Brunettie Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Is that just a general guy thing? My boyfriend is out of town for 2 weeks for a military thing. He left Friday morning. We've talked on the phone once, and sent 1 text. I called just now and he didn't answer I know he's in a different city, so he's probably going out exploring when he gets out. Not many people took their cars, but he did..so I'm sure some of the others are going out wherever with him. He took his xbox, he's got a room mate for the 2 weeks, I'm sure he's out making friends with the other guys there and stuff, but still...a 10 minute daily phone call would be great.. He spent 4 days at my house before he left and he said he'd miss me and couldn't wait for him to get back and me to go over. So, am I being silly? Why are guys, in general, just bad with communication? Do they not need it as much? We've been dating about a year.
todreaminblue Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Is that just a general guy thing? My boyfriend is out of town for 2 weeks for a military thing. He left Friday morning. We've talked on the phone once, and sent 1 text. I called just now and he didn't answer I know he's in a different city, so he's probably going out exploring when he gets out. Not many people took their cars, but he did..so I'm sure some of the others are going out wherever with him. He took his xbox, he's got a room mate for the 2 weeks, I'm sure he's out making friends with the other guys there and stuff, but still...a 10 minute daily phone call would be great.. He spent 4 days at my house before he left and he said he'd miss me and couldn't wait for him to get back and me to go over. So, am I being silly? Why are guys, in general, just bad with communication? Do they not need it as much? We've been dating about a year. I had better communication with a guy i was with, when were long distance......he would call me all the time.......every day morning noon and night ..exactly that three times a day.....even if they were short convos which hardly ever happened.......so i didnt have a problem with communication.......while we apart together was a different matter.....not on my behalf i wouldnt change i was the same...a constant he would differ and change.....and i guess i would give up after a while keep my thoughts to myself.....not be so open......and bouncy.....i think some guys are not random conversationalists....if they are passionate about a topic they talk, they call, if they arent passionate and dont like the small talk they wont call, they wont talk......which is cool i guess...if you work out if its pure ignorance or just not a conversationalist you are dealing with....ignorance is different..........and working out what type of man your man is ...is the hardest part probably....does he communicate with others often when he is withyou...checking his phone etc.....if he does and often answers or takes calls and yet you dont get a reply when he i snot with you...shows a lack of interest in talking to you personally......ack...i find this hard to handle when it happens to me..i do notice these sort of things when i am interested in someone...i am a giving person so ....yeah stings a little..good luck with you and yours..d.eb
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 There have been brain imaging studies that have shown the area of the brain dedicated to empathy and communication is larger in most females than most men. Sorry, this guy isnt the exception to most men... Was this published in a peer reviewed study? Or in your own mind? 2
apple OR orange Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 hes out of town on a "military thing", and you expect calls back??? "yep, i know.... yes i didnt call, wait, sorry babe i have to steer the tank.. click.... berberberberber" 3
hppr Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Is that just a general guy thing? No, women are horrible at communication too. Probably worse since they think that men are all psychic therefore they never tell you what the problem is and you gotta guess so you start going through all the dumb things you've done recently. 1
hppr Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 sorry babe i have to steer the tank Yeah depending on the training he may not be allowed to contact anyone or it's only briefly during certain hours on certain days. Combat oriented training is especially strict and intense. I remember the marine guys were forced to stay awake all night in their barracks a couple different times just because the DIs felt like screwing with em.
happydate Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) Is that just a general guy thing? My boyfriend is out of town for 2 weeks for a military thing. He left Friday morning. We've talked on the phone once, and sent 1 text. I called just now and he didn't answer I know he's in a different city, so he's probably going out exploring when he gets out. Not many people took their cars, but he did..so I'm sure some of the others are going out wherever with him. He took his xbox, he's got a room mate for the 2 weeks, I'm sure he's out making friends with the other guys there and stuff, but still...a 10 minute daily phone call would be great.. He spent 4 days at my house before he left and he said he'd miss me and couldn't wait for him to get back and me to go over. So, am I being silly? Why are guys, in general, just bad with communication? Do they not need it as much? We've been dating about a year. He got you wondering didn't he? Which means it's working. Most secure fun loving guys don't really need to communicate much, because he does not really DEPEND on you emotionally to secure a pussy or love cause he loves himself. If he gets you, he knows how to love you too. This present him to you as a guy who is a challenge and who is a mystery and woman loves fascinating men. Confident men can get women easily. So, do you really want to date a boring man who keeps reporting to you like you are his lieutenant? Of course not. Emotionally insecure men, however, text and talk to their women day and night. The result? He's branded a "nice guy" for no reason at all and then get dumped or friend zoned. The women who do this do not know why? Simple. Nice guys who call often are way too predictable and too boring.. Still.. A certain level of communication must be maintained, but to expect like instant messaging pronto and right now when he's posted and can not reply at his convenience can be sounding like is you are the one who is needy and clingy perhaps? Edited May 14, 2013 by happydate 1
carhill Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Not so much 'bad', rather 'efficient'. Pragmatic. Solution-oriented. In a male's world, actions rule. Men don't sit around talking stuff to death. Watch a tight group of guys work together. Hardly a word is spoken. Communication is non-verbal. Mannerisms, looks, gestures. When I watch guys eyes glaze over when listening to their wives, I know exactly how they feel. We actually communicate that, without their wives ever knowing. It's what guys do. 3
USMCHokie Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 My boyfriend is out of town for 2 weeks for a military thing. Is this your first time he's left to do his "military thing"...?
