geegirl Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 DONT SHOVE ADVICE DOWN PEOPLE's EARS! . No one is shoving anything down his ears. Infact I wished him well when I realized he was better off doing what he needs to do. This is LS. It's a site where people come for advice. And advice is what you get. There is no set standard as to what you get, how you get and in what form you get it. You take what you want, you ditch the rest. You open yourself up to everything and anything when you post on a public forum. No one has the right or best approach but when it's pretty apparent, and with a little common sense, you see someone heading down an unrealisic path, it's best to point out the obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infnitysign Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Advice is advice only if you use it. I'm happy that you shared your opinions and all. I do see everyone's point in their posts, but sometimes everyone heart break and hurt is different and this is how I'm going to do even if it is obvious to other people that it is an unrealistic path. I'm actually happy and smiling more than ever. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 That's why you have those people on the outside looking in, that are not emotionally clouded to try and help those that can't see past their hurt. Yes, common sense is on vacation because you can't see through your emotions but not for those people that offer advice that see what you can't see, right infront of you. Yes, he alone is a master of his path. He is free to walk that path. It doesn't hurt to let him know that the path may not be good for him, but if he still chooses to do so, then it is his choice. And I did that and wished him well when I realized he wasn't open to at least reflecting on what people were saying. I'm not sure why you're so up in arms about my tone but that's your issue. It's not changing how I present and deliver. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 After reading your post I was so stoked and excited for you... That was up until I read your posts about how you are having sex with your ex... Smh. Come on man, she broke your heart and kicked you to the curb like yesterdays garbage. You knew that you didn't deserve that and you put new value on yourself. You changed and here she came running back. This was your chance to show her that she can't have you, that you have moved on. That your better... But instead, you're sleeping with her. Who really has the power here? This is a major set back because if you were really moving on you would save that intimacy for someone who really values you and wouldn't treat you the way she did. If you valued yourself so much you wouldn't sleep with someone who disrespected you so badly. If you really valued yourself, you wouldn't even entertain her. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Hey, this isn't a dating board -- knock it off you two!! LOL, JK! Though so... If I may ask, married? divorced? Recent BU? Me: Together 3 years. Engaged 18 months. Distancing for quite a while. 3 months BU. 1 month NC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Somewhere recently the poster you responded to must have been criticized as this is the second post today (different threads) where he has taken shots at LS in general. I would ignore him or sick Tara on him -- either one! Why would I be jealous about him going back to a narcissistic, manipulative and spiteful person? It's senseless for you to describe that as me being jealous. And no I am not jealous because I am in a relationship with a loving and kind man. I wouldn't have it any other way. No one was bullying him. When I said he sounded jaded, that was because he changed himself to being a cold person 1) because of her 2) because he sees the world as such a bad place due to his hurt. When you've reached a better place, emotionally, things start to get brighter, not bleaker. And when you have the capacity to find your self again through healing, you become yourself again, you don't become your ex. It's not psycho babble. It's the experience of being hurt, pained and dissappointed in life. Lessons learned. We've all be through what he has and he can take the advice or he can leave it. No one is attacking him or putting him down. It may come off as harsh, but certainly not from a place that wants to put him down but more to wake him up. I'm sorry you see everything I say as an attack but I have had many that have PM'd me for help and thanked me for the kick in the butt. So I must be doing something right. If you see me as this vicious, jealous witch, so be it. I will not be engaging you anymore. Good luck on your journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Logan oO Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Heh...your happy now, i've read through this thread, and seen some replies back and forth from people with some good advice being battered by people who have some superiority complex.... Either way, back to you infinity. You think you have power huh....how long do you think it will last....do you have any idea how the opposite sex can manipulate and play with the strings of your heart...yet you 'think' you are in control... There will come a moment where she will realize you are way more into her than you 'say you are' and that is when she will turn the tide again and snap whats left of your heart. You can hide from the truth all you want, whether you are happy and healing or not matters not to me, i do not know you nor will i ever know you. My point is that the age old saying of 'If you play with FIRE, you are gonna get burned' should be taken into consideration. You've gone from Crippled by heartbreak to a Casonova with your ex in a matter of weeks... Well good luck, i don't much care for a response, we'll see you in the funny pages when it all turns to ****e Good Luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Somewhere recently the poster you responded to must have been criticized as this is the second post today (different threads) where he has taken shots at LS in general. I would ignore him or sick Tara on him -- either one! Thanks Am. Yes, I've seen him take shots. This isn't his first with me. He doesn't phase me. Infact I wished that he actually read what was being said and absorbed it in a positive manner rather than feeling that everything is an attack and needing to play on the defense. I can explain a million times why I said OP sounded jaded because of OP's negative view of the world and the fact that he changed into a cold person because of the ex, and Mutant takes that and puts a negative spin on it when it's rather obvious that when you are hurt, everything seems bleak and negative. But Mutant translates that into me saying the OP has to go through more pain to cleanse -- days of the Christ? 1+1 = 3. Link to post Share on other sites
