Ex wanted a break, then came back

[Kristopher1]

Hi all,

 

So a little while back I spoke of my ex and how she needed a break! I took Tara's advice of NC, eventually she came back to me but I still wasn't happy with her method of dealing with our problems!

 

For those who don't know, I've known this girl for around 10 years, love her deeply and I know she has the same feelings for me.

 

We had our problems again for the past several few weeks, and I decided to ask her whether or not it would be a good idea to just break up with each other. She said it would be a great shame to do so, and that the best thing to do would to start over, and put all our problems behind us.

 

Now what happened next was just....wtf?

 

I started texting her just so that we can start discussing starting over, however she starts responding with one word answers, then after a while she says that I'm exhausting her?!

 

She said I'm driving her crazy and says lets not be together then! I call her up, ask what went wrong, this morning you say you want this to work out more than anything, now your saying you want this to end? She responds saying Yes I want this to end.

 

I leave her alone for a few hours, call her up once more to see if she's cooled off, and I realize that she's out somewhere, and all I hear is sounds of guys around her talking. This is where I became stupidly insecure, and started saying stupid things like "it didn't take you long to get over our relationship to go out seeing other guys" and "What's next in order, a party celebration with your boyfriends?" Stupid, childish things like that.

 

Of course I can't prove that's what she was doing, therefore I shouldn't have said it.

 

Anyway later that night I call her once more, and she immediately without any hesitation (which was odd coming from her) asked me not to call her again. She said she wants to end it with me completely and that she's now certain she's made the right choice of doing so.

 

So there I go, completely heart f***ed. I told her she's making a mistake, why must she end a relationship over an argument or things that were stupidly said! She said she with her family were out, and the noises I heard were just random people beside her on the street which I really don't believe. She didn't really say anything after that, I wished her the best in life and said goodbye. Usually it would take her no more than a millisecond to go offline, but it took her a good few minutes, perhaps absorbing what just happened? Also I must mention she said that she broke up with me earlier on in the day apparently because I kept nagging her that we should break up (which isn't true) so she said she was just doing me a favor! wtf?

 

 

 

Finally, the next day I sent her 3-4 text messages (basically learning from my last mistake of constantly messaging her after a BU) just to tell her that she's making a mistake, fights happen all the time and that things don't have to end like this, but I accept her decision. She didn't respond.

 

I've now been NC for three days and It sucks. She seriously has issues, however I'm still not ready to lose her, I think it's just because we are distant from each other we have these problems. I love her and miss her.

 

I intend to not break NC. I'll be getting on with my life but I'm just really down to be honest.

 

Is it possible for a girl to become so angry and just end a relationship based on her anger, then realize she made a mistake and come back again?

 

Any thoughts?

 

By the way credits to all who managed to sit down and read this long, boring, perhaps childish relationship trying to work out.

Edited May 4, 2013 by Kristopher1

[Kristopher1]

Any input guys?

 

I just want to know how common it is for a girl who apparently loves someone to get all angry, end the relationship then realizing later it was a mistake?

[Kristopher1]

nobody ?

[Phoebe]

It's time to leave this girl in the past. Why do you keep telling her that she made a mistake in breaking up with you? I personally would find that very annoying. Just because you still want to be in a relationship doesn't mean that she's wrong in breaking up with you.

 

Work on your insecurities, live life, move on.

[Chi townD]

Women are the most stubborn creatures on the planet. Once a girl makes up her mind about something. No act of God, act of Congress...NOTHING is going to change their mind. Because, if they do, then they would be admitting that they were wrong. And a woman is NEVER wrong. They may be mistaken, but NEVER wrong.

 

 

Time to move on, dude.

[flight E]

hope u still check your thread. yes you messed up but ironically you can get her back. the irony I am talking about is that to get her back you have to move on. Women have a way of sensing this thin they know when you have moved on from and that is the only time that attraction can arise again. I have had a girl that didn't want to go out with me be me to date her because she knew I didn't want her anymore. this is the best get your ex back advise. interestingly when you move on hyou may not want her back

[Kristopher1]

I said that she's made a mistake because quite honestly she has. I don't understand the need to resort to ending a relationship when one person disagrees with another. It's not as if I've cheated on her that her only ultimatum is to end the relationship. It's like you can't argue with her at all.

 

I know deep down she just needs some time, she obviously wasn't happy with me accusing her and it made things worse, but because I know her very well, and I know how she feels about me, I'm finding it very difficult to accept that she meant what she said.

