Lauriebell82 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I have a beautiful baby boy. He is the only good thing in my life. I like my job, but I am terrified of screwing up and getting fired. My parents are a mess. My husband is tired of me and my issues and wants to leave. I have no friends. I feel like things are just crumbling. I am trying not to whine or feel sorry for myself. I just feel upset and depressed. I would like someone to talk to so I posted this thread. Please help me.
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Oh, LB! Big hugs! What's going on with H? Let's start there. 1
xxoo Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 How are your issues manifesting? What are you doing to take care of you? There were times, when we had a young children, when my H would take the kid(s) and kick me out to just go do something, anything, for myself. Away from the house, the job, the baby....away from everything. I'd roam a store for an hour, because I was too stressed about money to spend any But it helped! 3
Nyla Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I have a beautiful baby boy. He is the only good thing in my life. I like my job, but I am terrified of screwing up and getting fired. My parents are a mess. My husband is tired of me and my issues and wants to leave. I have no friends. I feel like things are just crumbling. I am trying not to whine or feel sorry for myself. I just feel upset and depressed. I would like someone to talk to so I posted this thread. Please help me. So sorry to hear about all of this LB. I hope you don't mind, but I have a lot of questions. I'm just trying to get a better sense of your situation. What makes you terrified to screw up at work? How are your parents manifesting their messiness? When did your husband say that he wants to leave? What kind of issues are there in your marriage?
Els Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Sorry to hear this, LB. I know you're a therapist yourself, but sometimes health professionals need other health professionals to help them in their time of need. Have you spoken to one? 1
Harholil Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 How old is the boy? Are we possibly in the murky waters of postpartum depression? 2
Art_Critic Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Are we possibly in the murky waters of postpartum depression? I was going to say the same thing....
Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 How old is the boy? Are we possibly in the murky waters of postpartum depression? If memory serves, LB is preggo with her second. I'm sure hormones aren't helping. My immediate thoughts are to focus on what's going in her immediate vicinity, i.e., at home with her hubby. If we can start there, and make sure she's got a strong homefront, the rest can be handled a lot easier.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 If memory serves, LB is preggo with her second. I'm sure hormones aren't helping. My immediate thoughts are to focus on what's going in her immediate vicinity, i.e., at home with her hubby. If we can start there, and make sure she's got a strong homefront, the rest can be handled a lot easier. What??? LOL!!! No, definately not pregnant. My son just turned 1. I don't believe that I have PPD, I was actually very happy up until a few months ago. So these are fairly recent developments. Okay, so my husband. He keeps saying he wants to leave me because of my issues with low self esteem. Of course, he's not perfect either, so he doesn't always help make the situation better. But then he apologizes and says he isn't mad anymore and doesn't want a divorce yada yada yada. So this is confusing because I'm unsure how he really feels about it. I feel like I'm losing him bit by bit though. I don't have the faith in our marriage that used to be there. So that makes my self esteem even worse and I feel worse and worse about myself. I just feel like I'm falling apart..like we are falling apart.
carhill Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Has your mom gone sideways again? IIRC, that was an issue in the past. I recall, in MC, our psychologist mentioning that life challenges either bring a couple together or break them apart. It's up to the couple, both partners, to be on the same page wrt their perspectives on how life challenges should be faced. IMO, you and your H have all the assets and developed a pretty strong foundation. Look into your child's eyes and focus on why you're in this. Good luck. You'll make it. 3
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 My mom has never really improved. Without going into too much detail, she comes in and out of her issues with mental health. My husband is much more objective when it comes to her and creating rigid boundaries(ie: her not watching our son alone). But she's my mom so it's not that simple for me. So that has been an ongoing issue over the years.