OwlSoul Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 lol. Forum is the last place to come for an advice. We can only judge from what the poster said, nothing more. We do not know the whole picture. If to ask for an advice, better to ask it from someone who knows you and care about you. Just saying 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 the point-wise reply: 1)OP is doing what he can to get over HIS breakup. 2)OP is living it by making his ex beg for it 3)OP likes it, its his life and who cares whom he has sex with, even if its an ex who dumped him but he is winning in his mind so who cares 4)OP didnt ask people to judge him when he posted what he did Yes, we get it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Hey, this isn't a dating board -- knock it off you two!! LOL, JK! HA!!!! Nah, I just relate much more to people near my own age and experience level. Seems so many on here are so young and I just can't get behind what they say/feel. I am just searching for some camaraderie amongst my fellow folks of age Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 HA!!!! Nah, I just relate much more to people near my own age and experience level. Seems so many on here are so young and I just can't get behind what they say/feel. I am just searching for some camaraderie amongst my fellow folks of age True, everything looks and feels much different as you get with age, with the help of many lessons learned from all the whacks behind the head that got you where you are today! Experience is a gift! Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 True, everything looks and feels much different as you get with age, with the help of many lessons learned from all the whacks behind the head that got you where you are today! Experience is a gift! Yeah, but at the same time, I feel like a newbie in these matters. A heartbreak just slams you down in the mud and steps on the back of your head. No amount of experience and previous RS's or BU's seem to make it any easier to understand or deal with. Just plain sucks!!! Last night I was feeling so much better. So much more optimistic and positive. Then today - CRASH, right back down I go!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TearyEyedPride Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Hmm... I loved the path you were on to appreciating and loving yourself. I love the fact that you felt empowered and were healing only for you. However, I get the impression that your sense of truly being elated came from the fact that now your ex-gf is eating out of the palm of your hand. You said yourself that she's a horrible, deplorable woman... yet you're taking pleasure from "training" or having her around to "worship" you. When I was in the anger phase during my break up revenge and anger seemed like what I wanted too, so I can kind of relate to the false happiness, but it is temporary. It's just a phase. Once the anger and need for vengeance subsides... it's just not worth it. Ultimately... I'm hoping you're not letting her become the parasite to your healing and the reason your essence corrupts and begins to rot inside like Dorian Grey. Don't give her that power. You were broken-hearted... you don't have to be cold. It just really takes time to go through this process and come out better than before. And just for the record, generally I love Geegirl's advice. Everyone has a different approach and difference of opinion in every situation. We're all just offering what we think may help. Good luck to you though. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Yeah, but at the same time, I feel like a newbie in these matters. A heartbreak just slams you down in the mud and steps on the back of your head. No amount of experience and previous RS's or BU's seem to make it any easier to understand or deal with. Just plain sucks!!! Last night I was feeling so much better. So much more optimistic and positive. Then today - CRASH, right back down I go!!! It's hard to draw those lines when you're knee deep and all the lessons you've learned go out the window. Those emotions just cloud you. I know it sucks but it's normal to feel good one day and crash the next. Don't use that as an indication that you aren't making progress or that you're just stuck in a rut. Last night you were optimistic and positive. Guess what, there will be more days like that, that will come when you feel that way, but unfortunately you'll get the CRASH as well but as time goes by, CRASH will start to become few and far between as your emotions start to balance out. You'll have to trust and I am sure you know that 6 months from now, it would be highly unrealistic that you'll feel as bad as you do today. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 It's hard to draw those lines when you're knee deep and all the lessons you've learned go out the window. Those emotions just cloud you. I know it sucks but it's normal to feel good one day and crash the next. Don't use that as an indication that you aren't making progress or that you're just stuck in a rut. Last night you were optimistic and positive. Guess what, there will be more days like that, that will come when you feel that way, but unfortunately you'll get the CRASH as well but as time goes by, CRASH will start to become few and far between as your emotions start to balance out. You'll have to trust and I am sure you know that 6 months from now, it would be highly unrealistic that you'll feel as bad as you do today. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh yeah, my brain gets that. No problem there. It's just my heart won't catch up. I know in 6 months, I will be living in a different city, with a different job and a whole new outlook on life. I moved here with (and for) the ex and have absolutely no employment or romantic opportunities. She will be staying, so I will be going But, in the meantime, it can be really, really rough. And, as I mentioned earlier today, my biggest problem for the last week or so has been my own mind. It starts fabricating and filling in gaps. And not with nice, pleasant messages. No. More like horrific, terrible, emotional messages. Absolutely no proof or basis behind them, but they still take their toll Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Maybe people just have a different way of realizing and putting things together and I'm pretty sure I won't be that needy and insecure person anymore this is just to great of an discovery for me and I'm not gonna squander it. So basically..you're taking pleasure from her pain. That's not very nice... Link to post Share on other sites
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