Author Rawr123 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 Well she admitted to talking to the guy, sad they been texting/talking for the past week but it was mostly about me and her.. She apologized and told the guy that I didn't like them talking, even if it is just friends and she says they have cut off all communication.. We talked about some of the things that were making her unhappy, she said I didn't spend enough time with her & I wasn't helping out around the house, both are valid points that I am trying to fix.. It is still awkward at times when her phone rings or she gets a text, I told her I forgive her and I want to make it work but inside I still have some resentment/anger towards the whole situation that I hope will wear off with time.. She has been a lot less secretive, leaves her phone sitting on the table and isn't trying to hide anything.. I guess at this point I need to just try to let it go, I love her and love our family together and she is saying she wants to make it work, but without trust it is going to be hard.. She is suppose to be going out next weekend to a couple bars for her best friends bachelorette party, she is the maid of honor so I don't feel right trying to talk her out of it but it also kind of scares me.. I realize we are married, not dead, and she needs to go out and have fun too but without being able to trust her it is hard.. Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Yes, let it go....but put a VAR in her car, check phone records and her phone. Find out who exactly owns that number and details about the guy. This thing isn't over. She simply told you what she needed to and will most likely go underground. Oh and tell her that while you apologize for your part in your M problems..if you find out she cheated on you, you will throw her out without hesitation. Make it very clear NOW. If she hasn't started having an A yet, she will think twice and work on the M. If she has, you will find out sooner than later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Oh man it's so clear. A lot of things sound similar to my ex. She was staying out past midnight; she never did that except when she was in the A. The deleted messages, the lies. She called me controlling, like I was her father. She's right about one thing, a marriage cannot be a parent\child relationship. You hear women saying, "I can't be your mother" a lot. Well.....it works in reverse. Don't let her turn it around on you. It's not controlling to want an honest faithful wife. You deserve someone you can trust. If you have to "parent" her to get her to behave, it's not a healthy relationship and won't last if not fixed. You ARE *having* to be a controlling "father" and that sux. I think there's already plenty of proof, but yeah keep monitoring that phone bill. Go into detective mode but don't let her know what you are doing. She could just go further underground. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rawr123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Opinions on bachelorette party just 2 weeks after I found all this? Part of me wants to ask her not to go but part of me feels that will push her more away... Link to post Share on other sites
subversive Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this. It's possible that she hasn't gone beyond discussing your marriage with this other man, but any woman doing that is well on her way to a physical affair. It sounds like she is at least having an emotional one. No, I don't think she should be going to the bachelorette party with this issue going on, but I have a feeling she will cast you as the bad guy should you try and stop her, and she will go anyway. The two of you need counseling ASAP. I hope that she is willing to work on your marriage. If she won't go, then you need to get individual counseling to help you figure out how to deal with this and what your options are. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Opinions on bachelorette party just 2 weeks after I found all this? Part of me wants to ask her not to go but part of me feels that will push her more away... The bachelorette party isn't related to this guy, and she's the maid of honor. It's not unreasonable for her to go. I wouldn't create a general sense that she can't ever go out, because that would be controlling. But I agree with this: Oh and tell her that while you apologize for your part in your M problems..if you find out she cheated on you, you will throw her out without hesitation. Make it very clear NOW. If she hasn't started having an A yet, she will think twice and work on the M. If she has, you will find out sooner than later. The party does give you the opportunity to make this crystal clear to her. I don't know whether she was cheating on you or just thinking about it, but whatever she was doing wasn't OK. Lying, hiding this guy from you, staying out past midnight when you have a one-year-old and she had said she'd be home hours earlier - none of that is OK and it's all well within the infidelity danger zone. She may well feel stifled by settling down so young, but she needs to be honest with you about what's going on, and, assuming you're staying together, you can together set appropriate boundaries for you both. I think you should make it clear to her that if you find out she's cheating you're gone. Or rather, she is. Edited May 30, 2013 by serial muse 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rawr123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Thanks serial, I guess I just need to find a way to not go crazy thinking about it when she goes out, doesnt help matters that they are going to be 2+ hours from where we live and out drinking all night, staying in hotels up there.. I know I can't control her just kind of wish I could trust her; but obviously that is going to be hard and take time.. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Thanks serial, I guess I just need to find a way to not go crazy thinking about it when she goes out, doesnt help matters that they are going to be 2+ hours from where we live and out drinking all night, staying in hotels up there.. I know I can't control her just kind of wish I could trust her; but obviously that is going to be hard and take time.. I hear you. She did abuse your trust and you have good reason to be concerned - and I do think you could make that clear to her as well (that after this last episode you are feeling like you can't trust her to be honest with you). I'd probably advise chucking the relationship altogether, if only to avoid the headache of this all, except you have a one-year-old, and I know it's not that simple. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Trust but verify!!!! Put a VAR in her car before she leaves! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jf2good Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 She is cheating. All the signs are right in front of your face. Wake up. If she was going to be late and she wasn't cheating she would have contacted you, instead of you having to call her. She has you as the house mommy so she can hang with her secret BF, if she isn't cheating yet, she is definitely flirting with the idea very seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Well she admitted to talking to the guy, sad they been texting/talking for the past week but it was mostly about me and her.. She apologized and told the guy that I didn't like them talking, even if it is just friends and she says they have cut off all communication.. We talked about some of the things that were making her unhappy, she said I didn't spend enough time with her & I wasn't helping out around the house, both are valid points that I am trying to fix.. It is still awkward at times when her phone rings or she gets a text, I told her I forgive her and I want to make it work but inside I still have some resentment/anger towards the whole situation that I hope will wear off with time.. She has been a lot less secretive, leaves her phone sitting on the table and isn't trying to hide anything.. I guess at this point I need to just try to let it go, I love her and love our family together and she is saying she wants to make it work, but without trust it is going to be hard.. She is suppose to be going out next weekend to a couple bars for her best friends bachelorette party, she is the maid of honor so I don't feel right trying to talk her out of it but it also kind of scares me.. I realize we are married, not dead, and she needs to go out and have fun too but without being able to trust her it is hard.. She got dumped. Seriously, this isn't about dishes and laundry. And if it was, she's damned immature about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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