Miss1122 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 (edited) I've been dating this guy for two months. He treats me special every time were together. I haven't seen him the past two weeks. The last time I spoke with him was Friday afternoon. He said he's just been busy with his full time work and doing his freelance work. But he said that he rather be spending time with me. Im ok not seeing him for two weeks tho I miss him. What bothers me tho is not hearing from him since Friday night. He does initiate text and when I text he replies quick. Some messages were hinting about getting together saying things like " next time I see you" " Trust me, I rather be with you". But no invitations of getting together. Is he still into me? How do I deal with this? It bugs me cause I can't get him out of my head! I keep myself busy. I cook. I work out. I spend time with family and friends but he still keeps popping in my head. I have a date tonight and he is the one I'm thinking about. Please help. Thanks. Edited May 12, 2013 by Miss1122 Edit
todreaminblue Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I've been dating this guy for two months. He treats me special every time were together. I haven't seen him the past two weeks. The last time I spoke with him was Friday afternoon. He said he's just been busy with his full time work and doing his freelance work. But he said that he rather be spending time with me. Im ok not seeing him for two weeks tho I miss him. What bothers me tho is not hearing from him since Friday night. He does initiate text and when I text he replies quick. Some messages were hinting about getting together saying things like " next time I see you" " Trust me, I rather be with you". But no invitations of getting together. Is he still into me? How do I deal with this? It bugs me cause I can't get him out of my head! I keep myself busy. I cook. I work out. I spend time with family and friends but he still keeps popping in my head. I have a date tonight and he is the one I'm thinking about. Please help. Thanks. so you arent exclusive........ is he also dating others? he sounds busy but he still lets you know he is thinking of you........people get busy.....those simple messages are sweet and thoughtful......i wouldnt think it is a mixed message...i think it is simplistic and sweet....he thinks of you.....do you let him know you are thinking about him before or after you go on a date with someone else...have you asked him specifically to set a date up when he is free..deb
Author Miss1122 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 so you arent exclusive........ is he also dating others? he sounds busy but he still lets you know he is thinking of you........people get busy.....those simple messages are sweet and thoughtful......i wouldnt think it is a mixed message...i think it is simplistic and sweet....he thinks of you.....do you let him know you are thinking about him before or after you go on a date with someone else...have you asked him specifically to set a date up when he is free..deb We aren't exclusive. We talked about it unintentionally. I brought up a different issue and it went to that topic. He said that he likes me but to commit to someone requires more time to get to know each other well. I agree with him. Since that talk, I haven't seen him. We text but that's pretty much it. I'm not sure if he's dating others. He hasn't mentioned anything and he doesn't know I'm dating others. Should I tell him? He said he's just been really busy. I'm not sure if that's just an excuse or he's really busy. But we text when he's at work and he replies quick. One time I told him that I took photo at work with coworkers and he asked me to send it to him. I'm thinking of just dumping him cause I don't like this feeling.
curlygirl40 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 This is the same guy you posted a thread about 10 days ago so obviously this is on your mind a lot. Can't blame you, you want to know where you stand. It's always been my opinion that if after 3 months you're not in an exclusive relationship, then you probably won't be. This is not ALWAYS the case, of course, but typically. Chances are very good he's dating other people and doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. You have to decide what you want out of this and act accordingly. You can give him a few more weeks and then bring the subject up to him, but I'm willing to bet that is not what he wants (a relationship with you) or you would know that by now. Guys that want to be in a relationship will usually act that way, start progressing the relationship forward, will ask you if you're dating anyone else, will tell you they want you to be their girlfriend. Not immediately, but it will progress to that point. Seems like that's not happening here. It's still a little early, chances are that he's still not sure what he wants and he needs more time. But my money is on no. You should have a talk with him before you get more invested. From this thread and the other thread, it sounds like you're crazy about this guy but you're not getting what you're looking for from him. That's too bad but there's nothing you can do about it. You can't change him and where he's at. It could be a very simple conversation. "I'm looking for something that will eventually grow into a committed relationship and it doesn't seem we want the same things. I really like you and I've enjoyed my time with you but I need to move on to find what I'm looking for. Good luck to you'. It doesn't make you look needy, it's just a simple statement. If for some reason you're reading him wrong and he does want a relationship with you, you'll know by his reaction. Best of luck 1