Art_Critic Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I'm familiar with PPD, it was a rough first year.. even on meds.. thank gosh that is over... Maybe you should see you Dr....even if you don't have PPD your Dr will be able to help.. they have heard of everything. Here are a few symptoms.. Symptoms of PPD can occur anytime in the first year postpartum.[6] These include, but are not limited to, the following: Sadness[6]Hopelessness[6]Low self-esteem[6]Feeling less loved by partnerGuilt[6]A feeling of being overwhelmedSleep and eating disturbances[6]Inability to be comforted[6]Exhaustion[6]Emptiness[6]Anhedonia[6]Social withdrawal[6]Low or no energy[6]Becoming easily frustrated[6]Feeling inadequate in taking care of the baby[6]Impaired speech and writingSpells of anger towards othersIncreased anxiety or panic attacksDecreased sex drive – see Sex after pregnancy 1
xxoo Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 As objectively as you can determine, is there anything going on that justifies divorce? It's alarming that your husband is mentioning divorce, after only a few months of issues after becoming parents. Unless there are some really big issues that you aren't mentioning, him bringing up divorce suggests to me that he has some issues that are contributing to the marriage troubles, too. Esp if he if flip-flopping (bringing it up, taking it back, etc) 6
carhill Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Art and others have a point. If not recently done, a physical might be in order. Also, have them check your TSH (thyroid) levels. I recall my mom sharing she had some issues when I was young when she became hypothyrodic. As I would find out much later as her caregiver, that little gland had a marked impact on mood. In any event, a physician has the inside track on a lot of this stuff. Great place to start. 1
Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Sorry, LB! I thought you were preggo again! As objectively as you can determine, is there anything going on that justifies divorce? It's alarming that your husband is mentioning divorce, after only a few months of issues after becoming parents. Unless there are some really big issues that you aren't mentioning, him bringing up divorce suggests to me that he has some issues that are contributing to the marriage troubles, too. Esp if he if flip-flopping (bringing it up, taking it back, etc) I agree with this. Can you give an example of how your low self-esteem manifests such that he'd be throwing around the D word?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 As objectively as you can determine, is there anything going on that justifies divorce? It's alarming that your husband is mentioning divorce, after only a few months of issues after becoming parents. Unless there are some really big issues that you aren't mentioning, him bringing up divorce suggests to me that he has some issues that are contributing to the marriage troubles, too. Esp if he if flip-flopping (bringing it up, taking it back, etc) Not anything that we haven't already had minor arguments over the past few years (cleaning is a big one). There have been a lot of changes over the past few months (me going back to work full time, putting our son in daycare) but I wouldn't say that it's been a really hard adjustment. The fights have become worse though, recent development (past month or so) being that he has started mentioning divorce, we aren't right for each other, ect. He's never said anything like that in the past 6 years we have been together, and we have had some heated fights over the years.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Can you give an example of how your low self-esteem manifests such that he'd be throwing around the D word? Tonight he noticed I had a rip in my stocking and asked me if I wore that to work. He kind of said it with a bit of a weird attitude so I snapped at him and that sparked an argument about how I'm too sensitive, shouldn't have gotten upset about that, ect.
Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Tonight he noticed I had a rip in my stocking and asked me if I wore that to work. He kind of said it with a bit of a weird attitude so I snapped at him and that sparked an argument about how I'm too sensitive, shouldn't have gotten upset about that, ect. Your H has always been anal and high maintenance. That would annoy me too. Just the question alone suggests you'd done something that would displease him. That's not low self-esteem, that's him being rude and insensitive. 3
xxoo Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Stressed parents sometimes snap at each other. I snapped at my H today. Then, I told him some of the stuff that happened at work today that really have me stressed, and my snappiness faded. We ended up having a good laugh together. Are you two connecting? Getting chances to laugh and play together? Going to bed together every night? Random made up statistic: it takes 10 laughs together to offset each time you snap at each other (remember this for when your little one gets older and more challenging--you need to keep the ratio of connection to correction on the positive side!) 2
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Your H has always been anal and high maintenance. That would annoy me too. Just the question alone suggests you'd done something that would displease him. That's not low self-esteem, that's him being rude and insensitive. Yeah, and I know that he does that. He's tried to tone it down (and he absolutely has) but it sneaks up every now and again. I do have low self esteem, I will admit that...but he doesn't make it any easier to deal with either. And when I say that, he mentions divorce.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Stressed parents sometimes snap at each other. I snapped at my H today. Then, I told him some of the stuff that happened at work today that really have me stressed, and my snappiness faded. We ended up having a good laugh together. Are you two connecting? Getting chances to laugh and play together? Going to bed together every night? Random made up statistic: it takes 10 laughs together to offset each time you snap at each other (remember this for when your little one gets older and more challenging--you need to keep the ratio of connection to correction on the positive side!) Yeah, like we had a great weekend, lovely Mother's Day. This is weird but we had great sex two nights ago, then he's talking about divorce tonight? So we do all the couple things, it's just these arguments creep in and all the sudden he's talking about divorce and low self esteem.
Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Yeah, and I know that he does that. He's tried to tone it down (and he absolutely has) but it sneaks up every now and again. I do have low self esteem, I will admit that...but he doesn't make it any easier to deal with either. And when I say that, he mentions divorce. The mentioning of divorce is recent? How many times and when he recants, is he sincere?
xxoo Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Yeah, and I know that he does that. He's tried to tone it down (and he absolutely has) but it sneaks up every now and again. I do have low self esteem, I will admit that...but he doesn't make it any easier to deal with either. And when I say that, he mentions divorce. That's his issue, which ramps up when he is stressed. He doesn't get insecure; he gets critical. Not a great combination, but it may be the perfect opportunity for you both to address your own issues.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 The mentioning of divorce is recent? How many times and when he recants, is he sincere? Yeah, it is recent. Past 2 months or so I'd say. Pretty much every argument he says it now. So maybe like past 4 arguments? The initial recant is sort of half fast, but the next day usually he will say how much he loves me, how he wants to be with me forever and loves our family, ect. It's like his brain snaps back to reality over night or something. So I have no idea how he really feels.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 That's his issue, which ramps up when he is stressed. He doesn't get insecure; he gets critical. Not a great combination, but it may be the perfect opportunity for you both to address your own issues. Yeah, I think he is a bit more in denial about his issue then I am about mine. It didn't actually used to be that way, which was why we were able to deal with it and it didn't always turn into a fight. It feels like lately it's all been falling on my shoulders..almost like he is projecting or something.
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