Eve Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 Is sounding like your husband a bad thing? I will stay away from your thread if you want me to. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Share Posted April 26, 2013 Is sounding like your husband a bad thing? I will stay away from your thread if you want me to. Take care, Eve x No not at all =/ don't stay awayi am sorry Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 You sound like my husband and i know it's just hard he is my baby brother and i basically took care of him growing up. And now he has professionals taking care of him who will give him exactly the treatment he needs right now, so you can sit back and relax a bit, and let them do their thing, ok? Focus on you and your H and baby. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 (edited) No not at all =/ don't stay awayi am sorry Oh ok.. no need to apologise. I just know that I can be intense and I am checking myself to make sure I remain relevant to you. All that matters to me is that you get to find long term support. Have you told your Doctor about everything that has happened? It is important that you do not get very depressed. Have you been crying a lot? Is there an investigation going on? Did they catch the person/s? I cannot imagine what you are going through, never mind your brother. Groups are great because you get to help others just by telling your story. You get to hear your story being retold too in different forms. The bonds which are created are often very beautiful. Sharing is important. It can heal and make the weaknesses seem less. Think seriously about going to a group. If your H has suggested this, he is right. I think he needs to go too and is probably waiting for a type of permission from you. Don't do this on your own. It's too big. Don't shut him out. BTW, I understand what you mean about raising your brother. My favourite brother lived with me for years during his teen years. We are actually the same person, just different genders. I love him and he loves me. I would do the same as you if he became unstable. My world would not be the same till the day I passed if I lost him. So I understand a little bit about your worry - but you are going to have to trust in that bond. I don't think bonds like that can easily be broken. Take care, Eve x Edited April 26, 2013 by Eve Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Share Posted April 26, 2013 No i haven't told the doctor anything yet and yes i have been baffling my eyes out a lot lately. And i can't control it. I will five the group thing a try. And yes an investigation is underway no one had been caught yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Alice590 Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 call emergency. Whatever you do get help and do it quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted April 27, 2013 Share Posted April 27, 2013 No i haven't told the doctor anything yet and yes i have been baffling my eyes out a lot lately. And i can't control it. I will five the group thing a try. And yes an investigation is underway no one had been caught yet. Ok, please make an appointment and tell your Doctor what has been happening. Tell him how much you have been crying and that you feel that you cannot control it. It has been years and years since I had my babies so I cannot remember how often one has to go for anti natal check ups - it has probably all changed now, lol - but the Midwife/Nurse will need to know too. How you are feeling is not something to be ashamed off. It is not a sign that you are not strong. Sometimes we need to ask for help and then let others help us in every way they can. That must be one strong baby in there! You should start to feel the little one soon I think. *HUGS* I think you need to cry in a supportive environment with others - to let it all out. I really hope that a group setting will be the perfect place for you and your H to do this. Please tell us if you find one. It's like you have double the grieving process to consider. I was thinking a support group for family and friends of persons who have an addiction may be most helpful because this is what poses the most threat. Though there are groups for those who have lost someone to murder too. See what feels right. Shock is a funny thing you know. It has to work it's way out of the system and I don't think there is anything else we can do but try to help it all come out. You are not going to be the same again, neither your brother but eventually a new you will be there once you have worked through things. Same with him. Investigations can take time. Sorry that it is not a clear cut case. I hope justice will be done. Loving thoughts also being sent to the family of your brothers wife at this time of pain and grief. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Share Posted April 28, 2013 I guess i will look for a group just don't think i need one is all. I just i don't know our parents just test him really awful and his wife is what completed him and made him feel loved. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 As well as you know him, I think you will be able to help him see a future for himself. If you have spare time, read as much as you can about psychology, dysfunctional families, stuff like that, so that you can share with him what you learned. But don't ignore your own family, ok? That has to come first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I guess i will look for a group just don't think i need one is all. I just i don't know our parents just test him really awful and his wife is what completed him and made him feel loved. I don't want you to think you have to go to a group but it seems as though there are many layers to what you are going through and I thought it would help. I hope you discuss things with H and both make a decision you feel is relevant to you both at this time. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Talked to my doctor today he is worried i might lose the baby if i can't get my emotions under control Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 So you have to have more regular check ups? I could imagine the Doctor suggesting something like that in order to monitor how you are both doing. You are over the major danger point for miscarriage but will need to make sure you are eating right and all that. Listen to the advice of the Doctor and put it into practice. If you can, get away for a few days. A change of scenery can work wonders. If you have a faith, turn to it. Look after your family first. Always come at things from the perspective of health and well being. Fear, guilt and other such negative emotions do not do any good. If you have used these emotions in the past to motivate yourself in another situation, look hard at the relevancy of using it now. I think we can do this early on in some situations but it is not healthy. Don't beat yourself up. Live. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Listen to your doctor, ok? Your brother is going to be fine, he's being taken care of. Now step back and focus on you, and plan to get back with your brother later, after he's been helped. Link to post Share on other sites
Sollenn Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Hi KM_0010. I'm sorry to hear that. What your brother went through is so tough that I, myself, couldn't imagine how to handle it. He must have been so devastated getting himself to this situation. I don't have anything to say that would lessen the pain that your brother is experiencing right now but your family is absolutely included in my prayers most specially your brother. But what I think you should do is seek help from a professional that would address his situation. He seriously needs someone who will commit to help him from time to time until he gets over it. It may take time, I know, but the most important thing right now is to give proper attention to his needs. And of course, although he gets upset or violent whenever you try to reach for him, you should still take the extra mile to at least show him that no matter what situation he is into right now, or how violent he become, you as his family will never leave him and will always still be ready to embrace him. If you have the hard time to find someone that could help him professionally, I may as well help you with that. Be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Sollenn Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Although you feel responsible in taking care of your little brother, it doesn't mean you have to do it alone. Don't take risk with your baby in your tummy. It's going to be a loss-loss situation for the whole family if you stress-out yourself and something happened to you and your baby. The whole picture will shift into an entirely different scenario and I bet you don't want that to happen. Have someone from your family who could help you out figure things with your brother's situation. I understand your husband's thoughts about your brother being in your house. But somehow, I'm hoping everything is going to be okay. Just take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Cassandra321 Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Sollen is right. You should look for someone who will guide your brother's needs. Perhaps you should also consider getting a life coach or a counselling partner for all of you. You might think it's not necessary but honestly, you need one. Don't take the whole responsibility on your shoulder. Remember, you have you and your baby to think. Hope everything's going to be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 I an i guess hit into a huge argument with my husband today i feel awful Link to post Share on other sites
Cassandra321 Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Have you tried looking for someone as your confidant? You should be not dealing with that kind of burden in your heart. Anyway, did you had an argument because of your brother? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Please go back to your doctor, ok? You need some intervention here. If not for you, for your baby. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Doctor can't help mareitial problems Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Share Posted May 3, 2013 Today has been much better day still kind of sad but not as bad Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Doctor can't help mareitial problemsPerhaps, but can you admit that your marital problems may have something to do with your concern over your family, and/or your husband's concern that you are pulling away from him because of your family? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Share Posted May 3, 2013 I suppose i can but it's not all of it Link to post Share on other sites
Author KM_0010 Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 My brother got out somehow no one can find him Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 KM, he is his own person. He's an adult. If he's bent on self-destruction, it's not your place to change it. Are you willing to accept that? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts