Smiley88 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 The first girl i loved dumped me for another guy 1 month ago,we were together 1 year. The thoughts that keep haunting me are that i lost the love of my life,and that i will never find someone like her. She had a lot of qualities i really liked, and i really cant think of anything negative about her.. I am kind of picky when it comes to LTR, that is why my 1st love happend at age 23( i am now 24)..and even then, i fell in love after 5 months with her. I know it might be normal to feel this way,that i lost the perfect girl,her being my 1st love, but she was just so awesome.I look at my friends and their relationships, and ours seemed so perfect.. Please tell me its going to be ok, and that it only gets better:(
lastresort Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 It doesn't change with age. Any time you lose somebody you love it is going to hurt. Surround yourself with some friends and go out and have a good time. You have plenty of time to find your "NEXT" love. I am going through the break up thing now and it hurts. No sleep, always thinking about her. Hang in there you will feel better.
Logan oO Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 It's normal to feel like she's the ONE for you, her being your first love and all. You said you couldn't think of anything negative about her, well hows about the fact she ditched you for another guy!!! I'd say thats pretty negative enough a reason to hate the trout! Ya have to hate her to move on buddy
Author Smiley88 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Well the problem is that i cant really hate her,it is not entirely her fault. She always knew what she wanted from life, a family, kids in a couple of years. Me on the other hand had no idea what i wanted at 24 after my 1st on year relationship.I was pretty scared of commitment and therefore i did act a bit immature and unresponsible. Now it hurts, because i realize commitment to a person you love and have so much in common i actually a wonderful thing,i know NOW what i want, and regret i didnt know sooner. The sad part is,we never really had a talk about where our relationship is going, the only talk about the future happend after she left me..which is really unfair:)
Damsel in Distress Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Ouch If she was your first love I'm sure it hurts. But it always does hurt, whether it was the first or not. Don't beat yourself up blaming yourself for losing her. This was your FIRST love - of course you didn't know what you wanted. Sounds like she didn't break up with you because you weren't ready to commit - she broke up with you because she met somebody else. This isn't your fault! Right now you see her as "the one", a perfect girl, and that's a normal reaction right after a breakup - only focusing on the good things and putting them up on a pedestal. Because you are only focused on what you've lost, I don't know, we seem to like to make it hurt as much as possible by telling ourselves we lost the perfect one for us. But nobody is perfect, and over time you will start remembering some of her less-perfect qualities. For example, she let herself fall for somebody else when she was already in a one-year LTR with you! That's a big negative! You're blaming yourself for not being more responsible, but then saying she never even talked to you about it until after the fact - so she didn't try communicating and working on the issues - didn't tell you until she had already fell for somebody else. Another negative! Hang in there Smiley. The loss and pain is so strong now but it does get easier over time. Stay on here getting support and advice as you go through the recovery and healing process. We're all going through the same thing! 2
richard9 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I know where you are coming from, me and my ex (i thought) had a relationship that was so special, we knew every part of each other, what each other was thinking, we spent everyday together and I truely thought she was the one. Even now there is a massive hole in my life as she was my best and only friend aswell. But when they make the choice to leave theres nothing we can do and we are left heartbroken. For me it has been 5 months and im still struggling but by making plans for the future and selfimprovement (gym, acting classes anything) I feel im getting over her. Its still painful ive only ever seen my future with her, but you have to start thinking about a future without her, just start with little things.
