Did I sexually abuse her?

[intercooler]

Hey everyone, I've been feeling really guilty for acts I committed from the ages of 9-12

 

 

I use to go down with my mom to a family friends house and whenever I was there I would wrestle with their son and daughter, Girl age 6 and age 4 Boy

at the time I was age 9. I use to wrestle with the boy and daughter but sometimes whenever the boy wasn't around and I was just wrestling with the girl I would "dry hump" her both always fully clothed except one time she was wearing underwear.

 

I did NOT ever grope her or anything just dry humped her because it felt good I never tried to penetrate her or anything get her to touch my genitals I just dry humped her while wrestling at a few seconds at a time.

 

 

this has been truly stressing me out, I don't know what to do I've apologized to her saying that I'm truly sorry for beating her up/wrestling with her I didn't know what I was doing and I'm truly sorry. She said it's okay but for some reason I keep getting constant thoughts that it's not.

 

 

Insight please!

[will1988]

Personally, I don't know. I've never been in that sort of situation. On one hand you kind of molested an underage person, although you were still a child yourself... in that case it is wrong. However, on the other hand you have apologized and you did not take it any further than dry humping, and you were pre-pubescent yourself, so could not have known the context of what you were doing. If it is truly bothering you, apologize some more and talk with a shrink and get it off your chest.

[CarrieT]

I believe what you did was pre-adolescent, sexual exploration. Your mind was not nearly developed enough to know what you were doing and I wouldn't stress so much about these things.

 

 

Most of us have done these types of things and it is only when we become adults that we sexualize our behaviour. As children, we are just beginning to come to terms with sexual feelings and we often act out what feels good without understanding what we are doing. That is all you did and there is NOTHING to be ashamed of.

 

I wouldn't say anything at all and stop worrying about. You are not an abuser or sexual predator. You were a child.

[M30USA]

Hey everyone, I've been feeling really guilty for acts I committed from the ages of 9-12

 

 

I use to go down with my mom to a family friends house and whenever I was there I would wrestle with their son and daughter, Girl age 6 and age 4 Boy

at the time I was age 9. I use to wrestle with the boy and daughter but sometimes whenever the boy wasn't around and I was just wrestling with the girl I would "dry hump" her both always fully clothed except one time she was wearing underwear.

 

I did NOT ever grope her or anything just dry humped her because it felt good I never tried to penetrate her or anything get her to touch my genitals I just dry humped her while wrestling at a few seconds at a time.

 

 

this has been truly stressing me out, I don't know what to do I've apologized to her saying that I'm truly sorry for beating her up/wrestling with her I didn't know what I was doing and I'm truly sorry. She said it's okay but for some reason I keep getting constant thoughts that it's not.

 

 

Insight please!

 

Watch what you write on forums. If there is ever a situation where someone accuses you, law enforcement can trace everything you write here.

 

I don't believe you've done anything wrong, but all it takes is one false accuser who wants to get you in trouble and your every word will get distorted and used against you.

 

Look at Travis Alexander. The guy made a few sexually explicit texts to his girlfriend and now--in the grave--he's being called a pediphile and sexual deviant.

Edited May 6, 2013 by M30USA

[intercooler]

Something that stresses me out a ton is that I did know what I was doing because I felt embarrassed if someone were to find out, but I don't think I realized the full extent to it. Also the age difference is something that makes me shameful because I've read that normal child exploration is usually a 2 year gap max but mine was 4-5

[CarrieT]

Also the age difference is something that makes me shameful because I've read that normal child exploration is usually a 2 year gap max but mine was 4-5

 

Seriously - find a licensed, professional therapist who is well-trained in this dynamic and don't try to "diagnose" yourself from what you read on the 'net.

 

Everyone develops and matures at different rates and by trying assuage your guilt from what you read is "normal" could be far more debilitating.

 

I have friends who are PhD's in sexology and can assure you that what you did is extremely normal. But if you are stressing about it, you should see a professional.

[M30USA]

Something that stresses me out a ton is that I did know what I was doing because I felt embarrassed if someone were to find out, but I don't think I realized the full extent to it. Also the age difference is something that makes me shameful because I've read that normal child exploration is usually a 2 year gap max but mine was 4-5

 

I understand what you're saying. But you should be cautious about saying these things in a society which is focused on the crime of sexual offenses. Any suspicion among innocent people can drag them through the coals.

[intercooler]

thank you all for the replies they truly mean so much, this happened about 5 years ago now and it's strange that its' resurfacing now. I truly do thank you all for the advice and I will just interpret this as normal childhood sexual expermintation

[Seductive]

From what I recall, it's sexual abuse only if you are 5 years older than the child (if it's both minors involved). If you were 9 and she was 6, it wouldn't count as sexual abuse.

 

A classic sexual abuser doesn't have any remorse, and you do. My gut feeling is that this was typical child sex play.

[M30USA]

From what I recall, it's sexual abuse only if you are 5 years older than the child (if it's both minors involved). If you were 9 and she was 6, it wouldn't count as sexual abuse.

 

A classic sexual abuser doesn't have any remorse, and you do. My gut feeling is that this was typical child sex play.

 

Yes, lots of things are acceptable when you're a child that aren't accrptable as an adult. Examples include hitting someone (physical aggression) and sexual identity/experimentation. The idea is that you grow out of these. If someone does not grow out of being physically aggressive, it becomes illegal as an adult. Same thing applies to age-innocent sexual flirting/advances.

Edited May 12, 2013 by M30USA

[Feelin Frisky]

If you restrained her against her protestations and took sexual satisfaction from what you were doing, you sexually abused her. If there was no protestation, chalk it off to ignorant adolescent horseplay. Either you took liberties she resented and showed you she didn't want and did them anyway or not. At age 9 that should pretty much mark the line if you did not penetrate her or touch her genitalia taking advantage of her innocence. Someone tried to molest me when I was seven years old but I didn't know what sex was. I just realized this 12 year old was trying to put his weenie in my hiney and I knew that was wrong and broke free and told the camp councilor in those words. I wasn't being powerfully restrained but there was a third party in collusion asserting "friendly force" on my upper body. I thwarted the attempt because anything involving someone's pee pee was wrong and bad according to my mom. Happy mother's day mom.