 

I have left her alone as I've said, I don't intend on breaking NC even though I want nothing more than to make things right, but that appears to be the wrong thing to do.

 

I've already started living my life again without her, I'm just saying that I won't be able to let this go anytime soon. Am I right to assume that since she was the one who ended it with me, she should be the one reaching out to me (if she does)?

 

By me contacting her in say two - three weeks, will this just cause problems?

 

Thanks for investing your time guys, I really appreciate it because I am just...sad atm.

 

Cheers

Edited May 4, 2013 by Kristopher1

[TaraMaiden]

Hi, Kris....

 

Thanks for calling....

 

 

I suggest you read this thread, and take careful, particular notice of the advice given.

 

It's faultless.

It contains the best advice you'll ever receive.

 

I bet you wish I'd pointed it out sooner.....

[Kristopher1]

I knew you would come and bite me in the ass!

 

How are you Tara?

[TaraMaiden]

I'm doing very well, thank you for asking....

 

And you will do better too - providing you follow the counsel you've received - not only from me, but from others too...

 

Texting 4 times in one day, was still too much.

 

That honestly simply makes you look weak, and clingy.

 

Acceptance here, is the key.

You have to suck it up and face it:

 

It's over.

 

Oh, she will be up to her old tricks again, before long...

 

No doubt, as you go quiet, she will eventually get the itch to contact you, and have you scratch it.

 

She did it before, she will do it again.

 

THAT - is when you will need our support, to underpin your will-power.

Before doing anything - before even thinking of replying - come back here, and tell us.

We'll be sure to advise you what to do.

 

But, really, you know precisely what that will be - don't you....?

 

[Kristopher1]

I'm doing very well, thank you for asking....

 

And you will do better too - providing you follow the counsel you've received - not only from me, but from others too...

 

Texting 4 times in one day, was still too much.

 

That honestly simply makes you look weak, and clingy.

 

Acceptance here, is the key.

You have to suck it up and face it:

 

It's over.

 

Oh, she will be up to her old tricks again, before long...

 

No doubt, as you go quiet, she will eventually get the itch to contact you, and have you scratch it.

 

She did it before, she will do it again.

 

THAT - is when you will need our support, to underpin your will-power.

Before doing anything - before even thinking of replying - come back here, and tell us.

We'll be sure to advise you what to do.

 

But, really, you know precisely what that will be - don't you....?

 

 

I hear you, I understand you, but it's really difficult for me to just accept that it's over you know? I don't believe it is..I don't believe she knows it to be over despite her ending it..it's all so childish it's unbelievable. ..are you saying there is no room for apologies, for learning from past mistakes, thereby making the relationship stronger having understood these issues?

 

Of course I'll come back here and ask for your advise, I appreciate it every time!

[TaraMaiden]

I hear you, I understand you, but it's really difficult for me to just accept that it's over you know?

 

Yes. Join everyone who's ever been through a break-up.....

 

I don't believe it is..I don't believe she knows it to be over despite her ending it..it's all so childish it's unbelievable. ..

 

Her being childish is bad enough. There's no need to join her in the insanity.

 

are you saying there is no room for apologies, for learning from past mistakes, thereby making the relationship stronger having understood these issues?

There IS no relationship.

This is one-sided.

It's you fawning like a love-sick puppy at the feet of someone who just likes her Ego being stroked.

 

What is there to learn?

And who should apologise?

Her?

You honestly think that's going to happen?

Take those rose-tinted spectacles off.

This is dead in the water....

 

It was dead the last time.

But you kept trying fruitlessly to breathe life into it.

Quit with the CPR.

It hasn't even got a heart....

 

 

Of course I'll come back here and ask for your advise, I appreciate it every time!

It's not asking for advice that worries me.

It's your lack of propensity for taking it - that worries me.

 

You didn't take it last time - did you?

Why should I believe you'll take it this time?

[Kristopher1]

Her being childish is bad enough. There's no need to join her in the insanity.

 

There IS no relationship.

This is one-sided.

It's you fawning like a love-sick puppy at the feet of someone who just likes her Ego being stroked.

 

What is there to learn?

And who should apologise?

Her?

You honestly think that's going to happen?

Take those rose-tinted spectacles off.

This is dead in the water....

 

It was dead the last time.

But you kept trying fruitlessly to breathe life into it.

Quit with the CPR.

It hasn't even got a heart....

 

 

It's not asking for advice that worries me.

It's your lack of propensity for taking it - that worries me.

