The only way out of the pain I feel is to end it all..

[xbabycakes]

Hi, Ive been reading posts on here for a while but never really let it all out..

 

Four years ago I met a guy, I was 19 and he was 21, And for the first time in my life I felt a real connection, we hung out a few times a week and after a few weeks he asked me out (The first time I had a proper official boyfriend) That summer was without doubt the best time of my life, he had his own place so we started spending loads of time at his just talking all night until it was light and watching films and cuddling & kissing 24/7, It was like a fairy tale and after a few months i lost my virginity to him and we told each other we loved each other & never said or felt that way before.

 

Since then we've moved in together, gone through some really tough things happening but supported each other & got through, we made our own little language and had silly little faces and had silly lil routines we both loved e.g food shopping was a fun time lol he gave me piggy backs and around the store (Yes silly but fun) we were best friends and whilst we still had other friends we spent most of our time together.

Anyways the only time we argued is when I didnt like him going out and getting drunk and sometimes staying out until the next morning leaving me alone at home, all his friends are out every weekend & he didnt see the harm of going out every couple of weeks but the bit that hurt me was that all the other boys girlfriends were invited but he never invited me, I knew he was getting the hump with me moaning but I never thought it would be the end of us.

 

A month ago today I caused a huge row after I found out he went to a party of one of his exes, He went along with his boy buddys and stayed at one of his friends but the fact he lied & said he stayed in then I found out from a friend he was there was what made me so angry, His excuse for lying was that he couldn't even remember and that he only went to the party for five minutes for his friend to drop something off.

 

But this row I no now was the last straw for him, he got so angry and told me I had to pack my things in the morning and leave, and that we were over.

I did all that, But a couple of days later I text him and we spoke a bit and he said he just wants a break, Then a few days later I bumped into him and he said he doesnt want to get back together he just wants to be alone but he still wants to be friends. I was completely devastated and begged and cried and all the usual **** but he just said stop making this harder and left.

 

Then another couple of days later he started texting things like 'What you up too' And other small talk and using our made up language and whilst I was happy to be talking to it was hurting we arn't together. He invited me for dinner on the weekend and we went but I was so sad inside to think normally after we would of gone home and cuddled to sleep but this time I was going home alone and unsure of when I would see him again I asked what was going on and he just said 'Were taking things slow'and said 'Im so tired I work from 6am till 7pm'. Then on the Monday he passed his driving test and he said Id be the first to know and first person for a ride in the car and when he picked me up he held my hand which made me happy & somewhat hopeful.

 

We kept texting and a few days later he said 'Youve been very well behaved indeed recently' (It was a lil joke we had) And I said whys that and he said I hadnt been moaning or nagging at him (id held back and managed not to show how **** I was feeling) and he said we should have a sleepover at his and have sweets and films (Like we used too) So I said ok but then the next day he cancelled because he had to work late. The weekend came and i hadnt heard much, then he texted me saying shall he pick me up, so he did and I went and stayed at his, It was great and it seemed back to normal we was play fighting and doing all the fun stuff we used to and we made love. The next day was mothers day so he was going to his moms and me too mine, but something upset me, He had packed all of my clothes and things into black bags and told me to sort threw them but then he could see my face drop and said just clean & iron them all and bring em back. When we departed he kissed me on the head & said bye.

That was the last time I saw him, about 5 days ago, Ive mentioned when were next gonna see each other and he just says 'Dunno Ive got work late all week' So I feel like im never going to see him. I just want to go back to how we were :'( And also we had a pet snake thats at his and he asked today if i wanted to take it to my mums which made me feel he completely wants everything of mine gone for good.

 

The last month has been pure hell for me I no people say keep busy but the emotional & physical pain im in is stopping me, the only time I can get up and do something is when its to do with him. My mom forced me to go shopping with her and I struggled to go but soon as I got out I was desperate to go home & curl up and cry or just see my boy. I literally think about him 24/7 and even though my mums trying to help its just no consultation the only person I want too see or hear is him. I try my best to sleep as much as I can to block out the pain but now ive started dreaming that we get back together so when I wake up and realise its a dream the pain is unbearable.

 

I literally cant eat, sleep, talk, Ive fainted near enough every day becouse im so stressed and even my periods have stopped, I cant do anything because this is hurting me so much. I dont no what to do. Sorry for the long post just wanted to get it all out. And thanks for reading

[The Tallest One]

xbabycakes, I am so sorry you are hurting so badly! I am in the same boat as you in that I am also hurting badly, but you have to know that you have an inner strength that will carry you through this!