Emilia Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 So, am I being silly? Why are guys, in general, just bad with communication? Do they not need it as much? We've been dating about a year. You've been together for a year so you should know what he is like by now. When I dated my Para ex I let him contact me when he could. I'd write emails to keep him up to date on my life (though they were quite long, I think as carhill said his eyes probably glazed over ) but I let him call me when he was back from exercise. I just got on with my life in the meantime.
PogoStick Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 "Yeah honey, I'll pick up the pot roast on the way home *gunshots*, uh huh, yeah, really? No, I already mowed the lawn before I left *explosions*, Oh I can't believe your coworkers said that! *screams* Right baby I know they're such hypocrites. Hey sweetie can I call you back in 15 minutes? My buddy's spleen is falling out of his abdomen. Alright, yeah, ok, ok, yeah love you too, *more gunshots* Yeah I'll check my email, ok...ok...will do, gotta go baby...I already said I love you, ok love you again, bye!" 1
Chief Wiggum Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Because men, naturally, are less needy. If we know we're coming home to you later or will speak to you on phone at night, we're then less inclined to send texts/emails during the day unless it's urgent. And sometimes when we're occupied with things, we then suck even more at communication. It's just the way we are.
Emilia Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Because men, naturally, are less needy. If we know we're coming home to you later or will speak to you on phone at night, we're then less inclined to send texts/emails during the day unless it's urgent. And sometimes when we're occupied with things, we then suck even more at communication. It's just the way we are. clearly you have never dated men 3
Emilia Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Not so much 'bad', rather 'efficient'. Pragmatic. Solution-oriented. In a male's world, actions rule. Men don't sit around talking stuff to death. Watch a tight group of guys work together. Hardly a word is spoken. Communication is non-verbal. Mannerisms, looks, gestures. When I watch guys eyes glaze over when listening to their wives, I know exactly how they feel. We actually communicate that, without their wives ever knowing. It's what guys do. I think in all fairness that it's a little age-dependent. My young male friends (early to mid 20s) LOVE talking. Granted, usually about sport but they love gabbling on nevertheless. The youngest (22) is a little on the needy side too - which will change as he gets older. I suspect the OP is in her 20s too. I think it's more age than sex.
Ed the 3rd Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 A lot of guys including myself aren't big on small talk.
Chief Wiggum Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 clearly you have never dated men Lol. You'll of course get the odd few that are needy. But for the most part -- well, in my circle of friends -- they can be ignorant of a woman's need for communication. I know I had my problems in this regard. In fact, it was why I joined his site. My very first thread was on this matter.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/364885-constant-texting-gf
El Brujo Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Men tend to be convenience-oriented. Women tend to be formality-oriented. You can figure the rest out for yourself.
Author Brunettie Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I think I need to clarify... He is away on a military thing for 2 weeks. It does not involve guns, tanks, explosions...nothing.. They're basically working on/fixing things. When we first began dating, as in...the week after, he had to go on this 2 week thing then as well. It was in my city that time, so he came over everyday after he got done for the first week. The 2nd week I was out of town, so I didn't see him then, however he texted me throughout the day, everyday. What he's doing this year is different than what he was doing last year. Longer days, different work. So that might influence it. I'm not saying he doesn't get back to me quickly enough. I don't care when he talks to me because I know he's busy. If I send him a text, I'm not expecting an immediate reply. He did text me a little last night when he got out of a meeting and then went to sleep. I have noticed a pattern though. In the beginning, a guy will text a girl like nonstop, everyday. then it dwindles. I guess that's normal though because after awhile, you run out of new things to say.
