RedRobin Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Aw that's very tempting I am applying for out of Australia work right now, so who knows where I will end up So, are you telling us that dating sucks in Australia?? Because I just applied for a job there myself....
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 So, are you telling us that dating sucks in Australia?? Because I just applied for a job there myself.... Haha. Well don't come to Melbourne - it has the worst single women to men ratios. Other cities should be OK, just stick with big ones. I want to relocate for an adventure more than anything
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I think everything starts at home. For any woman and any men. Your parents should teach you as much as posible things so you can protect yourself and make good choices so you can be a good men or woman and know how to treat the opposite gender. But in many homes, people start having sex making babys while they have a lot of issues they need to work on first. and have no idea of certain things. And with someone they know they are no match. People forget that what a kid grow up with will affect it a lot. If you as a dad choose not to show your face daily/weekly etc and have a relationship with your kid, you cant be surprise if she hates men and hates you when she grows up etc. If you as a woman sleeps around with every men you find sweet you cant aspect your kids to grow up feeling safe or that they have any value. And i think there is no perfect home or parents. But there is a lot that you can do before even having sex to make your life and your kids life more acceptable. And when you are adult you have the power to work on those things you know you did not get from your parents. Like reading books about it, try to find out why things did go like that in your home, talk about it with your family etc. And do your best not to make the same mistakes. Also i have to say many men and woman are not interested in knowing how the other gender thinks and react generally. So they will get hurt every time for stupid mistakes they make. Like how many woman are aware that a men have no problem sleeping with you and act like he dont know you the next day even if you are crazy in love with him. But many girls dont pay attention at anything. but sleeps around. And get mad. You need to protect yourself and be wise. Get to know your gender and the other gender. Dont go by your feelings only. And if you had 1 2 or more bad relationships relationships, why not stop dating, realizing that there most be something wrong you need to figure out. A low self esteem can also be a reason that someone keep dating wrong guys. Or attract them. Never thinking about yourself in a relationship can also be a reason bad guys can come in just to use you. We need to educate ourselfs as a woman. Maybe more then a men. Cause a men takes time to study a womans ways and walk etc. before he chase her. So he know the right things to say to get her etc. But many woman dont even know how to recognize the red flags, they just go with for the nice words and nice face. We need to stop being naive. Read books, educate ourselves about good dating, men psychology etc. And men especially on being a good men to the woman. And what that really means. And how to make a happy home and be a good dad. Cause things like cheating on their mom, makes angry , mad kids that will grow up as men haters etc. and zero trust in males. I agree 100%! I had two great parent while growing up. Positive role models for the most part and my positive, respectful perspective of women (people in general) is a direct result of the relationship that my parents had. My dad was the "nice guy" and I grew up being a nice guy having healthy views of relationships and cultures and inter-personal relationships, etc. Having two very young children, I am extremely cautious of the type of women that I bring into their lives, if I do. I want them to witness what a healthy relationship looks like whether romantic or platonic. They see how I treat and speak to others and when they do meet a lady-friend, they also see the positive role that I take when I interact with my SO. This is why I always tell the ladies I start dating that my intention, is, in fact, to cultivate a friendship and if that friendship evolves into something concretely romantic, great! With this kind of mentality, even if things don't work out, we part on friendly terms. I have NEVER had a bad break-up. Never contentious, never resulting in name-calling, never accusatory, etc. I pride myself in this. I thank my parents and the masses of positive friends that I have around me to keep me grounded and faithful to my beliefs. 2
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Because in the end, all you have is yourself. this line is my favourite.You can only have hope in your heart that when you do love soemone unconditionally and respect them they want to return it.......I am battle scarred,undoubtedly battle weary, one thing i believe keeps me loving people and men they way i can ...is i dont give up when things get bad, i know hwoever bad it gets.....i have many more good days to come...everything will be ok for me...because i can love and know how to love....i will always have hope.....the day i wont have hope doesnt exist not yet and not ever, however many scars i accumulate physical or emotional, theres a part of my heart that isnt for anyone but god it cant be scarred or touched..............and he keeps that part burning and that part of heart will never die....through the bad times it burns brighter...deb 1
