wisernow Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 Of course you are baffled. For you it feels completely normal to want to be loved. But, there is a difference between wanting to be loved and falling in love without that "want". Folks that have that "want to be loved" do stupid things. Like waiting for a cheating philandering man to leave his marriage. That has go to be a huge "want to be loved". I can't tell if you're putting me down with your comments, but I'll take the high road and believe you aren't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 For me, it was a work relationship/friendship that very slowly took a turn. I had a million signs, and opportunities to stop it from happening. We didn't kiss for weeks after the flirting stopped becoming innocent, and we didn't do anything else for many months after that. I figured if I didn't give him what he wanted (sex) he'd move on. I was wrong, and eventually gave into temptation. As for a why, I have no idea. There's something wrong with me... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 (edited) Of course you are baffled. For you it feels completely normal to want to be loved. But, there is a difference between wanting to be loved and falling in love without that "want". Folks that have that "want to be loved" do stupid things. Like waiting for a cheating philandering man to leave his marriage. That has go to be a huge "want to be loved". I get what Pierre is saying. Maybe he's just not explaining it well. I think there is a difference between the normal human desire to be loved and more of this pathological need to be inlove/loved that can sometimes develop in people. The latter, as with any normal desire that goes awry, becomes a problem, because in an attempt to get this people will settle for anything and try to receive it from anyone. Discrimination and boundaries go out the window when one pathologically wants love, whereas if your desire is at a normal level, you can still maintain a sense of standards and reasonable boundaries because you're not that desperate to be loved. You can wait for the right circumstances/right persons or walk away easier from situations which don't benefit you. Love addicts, for example, like sex addicts, are people whose normal human desire for love and sex are at a pathological level, where their desire for these things and what they are willing to risk for them are beyond average and often the proof is that they end up in some pretty toxic situations as a result. Edited May 13, 2013 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I am asking this with all sincerity and I genuinely want to understand. So, please bear with me and share honestly. Why would you get involved with someone who is otherwise committed? It boils down to: Because the people you would be getting involved with have/provide/are something that the other person wants or needs. Sometimes it's an insecurity thing. Sometimes it's being unfulfilled. Sometimes it's being bored. People see it as worth the risk depending on the reward. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 It all depends on whether you're getting what you need. If you are, enjoy it, and there is no need to explain. Those who care about you won't need the explanation, and those who don't wont understand it. If you're not, then it doesn't matter what label you attach to the R, it's not the right R for you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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