 

You didn't take it last time - did you?

Why should I believe you'll take it this time?

 

Last time I was pretty much doing my own thing, I would be texting her non stop. I just wanted her back...

 

This time, I want her back although I won't go through the same process again..I can't chase her this time. If there is still a future with her, I would like to follow the correct steps, so I will definitely seek advice from yourself and others on this forum.

[TaraMaiden]

[Kristopher1]

Day 4 of NC, feeling good.

[TaraMaiden]

Change your avatar, monkey.

Make it happy....

That poor chimp is just depressing....

[zendon73]

Day 4 of NC, feeling good.

 

Good for you!! I wish I could be so strong!

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/388794-4-years-down-drain#post4829959

[TaraMaiden]

Quit threadjacking.

 

Drawing attention to yourself is typical 'victim' behaviour.

Please don't succumb to that.....

 

It's painful to watch and folks get tired of it.

You have to man up and quit looking back.

'Back' is over. You have a whole lot of 'ahead' in front of you.....

[zendon73]

Quit threadjacking.

 

Drawing attention to yourself is typical 'victim' behaviour.

Please don't succumb to that.....

 

It's painful to watch and folks get tired of it.

You have to man up and quit looking back.

'Back' is over. You have a whole lot of 'ahead' in front of you.....

 

That wasn't my intention as I am just looking for some more advice but I will delete the post if that is what you think.

[TaraMaiden]

That wasn't my intention as I am just looking for some more advice but I will delete the post if that is what you think.

 

 

THis I gotta see.....

 

 

Can't be done, darling....

 

Once someone posts after you, it's set in stone.

[TaraMaiden]

The problem with doing that is that it sends out a message:

 

It looks as if it's one-upmanship - my story is just as bad as/worse than yours....

 

You draw attention to yourself, and divert from the thread you post in..

 

I'm not having a go - I'm just trying to explain the perception it creates...

 

Sometimes, a simple - "I completely understand where you're coming from, and I'd value your input to my situation" will be sufficient....

 

But thread-linking is just a cry for help - and it does make you look 'needy and desperate'.

 

I think you are made of sterner stuff than that.

 

Or maybe, if I can piss you off enough, you'll get suffciently mad to get a grip and come out of your corner fighting.....

[bluecrabroll]

T-maiden (If I may call you that, I dunno why but it sticks with me =D) shows tough love and will beat the reality into you. She should have her own show on E! for rehabilitating us dumpees like the guy who treats alcoholics. :laugh:

 

Just threadjacked because of the nickname. Hee Hee.

[Kristopher1]

Started thinking of her again...sigh.

 

Going for a run.

[MYCluciferase]

OP

 

"I just want to know how common it is for a girl who apparently loves someone to get all angry, end the relationship then realizing later it was a mistake?"

 

- Well, I hate to be cynical, but the only time that happened to me was a girlfriend who I'd been with for three or four years, who had met someone else, secretly dated him, slept with him a few times, then dumped me. Couple of weeks later she decided the guy wasn't going to work out, so finished with him and came back to me with sweet words... 'Course it was only when we finally split later that she told me all about this and called me 'gullible'.

 

But I'm liking TaraM's words of tough love, and yeah she should have her own show...

[Kristopher1]

OP

 

"I just want to know how common it is for a girl who apparently loves someone to get all angry, end the relationship then realizing later it was a mistake?"

 

- Well, I hate to be cynical, but the only time that happened to me was a girlfriend who I'd been with for three or four years, who had met someone else, secretly dated him, slept with him a few times, then dumped me. Couple of weeks later she decided the guy wasn't going to work out, so finished with him and came back to me with sweet words... 'Course it was only when we finally split later that she told me all about this and called me 'gullible'.

 

But I'm liking TaraM's words of tough love, and yeah she should have her own show...

 

Sigh...sorry to hear that man...that's rough..

 

My Ex was talking to me that very morning trying to sort our problems out, telling me how it's such a shame to throw away our relationship and we should try harder for one another, so it's odd for her to end it the way she did, but she did so in the "heat of the moment", and it really was because emotions were flying everywhere, I have never seen her so angry at me..although she did cool down a bit at the end, but just didn't care for what I had to say anymore.

 

It is quite possible my ex has someone else, would explain quite a few things, but she used my accusations as a reason to end the relationship with me, and she said that I should take this as an experience for my next relationship lol.

 

I don't know man, whatever

Edited May 6, 2013 by Kristopher1