KraftDinner Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Heaven forbid a sexual need go unfulfilled, but the minute a woman posts here about wanting a (gasp) DAILY phone call... well, clearly you need therapy. The answer is that not all guys do are bad at phoning and stuff, thankfully. Is he out in the field? No way to communicate? My personal experience s that guys want communication as much as we do (quantity). Don't let anyone try to make you feel bad about wanting that. Don't lower your expectations because of something you read on the Internet.
soccerrprp Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Is that just a general guy thing? My boyfriend is out of town for 2 weeks for a military thing. He left Friday morning. We've talked on the phone once, and sent 1 text. I called just now and he didn't answer I know he's in a different city, so he's probably going out exploring when he gets out. Not many people took their cars, but he did..so I'm sure some of the others are going out wherever with him. He took his xbox, he's got a room mate for the 2 weeks, I'm sure he's out making friends with the other guys there and stuff, but still...a 10 minute daily phone call would be great.. He spent 4 days at my house before he left and he said he'd miss me and couldn't wait for him to get back and me to go over. So, am I being silly? Why are guys, in general, just bad with communication? Do they not need it as much? We've been dating about a year. I cannot speak for other guys, but I am very good communicating! I've heard this from a number of women, that guys just don't communicate effectively and/or consistently. I really, realy believe it's a cultural, learned phenomenon. In my family, I and my siblings were raised to clearly communicate our needs, frustrations, wants. Communication was and is essential in any healthy, successful relationship. So, as I date, communication is quite natural and frankly, expected. It's not all guys, but apparently far too many. Did you tell him what your expectations are? Shoot, I love to communicate with my SO or GF, especially if it's dirty (). jk.... 2
carhill Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I think in all fairness that it's a little age-dependent. My young male friends (early to mid 20s) LOVE talking. Granted, usually about sport but they love gabbling on nevertheless. The youngest (22) is a little on the needy side too - which will change as he gets older. I suspect the OP is in her 20s too. I think it's more age than sex. I agree, as the generations are socialized differently. Part of my lack of acceptance by other males as a younger man was due to my 'chattiness'. Heck, even my exW would complain that I 'talked things to death'. I changed, became more stoic, less emotional and less communicative, and was more accepted by my peers; simultaneously, more men my age began to become less stoic, more emotional and more communicative, so we kind of met in the middle and deeper friendships resulted. Perhaps the younger generations of males don't have to deal with that. If not, good on them. I still have to catch myself when getting 'bored' with the male interaction outside and heading into the kitchen to talk with the wives. Small challenges.
HuffmanMontana Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Is that just a general guy thing? My boyfriend is out of town for 2 weeks for a military thing. He left Friday morning. We've talked on the phone once, and sent 1 text. I called just now and he didn't answer I know he's in a different city, so he's probably going out exploring when he gets out. Not many people took their cars, but he did..so I'm sure some of the others are going out wherever with him. He took his xbox, he's got a room mate for the 2 weeks, I'm sure he's out making friends with the other guys there and stuff, but still...a 10 minute daily phone call would be great.. He spent 4 days at my house before he left and he said he'd miss me and couldn't wait for him to get back and me to go over. So, am I being silly? Why are guys, in general, just bad with communication? Do they not need it as much? We've been dating about a year. I don't see anything that you've written here that suggests he's "bad" with communication. It sounds as if you have different expectations. Maybe you should tell him about this 10 minute a day requirement.
Author Brunettie Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I don't see anything that you've written here that suggests he's "bad" with communication. It sounds as if you have different expectations. Maybe you should tell him about this 10 minute a day requirement. When he's in town, he calls me everyday on his way home from work. It's just now that he's doing that military thing that this is happening. Awhile back we kind of had some time when he didn't call as often, but he had been before he went out of town. And like I said, I know he's busy right now, so.. I've called him a couple times since he's been there, but he didn't answer either time. The first time, he called me back the following day. The 2nd time, he texted me later.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 When he's in town, he calls me everyday on his way home from work. It's just now that he's doing that military thing that this is happening. Awhile back we kind of had some time when he didn't call as often, but he had been before he went out of town. And like I said, I know he's busy right now, so.. I've called him a couple times since he's been there, but he didn't answer either time. The first time, he called me back the following day. The 2nd time, he texted me later. I don't see what the big deal is. It sounds like you're a bit clingy.
LilySun Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Sounds like he is quite busy/occupied. I think he will contact you when the time and convenience is there for him. They do say that men are not talented "multi-taskers" in the same way women are. They think about things and execute things one at a time. And it appears he has alot of "things" going on right now. I would just try to be patient and wait to hear from him.
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