Benedictatu Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I know he must be unhappy. By now the honeymoon must have worn off and he must be seeing her for what she is. But I know his pride won't let him admit he made a mistake and he won't come back to me especially if he thinks I will make him beg and promise all sorts of things like he did to me. I need him to feel that he came back because he had no choice so that he does not look bad for doing so. How can I do that?
Zahara Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Didn't you ask this same question about a year ago? Stop assuming what's going on in their relationship or fantasizing scenarios in your head unless he's told you he is unhappy and wanting out AND wanting to work it out with you. You don't get them back. They do it on their own accord. And if he's miserable and wants you that badly, his pride won't get in the way.
TaraMaiden Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I think you need to change your play list. This record is getting worn. Honey, time to move on. Okay?
fiftyofsomethin Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 The key word I noticed was make. You cannot simply "make" someone do something. It's all their decision. You can maybe try to influence their decision but many times that does not end very well. You come off as controlling and possibly clingy. That being said, I do wish you luck! You deserve it! 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Well, if you want to "make" him come back and convince others that he was "forced" to, you will have to take him hostage at gunpoint. Seriously though, you cannot make him come back and to be totally honest he hasn't told you that he wants you back either. You are just making assumptions based on what you hope is going on. You don't know that he isn't perfectly happy still in his new relationship. If you really want him back, you have to LET GO! Just live your life. If he wants you back, nothing will keep him from getting back to you. Think about other decisions he has made like leaving you. Did he let anything stop him from doing that? I know that seems mean, but I think it is important to remember that you need to make decisions based on what you KNOW and not what you think the other person is feeling. 1
wisernow Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 You said that you were divorced after a 40 year marriage, so it's likely this man is not coming back. He's made his choice, moved on, and hopefully you will as well. I'm guessing you're in your 60's, so there is still precious life to be lived. I hope you'll start doing just that. The marriage is way over, but your life isn't. Go live it!
na49 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I'd imagine a divorce after a 40 year marriage is extremely hard to deal with so I'm really sorry. As for how to get him to come back? You don't really. You stay out of his hair, live your own life and let him see what he's missing. Even that's no guarantee. He may just be happy with his new partner in which case your life shouldn't have to be put on hold.
Kay_29 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Emotions are easier said than done to deal with.... your destiney is not tied to anyone who left you, his part in your life has finnished time to move on as harsh as it sounds. Enjoy life STOP worrying about him. You have life ahead of you dont let him ruin your happiness. You got this... just release
portableversion Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 omg 40 yrs together, you are in for the worst time of your life. Marriage is very special its way more than dating, vows were made in a church before god , special invisible bonds are made not found in other relationships, thus if and when they end the damage is way more worse then too in a marriage so much was put together and to take it apart is not easy at all. And ill even say it is wrong, it is a moral crime. Ive had very powerful supernatural experiences where I personally know there is God its huge its powerful, it knows our every move and to make a commitment before it and then to go back on it is not good and it is wrong. I hope at least you and your man at least went to counseling to try it out. Divorce is up there with funerals and could perhaps be worse in the painful impact it makes on a person. oh yeah and by the way its commonly known as divorce but in reality it is spiritual rape. So much a part of you has been murdered, you will either survive this and grow and become a better person or you will die. Death could be literal or it cold manifest in other ways like developing hardcore alcoholism and other things. IM sorry this happened to you you have to pray the misery and pain is too great, don't listen to these other people im sure they mean well but yeah trying to enjoy life , **** that was your life . perhaps you are in a situation where you can goto church everyday if you can do it, its your only hope along with other things like therapy and group divorce support. omg good luck I cant believe I came across such information, this is a sick twisted cruel world we live in. one thing I had wished I was much older like yourself then I would know I would not have so many more years left on this bitch. im sorry you got spiritually raped, im babbling now hang in there and good luck ill say a prayer for you, ill ask god to come to you both to get reconciliation, I dont really know what else to say All I can say lady is pray , and pray a lot. I was with my ex-wife for 17 yrs and suicide was on my mind quite a lot. It will take a considerable amount of time to get over this. Youre gonna have to do a lot of things for a considerable amount of time, you may have to completely change your life. I really feel for you. your man is with someone else right now as long as hes with her their is no reunification, your only shot is to open up communication if and when they end. Though perhaps you can heal some more and try the friendship things and try to seduce/steal him back. That maybe a possibility then you run the risk of investing all the energy just to be there close by and get 1st hand experience of them getting closer and more serious. If you can not be jealous and think you could handle that risk go for it. Me I tried the friendship card with my ex and it was destroying me. one thing you gotta do too is find out why they left you as well, I really feel for you ,welcome to hell, pray your ass off and cry a river of tears and stay away from sharp objects and guns. I can assure you enjoying life after divorce is really not possible for a long time. Especially as the dumpee or divorcee. It seems the only people who won out are these that fell for someone else and ditched their partner to move into a new relationship while the rest of us are left behind in a state of bewildering shock, horror and massive depression. This will be the worst time of your life. All I can say is try to find out what you did wrong to drive this person away, try to forgive them and yourself, there are website articles on how to win back an ex spouse, many of them though only refer to just couples boyfriend and girlfriend scenarios. Until he gets married to this other person you may have a chance, maybe perhaps.
JourneyLady Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Like you, I was divorced after a 30 year marriage so he could be with someone else. They are married now and have been for six years. Whatever he is feeling about that, there has been little contact with me. (Only concerning some property we had.) I assume he is happy unless he tells me otherwise. What I chose to concentrate on... After a long relationship i had that didn't work out, I decided what I needed to do is go live where I have long wanted to be. In three days, that is where I am going - although it has been a long process. I have plans - I have joined a group there to make new friends in, concentrate on my writing and hobbies and generally make a brand new start in life. I will be closer to family I want to see and thus should have a full life. The biggest thing is not not isolate. You have to be too busy to miss someone much. That doesn't mean you won't. Coming home to an empty house is the pits, and sometimes it makes you cry. But sometimes you just got to let it out and then go on and do the things which make you your own best friend. Do stuff to make you feel good about yourself. I needed to lose weight, so I lost a bunch. (Gained it back during last relationship, so now I'm losing it again with exercise.) I also choose to concentrate on my spiritual nature to improve my relationship with myself and the universe. So I know what it's like to lose the person who you've known for most of your life and been intimate with for most of your life. But the truth is, we grow more and faster and better without them if we start tending to ourselves instead of them. Best wishes...
Derpderpleton Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 There's nothing YOU can do to make them come back. If they want to come back then they'll make that decision on their own. Trying to do things to make them come back will only drive them further away.
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