othersideofthepillow Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 (edited) Ok so here it is. I met this woman last september. I am 27 and she is 25. At the time of meeting her, her sons father had passed away and earlier in the year my mother also passed. Now her and her child's father where not together anymore but obviously that loss takes A LOT out of a person! Over the next few months we became fwb but great friends too. She had hinted at wanting more but at the time I wasn't ready. At that point we started hanging out less but still talked constantly, flirting and whatnot. I realized that I too wanted the same thing to take it further but she than had started seeing another guy. Much to my upset feelings, I knew it was my fault and had to deal with it. I didn't text call or contact her much if at all after she started seeing the other guy. So fast forward a few weeks, we text a bit and out of nowhere she invites me out with her and her two friends for drinks and to hangout. I went to hangout and at the end of the night, one of her friends started asking me if i still like her and if i do that I should go for it and that I have a good chance with her still. At this point her friend told me that she wasn't seeing that guy anymore and that I should take her out. At the end of the night, me and her talked for about 40 min or so and I asked her if she was still seeing that guy and she said she is most definitely not seeing anyone. I than asked her if she would let me take her out and she said at the moment she doesn't know. She than said that she still has romantic feelings for me but at the moment she can't date me because she is having a very difficult time coping with the passing of her sons father and that right now she would love to stay friends but can't be in a relationship because she doesn't want me to be just a "fall back" guy. We have tons of fun together, communicate easily, have amazing physical chemistry (I catch her staring at me and visa versa) and fit very well together. I am just wondering if this is a way to get me from pursing her or if she does just need a bit of patience and space. A few of my friends say that she is def still interested but just needs space and some time to herself. Her closest friend even told me that she knows she likes me as more than a friend and that she is in my corner for us to get together. Edited May 12, 2013 by othersideofthepillow
curlygirl40 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Well if her friends are telling you that she's into you and that she has a chance with you, then they are probably right. But her behavior is confusing to me. Maybe when you were FWB and she wanted more she was hurt and she's worried she will be hurt by you again? I would be patient because maybe she is going through a lot and is just not ready to jump into something else. If she's single and interested, I would think that she would like to see you as more than a friend but since she's saying she's not ready, there's more to the story.
Author othersideofthepillow Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 That's what they are telling me. I've asked my female friends that know the situation (they don't know her just the situation) and they tell me to just be patient too. As far as me hurting her, I know that I handled it poorly when she wanted to be more and I owned up to it and told her that I did and that I was sorry. She has told me that she doesn't want to be hurt so I know that is a big part of it. I have thought of it long and hard and would have no problem being there for her and her son from now on and at one point, without me even saying anything on the subject, she told me that when her son grows up she hopes he's as good a man as me. I don't get emotional easily but hearing her say that, whether serious or not, was the biggest compliment I've ever gotten. It's a fine line because she knows that I like her so I don't want to pressure her but I also want to be with her...
unsuregirl Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 It sounds to me like she is afraid of getting close to you because she cares about you. I am the same way. If I know that I actually have feelings for someone, more than just sexual, I have a hard time not pushing them away. It's scary when you know that you may fall for someone and you are afraid of doing so and then maybe losing them.
Author othersideofthepillow Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 unsure girl, so since you are that type of person, what would you suggest i do? im not the kind of person to get all crazy and constantly try and contact someone through calls, texts, fb, etc. she said that she needs to cope and wants to remain friends so thats exactly what im giving her. i truly care about this woman on a very deep level and that is not easy for me to do.
amythan Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I would say to give her time, she is going through a difficult time and she need to be in the right place for a relationship. My father passed away this year and I know how her mental state can be a mess. You probably also hurt her in the past and she needs to be sure that you are serious now. Not telling her but showing her with acts. Don't pressure her, she probably likes you but you have to be a bit patient (without putting your life on hold either)
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