mauserman Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I've posted about this situation before but things have progressed. I'm falling for a girl I work with. She has totally fallen for me as well. The only problem is..she has a boyfriend. I kept my distance when I found out but she came around to me and showed a lot of interest, and we have both admitted now that we are smitten with each other. She was living with him and moved out...but she isn't completely done with him. She won't tell me she's leaving him right away, but says she knows I won't wait forever and that when it's over with him it's over for good. I've seriously texted her and let her know that it's her decision. She's completely fallen for me and wants to kiss me...very bad. I admit I do too..but I've put it off because she's in a relationship. She says it won't mess anything up..and I've told her over and over it will make things complicated. But I'm getting sick of this...I want to hear her say she'll be with me or not. I'm thinking about telling her that if I give you something you want, you need to promise you'll let me know what's going on and reel me in over your boyfriend or release me. I feel like I'm losing her and it's slowly draining me. I want to have an answer, yes or no so I can completely move on. This girl and I really click...I know you'll all say if she's wanting to kiss me while she's with another guy she'll do the same to me if we ever get together..but I don't find her that way. This has been her only relationship, and she is young. I'm willing to risk that.... Should I kiss her?
Poppy fields Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Why would you want to be the rebound for a woman who has only had 1 relationship? Unless you are prepared to be used and dumped, then go for it.
Author mauserman Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 I don't think it would be a rebound. She's told me she doesn't want a rebound relationship, and that she want's something good with me. She is crazy for me. I think she is just afraid of leaving her boyfriend. She's only 19 and he's 27. I think I'm just going to seriously ask her if she'll leave him for me. I know she would be happy with me. She has admitted she's in a bad relationship. She's just a caring girl who is afraid of hurting people, even if they hurt her. The benefit of risking a relationship with her is worth it to me. I'd wonder about it for the rest of my life...we have a ridiculous amount of chemistry.
Poppy fields Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 If you have ridiculous amounts of chemistry and are so sure this is going to work out, why are you asking if you should kiss her?
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Oh jeezuskerristalive, quit this, for heaven's sake!! Don't 'ask' her anything!! TELL her, TELL her, TELL her. UNTIL SUCH A TIME THAT SHE HAS COMPLETELY BROKEN OFF WITH THE OTHER GUY, AND IS NO LONGER WITH HIM, AND DOES NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HIM EVER AGAIN ON ANY LEVEL - then she is to leave - you - well - alone!!! And you want proof of the complete break up. Far, far far too many stories of people apparently breaking up with their ex - but actually continuing to lead what amounts to a 'double life'.
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Sometimes being used isn't a bad thing. Only if you're a shopping cart.
Author mauserman Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 I can't just quit this. You know, I've never been in any situation like this..I've never even really been heartbroken before. That's why I'm at the point to where I don't care, I'll risk it. Everyone has to learn from their own experiences, right? I think it's wise to tell her I want her, give her an innocent kiss, and then tell her I'm backing off to let her decide. If it's meant to be it will happen. Worst thing is she'll string me along but then I'll cut all ties. I'm not stupid enough to be the sideman. That's what is bothering me right now.
soccerrprp Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Frickin' amazing. Some of you guys (and gals) just ruin for the rest of us! Ruin, I say... 1
RedRobin Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Next time you feel the urge to kiss her.... ask yourself, OP... how would you feel if you were in her boyfriend's shoes? ... and she was running around with these feelings for someone else and not telling you? Or giving you a chance to make things better with you before she runs off and 'kisses' someone else. I dunno. You've seen how she treats her current BF. Even if you got the girl... do you want to be treated like he is being treated right now?
Author mauserman Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Next time you feel the urge to kiss her.... ask yourself, OP... how would you feel if you were in her boyfriend's shoes? ... and she was running around with these feelings for someone else and not telling you? Or giving you a chance to make things better with you before she runs off and 'kisses' someone else. I dunno. You've seen how she treats her current BF. Even if you got the girl... do you want to be treated like he is being treated right now? I've honestly thought about it that way. The problem is her boyfriend is a tool. He doesn't care about her, he's gotten her in trouble, and he's physically hurt her before. As her friend I despise him for how he treats her. Ironically everyone I talk to who knows of their relationship says he has no business being with her. He doesn't deserve to have her. That's why I don't think she would treat me the way she is treating her boyfriend right now. I hate to boast but I am a better man than him. I never have and never would treat a woman like he has her.
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I can't just quit this. You know, I've never been in any situation like this..I've never even really been heartbroken before. That's why I'm at the point to where I don't care, I'll risk it. Everyone has to learn from their own experiences, right? I think it's wise to tell her I want her, give her an innocent kiss, and then tell her I'm backing off to let her decide. If it's meant to be it will happen. Worst thing is she'll string me along but then I'll cut all ties. I'm not stupid enough to be the sideman. That's what is bothering me right now. With all due respect, what are you, if not the strung along "sideman?":confused: You've been at this for over three months now. She has been in a relationship the entire time. "Torn" and dying to be with you, but somehow unable to dump this "horrible" boyfriend. How about you? Been in a relationship since December??? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/364116-what-do-i-do Enjoy your continuing education. I hope it proves worth it.
Author mauserman Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Cutiepie, that's why I said that's what is bothering me right now! I am the sideman and I hate it! I want an answer, yes or no. If she can't give it to me I'm gone.
Lani Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Cutiepie, that's why I said that's what is bothering me right now! I am the sideman and I hate it! I want an answer, yes or no. If she can't give it to me I'm gone. Then this is your answer. Tell her this, and actually be gone if she doesn't respond with what you want to hear. You can't kiss her, because then if she does leave her current boyfriend for you, then you'll always be insecure about her kissing someone while she was in a relationship. It's not a good way to start out, it'll give you trust issues.
Giraffe1 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Noooooooooo! Don't. Do. It If y'all click so well and she has fallen for you then I'm assuming she will end things with her bf. In the meantime while she is still with him don't do anything. It's called respect. She knows what to do if she wants to be with you.
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