 

The pain is bad both physically and emotionally, but it won't last forever! As much as you love him, your own life and happiness is more important! Time is what heals so you have to be patient and allow the healing to work it's course, you can't rush it! Try and force yourself to be active, be around fily and friends because just isolating yourself keeps you alone with your thoughts and makes it more painful!

 

Talk it out, get it all out of your system! Come to love shack and post and read others posts and see your not alone and that you will get through this! If you feel like you can't take it and are having thoughts of harming yourself, please go to emergency with family or friend and talk to a trained therapist, you are too precious and have a whole life of beauty ahead of you!

 

This pain will pass in time! Take care!

[cafemochaplease]

I know it took a lot of courage to share your heart, xbabycakes, but I'm glad you did. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I agree with The Tallest One about how good it could be for you right now to be around family and friends. Also, have you thought about speaking to a counselor about your feelings? You are in my prayers.

[jjjman]

Hey Babycakes, I support you! I know you will make it through! Just try to stay strong. Sorry I couldn't offer you much advice as I myself am struggling with my own break up with my ex gf.

[Coping Vortex]

Hi, Ive been reading posts on here for a while but never really let it all out..

 

Four years ago I met a guy, I was 19 and he was 21, And for the first time in my life I felt a real connection, we hung out a few times a week and after a few weeks he asked me out (The first time I had a proper official boyfriend) That summer was without doubt the best time of my life, he had his own place so we started spending loads of time at his just talking all night until it was light and watching films and cuddling & kissing 24/7, It was like a fairy tale and after a few months i lost my virginity to him and we told each other we loved each other & never said or felt that way before.

 

Since then we've moved in together, gone through some really tough things happening but supported each other & got through, we made our own little language and had silly little faces and had silly lil routines we both loved e.g food shopping was a fun time lol he gave me piggy backs and around the store (Yes silly but fun) we were best friends and whilst we still had other friends we spent most of our time together.

Anyways the only time we argued is when I didnt like him going out and getting drunk and sometimes staying out until the next morning leaving me alone at home, all his friends are out every weekend & he didnt see the harm of going out every couple of weeks but the bit that hurt me was that all the other boys girlfriends were invited but he never invited me, I knew he was getting the hump with me moaning but I never thought it would be the end of us.

 

A month ago today I caused a huge row after I found out he went to a party of one of his exes, He went along with his boy buddys and stayed at one of his friends but the fact he lied & said he stayed in then I found out from a friend he was there was what made me so angry, His excuse for lying was that he couldn't even remember and that he only went to the party for five minutes for his friend to drop something off.

 

But this row I no now was the last straw for him, he got so angry and told me I had to pack my things in the morning and leave, and that we were over.

I did all that, But a couple of days later I text him and we spoke a bit and he said he just wants a break, Then a few days later I bumped into him and he said he doesnt want to get back together he just wants to be alone but he still wants to be friends. I was completely devastated and begged and cried and all the usual **** but he just said stop making this harder and left.

 

Then another couple of days later he started texting things like 'What you up too' And other small talk and using our made up language and whilst I was happy to be talking to it was hurting we arn't together. He invited me for dinner on the weekend and we went but I was so sad inside to think normally after we would of gone home and cuddled to sleep but this time I was going home alone and unsure of when I would see him again I asked what was going on and he just said 'Were taking things slow'and said 'Im so tired I work from 6am till 7pm'. Then on the Monday he passed his driving test and he said Id be the first to know and first person for a ride in the car and when he picked me up he held my hand which made me happy & somewhat hopeful.

 

We kept texting and a few days later he said 'Youve been very well behaved indeed recently' (It was a lil joke we had) And I said whys that and he said I hadnt been moaning or nagging at him (id held back and managed not to show how **** I was feeling) and he said we should have a sleepover at his and have sweets and films (Like we used too) So I said ok but then the next day he cancelled because he had to work late. The weekend came and i hadnt heard much, then he texted me saying shall he pick me up, so he did and I went and stayed at his, It was great and it seemed back to normal we was play fighting and doing all the fun stuff we used to and we made love. The next day was mothers day so he was going to his moms and me too mine, but something upset me, He had packed all of my clothes and things into black bags and told me to sort threw them but then he could see my face drop and said just clean & iron them all and bring em back. When we departed he kissed me on the head & said bye.

