Acceptance.

[singme2sleep]

Well it has happened, I've reached acceptance. I'm not saying that I don't still love my ex, because I do. But I have finally let it sink in that our relationship is OVER. I don't have a particular trigger that did it, mostly I just feel in my gut that he's not coming back. It hurts like hell and that's okay because there will come a day when it doesn't anymore.

 

I just know that I have to start moving forward because I don't like the person I've become. Maybe I'm a fool for hoping he'd come back but now I am looking in the mirror and saying "My life is not some fairy tale. I fell in love with a man who did love me at the time but that wasn't enough. It's not my fault, life just takes over occasionally. Now I must pick up the pieces of my heart and go on with my life."

 

As sad as I am that it didn't work out with him, I feel slightly empowered. I'm in control of ME and eventually I will love again...

 

And it truly is his loss, I'm a great person. I'm attractive, genuine, smart and loyal. He will never find another woman like me, but I will find another man who is mature and knows what he wants!

[Am4Real]

Ditto that here. It must have been this weekend because although it was one of my worse one's yet, it sunk in yesterday and I'm accepting it today.

 

A step forward...

 

 

Well it has happened, I've reached acceptance. I'm not saying that I don't still love my ex, because I do. But I have finally let it sink in that our relationship is OVER. I don't have a particular trigger that did it, mostly I just feel in my gut that he's not coming back. It hurts like hell and that's okay because there will come a day when it doesn't anymore.

 

I just know that I have to start moving forward because I don't like the person I've become. Maybe I'm a fool for hoping he'd come back but now I am looking in the mirror and saying "My life is not some fairy tale. I fell in love with a man who did love me at the time but that wasn't enough. It's not my fault, life just takes over occasionally. Now I must pick up the pieces of my heart and go on with my life."

 

As sad as I am that it didn't work out with him, I feel slightly empowered. I'm in control of ME and eventually I will love again...

 

And it truly is his loss, I'm a great person. I'm attractive, genuine, smart and loyal. He will never find another woman like me, but I will find another man who is mature and knows what he wants!

[singme2sleep]

I'm taking steps forward, deleted his number and all the pics of him from my phone.

[Compromize]

How long did it take you to get there and reach acceptance?

 

I thought I was there a couple different times. Even went on a date. That really put me back, dating someone. I'm sure the right one wouldn't, it just made me miss my ex on a whole different level.

 

I had to communicate with my ex today on a something that she bought from me that is under warranty in my name. It sucked. I don't know if that was breaking NC, it was strictly business but she had the super friendly and an "everything is great and I am so thankful" demeanor that made me almost feel physically ill.

 

I'm taking steps forward, deleted his number and all the pics of him from my phone.

 

I did this too. Got rid of all the cards, letters, memorabilia, even tossed out bedding and sheets that we used together I have a thumb drive with pictures on it that I want to delete but can't bring myself to do it yet.

 

Did you save any pictures of you and the ex together at all? Most of the pictures that I have are of her that I took, a few of us together. Maybe I will just save those away somewhere and jettison the rest.

 

Getting to the point of reaching acceptance means getting rid of everything I think that reminds you of them in any way. I am doing that. The conversation with her today made me realize that she just doesn't care about me at all and why the hell am I wasting my time caring about her and basically still holding this spot for her in reserve. I have also found myself purposefully not doing things out of fear/hope that she will come back some day. I have been holding myself back for no reason.

 

Please tell me what helped you reach this acceptance point? Have you dated anyone?

Edited April 16, 2013 by Compromize

[CompleteFailure]

I've reached this tipping point over the last couple of days. I wrote a goodbye letter and everything and left it for her to find.

 

In my mind I never want to see or talk to her again but I don't think my heart is strong enough to accept it if she calls.

[singme2sleep]

How long did it take you to get there and reach acceptance?

 

I thought I was there a couple different times. Even went on a date. That really put me back, dating someone. I'm sure the right one wouldn't, it just made me miss my ex on a whole different level.

 

I had to communicate with my ex on a something that she bought from me that is under warranty in my name. It sucked. I don't know if that was breaking NC, it was strictly business but she had the super friendly and an "everything is great and I am so thankful" demeanor that made me almost feel physically ill.

