Confusedcompletely Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 A year ago I came on here needing support because my boyfriend had left me by never speaking to me again. The last time I saw him was our anniversary, he told me he'd be back, and then just vanished! Well last night at almost midnight (grrr) I got a text from him apologising! He said he owed me an apology and was sorry it took so long, he'd lost his phone and only JUST found my number again. Because I was so angry I texted him back telling him he knew where I lived and he also could have contacted me on facebook to say sorry a long time ago. He said he was sorry again, and after me ignoring the text for about an hour I got another one telling me he knows I hate him blah blah blah. I ignored that text too. Anyway, I wake up today only to find he's now requested to be my friend on facebook. Last night when I got his text I just felt like a surge of anger went through me and I really didn't care about what he had to say and didn't care that I was ignoring him. But now I'm thinking....was I too harsh? Should I hear him out? I would really love peoples advice with this. I know he's with someone at the moment so I'm figuring he's just trying to get rid of his own guilt. I feel like I don't owe him anything and he deserves to be ignored the way I was...Am I right or am I just being mean?
Thunderchild Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 A year ago I came on here needing support because my boyfriend had left me by never speaking to me again. The last time I saw him was our anniversary, he told me he'd be back, and then just vanished! Well last night at almost midnight (grrr) I got a text from him apologising! He said he owed me an apology and was sorry it took so long, he'd lost his phone and only JUST found my number again. Because I was so angry I texted him back telling him he knew where I lived and he also could have contacted me on facebook to say sorry a long time ago. He said he was sorry again, and after me ignoring the text for about an hour I got another one telling me he knows I hate him blah blah blah. I ignored that text too. Anyway, I wake up today only to find he's now requested to be my friend on facebook. Last night when I got his text I just felt like a surge of anger went through me and I really didn't care about what he had to say and didn't care that I was ignoring him. But now I'm thinking....was I too harsh? Should I hear him out? I would really love peoples advice with this. I know he's with someone at the moment so I'm figuring he's just trying to get rid of his own guilt. I feel like I don't owe him anything and he deserves to be ignored the way I was...Am I right or am I just being mean? WHAT!!!!! He's an immature a-hole. You don't just vanish from people's lives with no explanation and turn up again whenever you feel like it and expect to be welcomed like the Prodigal Son! If he's with someone else he's with someone else - that tells you all you need to know! 1
misswillow Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 How long were you with this guy? Long enough to celebrate an anniversary and then his excuse is that he lost his phone??? He sounds very immature, with a very lame excuse.
edelveis Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 You have acted very good.and no u were not harsh at all.people liek him do not deserve a bettter treatment.dont accept him in facebook and ignore all of the messages hes gonna send.i dont know why he decided to contact you so out of the blue but maybe he has started realizing what he has lost or might have guilts.what i care the most is about how you feel now after a year ?its been almost a year since my ex girlfriend dumped me too.have you recovered properly or need more time ?
youdunsay Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Lol my ex contacted me six months after going off with another girl. No I think you're too polite. If I were you, I will do him worse.
Sugarkane Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 His excuse is quite ridiculious. Why didn't he come to your house? Why didn't he contact your friends or family to get your number back? Or email you? This jackass isn't worth it.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 WHAT?! That is the cruelest way I have ever heard of somebody breaking up. And he didn't have your phone number?! That is the most horrible excuse for not contacting somebody I have ever heard, and I do not think this boy is capable of honestly communicating anything. You are not being harsh at all! No need to engage with somebody who is not capable of honest communication! The only reasons I can imagine for "hearing him out" is because he left you in such a cruel way that now he has opened communication you can't help but have a chance to find out what he was thinking. But remember, he's not going to be able to give you an honest story. I think communicating with him will be a huge step back in your healing. Even him contacting you seems to have stirred up the anger again, which is a shame I hope that a year out your heart has healed and hardened, but I'm sure the cruel way he left with absolutely no closure made it very hard to heal. Be strong! Has he tried any further contact today?
Quest4_TheLost Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 So he didn't even break up with you? He just disappeared? If that's the case you weren't harsh enough, I wouldn't have responded to him at all. I can understand your curiosity as to why. But like another poster said, he probably won't be honest with you anyway. He sounds like a lost cause.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Nope, you don't owe him anything. You have every right to do or say whatever you want. If you want to ignore him, you should. If you want to hear him out, you should. You do whatever you want..he's not your boyfriend. He's not even your friend. He sounds awful to me but you know him and I don't. 1
Wabisabi Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'm guessing he contacted you now after one year is because he's having problems with his current relationship?? If I were you I'd probably hear him out though coz I'm curious. But I don't think you did wrong. 1
seriously-let-down Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Sounds like he wants to justify his actions. If you want to hear what he has to say, then fine, it may give you closure, or cause more pain. But whatever you do, do not go back to him, he isn't worthy of you. You've moved on this far. You don't need that douche bag in your life any more. take care, all the best.
