Silly_Girl Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 We're staying with friends in the states at the moment and we had sort of an all day family/friends dinner for Easter. One of our dinner companions was absolutely lovely and we'd been talking with her and her husband on and off for hours and she mentioned a colleague they refer to as 'the homewrecker'. Naturally my ears prick up and I ask what the lady has done to merit such a title. She had a relationship with a committed person and wasn't remorseful. So I ask how that makes her a 'homewrecker'. Did she infiltrate the family home? Befriend the couple by stealth and then set them against one another? Did she tie up her target and drug-rape? What then? I put it that maybe she was someone who was single and a committed person chose to step out on their other half, and that maybe the girls at work just didn't like this person and chose it as a stick to beat her with. The husband nodded animatedly. Yes, they don't like her, he says. And yes, the affair is not her responsibility, but because they like the couple they never put the blame on the person cheating. Two thoughts. Firstly, how very unfair! Secondly, I have never, ever heard the term 'homewrecker' used in the UK. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I've heard home wrecker used alot in the UK. To me the home wrecker is the cheating spouse they are afterall "wrecking" their own home the op as you say didn't stick a gun to their head and make them do anything they didn't want to. I've been labeled the home wrecker in my town (I'm in UK) I just laugh it off now 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs.Dee Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Also heard the expression. Thought it was used on the part that was having the affair with the married person, almost always the female. The homewrecker is someone that tries to break up the already existing home. Like many women having affairs with married men, wants the man to leave his family for them, and wreck his home, and hence the term "homewrecker". 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silly_Girl Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 Oh I know the term. But I have never heard someone use it in reference to another person before, in real life. I didn't know it was being used, I thought it was out-dated. And interesting that 2 posts apply it to 2 different roles in the triangle... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Homewrecker is a pretty misogynistic term, as it is meant for the woman/OW in the affair scenario and places the blame solely at her feet. Men having affairs with married women get called no such names. So the whole term is reflective of that misogynistic idea of the woman as the deceptive slut and the one to be focused on and no one else. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 You do realize urban dictionary is not a credible source of anything right? No one is arguing over the definition anyway... We're discussing that most people don't use the term and that if they do, it's probably best to consider the source. It is just slang. A meaningless derogatory term. No one disputes that. Furthermore, I agree, the main culpable party is the married cheating spouse. I still think this is just another rationalization thread. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs.Dee Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 1. home wrecker a female (usually) who is trying to steal a man from another woman. That home wrecker stole my man!! 2. home wrecker A girl, usually a jealous bitch, trying to break up a happy relationship and she doesn't give a hot damn about anything but getting the guy for her own intents and purposes. Shanequa and Toby were deeply in love when LaQuanda, the home wrecker, had to come mess it up by trying to get with Toby. 3. home wrecker anyone on jerry springer. WIKI ok I vote for number 3:D 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Homewrecker is a pretty misogynistic term, as it is meant for the woman/OW in the affair scenario and places the blame solely at her feet. Men having affairs with married women get called no such names. So the whole term is reflective of that misogynistic idea of the woman as the deceptive slut and the one to be focused on and no one else. I'd disagree. There are a couple of names that are frequently used that apply to precisely a man in this situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I'd disagree. There are a couple of names that are frequently used that apply to precisely a man in this situation. I can think of a few. Pierre and LFH, go to your separate corners! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silly_Girl Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 I still think this is just another rationalization thread. Nope. My thread, and it was simply posted because 2 people were bandying around a term they then agreed wasn't necessarily appropriate and they hadn't thought sincerely about it. I thought the OW/OM board was a place to chat about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Homewrecker is a pretty misogynistic term, as it is meant for the woman/OW in the affair scenario and places the blame solely at her feet. Men having affairs with married women get called no such names. So the whole term is reflective of that misogynistic idea of the woman as the deceptive slut and the one to be focused on and no one else. I fully agree. It is the same old situation where the woman is labeled as the evil seductress who went after a married man. And if this occurs in a small town the poor woman takes all the blame and the cheating man is left untouched. In fact there is an active thread here that speaks to that issue. It is highly unfair and unfortunately women also promote the concept. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I like old fashioned words, terms and sayings. I try to cultivate them as often as possible and resurrect things my grandmother might have said so they sayings don't completely die out. My husband laughs though because he says I sound like someone from the 40's now and then! Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 No I don't think it is lazy terminology. It can be used out of context though. In the case you got acknowledgement that they liked the couple and that the other coworkers did not like the husband's AP. Does that mean that she is not a homewrecker.....no. I just means that the couple is still together and she was outed for taking up with MM. Trust that will put people off wether they have been cheated on or not. Also, I am sure you will be surprised what the coworkers call the MM when he is not in earshot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I'd disagree. There are a couple of names that are frequently used that apply to precisely a man in this situation. What are those names? I can't think of one. Yet homewrecker is ubiquitous. In fact, there are way more derogatory names for women pertaining to sexuality and sexual fidelity than there are for men, and that is simply the product of a culture that polices women's bodies and sexual behavior more than it does men's. