xbabycakes Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 A month ago my boyfriend and I had a huge row and he told me to move back to my mums, that he needs space and we were going to start again taking things slow. We went on a few dates and spent a little time together hugging & kissing etc. Then last night I had a bit to drink at a friends and decided to turn up at his at 11 pm when he was asleep (worst decision ive ever made) and he got really angry and we had a huge row and he said we will not be seeing each other again now & that he was going to turn up at mine on the weekend to surprise me but ive blown everything now. Ive tried to apologize but he has ignored my messages now im completely devastated that ive ruined it again any advice?! thanks
LeGenDary_Man Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 If you think that your boyfriend is a great guy and your relationship with him is worth saving; do not give up on him and let him know this. He will eventually melt and welcome you back in his life.
destroyed4sho Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 If you think that your boyfriend is a great guy and your relationship with him is worth saving; do not give up on him and let him know this. He will eventually melt and welcome you back in his life. This is probably the worst advice I have read on here. No, when they start talking breakup it is OVER>>>>>>>>>DONE WITH. 1
crimsoncurrent Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Like he said to you, he's needing space, and showing up unexpectedly at his house is not respectable to his request. So, don't panic, just give him space.
Author xbabycakes Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 sorry if it didn't make sense as to why he got angry, I went to his place and banged on the door when he was asleep as he has to go to work at 5AM and I have done similar to this before and he has got angry about it and said it cant happen again but the alcohol and bad choices got the better of me!
destroyed4sho Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 sorry if it didn't make sense as to why he got angry, I went to his place and banged on the door when he was asleep as he has to go to work at 5AM and I have done similar to this before and he has got angry about it and said it cant happen again but the alcohol and bad choices got the better of me! So you go to his house at 11pm, bang on door, he gets outraged and says he doesn't want to see you anymore. Sounds like an overreaction to me. Would you have done that to him? I don't know much about this guy, but sounds like he has you on your tippy toes = toxic relationship. And has you thinking its all your fault... Go NC.
Mack05 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 xbabycakes from reading your past posts I think you are both far too immature to be in a healthy relationship. I hate to sound condescending, but when you are a little older you will understand what that means. This relationship has a ZERO percent chance of success. I hope that you use this time to focus on gaining that 'maturity' I talk about above. The thing is you might get back together (which would not be a good thing). What happens then? The same cycle (over and over). Rinse, lather, repeat until things get extremely toxic and you will have lost years of your life (with plenty of emotional baggage to show for it). You are VERY immature babycakes and this is where you need to put 110% of your focus. Sadly this advice will just fly straight over your head. Ahh to be young and silly again.. 1
Author xbabycakes Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 He does tend to over-react sometimes with small things and not be bothered by serious things. Sorry, why is it you think I am immature?
Mack05 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 (edited) Sorry, why is it you think I am immature? 1) You recently posted a thread about ending it all? Please don't ever go down that route. You are too precious and life is too precious to ever consider that option. A mature person recognises that a broken heart is not the end of the world. We have all suffered them babycakes and most of us have lived great and loved again.. 2) A mature person should NEVER blame alcohol for their mistake(s). They either a) have enough control and sense not to do silly things when under the influence or b) they give up drink.. 3) If he came back you, you would take him back. If he left again, you would be devastated all over again. If he came back again after that, you would take him back all over again. An emotionally mature woman recognises negative behaviours/cycles and quickly distances herself from the cause (i.e him). She understands the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.. 4) An emotionally mature woman truly knows and understands herself and establishes firm boundaries early doors...If a potential partner cannot stay within those boundaries, then she knows he is not the right partner for her. 5) There is no mature relationship communication in this relationship. That story when you broke up, went back to your mums, came back to his with food and you both laughed and forgot about it all, solves nothing. It's pushing dirt under a carpet, it's an ostrich with it's head in the sand, its putting a plaster over a gaping wound. Just cause you have a kiss and a cuddle does not make everything all right. The issues that were there before have not been resolved and neither of you have the skills to truly understand the relationship issues, let alone resolve them. Maturity in this instance is not guessing why your boyfriend wants to breakup. It's not putting it down to 'silly arguments'. It's about understanding exactly what is happening beneath the surface and then determining if you can both work past these issues and/or make certain compromises to steer the ship in the right direction. We have all been young and immature. Life teaches us lessons. It's ok if you hate me or disagree with me. I thought my mother knew nothing until I was 25 and then quickly realised she knew everything Edited March 21, 2013 by Mack05 1
LeGenDary_Man Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 (edited) This is probably the worst advice I have read on here. No, when they start talking breakup it is OVER>>>>>>>>>DONE WITH. So you don't believe in second chances? I don't know much about OP's history with her boyfriend and responded on the basis of what has been disclosed in THIS THREAD. My advice is perhaps not ideal but it is VALID for mature people. And your overreaction is not warranted. UPDATE Anyways, I checked this detailed disclosure: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/379243-only-way-out-pain-i-feel-end-all I think that "honesty factor" is an issue in this case; OP's boyfriend is perhaps not too mature for a relationship yet. Yes, he may need some space of his own and OP should be accommodating to him in this aspect but then "lying" will complicate things in a relationship. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION is vital for a healthy relationship; you let your (potential) partner know your limits and what is acceptable and not acceptable. Maybe the COMMUNICATION is the weak link here and end result is lying and deceit. @xbabycakes Understand that "effective communication" is important in a relationship. It is about setting some boundaries and ground rules so that your partner may know what to expect if such rules are violated. If your partner is relationship material; he will respect the rules. Though their is more to this; he would have some EXPECTATIONS from you as well. He may need his own space for certain activities in which he may not wish to involve you. If your boyfriend intends to visit his EX; he should be HONEST about it in the first place. Lying complicates the situation. Perhaps you need to work on your communication skills and being more accommodative then you currently are. A person may also lie if he/she feels pressured in a relationship. You may need to give your boyfriend some space now; limit your contact with him for now. The next time you get the "opportunity" to have a serious conversation with him; inform him that you will RESPECT his actions and be more accommodative if he CAN BE HONEST with you about them. Do also let him know that what you EXPECT from him. If he is willing to re-commit as per some terms and conditions that you both get to decide mutually, you have a WIN-WIN situation. If not, then do some strong self-analysis and move on. But do not RUSH in to decision-making. Edited March 21, 2013 by LeGenDary_Man
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