othersideofthepillow Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 (edited) So your gonna dump him cause you don't like this "feeling"? Maybe he is wanting you to pursue him so he knows your interested in him. Don't EVER say that you are dating others either. IF you are that's YOUR business and will not be a good feeling for either person if you just throw it out there just because. He may just be BUSY and that's all - people can do that from time to time. Call him - dont text - and just say hi and that you were thinking of him too! So much is lost with just texting people these days. You can tell a lot from someone when you talk to them over the phone (in person is always best tho). Just give it more time cause breaking up just because you don't like this feeling isn't a very sound decision...and BTW guys that AREN'T into a girl usually do not send the things that you have been getting either. I'd love to hear your advice on my situation too: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/392846-should-i-just-patient Edited May 12, 2013 by othersideofthepillow 1
SorayaM Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 seems you and i are in the same boat my dear. i don't get the "sometimey" attitude...i don't understand how being straightforward is so hard for some folks. *sighs*
bob the brave Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 that's only 2 says and he said he was busy. sounds legit to me. Just relax and wait for the date. 1
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 This is the same guy you posted a thread about 10 days ago so obviously this is on your mind a lot. Can't blame you, you want to know where you stand. It's always been my opinion that if after 3 months you're not in an exclusive relationship, then you probably won't be. This is not ALWAYS the case, of course, but typically. Chances are very good he's dating other people and doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. You have to decide what you want out of this and act accordingly. You can give him a few more weeks and then bring the subject up to him, but I'm willing to bet that is not what he wants (a relationship with you) or you would know that by now. Guys that want to be in a relationship will usually act that way, start progressing the relationship forward, will ask you if you're dating anyone else, will tell you they want you to be their girlfriend. Not immediately, but it will progress to that point. Seems like that's not happening here. It's still a little early, chances are that he's still not sure what he wants and he needs more time. But my money is on no. You should have a talk with him before you get more invested. From this thread and the other thread, it sounds like you're crazy about this guy but you're not getting what you're looking for from him. That's too bad but there's nothing you can do about it. You can't change him and where he's at. It could be a very simple conversation. "I'm looking for something that will eventually grow into a committed relationship and it doesn't seem we want the same things. I really like you and I've enjoyed my time with you but I need to move on to find what I'm looking for. Good luck to you'. It doesn't make you look needy, it's just a simple statement. If for some reason you're reading him wrong and he does want a relationship with you, you'll know by his reaction. Best of luck Honestly, I wasn't into him when we started dating but his personality got me. I didn't find him physically attractive but I could tell he has a kind heart so I gave it a try. I think when you like someone base on their character, that feeling could be really deep. It was progressing until I brought up that "topic" about him just getting out of a one year relationship. We even went to a "mini" getaway where we spent alot of time together. We had so much fun and when we parted ways we talked about seeing each other again. So everything was fine until that day of the talk. I have no patient and I act on impulse sometimes which gets me in relationship troubles often. I'm trying to just chill, relax and clear my mind so I can think better and not make the wrong move again. All other feedbacks and advices are appreciated.
snowflakes88 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I think you got great advice in your other thread. If he were significantly interested in you, I think he would make more time for you. If you're cool seeing someone 2-3 times a month, knock yourself out. I wouldn't be.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I think you got great advice in your other thread. If he were significantly interested in you, I think he would make more time for you. If you're cool seeing someone 2-3 times a month, knock yourself out. I wouldn't be. I'm just really confused. He gives me this idea that he's interested. We talked about photos the other day. I randomly told him that I was asked to pose as a model before but I refused to do it. I said, I rather pose for one special person. Then he goes, " I like that. Personal model. I will bring my camera next time". He also says things like, " Trust me, I rather be with you right now". Why not just say " I'm working" and that's it don't add more stuff to it if he's not interested. It was partially my fault. When we started dating, he was inviting me out more often even just to see him for lunch but I kept saying I couldn't then he stopped asking me to have lunch with him. It was because I wasn't into him before. 1
BluEyeL Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Honey, it doesn't matter what he's saying at all, but what he is doing. 5
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Honey, it doesn't matter what he's saying at all, but what he is doing. Your right. If he doesn't make plans to see each other for this week, I will dump him or should I give him a few more weeks. Two months and five dates seems not enough time to dump someone?
