Is Spanking Wrong?

[soccerrprp]

In the times where spanking was prevalent, and kids not only got spanked at homet but also got spanked at school..How come those people went on to lead successful and completely normal lives..If what you are saying is true, we would have sunk ourselves into a society of mental and emotional ruin..

 

How did they manage to have families, build businsesses, and flat out lead successful lives..Your theory is just full of all hot air..

 

My theory is that while you can be anti spanking, there isnt one shred of evidence that these people who do get spanked are any less likely to grow up as normal, compassionate functioning adults..

 

For the most part, I do agree. But, one thing that is clear, is that, spanking is NOT necessary. And there are studies that have shown people who have grown up with corporal punishment are more likely to use such for discipline, thus increasing the chance of physical violence in the home. Not all, not most, mind you, but increased.

 

Where is little evidence that shows the people who have been subjected to spankings are less likely to grow up normal, compassionate functioning adults, there is evidence that the degree of exposure to such form of punishment shows the tendency of the violence to recycle itself in future family dynamics. What I'm saying is that, spankings are a form of violent behavior. Anyone who denies that is being silly, imho. And children learn by example. Children learn that hitting is acceptable and may also learn that, when they become adults, there's no need to consider alternative forms of discipline that are safer, as effective.

 

Just my thoughts.

 

When I was a kid, I got the tar beat out of me by my mom. My dad never hit. As a father, I chose to adopt my father's method of discipline. More work, as or even more effective and didn't resort to violence (striking small children).

[thefooloftheyear]

For the most part, I do agree. But, one thing that is clear, is that, spanking is NOT necessary. And there are studies that have shown people who have grown up with corporal punishment are more likely to use such for discipline, thus increasing the chance of physical violence in the home. Not all, not most, mind you, but increased.

 

Where is little evidence that shows the people who have been subjected to spankings are less likely to grow up normal, compassionate functioning adults, there is evidence that the degree of exposure to such form of punishment shows the tendency of the violence to recycle itself in future family dynamics. What I'm saying is that, spankings are a form of violent behavior. Anyone who denies that is being silly, imho. And children learn by example. Children learn that hitting is acceptable and may also learn that, when they become adults, there's no need to consider alternative forms of discipline that are safer, as effective.

 

Just my thoughts.

 

When I was a kid, I got the tar beat out of me by my mom. My dad never hit. As a father, I chose to adopt my father's method of discipline. More work, as or even more effective and didn't resort to violence (striking small children).

 

 

If you believe some of these nitwits, then you should be kicking kittens across the street and riding around in a van with a "free candy" sign on the side..Sheesh..

 

TFY

[John316C]

ok i understand what your saying but we dont know they lead successful lives. success is subjective. what i look at is behavior and statistics and research. being financially successful does not translate into being mentally stable, or a "great life".

 

i mean for god sakes there are heaps on screwed up people everywhere who get in relationships everyday like women specifically who are more emotional and less logical and more prone to irational behaviours, even women and men can behave more logically yet we dont spank them! just because they're "adults" which makes no sense.

 

we know that it is an act of violence........look... there isnt a perfect type of baby. children have different inherent temperments just like different types of people. all we have to do is mold those temperments in them around life not beat their personalities down to conform and be the perfect son/daughter.

 

i think corporal punishment is a cave man practice because people are too stupid to use their brains so instead they'l just scare the **** out of them or embarrass them and sexually violate but in a "good way" in other words we'll force our bodies on them (the use of violence) so they'l have to conform.

 

both my parents were corporally punished. my mother tried to corporally punish me even through my 20s less and less by trying to minor assault me through pinching me and slapping me with slippers and items. totally ridiculous.

 

i could go on about my dad who also had a ton of problems, he didnt hit me anymore because he became too angry he could only break things and thankfully not me. on the outside my mother is such a nice person and my father is a very competant person whos afraid of no one or anything. both together seem almost like the perfect parents. i mean look around at all the domestic abuse that goes on in marriages against each other and against children directly and indirectly. my father can be described as extremly handsome, rich, scared of nothing and no one, extremly competant, great sense of style, masculine and very driven, extremly success oriented, the hardest worker i have ever seen, rags to riches story (born in 1930) ppl always always look up to my father no matter how much richer other people are. however im the only one who knows all the problems that we've have. looks are deceiving. ppl decieve themselves and others.

 

it doesnt matter that both my parents didnt hit me softly a few times. what matters is the power your giving people - unregulated power over people who have no power. thats what matters. there are many ppl in the world who suffer corporal punishment and resulting/similar behaviours. this is just too much power to give parents. parents do not own their children. no one owns another person. we should never force any type of violence against our children. ANY kind.

