J_L_C Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I'm having some troubling thoughts and need some advice. Many of you know what I've been going through for the past almost 10 months now since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. We had a great relationship, but the breakup brought out some pretty terrible things in him that I had never seen before. Despite my strong feelings for him, and the tenderness I still have, I would not get back together with him. I have done some thinking most recently and don't think I could ever get past the degree to which he treated me with such disrespect. I wonder however, if down the road, we may be able to catch up and find out what each of us is doing with our lives. He was a very special part of me and although things were rough during the breakup, we still had some civil conversations more recently than when all the $hit went down (2 months ago, give or take with a few friendly emails in between). I keep wondering if he'll ever reach out and suggest meeting up simply for fun. I know he would never suggest getting back together with me and I am no longer wanting to rekindle with him either. I am by no means going to be the one to reach out to him, but is it futile for me to hope or at least have some curiosity about whether that will ever happen? I went NC with my EX-ex boyfriend, of 5 1/2 years, for about a year and then we started chatting one day. We met up for a coffee to catch up and have been good friends ever since. Our breakup ended on a totally mutual basis mind you, but nonetheless, we are great pals. I just wonder if it's too much to hope for with this most recent ex of mine.
Zahara Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 (edited) I went NC with my EX-ex boyfriend, of 5 1/2 years, for about a year and then we started chatting one day. We met up for a coffee to catch up and have been good friends ever since. Our breakup ended on a totally mutual basis mind you, but nonetheless, we are great pals. I just wonder if it's too much to hope for with this most recent ex of mine. There is going to come a time whereby you cringe, remembering the things he did to you post break-up, because by that time you will have lost all romantic feelings for him and hopefully, gained some of your self-respect and value to want to even consider talking or breathing the same air he does. Did your Ex-ex boyfriend call you stupid? Did your EX-ex boyfriend wank while he was dumping you? Did your EX-ex boyfriend ask you to come over and ride his dick when he knew you were still hurting? Did your EX-ex boyfriend toss your health concerns aside? Did your EX-ex boyfriend call you good for nothing? I bet not. Someone has to be worthy of your time and attention, before you give it. What you had was special in your head, before he showed you who he truly was. Base your need to be friends on who he was after he did all those things to you. If someone treats you so badly and you still want to go and have fun with them and be their friend at some point, emotional or not, you would be at that point, nowhere close to having any value within yourself. Why in god's name would you even want to be around this person, if it happens? It's because you're still romanticizing this man. You don't need to have someone like that in your life as a friend. I hope to god your other friends don't treat you like s***. Stop basing his worth on what he did during your relationship, but on who and what he became post break-up. That is who he is. And if that is the person you want to have a friendship with, you will forever be picking bad apples because you cannot distinguish between what's good and what's bad. Edited May 15, 2013 by Zahara
Leegh Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I think it could be OK, as long as you don't still have romantic feelings for him again, unless you and he do want to rekindle things. I am just friends now with a guy that I dated for seven years. I used to many years ago, like him romantically, but now we talk every so often on the telephone as friends. He knows everything about me, so now, he is more like a therapist to me, as he knows my family history, etc. If your guy is basically a trustworthy guy, it can be good to have someone there emotionally for you. Just take a day at a time and see how things go with him.
Zahara Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I think it could be OK, as long as you don't still have romantic feelings for him again, unless you and he do want to rekindle things. I am just friends now with a guy that I dated for seven years. I used to many years ago, like him romantically, but now we talk every so often on the telephone as friends. He knows everything about me, so now, he is more like a therapist to me, as he knows my family history, etc. If your guy is basically a trustworthy guy, it can be good to have someone there emotionally for you. Just take a day at a time and see how things go with him. Read what the douchebag did to her/history before you give advice.
Author J_L_C Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/376826-sherlock-holmes-couldn-t-figure-out
thefooloftheyear Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I feel for you.... You sound like you are totally addicted to this guy...You need to break this addiction..I cant help you with that as I have no clue where to begin.. I wish you well. TFY 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I think you need help well beyond our pay grade.
Author J_L_C Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Lol I'm Not talking about a reconciliation. I'm only saying that someday down the road should there be a reconnection of some sort of course it would Have to be preceded by some sort of discussion. I believe people make mistakes and that by no means cancels out what he has done, but sometimes things can be be moved on from. Breakup get Nasty, that's just the way it is. But eventually the storm passes and things calm down. Don't mistake me by any means. I do not want him back.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Lol I'm Not talking about a reconciliation. I'm only saying that someday down the road should there be a reconnection of some sort of course it would Have to be preceded by some sort of discussion. I believe people make mistakes and that by no means cancels out what he has done, but sometimes things can be be moved on from. Breakup get Nasty, that's just the way it is. But eventually the storm passes and things calm down. Don't mistake me by any means. I do not want him back. I don't believe you, but let's say you are honest. This is not the time to be thinking about something like this. Just a waste at this point. Maybe in a year or so this would be worth thinking about.
ThatJustHappened Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Lol I'm Not talking about a reconciliation. I'm only saying that someday down the road should there be a reconnection of some sort of course it would Have to be preceded by some sort of discussion. I believe people make mistakes and that by no means cancels out what he has done, but sometimes things can be be moved on from. Breakup get Nasty, that's just the way it is. But eventually the storm passes and things calm down. Don't mistake me by any means. I do not want him back. This is not healthy thinking. You should proceed as if you will never see or speak to him again. It's the only way you'll fully let him go.
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