hlm3535 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I am new to this kind of thing, so excuse my uncertainty of what to say. We are both single parents and there are so many things right now that we are going thru emotionally and physically in our relationship that it would take me hours to write it all. Bringing two families together is hard enough, but then to add relationship issues on top of it has truly been a test of our love and friendship. I really don't know where to go with what I am feeling. At my age I don't want or need this emotional roller-coaster, and our children don't either. I am not sure if it is healthy for us to continue our friendship and love. We both are not happy and it shows.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I couldn't possibly comment without knowing more. It's impossible to know what to say.
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I couldn't possibly comment without knowing more. It's impossible to know what to say. Surely you can mind-read TM. PS: Extrapolate from irc's thread.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (You need a mind to read a mind. I'm not sure I'm in mine.) I await the OP's expansion on the matter......
Author hlm3535 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Thank you for responding and once again I am new to this so I am just reading alot and trying not ramble. I just read the article regarding the statistics of Women leaving men due to the lack of emotional support which I feel has also lead to issues with physical issues
Author hlm3535 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 I am not sure how to reference that post in here with my response, but it hit it right on the head for me
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Can you do lunches or meetings after work ? Or say, a night out together ? The thing is that most men don't realise that generally for women, it's the quantity of the time spent together that matters over quality [though quality is important too]; that and the fact that women just want sometimes to discharge themselves of stress through talking about it without necessarily asking for a solution to it. Men and women express love differently and sometimes we can't identify when the other person expresses it. 1
Author hlm3535 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Thank you for responding We do lunch as often as we can and we have date night every Wednesday. You are very right about that and I have tried to express that numerous ways. We had that for the first year or so of our relationship and it has gone away. We have been through so much together mentally and physically and I do truly love him. I think that he has gotten to comfortable and the communication has stopped from him. As I stated I could go on for hours as to the issues that I see but it would take me forever to write it all. I don't want to ramble and bore everyone
Author hlm3535 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 This is the post/thread on this forum that I relate to my situation: Marriage & Life Partnerships Verbal abuse/emotional neglect no. 1 reason for divorce cited by women
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 This is how you link a thread: Open up a reply box: Write a sentence, such as... Have a look at this link. Highlight the word 'this'. Then open a new tab and look for the thread you want. Go to that thread: Highlight and copy the thread URL in the top bar (where it says www . loveshack . org and then the remaining detail. Highlight all of that, and copy.) Go back to your reply box. Click on the 'globe with a link'. A box will appear: Click in that, and paste the url you copied. Click 'OK'. The link will appear like a huge mess in your post, and somewhere in the middle of it, will be the 'this' word, you highlighted. When you 'submit reply, though, it will look like this:
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 You mean this thread...... So you don't feel loved, validated or wanted, currently.... Would that about sum it up, generally speaking?
Author hlm3535 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Thank you for all of your help, I appreciate your time. This is the URL: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/379092-verbal-abuse-emotional-neglect-no-1-reason-divorce-cited-women
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 This is the post/thread on this forum that I relate to my situation: Marriage & Life Partnerships Verbal abuse/emotional neglect no. 1 reason for divorce cited by women I think i posted in that thread or in another thread. Basically i don't believe that statistic. First of all, up untill no-fault divorce was allowed the only way for ppl to get divorced is through the woman claiming physical abuse and the husband admitting it [or not]. That was the standard procedure for divorce. Secondly, verbal abuse means going to her face, shouting, belittling her and doing other nasty things; however, verbal abuse is hard to prove, harder to disprove for the accused [if he is a man] and in some countries women are advised to claim abuse by the man in order to get a better share [Canada]. So this classification is very much 'abused' by ppl who are not really abused, thereby cheapening the awefull experience for those that go through it. There are men and women on LS who have been truly abused and who have been accused in court of child/spousal abuse; no proof needed, some even have it on their record, they can't remove it [there was a male poster from England with this problem]. Thirdly, statistics can be made to prove anything. 99.9% of LS users did not read that thread; does that mean they don't care ? that they don't sympathise ? Can it mean that 99.9% of LS users are jerks ? And last but not least, emotional neglect is something that really annoys me, because it can be viewed so differently by so many ppl. Like i said in the above post, men and women view love differently. It can very well be that a man loves his wife but she does not know this, because she views the showing of love in another way. Here is where communication helps a lot. I advise you to read Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley. The title may give off the wrong impression, but the book is from the perspective of both a man and a woman while the woman is falling out of love with her man. While it is about the woman comitting infidelity, it's more interesting to see the steps she goes through [infidelity is something that is up to her to happen in the end, pretend that it doesn't]. 1
Author hlm3535 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Okay and I thank you for your input. Interesting thought about how men and woman perceive showing love. We used to have wonderful communication and that was one of the my biggest attractions to him. We really have lost that and I have tried everything to gainit back but I feel it has become one sided.
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Okay and I thank you for your input. Interesting thought about how men and woman perceive showing love. We used to have wonderful communication and that was one of the my biggest attractions to him. We really have lost that and I have tried everything to gainit back but I feel it has become one sided. The Mars and Venus on a xxxxxxx series of books has helped me see that as well. I started with Mars and Venus on a date. 1
Author hlm3535 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 How do you send private messages on here? Thanks
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 You need to have minimum of 1month here and 50 posts, or to pay to be able to send PM's. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 That's 100 posts... or yeah... subscribe to be a member. Actually, the cost isn't hugely prohibitive. I may do that again some time, if only to up the total permitted in my PM box - !
hestheone66 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Hi Him3535 I was wondering if you've been together for 3 years and you both had previous relationships, how long were you separated before meeting/developing your relationship. It sounds to me a bit like someone or both of you may have been lonely/bored after the break up of first relatshipship and the 'honeymoon' period fulfilled those needs. Now that it is a LTR the boredom and loneliness has resurfaced. I wonder if either or both of you did work on yourselves prior to re-relationing, so that you weren't so dependant on the other to fill emotional needs. sometimes we should turn to our friends not our partners for that sort of support, esp if the other person is not used to give the support you require. we all show love in diff ways.. eg maybe you need to feel emotionally secure before embracing his physical needs... maybe he needs to be fulfilled physically before he can be emotionally intimate. just some thoughts
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