have made your life easier if you had never become involved - I don't question that for a minute. But think about this: by becoming involved, by the choice you made, and by sacrificing no small part of yourself, you catalyzed the reaction and moved it forward in a better direction. I believe you were the right catalyst (you, with the character and strength to do the honorable thing for the right reasons), at the right time (this all happening before the marriage) to result in the best possible outcome for the fiancee, given the circumstances. When an auto accident happens right in front of you, you'd probably rather that you had been on a different road. But you stopped and checked to see if anyone needed help, and did what needed to be done. Metaphorically, you saved someone's life, and I think she knows it. Edited June 10, 2013 by Trimmer 2
Author underpants Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 The lying continues. Geez. To the point where now he is crafting fake texts from me. That seems illegal. Me and the betrayed are notifying each other. Nothing like 2 women on your arse. I only speak to her and I've told her that. All of this lying has made her and me (like I wasn't enough already) just more disgusted. Apparently I'm a magical person who can show up at remote locations unknown and bring on the crazy. I know very personal details of body parts because of casual conversation. At some point do they run out of lies? Hell I told her to suggest a polygraph, just to see how he handles that suggestion. I thought I could send this stupid letter and be done, but I guess I'm in it for a little longer. Dang! This guy lied to me before he even met me due to a business matter. It is like I didn't have a chance. Some, some people suck. 1
BetrayedH Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 The lying continues. Geez. To the point where now he is crafting fake texts from me. That seems illegal. Me and the betrayed are notifying each other. Nothing like 2 women on your arse. I only speak to her and I've told her that. All of this lying has made her and me (like I wasn't enough already) just more disgusted. Apparently I'm a magical person who can show up at remote locations unknown and bring on the crazy. I know very personal details of body parts because of casual conversation. At some point do they run out of lies? Hell I told her to suggest a polygraph, just to see how he handles that suggestion. I thought I could send this stupid letter and be done, but I guess I'm in it for a little longer. Dang! This guy lied to me before he even met me due to a business matter. It is like I didn't have a chance. Some, some people suck. At this point, it actually sounds kinda fun. I thought your, "doubling-down on stupid" comment was pretty appropriate (and funny).
Author underpants Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 At this point, it actually sounds kinda fun. I thought your, "doubling-down on stupid" comment was pretty appropriate (and funny). He has quadrupled down. Lied, lied again, and again got a witness to lie, committed fraud. It is day 3 and I'm a little afraid he will try to intimidate me in some manner. The betrayed (right now) is so over the lies that she just wishes he would tell the truth so she can have a little respect for him. Steaming pile of poop I've stepped into. Doing the right thing, okay......
Zapbasket Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Hey Unders, I'm so so sorry this happened to you--what a douchepunk! I hope he gets his comeuppance...although people like him seem to manage to live whole webs of lies without an ounce of remorse. Writing a letter to the fiance and remaining available to set straight all of his attempts to lie himself out of this mess was the most ethical thing to do, I think. It's wonderful that it turned out she's more interested in the truth than in protecting some fantasy she has about him, because now she's empowered to make a better choice for herself. It could have been the opposite, where she would have resented you for bursting her bubble--but even if that had been what happened, your actions still would have been the best ones. I'm pissed for you that you stuck your neck out only to end up ensnared in a man like this. At least you found out the truth relatively soon and extracted yourself. And remember there are so, so many more men out there who are NOT like this one, than there are men who are. You just had a spot of ill luck your first strides out of the gate. I haven't been here much in the past couple of years. It's good to see you here and I hope things are well with you otherwise. I always appreciate how kind and helpful you were to me on here as I waded through my first big heartbreak. ((hugs)) 1
Author underpants Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Well I guess I'm the type of girl that has proven that instead of being thrown under the bus I at least politely step in front of it first. Whatever that means.
Zapbasket Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Well I guess I'm the type of girl that has proven that instead of being thrown under the bus I at least politely step in front of it first. Whatever that means. Nah. You just stepped out into the road as anyone might be wont to do, and that bus just came out of nowhere.
Author underpants Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks greencove, you are not as wordy. adopted lil' sis. Hope all is well in your world. 1
Zapbasket Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks greencove, you are not as wordy. adopted lil' sis. Hope all is well in your world. Oh, have no fear, wise Unders: I can still rock the wordy. It's possible that my wordiness burns more calories than how much I exercise (and I exercise a lot!).