 

when we give ppl power they will abuse it. if you give the population guns they will abuse them. corporal punishment is a weapon used to beat ppl into line plain and simple. its just another archaic form of violence used all over the world against everyone. its a typical response from the lower brain functions that have nothing to do with solving problems.

 

guilting and associated emotional abusive behaviours are also weapons.

these are typical behaviours exhbited by abused people and people who are not emotionally mature because they are ignorant for whatever reason.

Edited August 2, 2013 by John316C

[thefooloftheyear]

ok i understand what your saying but we dont know they lead successful lives. success is subjective. what i look at is behavior and statistics and research. being financially successful does not translate into being mentally stable, or a "great life".

 

i mean for god sakes there are heaps on screwed up people everywhere who get in relationships everyday like women specifically who are more emotional and less logical and more prone to irational behaviours, even women and men can behave more logically yet we dont spank them! just because they're "adults" which makes no sense.

 

we know that it is an act of violence........look... there isnt a perfect type of baby. children have different inherent temperments just like different types of people. all we have to do is mold those temperments in them around life not beat their personalities down to conform and be the perfect son/daughter.

 

i think corporal punishment is a cave man practice because people are too stupid to use their brains so instead they'l just scare the **** out of them or embarrass them and sexually violate but in a "good way" in other words we'll force our bodies on them (the use of violence) so they'l have to conform.

 

both my parents were corporally punished. my mother tried to corporally punish me even through my 20s less and less by trying to minor assault me through pinching me and slapping me with slippers and items. totally ridiculous.

 

i could go on about my dad who also had a ton of problems, he didnt hit me anymore because he became too angry he could only break things and thankfully not me. on the outside my mother is such a nice person and my father is a very competant person whos afraid of no one or anything. both together seem almost like the perfect parents. i mean look around at all the domestic abuse that goes on in marriages against each other and against children directly and indirectly. my father can be described as extremly handsome, rich, scared of nothing and no one, extremly competant, great sense of style, masculine and very driven, extremly success oriented, the hardest worker i have ever seen, rags to riches story (born in 1930) ppl always always look up to my father no matter how much richer other people are. however im the only one who knows all the problems that we've have. looks are deceiving. ppl decieve themselves and others.

 

it doesnt matter that both my parents didnt hit me softly a few times. what matters is the power your giving people - unregulated power over people who have no power. thats what matters. there are many ppl in the world who suffer corporal punishment and resulting/similar behaviours. this is just too much power to give parents. parents do not own their children. no one owns another person. we should never force any type of violence against our children. ANY kind.

 

when we give ppl power they will abuse it. if you give the population guns they will abuse them. corporal punishment is a weapon used to beat ppl into line plain and simple. its just another archaic form of violence used all over the world against everyone. its a typical response from the lower brain functions that have nothing to do with solving problems.

 

guilting and associated emotional abusive behaviours are also weapons.

these are typical behaviours exhbited by abused people and people who are not emotionally mature because they are ignorant for whatever reason.

 

 

Whats your point?

 

TFY

[John316C]

thats my whole point. i hope ive given some ppl something to think about

[samsungxoxo]

I don't know if anyone has seen this site but I find this abuse:

What My Belt Spankings Were Like : I Was Spanked Bare Bottom With A Belt Story & Experience

 

I'm now wondering why did some of those people had to continue spanking their kids all the way till their late teen years? Isn't punishment the act of correcting a behavior to make sure it doesn't happen ever again rather than having the kid only obey out of fear but act out again once the painful stimulus isn't available? Or having the child only obey as long as he/she sees the spanking utensil? That doesn't seem like they are obeying because they're naturally docile and know right from wrong but just because ''Oh if I act out, I'll get it''.

 

IMO if you have to apply whatever disciplinary tool repetitive times per year (all the way till the kid is older enough or in his/her teens), then you truly suck as a parent. Why should it take more than once or twice for the child to understand what's right and wrong?

Edited August 3, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[thefooloftheyear]

On many occasions, it had nothing to do with "beatings". but rather to put a point across when you have a kid that is obstinate..

 

Check out this video...BTW..if you havent seen this movie you must...It is a brilliant masterpiece...(Bronx Tale)

 

 

As you can see, there is no denying the love he has for his son...A slap would never erase that...period..

 

I dont advocate spanking..I dont think I would ever do it..My one child has never given me a reason to ever even raise my voice.

 

TFY

[veggirl]

At what age is spanking no longer okay, TFY? Is it okay for a father to spank his 15 year old daughter? His son? A 12 year old daughter or son? 9?

[thefooloftheyear]

At what age is spanking no longer okay, TFY? Is it okay for a father to spank his 15 year old daughter? His son? A 12 year old daughter or son? 9?

