armybrat Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I've been seeing a guy for 6 months and things are great. He'll be turning 22 next month. He broke down over the weekend and told me that his father had sexually molested him from about age 5 until age 16. I'm totally torn up. Any advice that can be provided for support that I can give him will be appreciated. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 First off, don't initiate conversations about it. Let him be the one to say let's talk about it. Second, avoid his father as much as you can. Your boyfriends manhood has been stripped from him. Whatever you do don't add to that. Remind him as much as possible that he's ALL man. He's going to need more affirmation than the un abused. Another thing, and I don't mean to be too graphic, but when having sex, avoid getting too close to his back side.....I mean, the exit, not his butt. Last but not least. Be his crutch. He's going to be reminded from time to time, whether a conversation, a tv show or even dreams. He's trusted you with this information so that you can help him through this. There will always be traces in his mind and he really needs an understanding soul. Just be there for him. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Be there for him, listen to him, support him. I agree with moose, don't initiate conversations about this. Don't make him feel like a weirdo or an outcast. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 be supportive of him, encourage him to seek counseling if he brings it up, but most of all, let your BF know that he is in no way to blame for what happened. Much of the time, the abuser betrays his victim's trust, then turns around and places the blame on the victim. And that victim starts believing that if he or she hadn't have done this or said that, the abuse wouldn't have happened. your BF's dad is a very sick man and your guy needs to understand that the sickness is strictly his dad's, not his. my heart goes out to you two as you deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Originally posted by quankanne [color=red]be supportive of him, encourage him to seek counseling if he brings it up[/color], but most of all, let your BF know that he is in no way to blame for what happened. Much of the time, the abuser betrays his victim's trust, then turns around and places the blame on the victim. And that victim starts believing that if he or she hadn't have done this or said that, the abuse wouldn't have happened. your BF's dad is a very sick man and your guy needs to understand that the sickness is strictly his dad's, not his. my heart goes out to you two as you deal with this. I agree with you on this one. Counseling is best too Link to post Share on other sites
Author armybrat Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 We talked more about this last night. He was the one that brought it up. With the length of his abuse and it's start at such an early age, I feel like the impact has got to be immense. I'm feeling like this is the beginning of a long road. The shock is wearing off somewhat and extreme sadness that I've been feeling is beginning to go away. I find myself looking at him and feeling this huge sense of pain at what's been done to him. I was in CostCo at lunch and saw this cute little boy who was probably around his age when it all started and just thought to myself, how in the world can someone do such a horrid thing to such an innocent young life. Thanks for the helpful advice. Sorry for the stream of conciousness post. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I'm glad he's got you to confide in, because that's the first step toward healing. Stay strong; you both will get through this ... Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 What horrible thing for someone to do to their kid! That's really the worst thing you can ever do to your kid. People who molest children should get the chair! I don't care who disagrees with me on this, having sexual relations with a kid is wrong! To be honest, it doesn't seem very common for a male child to get molested by the father, but it happens. Is his father still in the picture? Be there for him. He will go through a lot and his pain unfortunetly will never go away, but he will learn to cope with this one way or another. I'm sor sorry to hear this. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts