Martini612 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Hi. I have recently had a situation that was devastating to my 11 month relationship. Initially, I was very doubtful of this guy because there have been stories of him cheating on his current gf with his ex gf (we met through common friends). So from the beginning, I was on the fence About him. I also admit that I am insecure as a person (I'm admitting it). And felt like his ex gf was a threat as she calls frequently and sends texts messages (although according to him he doesn't respond or pick up). One situation that I brushed off from the beginning was finding a pair of panties in his drawer that I consistently open for things. He claims it's been there the whole time, just at the bottom (which I can't counter cuz I didn't go through it). He had an excuse so I let it go. 3 weeks ago, I got off of work to surprise him with his favorite chocolate (I work night shift) and I find his ex gf in his bed without her pants on (her bra was on, and tank top on). She was up and was surprised to see me. I asked her what she was doing there and her response was: he asked me to come down to hang out for taco Tuesday. Then I Asked if they had sex. Her response was, "No we didn't, cuz of you!" I left and apparently he was already at work. Initially he made up some lame excuse about leaving the door open in the morning so she can pick up some stuff. Because they ran into each other at a restaurant. And he later admitted that she asked to spend the night cuz she had too much to drink. He said she slept on the couch and he slept in his bed. She moved to the bed after he left for work. That morning, I found our picture frame face down. Do I believe his story? Or should I just move on? I don't want to spend my life looking over my shoulder, watching his every move. Or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance? Please help? Edited March 30, 2013 by Martini612
KraftDinner Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Oh dear. I'm sorry, but....do you really have to ask?
RandomName12 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 (edited) I'm very sorry you've been put in this situation but to be brutally honest you can be 99% sure that the worst has happened, you cannot trust this person and don't let your feelings bind you to what will most probably turn out to be a repeat event. In the long run you'll set yourself up for much more heartbreak down the road. Even if he and his ex are telling the truth ask yourself, would you even put yourself in a position where you would invite your ex to spend time with you whilst you're current partner was at work and what's more, let them stay the night? In my opinion even this would show a lack of respect for your partners feelings and also shows you would not care much about making your partner feel secure in your relationship. This would surely be a red flag in the relationship even for the most secure of people. Edited March 31, 2013 by RandomName12
Divasu Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Do I believe his story? Or should I just move on? I don't want to spend my life looking over my shoulder, watching his every move. Or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance? Please help? Unless you want to die young from stress, it is probably in your best interest to move on.
Author Martini612 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 You know what was funny you guys? He posted a thread about me being insecure and paranoid, accusing me of going through his stuff when we furst started dating. When I actually had reason to. Maybe a woman's gut is always right. Here is the thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/342470-what-do-you-expect-fresh-relationship#post4214355
wisernow Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Okay, well.....if that is his post, it was written in August 2012 and he stated that he'd ended things with you. All this happened 7 months ago, are you still with him?
Author Martini612 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 After that breakup in August 2012, we got back together after a month. I decided to stop snooping around and being paranoid and start trusting him. I did, I didn't do any of the things he was accusing me of. Everything was going great. He loved me, and I loved him. No signs of cheating whatsoever. And then THIS happened
wisernow Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 After that breakup in August 2012, we got back together after a month. I decided to stop snooping around and being paranoid and start trusting him. I did, I didn't do any of the things he was accusing me of. Everything was going great. He loved me, and I loved him. No signs of cheating whatsoever. And then THIS happened Then, you need to trust your gut. His ex girlfriend was in his bed. If it were me, I'd be done. I've never dated a guy and found his ex partially naked or not in his bed. Run, don't walk.
Author Martini612 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Also, I knew by posting this that most of you guys will tell me 100% that something happened and that I'm better off walking away. Most of my friends did, except for the ones who knew him well. He said he didn't think and made a stupid decision. And by the time he realized it, it was too late. What was alarming to me was that his first instinct was to hide it, then lied about it. Is that something that's gonna keep happening to me? Is there a chance he will change? Because knowing him, and his said "no feelings" of her, he wouldn't do anything. He's not the type to pounce on someone if they threw themselves at him. What worries me is the type of behavior he exhibited during this situation. He should've been upfront and honest from the beginning. Knowing that I was already insecure and paranoid. He isn't making it easy for me to be secure in the relationship
Author Martini612 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 I don't know to trust my gut. Cuz I've always been paranoid from the beginning with this girl. Then when I finally wasn't, everything falls apart. Can't tell the difference between me being extra cautious or gut feeling.
wisernow Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Also, I knew by posting this that most of you guys will tell me 100% that something happened and that I'm better off walking away. Most of my friends did, except for the ones who knew him well. He said he didn't think and made a stupid decision. And by the time he realized it, it was too late. What was alarming to me was that his first instinct was to hide it, then lied about it. Is that something that's gonna keep happening to me? Is there a chance he will change? Because knowing him, and his said "no feelings" of her, he wouldn't do anything. He's not the type to pounce on someone if they threw themselves at him. What worries me is the type of behavior he exhibited during this situation. He should've been upfront and honest from the beginning. Knowing that I was already insecure and paranoid. He isn't making it easy for me to be secure in the relationship I'm certainly not saying this dude had sex with her. Nope, didn't say that. I'm saying his ex was naked in his bed. Is there really any excuse for that? Think about it? He's been with you for almost a year, invites his ex over for "taco Tuesday" and she just happens to fall naked into his bed. He knows you have issues with insecurity, yet still, invites her over, and she spends the night. Girl, please. Hey, do what you want, I don't know you or him. You know him better than anyone on this board, but if you were a-ok with this, you wouldn't be here posting. Good luck. But I feel if you stay with him, you'll be back in a few months writing how you caught the two of them in bed together, but he swore he couldn't get it up, and nothing happened.
Author Martini612 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Thank you for your input. You're right. I still wouldn't be discussing this here if I actually believe him. I have to put a lot of thought into it. Thanks again I appreciate it.
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