 

I cant answer that, VG....Frankly I dont have the answer...

 

Like I have said before...I dont hit my kid..I never have and frankly never will..She is perfectly behaved..But she doesnt disprespect me or her mother, ever..

 

Here is the point, and i am tired of talking about it..

 

Corporal punishment has gone on for centuries...People went on to lead successful lives and raise great families and build businesses...

 

We now live an an age of "enlightenment" where kids now have rights, can sue their parents.,,and everyone gets a trophy...

 

Are kids any better off now then they were then? I dont see how anyone can make that argument soundly..There is no tangible proof that they are "better" or more emotionally stable now then they were at that time...

 

I will say this much, You didnt see nearly as much unruly behavior at restaurants and other outdoor venues as you do today. Parents seem to have less "control" of their kids now..I love watching mothers trying to "reason" with a 4 year old like you would an adult:laugh:...It doesnt work..Kids need to know their place...they are not equal at that age and not establishing a pecking order in the house is going to lead to nothing but problems...

 

I take it you dont have any kids? When you do, then maybe you will have a different perspective..

 

TFY

[samsungxoxo]

not establishing a pecking order in the house is going to lead to nothing but problems...

You said it. It's not about ''Oh but spanking reduces juvenile delinquency'' but more about establishing rules and boundaries and being consistent with them.

 

BTW there have always been bad seeds all the time but the only difference is why you can even see this through the media due to the result of technology and the Internet. That is one thing that will never go away no matter how much authoritarian you are. If I had wanted to lie or go wild during my teen years, I would have done it no matter how much of a somewhat strict father he was. At some point there is really no stopping if an individual wants to act out at a later time. That's when it's really up to the person to go ahead and do it or doesn't do it either do to guilt or because that's not within their personality because he/she isn't like that.

 

In way, I think the making of someone is about this way nature vs nurture debate. If someone is so messed up, forget it. You can apply the belt all you want to and it still won't do anything.

Edited August 4, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[thefooloftheyear]

You said it. It's not about ''Oh but spanking reduces juvenile delinquency'' but more about establishing rules and boundaries and being consistent with them.

 

BTW there have always been bad seeds all the time but the only difference is why you can even see this through the media due to the result of technology and the Internet. That is one thing that will never go away no matter how much authoritarian you are. If I had wanted to lie or go wild during my teen years, I would have done it no matter how much of a somewhat strict father he was. At some point there is really no stopping if an individual wants to act out at a later time. That's when it's really up to the person to go ahead and do it or doesn't do it either do to guilt or because that's not within their personality because he/she isn't like that.

 

In way, I think the making of someone is about this way nature vs nurture debate. If someone is so messed up, forget it. You can apply the belt all you want to and it still won't do anything.

 

 

Good points....

 

Like I said..Spanking vs non can be argued ad nauseum...But one thing is clear..You have to establish pecking order and maintain control...My kid is a dream kid..She never gave us any problems. Not even from day one..

 

Aside from our differences, I do give her mother a lot of credit..She is fair, but firm..Shell kill for my kid, but never allows her to get the upper hand..It makes for a well behaved and adjusted kid..

 

We decided to keep her as a SAHM...I think this is very important..I know its very difficult for many amd I dont criticize them..I have the financial means to do it...I highly recommend it..... No one knows or will care about ypur kid as much as the parents. Strangers may be well intentioned, but at the end of the day..its not their kid..Its only going to go so far.

 

TFY

Edited August 4, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[Taramere]

I don't think parents should be criminalised for spanking - assuming it really is just spanking. When I was a kid, my dad used to go on about how there was nothing wrong with a clip round the ear, and I'd hear other adults agreeing with him. I'd wonder to myself whether they'd still agree with him if they saw what he described as "a clip around the ear" actually looked like in practice. It was somewhat more than the relatively harmless little piece of discipline he portrayed it as.

 

So I always tend to be cautious about agreeing with people when they're enthusing about the merits of physical chastisement against children. Frankly, I doubt intelligent and competent parents really need to do it it. A parent who doesn't recognise some degree of failure on their part when they resort to physically chastising their child is probably pretty deluded/in denial if they're rushing to congratulate themselves on their parenting abilities.

 

If there's bad behaviour, nip it in the bud before it gets to that point. If a child does something seriously wrong, then spanking is an inadequate punishment that isn't going to reflect the severity of the offence (which should be discussed fully with the child). I think often it's just about the parent justifying taking out their own stress/anger/sense of failure on a child.

Edited August 4, 2013 by Taramere

[pteromom]

ICorporal punishment has gone on for centuries...People went on to lead successful lives and raise great families and build businesses...