ThaWholigan Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Guys that treat women badly do so because they can. They also display contradictory characteristics that hook women (I.e. They are hot/charismatic/some other attractive attribute). Also, I'm not surprised to see the words "nice guy" in this thread . Nice guys need to have more about them than just being nice. Not to be bad, but more than nice. Nice aint gonna make the gina tingle. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Guys that treat women badly do so because they can. They also display contradictory characteristics that hook women (I.e. They are hot/charismatic/some other attractive attribute). Also, I'm not surprised to see the words "nice guy" in this thread . Nice guys need to have more about them than just being nice. Not to be bad, but more than nice. Nice aint gonna make the gina tingle. AGREED. Women (and men) have it tough. We all get "hooked" only to find out later that the SO is a son-of-a-turd. Too bad there's no way of finding out about their past relationships and upbringing, huh? Yeah, it does take more than to simply be a nice guy. Much more.... 1
crude Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Actually, men treat women incredibly well for the most part. It's just that many women expect to be treated infinitely better than they'd ever treat men or anyone else. When that ludicrous standard doesn't get fulfilled, they whine about being treated badly.
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Women just expect this when the man initially treats them too nicely. He's raised the bar and women expect more. If a man isn't so nice initially the bar remains low. It is ever more clear just how critical some men (and women) are of the opposite sex. I thank my lucky stars that I was married 12+ years to a woman that does not resemble any of the pernicious descriptions of the stereo-typical women that I read on this site on a daily basis. I either got very lucky or a lot of this is not true. 1
Taramere Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 This is a difference between men and women. A man being nice doesn't create sexual arousal in a woman. Why feign a monopoly of knowledge on the business of what does and doesn't create sexual arousal in women? Does that approach ever convince anybody? It may be that you have found being nice doesn't work for you, as far as creating sexual attraction in women goes, but who knows how your notion of niceness came across to the women you tried it on? For all you know, it may not have felt sincere to them. A lot of women are attracted by behaviour that they associate with a man having good father potential. Women often connect sexual arousal with strong emotions...and contrary to popular belief, those emotions do not have to be negative ones.
ThaWholigan Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 This is a difference between men and women. A man being nice doesn't create sexual arousal in a woman. Whereas a woman being nice often creates sexual arousal in a man. Masculinity and unpredictability is what a man should be. What a man should be is going to differ by the individual. Not every man is going to be super masculine naturally - some will be less so, with varying attributes. Same with women, ever notice some women are naturally very masculine in persona? Its easy to tell them to "be more feminine" but it still has to complement their natural persona. In general though, I agree with your statement - it is a little more broad than I would paint. And again, a woman has to be a tad more than nice to create sexual arousal in a man like me. I like a woman with some fire . But when it comes to attraction, people should learn about themselves so that they can use their energies to attract the partner they wish, who responds to them. Easier said than done .
Treasa Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I agree with those that say men treat women poorly because the women let them. Me too. (ten characters)
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Luck plays a role but not a big role. Nice guys finish last is counterintuitive at first glance but it goes like this. Man is nice to woman and it fails. He erroneously assumes he must be even nicer to the next woman. He repeatedly fails. He finally becomes bitter and angry and gives it up sometimes for good, never understanding how it works. Hence the off repeated phrase. Sometimes he will get it, go too far the other direction and be the jerk. Usually these men eventually figure out what works. I understand what you're saying. I always describe myself as a "nice guy." I embrace the fact that I am or at least try to be. I let the ladies know that I am and I have to tell you, I've never been dumped b/c of it. Or at least, I don't believe I have. There's certainly much more to it than being a "nice guy", wouldn't you say?