 

 

 

I did this too. Got rid of all the cards, letters, memorabilia, even tossed out bedding and sheets that we used together I have a thumb drive with pictures on it that I want to delete but can't bring myself to do it yet.

 

Did you save any pictures of you and the ex together at all? Most of the pictures that I have are of her that I took, a few of us together. Maybe I will just save those away somewhere and jettison the rest.

 

Getting to the point of reaching acceptance means getting rid of everything I think that reminds you of them in any way. I am doing that. The conversation with her today made me realize that she just doesn't care about me at all and why the hell am I wasting my time caring about her and basically still holding this spot for her in reserve. I have also found myself purposefully not doing things out of fear/hope that she will come back some day. I have been holding myself back for no reason.

 

Please tell me what helped you reach this acceptance point? Have you dated anyone?

 

No I haven't dated anyone new yet, but I'm 3 months PBU and today I did a lot of thinking. I've been crying some days, cursing his name on others and just punishing myself thinking that if I had been better somehow, he wouldn't have left. But deep down I know it was his issues and sadly one day he's going to wake up and realize he tossed away a good thing.

 

Yeah I have a few pics saved on my laptop, although he has the majority of them. Been doing just like you, silently holding his place but I'm tired of feeling like his doormat. Who knows, maybe someday I will look at it as he did me a favor by leaving?!

 

Honestly it's a powerful feeling, don't worry...you will get there when you're ready.

 

 

**I don't have any of his things, but I do have a "love letter" he once wrote me when we first started dating. Decided to save it as a momento of the relationship, just am not going to read it again for a long time.**

What was the cause of your breakup?

Edited April 16, 2013 by singme2sleep

[clw]

I admire your strength..My ex left me when i was pregnant and went with me for the abortion (i guess to make sure i went thru with it cos he knew how much i wanted the baby) and after the procedure, he disappeared. The worse is, i am still hoping he will realised what he has done and try to make it up to me..but I know that is never going to happen. I'm so glad I read your post. It will remind me that I will get there one day too.

[Compromize]

I dont want to be her doormat either, I totally understand how you feel. I should not have responded to her today and let her try to fix everything herself. I was always fixing things in her life for her, listening to her giving her what she needed. I just didn't get what I really wanted in return, her. I regret helping her today. It made me hurt. She doesn't deserve my help.

 

I really hope I get to that place, really trying to. I don't like this limbo and I am a naturally happy and optomistic person most of the time. This is the first time in my life I was ever truly, deeply, fully in love. And the first real heartbreak. My story is here:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/377313-moving-staying-acceptance-nc

 

It's a long, drawn-out read but if you do read it, I would welcome your thoughts, criticism, encouragment. I am sick of being broken, I think that is one of the first big steps to true recovery and moving on. You have given me hope, singme2sleep, that I can get over her and love deeply again. With a woman that truly deserves me this time of course

[singme2sleep]

This is the first time in my life I was ever truly, deeply, fully in love. And the first real heartbreak.

 

Same here! But I've been holding onto hope that he'll come back (he said he needed to be on his own in order to get his life on track, and that was a week after saying how much he loved me and that I should never doubt his feelings for me) and I've finally realized that this false hope will only hurt me in the end.

 

I thought my ex was the one, though now I'm starting to think there is no such thing.

 

How old are you, if that's not being nosey?

[singme2sleep]

I admire your strength..My ex left me when i was pregnant and went with me for the abortion (i guess to make sure i went thru with it cos he knew how much i wanted the baby) and after the procedure, he disappeared. The worse is, i am still hoping he will realised what he has done and try to make it up to me..but I know that is never going to happen. I'm so glad I read your post. It will remind me that I will get there one day too.

 

I'm sorry, that's rough. You deserve better than a guy who would do that!

[Compromize]

Same here! But I've been holding onto hope that he'll come back (he said he needed to be on his own in order to get his life on track, and that was a week after saying how much he loved me and that I should never doubt his feelings for me) and I've finally realized that this false hope will only hurt me in the end.

 

I thought my ex was the one, though now I'm starting to think there is no such thing.

 

How old are you, if that's not being nosey?

 

I thought my ex was the one too, hell she told me I was her one. Just goes to show "the one" is really the one that stays and loves you through it all, not just the fair weather times. She had left every relationship she had ever been in, the signs were there.

