amythan Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Hi, I bit of background, I met this guy and he had a gf but he told me he liked me right away. I asked him to contact me when he was single because I didn't want to be in the middle. He emailed me right after his break up saying that he missed me and after a couple of weeks emailing all day long he told me that he should sort out his life before getting into a new relationship. He said that his ex is a mess and being with someone else would make things worse. He emailed me the following: I don't think I realised quite the situation I was in until I met someone I really liked. As it stands I know an ex-gf who is very sad and someone who I think is great and attractive who is also sad. The common thread in both of these is me, and I don’t really know how I manage it. Guess I was surprised to meet you when I did and wish I could have handled it better. I've caused this situation and you've done nothing other than be cool, so I promise no more ups and downs and hopefully it will all work out. It's a case of losing me, but we need to reach a place where it's good for both of us. That may happen in time and no rush. I feel quite humbled by how decent and cool you are. Do you think he is really interested ? My plan was not contacting him but reply to his emails if he tries to reach me (and he will) and if by the end of june he is still a mess he will be out of my life for good. Do you think I am wasting my time ? I have lots of things going on in my life too and I will be traveling a lot until end of june so it is not that I am going to be sitting at home. And on the other hand one month and a half should me enough time to sort out his life ... What do you think? Thanks for your advice ! I am hopeless here
BluEyeL Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 If you are single and you like him, yes, respond to what he is initiating, but do not escalate and also date others. Also, do not put a "deadline" on this guy. When and if he sorts it out, and if he wants to find you and start something, he'll do it. Just dont "wait for him". Go on with your life, if you're still single when he is ready, and are still interested, great!
Author amythan Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Sorry it meat to say "It's NOT a case of losing me, but we need to reach a place where it's good for both of us." I was not planning to tell him about the deadline, it was more for myself .. to have a point to really move on. But you think he is for real or just stringing me along ? Because if this is the case i want him out now If he is just confused, great because i do not want to be the rebound so he can take his time. I do like him very much.
othersideofthepillow Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) From a guys point of view I'd say that he is in to you BUT he sounds like he is trying to be the nice guy to both of you but also keeping his options open at the moment. If you notice he never points the finger at you or his ex, just at himself and the situation he is in. By doing this, neither you or her are "the bad guy" so he can do whatever he wants - take a few days or a few weeks to figure out what he wants. Only you know how long is long enough to see what happens. If you two have a great connection than I would say to just be patient. If you just like the idea of being together than you need to move on and live your life. I would say if you really really like him, keep talking and keep it light and casual so he doesn't forget you - don't give up on him if you really like hime - but - don't be played for a fool. I would love if you could give me some advice on my current situation too: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/392846-should-i-just-patient I hope it all works out for you! Good luck! Edited May 14, 2013 by othersideofthepillow
Drseussgrrl Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I'll never understand why people keep exes around after a breakup. He's not responsible for her feelings, just as he isn't responsible for yours. He sounds rather full of himself to be quite honest. This is all needless drama that you don't want a part of. Find someone available. Don't wait around for him - let him save himself. You're very close to becoming a rebound. 1
Author amythan Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I do not want to be the rebound this is why I told him to take his time and don't jump into something that is not real. I know he is a bit self-centered and prone to drama ... But we know each other for six months and I know he is not a bad person just a bit lost. He feels guilty because she is not doing well and, I have been there too, probably he is just trying to finish this in good terms ..
BluEyeL Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 We can't know if he is stringing you along or not. I don't think he even knows what he's doing. Let him go now. He likes you ,but he is not ready. If he comes back at a later time, decide then if you want him. Detach mentally.
Drseussgrrl Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I do not want to be the rebound this is why I told him to take his time and don't jump into something that is not real. I know he is a bit self-centered and prone to drama ... But we know each other for six months and I know he is not a bad person just a bit lost. He feels guilty because she is not doing well and, I have been there too, probably he is just trying to finish this in good terms .. Honey, breakups RARELY end on good terms. It's rarely mutual so it gets messy, someone is heartbroken, you lose friends, routines, the companionship, etc. That's why it's so important to lay down the hammer and walk away. Yeah that person is probably crushed and thinks you're a huge ********* but time heals. I think there is a lot he isn't telling you about this "ex" of his.
Author amythan Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 This is another debate but i disagree. I am still VERY good friends with two of my ex bfs. Anyway you have a point when you say I do not know the whole story, even if he told me a few times they are done. I use to trust people and always hoping that they are decent, because I am trying to do also the right thing. But sometimes you get played .. I know. I just hope this is not the case but still ..
Drseussgrrl Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 This is another debate but i disagree. I am still VERY good friends with two of my ex bfs. Anyway you have a point when you say I do not know the whole story, even if he told me a few times they are done. I use to trust people and always hoping that they are decent, because I am trying to do also the right thing. But sometimes you get played .. I know. I just hope this is not the case but still .. I'm friends with some of my exes also. But honestly, does it sound like it's possible for her to be FRIENDS with him right now? Of course not. That wasn't the point. This guy creates drama all around him.
Author amythan Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Hahaha this is so true, he is a drama queen !
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