Furious Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 He has quadrupled down. Lied, lied again, and again got a witness to lie, committed fraud. It is day 3 and I'm a little afraid he will try to intimidate me in some manner. The betrayed (right now) is so over the lies that she just wishes he would tell the truth so she can have a little respect for him. Steaming pile of poop I've stepped into. Doing the right thing, okay...... If this jerk tries to intimidate you, tell him you've consulted your attorney and have all copies of your evidence in his safe keeping, and will report any harassment to the police. Also that all your close family and friends are aware of this situation and that he'd better stay clear of you. Actually, this something you should actually do. Then wash your hands of this situation. You gave your truth and now it's time to step away from his fiancée and let her deal with it. 1
Author underpants Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 If this jerk tries to intimidate you, tell him you've consulted your attorney and have all copies of your evidence in his safe keeping, and will report any harassment to the police. Also that all your close family and friends are aware of this situation and that he'd better stay clear of you. Actually, this something you should actually do. Then wash your hands of this situation. You gave your truth and now it's time to step away from his fiancée and let her deal with it. Okay so I have to confront this jerk? Any more buses that would like to run over me? This is the worst thing ever.
Furious Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Okay so I have to confront this jerk? Any more buses that would like to run over me? This is the worst thing ever. Send him a registered letter, stating what I mentioned in my previous post. No need to see or speak to him personally. Inform his fiancée that you've done all that you can and are now stepping away from this and do not want to dragged further into this situation. I just want to say I admire you. This really sucks and you had the courage and conviction to do the right thing. Now it's time to move on knowing you did good.
BetrayedH Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I definitely think you've done your part at this point. If it's giving you anxiety and you fear repurcussions, I don't see anything wrong with telling the betrayed fiance that you'd like to extricate yourself from it. I would think she has enough information to make an informed decision, right? And I'd say that if the guy gives you any grief, do as Furious suggested and make it clear that you're not to be messed with. If you have any attorney friends, something with an attorney's letterhead seems to work wonders.
Author underpants Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Okay, I have told her all, ALL my truth. His reaction, the lying, has her pretty disgusted. She is in pain, but she will be okay, she is smart and seeking advice from an attorney, maybe one day really thankful that she didn't marry this guy. It does my heart good to know the truth has a genuine ring to it that all the lies in the world cannot unring. Now... if and when she would like to hand this scumbag off to me for round 2, I have the most hilarious plan in mind for kicking his and his lying friend's arse at the same time. I think she is still in her pain so I won't suggest it quite yet. Oh but it would be funny. I'm done, but he better not even think of f'ing with me. I've made that clear through her, I refuse to have any communication with that waste of space. Okay NEXT 3
Author underpants Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 If round 2 should happen, I'm feeling a little like this guy. No worries, but I will mind f him in the worst possible yet legal ways. Scum like this deserve all they dish out. My turn may never come, but somehow I think it will.
BetrayedH Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 If round 2 should happen, I'm feeling a little like this guy. No worries, but I will mind f him in the worst possible yet legal ways. Scum like this deserve all they dish out. My turn may never come, but somehow I think it will. Great clip. Christopher Walken with the watch is a close second (but not as on topic with the thread). Eh, let the vengeance go. I'm not even religious but that's something I'd rather leave to God. You did the right thing by this woman and the man will suffer the natural consequences of his actions for being such a dirt bag. No need to exact further artificial ones. You can sleep well at night now and can defend what you've done; I wouldn't screw it up. Just my $.02 That said, I suppose if he decides to screw with you then he asked for it. Please just let us know about the method of furious anger you employ.
Author underpants Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Great clip. Christopher Walken with the watch is a close second (but not as on topic with the thread). Eh, let the vengeance go. I'm not even religious but that's something I'd rather leave to God. You did the right thing by this woman and the man will suffer the natural consequences of his actions for being such a dirt bag. No need to exact further artificial ones. You can sleep well at night now and can defend what you've done; I wouldn't screw it up. Just my $.02 That said, I suppose if he decides to screw with you then he asked for it. Please just let us know about the method of furious anger you employ. Well, I only carried that broken watch up my butt for a couple of weeks while I weighed out my reasons for doing the right thing. I just imagine he is pulling out all the stops on Father's day to hold onto his meal ticket. His beautiful, smart and kind meal ticket. She told me she pays most of the bills. He told me he has 2 jobs (not). One of his text during the fight said 'I can't afford to lose another child'. Yucko. You are right, my little plan would require a deception that would only spur to action those of the guilty. All of my stuff so far has been true, and I don't want to lose credibility now. Meh.
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