 

People are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I want a lifetime and she was a season, and a reason. To teach me the lesson of real heartbreak, as I guess I taught my ex-wife that lesson, I had to feel it myself in karma. I was never in love with my ex-wife I am sad to admit but never really knew that until I REALLY fell in love. She is a good person and I care about her though. I don't feel my ex-GF is a good person. Why do I still care though!!!!

 

I am a young 36 (well almost 37) but have always looked young for my age, which I used to hate but now I finally look about 28 - 29 lol.

Edited April 16, 2013 by Compromize

[na49]

I don't think you need to completely not want your ex back to be "healed/healing". I think a little part of us will always want what we once had with them and no amount of NC, the gym, and counseling will change that. The only thing that will change that would be a new person to fill the void that the old person left.

 

So I wouldn't get down on yourself for holding onto "false hope" that he will come back. If he ever wants to come back. He will. Trust me.

 

Also no being hard on yourself about any of this. It's okay to cry. It's okay to miss him. It's not okay to blame yourself. Good job helping yourself by deleting his pictures/phone number. You're moving in the right direction slowly but surely.

[singme2sleep]

Compromize- I read your story, will message you my thoughts tomorrow...gotta get to bed!

 

na49- Thank you and I think you're right, sometimes I just get very tired of feeling sad. They say we can choose how we feel so I'm going to try to choose to start enjoying life again. I doubt that my ex is crying into his pillow at night, therefore neither will I

[Compromize]

I choose to be happy too Maybe we can change things just by dragging ourselves out of the misery that we CHOOSE to be in. Because in the end it really is a choice, even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

I didn't need anyone to validate my meaning and reason for being before, why does being in love with someone and losing them mean that you lose that self worth? It shouldn't.

 

I guess that means that we must fight and struggle to regain that self worth after giving a huge part of ourselves to someone else who didn't cherish it. We must nurture and grow this flower of self worth that wants to blossom and flourish. I choose serenity.

[Pisces13]

Keep your head up singme2sleep You seem like a lovely girl from all your posts I've read, and let me just say that I like reading your posts the most on this forum, possibly because your situation and the way you're dealing with it sounds a lot like mine, but also you just come across as very articulate and having a good head on your shoulders. You seem to have a good understanding of love and life in general.

 

There must've been something about this past weekend lol, because I felt like I had a break through myself as well. I've posted about it a couple of times in other topics already, but I last spoke to my ex on Friday night, woke up Saturday morning feeling sad and depressed, cried for the first time in 3 weeks, then it seemed that after that, something felt different. I just felt like it was time for me to start moving forward.

 

Don't get me wrong, like yourself, I still love my ex and a part of me still hopes that one day things will work out, but I feel different now. I actually feel like going out and socializing now, I find myself thinking about my ex less and less etc. I actually went out on Saturday night and met up with a former female colleague of mine for drinks, and we ended up making out a few times.

 

I think that I've come to accept that my ex might never come back, and you know what, that's OK. I will be OK. My life will go on, I will continue to improve myself, and whether she comes back or not, I will be a better person regardless.

[singme2sleep]

Keep your head up singme2sleep You seem like a lovely girl from all your posts I've read, and let me just say that I like reading your posts the most on this forum, possibly because your situation and the way you're dealing with it sounds a lot like mine, but also you just come across as very articulate and having a good head on your shoulders. You seem to have a good understanding of love and life in general.

 

There must've been something about this past weekend lol, because I felt like I had a break through myself as well. I've posted about it a couple of times in other topics already, but I last spoke to my ex on Friday night, woke up Saturday morning feeling sad and depressed, cried for the first time in 3 weeks, then it seemed that after that, something felt different. I just felt like it was time for me to start moving forward.

 

Don't get me wrong, like yourself, I still love my ex and a part of me still hopes that one day things will work out, but I feel different now. I actually feel like going out and socializing now, I find myself thinking about my ex less and less etc. I actually went out on Saturday night and met up with a former female colleague of mine for drinks, and we ended up making out a few times.

 

I think that I've come to accept that my ex might never come back, and you know what, that's OK. I will be OK. My life will go on, I will continue to improve myself, and whether she comes back or not, I will be a better person regardless.

 

That's a healthy attitude. And thank you for the compliments, I'm not conceited but I do love myself and believe that I deserve somebody great. Starting to worry though that I pick the wrong men lol.