Sugarkane Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Having had a similar experience I'd be extremely tempted to tell them are you f ing joking? Why should you owe him anything? Think back to when he refused you closure. Remember how that felt? Ask him what's the matter having problems with the new girl? TOUGH LUCK! I think I would've laughed my head off at him! This should be the exception where you can be really harsh to someone? He didn't make anything easy for you.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Confused, I went back and read your breakup post. I'm so sorry It sounds very similar to what I am going through at the moment. My boyfriend had a history of "ignoring me" for a few days up to 2 weeks. So a month ago he went silent for two weeks. Then 2 days of contact where he apologized, said he was depressed and while he was ignoring me he met somebody he really likes(OMG!). He said he's confused, and he's not breaking up with me, and we'll stay in touch while he's deciding how to handle this. Now it's been two weeks of ignoring me again. I feel in such limbo not knowing whether he's decided to break up with me or whether I'm still waiting for him to get himself together. How did you convince yourself that you were broken up?? Without any closure, it's just so hard to convince yourself and move on. I've tried doing no contact, but broke it yesterday and tried to call. And of course he didn't answer. Being ignored by somebody who just a few weeks before was happy and telling you how much they loved you is hell! So I appreciate any advice you have. Here is my post about what I'm dealing with.
Author Confusedcompletely Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Thanks everyone for the advice and support, I truly appreciate it! I don't know why I thought I was being too harsh, it's definitely nothing compared to what he did to me! But everyone's comments have helped keep me strong, so thank you. So he didn't even break up with you? He just disappeared? If that's the case you weren't harsh enough, I wouldn't have responded to him at all. I can understand your curiosity as to why. But like another poster said, he probably won't be honest with you anyway. He sounds like a lost cause. Yes, he just disappeared after spending the night with me on our anniversary! I know he's not going to be honest with me, he lied to me multiple times during our relationship. Also, since we broke up I did a bad thing and looked at his facebook, I saw who his new GF was and looked at her profile too. Well...she's pregnant and he's cheated on her during that time. So I'm thinking he's burned through all of his friends, and his GF doesn't want him, so he's come back to get rid of his own guilt and have his ego stroked at the same time. He actually text me again last night saying "I take it you don't want to try to be friends?" WTF?!?!? Oh no, I would love to be friends with someone who ripped my heart out and treated me like I didn't exist! its been almost a year since my ex girlfriend dumped me too.have you recovered properly or need more time ? I've moved on but it took me quite a while. Our relationship was on and off, and I have a feeling that he was emotionally/verbally abusive...so after a couple of months when I managed to wake up to the way I was treated I was finally able to let him go and realise that I was worth more than that! I hope you're doing good and healing well from your breakup! How did you convince yourself that you were broken up?? Without any closure, it's just so hard to convince yourself and move on. I've tried doing no contact, but broke it yesterday and tried to call. And of course he didn't answer. I'm so sorry you are going through something like this! It's one of the most horrible feelings I've ever had and so I can only imagine how you're feeling right now. When he vanished I actually thought he might have been badly hurt for the first week. By the second week I realised he was ok but was still in denial. I think it was by the third week that I couldn't fool myself anymore and had to admit it was over. I'll read your post soon! Hope you're doing ok!
Damsel in Distress Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I'm so sorry you are going through something like this! It's one of the most horrible feelings I've ever had and so I can only imagine how you're feeling right now. When he vanished I actually thought he might have been badly hurt for the first week. By the second week I realised he was ok but was still in denial. I think it was by the third week that I couldn't fool myself anymore and had to admit it was over. I'll read your post soon! Hope you're doing ok! Mine was also so unexpected and out of the blue that I also thought something tragic must have happened! I mean, we were in the middle of a normal chat during his work day, he said "brb" and never came back. I thought maybe he was in a serious traffic accident or that he or somebody in his family had died. At least my guy emailed after 2 weeks and told me he knows I was terribly worried about him and he apologizes but this is how he handles things. I just feel so badly at how you were treated, and commend you for finding the strength within yourself to get through it. Only to be blindsided again with his midnight text a year later!! I can't imagine the surge of emotions you had when you saw that text!! Did you respond to the second text or ignore it? I could never block his number myself, but I guess that's why the NC people recommend you block their number.... to avoid these blindside contacts!
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