Hope737 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 You're certainly not alone my friend. I have only ever truly loved one girl and am also going through a recent break up. We were together for three years, but have known eachother for nearly ten years now so the friendship that was created was an intense one. Like you, I'm blaming myself for the way I acted in the relationship. It turns out I was too nice for her, I would never argue with her and was always trying to please her, which I can see now might be kind of suffocating. She cheated on me in the end anyway and sometimes I blame myself for pushing her in that direction. I too saw her as perfect, she's a beautifully stunning woman, she was my first and only love but I now realise that she is far from perfect, no one is perfect and you will realise that about your ex partner. You hear a lot about no contact on here and it does seem to heal people's wounds a lot quicker. I suggest going down that route and things WILL get better. I don't have the option of no contact as we share the same circle of friends AND we work together This makes the recovery process next to impossible. At the end of the day, a lot of people see their relationships as perfect. You are not the only one to have thought that and so you're certainly not alone. It hurts like hell now but focus on yourself, get out and do activities that you enjoy, get together with your friends and have a blast! You get one life and one life only. Some things are best left in the past, they're gone, finished. However, we ALL have a future and it is there for the taking and to be enjoyed to the max! Only you can be responsible for your happiness, no one else. I'm the same age as you, which is still very young, there's loads of time to once again find that special person to love! Chin up my friend and best of luck! 1
Author Smiley88 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Thank you for the replies:) they do help a lot. Its weird, thinking of her hurts so much, i know i need to forget about her, but part of me does not want to. She was so lovable with me the entire time and then at the end she said so many mean things, i could not believe she is the same girl i spent 1 year with. "i only thought i loved you" "you made me extremely happy, but i want more" "this year was very good,but more as fun" "a new opportunity showed itself and i want to try"
Author Smiley88 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Hope, she was was my 1st love, she left me for another man and yes, we also work together so i see hey every day being happy with her new life and ignoring me( only the occasional cold "hello"). So my situation is pretty f uped:)
Damsel in Distress Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 "a new opportunity showed itself and i want to try" Smiley, this was basically what I was told too. It is unbelieveable to me that somebody can just turn their backs and go suddenly and completely cold on a person they loved and had a relationship with because a new opportunity came along. It hurts! So sorry that you see her at work. That's hard
stillafool Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 If she had been the perfect girl and the love of your life she wouldn't have dumped you for another guy. 2
Damsel in Distress Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I mentioned how we put the ex on a pedestal when they break up with us, and then I just came across this post by destroyed4sho that makes this point so eloquently. Godly exes on guilded pedestals. Love that subject line! Something about them breaking up with us makes us immediately place them up on that gilded pedestal!
Author Smiley88 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Well i thought of her as the love of my life..clearly she didnt... I dunno, i keep making myself feel guilty...why didnt i know what i want sooner, why didnt i meet her when i was older an wiser..why couldnt i give her what she wanted..maybe this other guy can give her things i couldnt..i dunno..im just messed up
Damsel in Distress Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I'm so sorry you're in a bad place Smiley, you are young. The excuses she gave you are just excuses. When people are dumping you (for another guy!) they say whatever they can to make it look less cold-hearted on their part. If she was truly upset that you weren't ready to settle down yet, it would be something she would have discussed with you BEFORE she broke up with you. I really do not think this was about you or anything you did or didn't do - but about a new opportunity. It's only been a month, I'm sure the pain is still unbearable, and sometimes you need to wallow in it a while before you can start to feel better. I think it's also very hard that you have to work with her and see her every day. It re-opens the wound every time you see her How much interaction do you have with her at work? Hang in there Smiley.
Author Smiley88 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Hey, Thanks for all your replies damsel:) We do not have that much interaction, she is currently in another office, i only see her once every couple of days...but next week we will be moving in the same office and even though it is big and i will be kind of far from her..i will still see her everyday... If we wouldnt work together, it would be so much easier.. I just cant understand it..how can she be so cold about it, seeing me everyday..doesnt it pain her at all? after all we have been through? 1 year of awesome memories..now everytime i think about it..ii feel pain..how can i just try and ignore 1 year of my life...
destroyed4sho Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 She is perfect and you will never find/love someone like her until the next person comes along...and then they will be the most perfect, loving and then the one after that too.
Author Smiley88 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Ya, i would not know that, she was the 1st one i loved, i rarely find girls that i really like relationship wise..and when we were together she really did an awesome job to make me happy..so i hate that i will be always comparing my future gfs to her..
Author Smiley88 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Im in a very bad place right now, i start imagining the future we could have had, all the possibilities..only now am i beginning to think hard about what i want from life, and she would have been perfect in it...
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