steveT95 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I broke up with my girlfriend of five months today, here's the full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/380724-first-relationship-first-break-up-dying-inside She had a lot on and couldn't cope with a relationship anymore. But I am in love with her, a lot. I can't get mad, I got frustrated earlier but now I just want her back. She was been distant, vague and pushing me away and said she didn't feel anything for anyone anymore, we both said we were 'in limbo' so after trying to talk with her reasonably with no avail I ended it. I immediately regretted it. Seeing her upset just made me want to hug her. It's getting too much to cope at the moment. I feel so out of control. I WANT HER BACK. Even though I know it is probably futile to attempt the relationship again. For now I'm left waiting for her opinion whether we can be just friends or whether that won't be enough for her. Now she's gone I feel I have no control over my life, it's all been ripped away and I just can't deal with it. She has friends to talk to and occupy herself, although I know she is finding the break up really hard and is missing me. I have no friends what so ever. I have a hobby but it's not really one that can keep me busy for more than half an hour or so. For the last five months she has been my entire life, every thought I had had a connection to her if it wasn't directly about her. All my plans revolved around seeing her, I only looked forward to seeing her and it came before everything else. She was also a huge part of my life at college, I would spend a few minutes with her between every lesson and spend every lunch with her. She was my entire world. And now? Now I have nothing and I really need some advice other than surround yourself with friends, because I don't have any. Please please help I can't stop crying and having doubts about the break up.
JTG Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Brotherman, keep your head up. It is tuff when you put the burden on someone else to make you happy. The best advice I can give to you is to start getting a life together that makes you happy, "You".. Take a few days to collect your thoughts together on what kind of life you want for yourself. What things you always wanted to do. Get some new hobbies or activities lined up. When you put yourself out there doing things and meeting people, that is where you start to have fun. And one day you meet someone that compliments you and who you are. No one can handle the task of making you happy, only you can do that. And if you put the stress on the other person to make you happy, they will collapse. In the mean time listen to self help books or pod casts or read a few books. Work on yourself and put the effort in now while you have some time, and down the road with a new outlook on life, opportunities will start to open up. It isn't an overnight process and takes time, but the efforts will pay off man. I'm sorry to say that a woman can not be the center of your universe. Now she can be a great part of it, but you can't revolve around her. Start out by doing something small every day, no matter what it is. Do something that you wouldn't do, or go to a book store, coffee shop. Do not self project the way you are feeling out to the world, they don't need to now that you are in the dumps. Smile at people you see, feel confidents in yourself. If you don't have confidence in yourself, there is a great starting point to work on You. You cannot meet people by sitting in your house/apt. So get out there and wonder around with your head up high, and take back the wheel on your life. Your ex was not the only person for you, there are so many people out there. If you need to, go to a psychologist and discuss your feelings with them and get some insight of why you feel the way you do. You have one life man, so live it up. You can do it and you will start feeling better soon. If I had the magic pill to make ya feel better i would mail it to you and everyone else to ease their pain, but there isn't any. Working hard on yourself to get you back on top of your life will pay out, but it is a process so start today... JTG
Author steveT95 Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Thanks, JTG that post was a great help to me. Really inspired me to sort out my own life. I have a lot of work to do for myself to build myself up as a person and an individual. Thank you a lot. So I saw her today and we and we spoke and well...we're back together. We were going to try and be friends but I couldn't cope with that and felt it was all or nothing. She was telling me she missed me and we were talking almost like normal but close and it just didn't feel or seem right to not be together. She said losing me was the wake up call she needed and it made her realise how much she really did love me and miss me. So for now we are together but I am going to do my best to back off and not be so in her face. I'm going to make a big effort to get my own life and do things for myself and not worry about her problems. This is what I can cope with, having her whilst I get my own life, then if in the end it doesn't work out at least I will have something their to catch me when I fall.
JTG Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'm glad to hear it, and wish you two the very best. Don't lose sight in improving yourself and go have some fun together!
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