That was the last time I saw him, about 5 days ago, Ive mentioned when were next gonna see each other and he just says 'Dunno Ive got work late all week' So I feel like im never going to see him. I just want to go back to how we were :'( And also we had a pet snake thats at his and he asked today if i wanted to take it to my mums which made me feel he completely wants everything of mine gone for good.

 

The last month has been pure hell for me I no people say keep busy but the emotional & physical pain im in is stopping me, the only time I can get up and do something is when its to do with him. My mom forced me to go shopping with her and I struggled to go but soon as I got out I was desperate to go home & curl up and cry or just see my boy. I literally think about him 24/7 and even though my mums trying to help its just no consultation the only person I want too see or hear is him. I try my best to sleep as much as I can to block out the pain but now ive started dreaming that we get back together so when I wake up and realise its a dream the pain is unbearable.

 

I literally cant eat, sleep, talk, Ive fainted near enough every day becouse im so stressed and even my periods have stopped, I cant do anything because this is hurting me so much. I dont no what to do. Sorry for the long post just wanted to get it all out. And thanks for reading

 

Everything you think and feel is natural. We all have been through it. I'm old enough to be your father and I'm still going the pain of the end of a relationship.

 

No matter what age we still feel the same sting. Just know this at your age you have many more relationships to go through in your life. You will hurt again and again in your lifetime. Its inevitable. Also you most likely will be the one to hurt someone else as well at some point. It's part of life. Part of being a human being. There is no mechanism to switch off the bonding feeling when you get dumped. Cruel irony that our minds are not wired to make the dumper feel the same pain of loss. If they did more relationships would stay intact. It's just a cruel irony the one that stays in love is the one that gets hurt the most.

[ThatJustHappened]

I'm so sorry babycakes. I've been there too..I think everyone has to be honest. I know you feel like you're alone and you're the only person in the world who has ever felt like this before, but I promise you that you're not.

 

I know it seems impossible right now but the pain does ease..the only thing that will help you at this point is time. Let your friends and family take care of you for a while, and then you've got to pull yourself together and start taking care of yourself.

 

Have you looked into therapy? I found a therapist after my break up and it helped SO much.

[KatZee]

Everyone has been where you are, but if from this moment forward you take all the correct steps... you will be on your way to healing (even if you really don't believe it right now.)

 

First of all, NC. Completely. He's stringing you along and that's completely cruel from his end. From this second forward, you must pound into your head that you are not a couple. You are not together. This is not a break. It is a complete break up.

 

Get your snake if you must, but from then on out, block him. There's no need to be in contact with him as it's only going to keep you in limbo, hoping, and being strung along with his crumbs. Don't allow yourself to be used for sex, because that's exactly what happened. You've fallen into the FWB situation. Which is quite convenient for him, but terrible for you. He's not showing interest in being in a relationship with you beyond what HE feels is OK. He's not too concerned about making plans, then blowing you off at the last minute, having sex with you and then not speaking to you for a week... you're just convenient right now, so that has to stop.

 

Put everything you have of you guys in a box if you don't have the heart to throw it out. Pack it up, and put it in the basement or attic. Cleanse your space. It's a clean slate from here on out.

 

Rely on your family and friends. They will be what helps you through this time. Even if you feel like crap, FORCE yourself to go out. No good is going to come from crying in a ball all alone. Is it OK to grieve? Yes. But not to the point where it's negatively affecting your life. It's proven if you fake smile, eventually your mind starts to believe it's happy and you'll start laughing and smiling for real.

 

The sooner your focus is removed from your ex, the sooner you can direct it on to yourself. Where it SHOULD be right now. Think of it this way. Your ex has no problem doing whatever he wants right now. Talking to you, not talking to you, using you for sex, falling off the earth, focusing on his job... everything he does right now IS FOR HIM. It's not for you. So stop focusing, and begging and pleading and desiring to be with someone who's not thinking about YOU and YOUR best interest at all. Love yourself more than this.

 

NC really does heal. Just look at my experience. My first love? Never went NC. I spent SEVEN YEARS in hell. In misery. Wasting my life. My second love? I went NC from day one. 10 months later and I feel like a brand new person. I love life. I love myself. I was over him probably 3 months ago or more. NC healed the hell out of me and I would never advise anyone BUT NC if they want to feel better.

 

Moving on is a full time job. It takes effort. It takes dedication. It's not just time that heals, it's what you're doing with that time. So use it wisely. Learn your lessons, look back objectively. Soon days turn to weeks, and weeks into months, and then you realize... you're FINE! And you're happy, and you're excited about life, and that you HAVE A LIFE outside of your ex.