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 What are those names? I can't think of one. Yet homewrecker is ubiquitous. In fact, there are way more derogatory names for women pertaining to sexuality and sexual fidelity than there are for men, and that is simply the product of a culture that polices women's bodies and sexual behavior more than it does men's. I would agree that there are more deragatory names for women over men...even just in general. Perhaps this could be due to cultural influences. It was just a few generations ago...within the life span for a large number of people still living right now...when there was no thought of a woman's rights within the marriage, or within the home. She was expected to obey the man in all things, regardless of the impact to her emotionally or physically. And now people think differently. And in another few generations, our own values and beliefs will likely be viewed with the same disdain and disbelief as we look on those that were held by our grandparents/great-grandparents. Who knows...in another 50 years, perhaps Western culture will have become predominately matriarchal? Perhaps then men's behavior and bodies will be the ones "policed"? From my own personal view of things today...I don't think that men or women are either given any more leeway when it comes to infidelity and cheating...at least, not in my culture. Certainly not within my own subculture of middle-aged, middle-class professionals. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I'd disagree. There are a couple of names that are frequently used that apply to precisely a man in this situation. adulterer player A-hole Jerk Scumbag All describe men that cheat Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I' called my H a B*tch once. But then I felt bad becomes it was insulting to my own gender. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 It's a term that is commonly used, especially in the U.S., even today. If you want to get technical about it, the AP/mistress/paramour is the presence in the relationship triangle that damages/destroys the marriage/home/family. Granted the WS is damaging/destroying the marriage/home/family also by his participation in the affair, but the assumption is that he would stay in the marriage, thereby keeping the home intact, if not for the involvement of the paramour. So basically, both the WS and the AP are wrecking the home/marriage/family through their involvement in the affair. I don't think the term is gender based, though, and could be used for both male and female APs. Perhaps it's mainly used for female APs because it is more likely that male paramours are just in it for the sex, and female paramours are seeking a relationship with the WS and are more inclined to encourage the WS to leave/break up his home/marriage/family. But anyone who is participating in an affair is technically damaging/destroying a marriage/home/family. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 ^^ *nods head* When I hear the term home wrecker, I picture the OW/OM as a human wrecking ball being wielded by the WS. IMO, they are one of the tools that the WS uses to wreck the home, so to me the term fits. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs.Dee Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 adulterer player A-hole Jerk Scumbag All describe men that cheat Yes, but they aren't exclusive for male sexual behavior. And player is both positive and negative. If you are a player, you are also very popular with women, even thought some would say you also have committement issues. But beeing a player doesn't make your status lower, rather higher or at least to your buddies. A-hole is a genereal term for many things other than sexual behavior, and same with jerk and scumbag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Yes, but they aren't exclusive for male sexual behavior. And player is both positive and negative. If you are a player, you are also very popular with women, even thought some would say you also have committement issues. But beeing a player doesn't make your status lower, rather higher or at least to your buddies. A-hole is a genereal term for many things other than sexual behavior, and same with jerk and scumbag. Actually the female version of Adulterer is Adultress. I stand corrected on the rest. Just from my point of view. Anyone I have heard called a player is the same as being called a piece of crap. But that could be because my friends and I don't think that being involved with multiple partners, wether you are man/woman, is a positive. And all genders of cheaters can be called homewreckers, players, jerks and even the nastier names of w****, S*** and B****. I was just giving examples of what MM are called that cheat on their wives. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 ^^ *nods head* When I hear the term home wrecker, I picture the OW/OM as a human wrecking ball being wielded by the WS. IMO, they are one of the tools that the WS uses to wreck the home, so to me the term fits. Affairs definitely destroy marriages, no doubt about that. 65% of all divorces involve infidelity. The actions of both the AP and the WS are very destructive to the marriage/home/family. No one can dispute that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 It's a ridiculous, mysogynistic phrase. OW is not an inanimate object to be used for the purpose of wrecking the home. But let's face it there are lots of ridiculous, mysogynistic phrases related to women. Nag, harpy, vixen, old witch, 'her indoors', hag, ball-breaker. Take your pick. They all relate in some way to a woman's sexuality or perceived lack of it, and her attitude to men. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 My H's xW referred to me as a "home wrecker" durning one of her drunken, late night abusive phone calls to my elderly in-laws. My FIL corrected her by telling her there had been no home to wreck, merely a dysfunctional family "unit" nominally based at the same address and that it was a mercy to put that farce out of its misery and allow a real family to be built from the functioning components, tossing away the Broken bits. She didn't like that, much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 adulterer player A-hole Jerk Scumbag All describe men that cheat Outside of adulterer the rest are just generic negative descriptors that do not have the same specific definition as homewrecker. Adulterer is a very antiquated term that is commonly used to both genders as Adulteress as fallen out of style as most female designation of words. Link to post Share on other sites
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