 

We now live an an age of "enlightenment" where kids now have rights, can sue their parents.,,and everyone gets a trophy...

 

Are kids any better off now then they were then? I dont see how anyone can make that argument soundly..There is no tangible proof that they are "better" or more emotionally stable now then they were at that time...

 

I will say this much, You didnt see nearly as much unruly behavior at restaurants and other outdoor venues as you do today. Parents seem to have less "control" of their kids now..I love watching mothers trying to "reason" with a 4 year old like you would an adult:laugh:...It doesnt work..Kids need to know their place...they are not equal at that age and not establishing a pecking order in the house is going to lead to nothing but problems...

 

TFY

 

The pendulum is swinging too far in the other direction, yes. As a society, we have gone from completely authoritarian, to touchy-feely-everyone-gets-a-trophy. It'll swing back to the middle.

 

But it doesn't have to swing back to hitting.

 

As far as "control", it depends on what you value. If you value a child sitting quietly in a restaurant being seen and not heard, then yes, kids today do not behave as well as in the past. Personally, I do not place value onto that. I value happiness and joy and freedom and silliness. So while you may look at my family and think "out of control", I think "happy".

 

I agree that there has to be a pecking order, but a child can also have a voice in the household. It depends on what you want them to learn and how you want them to learn it.

 

As far as success, it was touched on in another post. It depends on how you define success. If you define it as functional, then sure. Getting into the emotional wounds and scars, and how being spanked as a child may affect someone's relationships as an adult is a whole different side of it.

[thefooloftheyear]

The pendulum is swinging too far in the other direction, yes. As a society, we have gone from completely authoritarian, to touchy-feely-everyone-gets-a-trophy. It'll swing back to the middle.

 

But it doesn't have to swing back to hitting.

 

As far as "control", it depends on what you value. If you value a child sitting quietly in a restaurant being seen and not heard, then yes, kids today do not behave as well as in the past. Personally, I do not place value onto that. I value happiness and joy and freedom and silliness. So while you may look at my family and think "out of control", I think "happy".

 

I agree that there has to be a pecking order, but a child can also have a voice in the household. It depends on what you want them to learn and how you want them to learn it.

 

As far as success, it was touched on in another post. It depends on how you define success. If you define it as functional, then sure. Getting into the emotional wounds and scars, and how being spanked as a child may affect someone's relationships as an adult is a whole different side of it.

 

 

Well thought out...I agree..for the most part..

 

What I find problematic is the parents who obviously have NO control over their kids and are trying to reason with them by promising a toy or putting a lollipop in their mouth..No way is that right, and what you are going to wind up with once that kid becomes an adult is someone with zero respect for their parents..So when the parents say its not right to do drugs or stay out at all hours of the night, they are going to tell their parents to go fck off and do whatever the hell they want.. I grew up with kids like that. Im sorry, right or wrong , if I said the type of stuff to my parents that some of the kids I knew did(I witnessed it), ID probably be picking my teeth up off the ground..Call it what you want, but you just wouldnt dare disrespect a parent like that. It cannot be that way..You gotta be firm and not "reward" bad behavior..If you arent going to spank the kid, (I dont), then you better have some control and authority..Im sorry, I am NOT of the opinion that kids are equal in a household..Their brains arent formed and they do not posess the skills to make cogent and rational decisions like an adult. If you let them crap on you, most will...

 

And it all goes back to the people who believe that spanking destroys kids and makes them emotional sociopaths as adults. How can anyone say this as many of our parents were spanked and hit not only at home, but at school as well...Most grew up to be perfect adults that had none of these so called issues..

 

One other thing..Im sorry, I have to disagree strongly that its OK for kids to just run rampant at a public place because they are "happy and silly" ..Did it occur to you that there are others there that dont care that your kids are being silly and want to engage in a peaceful evening without kids running under their table while they are trying to have dinner in a public place? Its just consideration for your common man..At their house they can hang from the chandeliers, but in public they need to be well behaved...Its just common courtesy...

 

TFY

Edited August 8, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[WilliamBretton]

I got "spanked" as a child. But boy did i deserve it. To be honest, i think corporal punishment has a place. There's only so much words can do, without the swift action that follows it.

[Silly_Girl]

I got "spanked" as a child. But boy did i deserve it. To be honest, i think corporal punishment has a place. There's only so much words can do, without the swift action that follows it.

 

If spanking doesn't work, what next? Where does it stop?

 

My dad was beaten with a poker on many an occasion, and belts, wooden spoon. All he did was make sure he was *really* bad, since he was going to get such a caning.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ask anyone who is Italian...Broken wooden spoons are like a badge of honor for us..

 

TFY