BluEyeL Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Your right. If he doesn't make plans to see each other for this week, I will dump him or should I give him a few more weeks. Two months and five dates seems not enough time to dump someone? If he skips weeks without a valid reason (i.e. out of town, in the hospital), you should dump him, he's not into you. A man who is into you, can't help but want to see you as often as possible and will make damn sure that he sees you. But it's really up to you. 3
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 We aren't exclusive. We talked about it unintentionally. I brought up a different issue and it went to that topic. He said that he likes me but to commit to someone requires more time to get to know each other well. I agree with him. Since that talk, I haven't seen him. We text but that's pretty much it. You had this talk and he hasn't seen you since? Not a coincidence, I'm afraid. 1
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 You had this talk and he hasn't seen you since? Not a coincidence, I'm afraid. Yes, he said he's busy with his full time work because he's working on a big project and he's also working on some freelance jobs but he said he's rather be spending time with me. Maybe he's thinking or need some time to be away from me to sort his feelings. I'm really not sure what's on his mind.
curlygirl40 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 You keep using the words 'I should dump him' when I'm afraid he's the one who already made that decision. There's really nothing you need to do here. Just stop contacting him and move on. I know it's confusing. For me these used to be the confusing parts. Where I could take all of the pieces of the puzzle (he treats me well, he says this and that) and it wouldn't add up to a picture that made any sense to me. And as much as it hurts, he's told you all you need to know by his actions. It doesn't matter that he says this and he says that. Why, why, why? Who knows? Men can be confusing. All you need to know, you already know you just don't want to admit it. If he's still in touch with you at this point, it's because he's stringing you along incase he changes his mind or incase he thinks he might be able to sleep with you. You deserve better. Moving along.... 2
curlygirl40 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Yes, he said he's busy with his full time work because he's working on a big project and he's also working on some freelance jobs but he said he's rather be spending time with me. Maybe he's thinking or need some time to be away from me to sort his feelings. I'm really not sure what's on his mind. He's busy is usually code for 'sorry, I'm just not that into you' Him using the words 'I'd rather be spending time with you' is his way of keeping you on a string incase he changes his mind. If he meant it, then he'd be spending time with you. This is really more simple than you think. Sorry to say. 3
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 He's busy is usually code for 'sorry, I'm just not that into you' Him using the words 'I'd rather be spending time with you' is his way of keeping you on a string incase he changes his mind. If he meant it, then he'd be spending time with you. This is really more simple than you think. Sorry to say. This, precisely. OP, think of a time when you're busy... You still find the time, if you're really into the person. If you're not, if you're meh, ... you drop lines like the one this guy gave you. 2
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I checked his online profile just now. When we started dating, he hid it and now it was turned back on. I've never hidden mine. I guess he just started looking again. Should I send him a text today saying I wish him luck something like that so I know what's on his mind?
Minneloa Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I checked his online profile just now. When we started dating, he hid it and now it was turned back on. I've never hidden mine. I guess he just started looking again. Should I send him a text today saying I wish him luck something like that so I know what's on his mind? I second Curlygirl: no need for further contact. You know what you need to know. Walk away with your head held high. 4
BluEyeL Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Don't send any text. Just be silent, what's the point? 1
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I think I scared him away. Honestly, he was so into me. But since I brought up that topic, he became distant. I shouldn't have brought it up.
BluEyeL Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Be silent and if he is really into you, he'll be back. You cannot "scare him away" with that question if he likes you enough, or how much you should be liked. 1
curlygirl40 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Be silent and if he is really into you, he'll be back. You cannot "scare him away" with that question if he likes you enough, or how much you should be liked. Exactly. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of any further contact. Keep your dignity girl!!! You can't scare away a relationship minded guy with a relationship question. Don't beat yourself up over asking him that thinking that's what ruined this for you. It's better you know now. I'm sorry this didn't work out the way you wanted it to. I wouldn't contact him again and actually I would ignore any future contact from him. He's a coward if he couldn't even have a simple conversation with you before he moved on himself. 4
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Be silent and if he is really into you, he'll be back. You cannot "scare him away" with that question if he likes you enough, or how much you should be liked. Thank you very much for all the help. I'm not gonna contact him tho its hard. I'm just gonna suck it up and learn from it. There are plenty of guys out there who isn't scared to commit and I will eventually meet one. The only hard part of letting him go is he was a guy who treated me so well and special. Oh well, I guess he's not that different from other guys.
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