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 There's exceptions to every rule but you had better be lucky then. Why rely on luck. A too nice guy may get lucky and marry and have kids and live in a house with a white picket fence with his wife and children but its the exception. The "lucky" part was that I met her (my late-wife) at all. But the rest was about what I had to offer, how I treated her, how I respected her, how I loved her. Essentially, it was all about what I did, how I treated her....phew, what a woman she was!
xxoo Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 There are countless reasons that men treat women badly. One thing is for sure, they get away with it because women tolerate it. If they got zero reinforcement from women (no dates, no relationships, no sex), they'd stop that crap. But these guys are never dateless, are they? Why? What attracts the women?
xxoo Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 It's not that simple. I certainly don't have guys that treat me well quing up to date me. Those male friends you don't want to date--do they treat you well? If not, why are they your friends?
Taramere Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 There's exceptions to every rule but you had better be lucky then. Why rely on luck. A too nice guy may get lucky and marry and have kids and live in a house with a white picket fence with his wife and children but its the exception. Barring saints and sociopaths, most people are a mix of good and bad. "Nice" doesn't really give you much of an insight into a person. It's politeness, courtesy and manners - all of which are good, but these are social graces rather than a personality. They don't tell you much about a person's principles, values and personal philosophy beyond "they value good manners". Which is admirable enough, and I think most people appreciate good manners - but I would think most people also look for something more than just a pleasant manner. Everybody has to deal with conflict at some point - and showing your less nice side now and again is a way of letting people know who you are and what your approach to conflict is. It allows them to make an informed opinion - whereas just putting on a nice face tells them nothing. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Those male friends you don't want to date--do they treat you well? If not, why are they your friends? Good questions. Could it be b/c they are not good looking enough? (darn cynicism!)
ltjg45 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I think it's really unfortunate, especially at a young age how poorly your daughter views men. I don't think it's unfortunate. I'm actually glad she realized this so quickly because it is not going to get any better for her later on down the line. By realizing this, she has already got full control of her life and she will have nothing to do with the trash that wants to bang her and nothing more. I'm sure she will fare better than most females who are in their 20s right now.
Revolver Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I don't think it's because it's nice guy/bad boy. I think it's just physical attraction. If a woman likes you enough she'll let you get away with almost anything. Chris brown beat Rihanna's ass and she went right back to him
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I don't think it's because it's nice guy/bad boy. I think it's just physical attraction. If a woman likes you enough she'll let you get away with almost anything. Chris brown beat Rihanna's ass and she went right back to him I don't believe this to be true (entirely). There has to be an emotional attachment that belies this.
xxoo Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I don't believe this to be true (entirely). There has to be an emotional attachment that belies this. It's SO frustrating to watch. It was frustrating when I was young, and it was my friends. But as I've gotten older, I've had far fewer friends of that nature. Too much drama, and people just grow up. It's even more frustrating now, when it is my kid's friends' mom who keeps going back to her abusive partner, and my kid (teen) is the one telling me "he's back" Not much I can do except host the kids at my house, and try to provide a safe place and decent example for my kid's friends while they are stuck in that environment. It's going to break my heart if that cycle continues with those kids 1
xxoo Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Being just nice doesn't arouse women. Being fun and unpredictable and some nice and some jerk works. Just being nice doesn't arouse men or women. A man isn't going to be aroused by a nice woman if she isn't also attractive. Same for women. That doesn't mean that it is a bonus to be a jerk. Of course women would prefer the attractive man who is good to her. I've got one!
Revolver Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Like others have said, if I'm a dude and I get rewarded for treating women badly with sex/companionship... Do you really expect me to stop? Especially if its not just one woman, its multiple?
xxoo Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Like others have said, if I'm a dude and I get rewarded for treating women badly with sex/companionship... Do you really expect me to stop? Especially if its not just one woman, its multiple? The question I have for men like that is, why do you want to treat women badly? Why isn't it preferable to have a mutually loving relationship? 1
ltjg45 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 The question I have for men like that is, why do you want to treat women badly? Why isn't it preferable to have a mutually loving relationship? How can you get a mutually loving relationship when the women in question is clearly not attracted to males who wants that? I'm looking for a mutually loving relationship and I'm a 26-year-old virgin. I doubt I can get any lower on the dating/attraction ladder than I am right now. Well, I'm one rung under the "Dead" slot so I guess that is something, I suppose.
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