Soxfaninfl Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 She obviously wasn't the girl then!!!! That email was very bland. Sorry to tell you. I would've responded but just because I am nice and curious about others. Use that sense of humor on them!!! Something a little quirky but not weird. OLD didn't really work for me either and I responded to almost every email and was proactive in writing men. Have you ever considered a paid site? Or a site that specializes in marriage? How about a kinky site?? I found my honey on a kinky site. No worries. Ok that's for the advice Sweetkiwi. Acctually that was a paid site lol. I was thinking of giving okcupid a shot. It's free. What the hell do I have to lose. Can you email me the links to kinky sites? 1
truth_seeker Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Lets not leave out women who are scamming men and playing games. When they get caught they use excuses like "it wasn't me! It was someone else! Like, that catfishing people are talking about!" I would avoid OLD. Nothing but headaches with that thing.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 That message sounds like it was written by a robot. You had an opportunity to showcase yourself and you didn't take it. Next time you should comment on something in the profile you like, ask about it, definitely use some humor where applicable, and show your personality. Saying "we have similar interests, so let me know" is just phoning it in. Thanks for the advice normal person.
Author kaylan Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I said the following: "Hello, My name is Erik, and I am interested in getting to know you. I see that we have similar interests. If your interested let me know. I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks, Erik" I did notice in her profile that she was looking for someone that was 5'10 and taller which I don't get? She's 5'2. I'm 5'6. I'm 4 inches taller. I don't know? She is 32 and never been married with no kids, but wants kids. I'm 37 divorced with a son. Maybe she wanted somebody with no kids and that's not divorced. It sucks when your divorced and you didn't want it. I agree that you sent a bland message. Be different, be funny, be lively. You sound like a formal letter. Instead of saying " Hello, my name is Erik"...say "Hey!, hows goes it? Im Erick"...and mention specific similar interests instead of being vague about it. If a girl likes The Office...mention a character whos your favorite. And dont say youre interested in getting to know her. Thats to plain and matter of fact. Be more relaxed. One girl in her profile said she considers herself a super hero...so I told her "ok ms super hero...im applying for the role of arch nemisis". It says I wanna talk to her more, but goes playfully with something she said in her profile. I got that chicks number, but it fizzled out after some texting. But its still something. Feel me? And dont say "hope to here from you soon". Just act like you know they will reply. Just say "Talk to you later". I treat messages the same way I do real life interactions with women. You wouldnt be so formal and matter of fact in real life would you? Lastly, I generally dont message girls who put requirements in their profile. Its offputting and gives the vibe of a girl who sees OLD as a place to get your lists checked off. Like really? She has a preferred height that down to the inch? Gimme a break....the same girls who put stuff like that in their profile...are the same chicks who end up falling for guys 5'8 or 5'9 in real life. If she wants someone 5'10...let her find him and keep it moving. She was nice enough to give you a polite rejection. Most girls dont do that. Hell I never do that when girls message me that Im not into. I just ignore lol 1
Soxfaninfl Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I agree that you sent a bland message. Be different, be funny, be lively. You sound like a formal letter. Instead of saying " Hello, my name is Erik"...say "Hey!, hows goes it? Im Erick"...and mention specific similar interests instead of being vague about it. If a girl likes The Office...mention a character whos your favorite. And dont say youre interested in getting to know her. Thats to plain and matter of fact. Be more relaxed. One girl in her profile said she considers herself a super hero...so I told her "ok ms super hero...im applying for the role of arch nemisis". It says I wanna talk to her more, but goes playfully with something she said in her profile. I got that chicks number, but it fizzled out after some texting. But its still something. Feel me? And dont say "hope to here from you soon". Just act like you know they will reply. Just say "Talk to you later". I treat messages the same way I do real life interactions with women. You wouldnt be so formal and matter of fact in real life would you? Lastly, I generally dont message girls who put requirements in their profile. Its offputting and gives the vibe of a girl who sees OLD as a place to get your lists checked off. Like really? She has a preferred height that down to the inch? Gimme a break....the same girls who put stuff like that in their profile...are the same chicks who end up falling for guys 5'8 or 5'9 in real life. If she wants someone 5'10...let her find him and keep it moving. She was nice enough to give you a polite rejection. Most girls dont do that. Hell I never do that when girls message me that Im not into. I just ignore lol Thanks for the advice Kaylan. I do appreciate it.
CryForNoOne Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I said the following: "Hello, My name is Erik, and I am interested in getting to know you. I see that we have similar interests. If your interested let me know. I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks, Erik" I did notice in her profile that she was looking for someone that was 5'10 and taller which I don't get? She's 5'2. I'm 5'6. I'm 4 inches taller. I don't know? She is 32 and never been married with no kids, but wants kids. I'm 37 divorced with a son. Maybe she wanted somebody with no kids and that's not divorced. It sucks when your divorced and you didn't want it. Here are some messages that worked for me. Obviously context sensitive but all show I read their profile, are succinct and to the point, show no uncertainty or self doubt, and an attempt at either humor or intrigue: She mentioned most people have no idea what a hospitalist is. I replied "So what is a hospitalist? I could Google it, but I'd rather have you explain..." She opened her profile with favorite lyric of all time. I replied with mine: "Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns". Can you imagine that feeling? She mentioned she loves crosswords and using interesting words in conversation. I replied "What are 3 words you love?" She replied "Superfluous, egregious, and beer!" I used one of those words in each of my next 3 messages ending with an offer to meetup for a "beer". Date tomorrow night.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I've seen tons of studies on this. People would set up profiles of average and in some cases really below average women and within a week they would have dozens and in some cases hundreds of messages Then they set up a profile of a average man and in some cases above average man and within a week he'll have one or 2 messages....Maybe:laugh: It's not even close. If your a woman and cant get a man threw OLD, i dont know what to say to you. In general OLD is designed to work really well for really attractive men and all women I'm actually very much considering doing this kind of experiment. I already did it once, but for a guy. Took one generic picture (no face though) off the internet and created a profile. At first he got nothing but when I made him have a good career that upped the first messages and responses a bit. I tried messaging some of the same women I messaged with my account. Only one girl responded to the fake profile and not my own. So, it's a bit of a wash I suppose.
HotRod1963 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) I read through the post on here about OLD and all I can do is shake my head. But it does validate the OP point that OLD is not for dudes. I know I don't do it because it is a waist of time. Edited March 20, 2013 by HotRod1963 typo
nofool4u Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) Ok, I have to ask, and maybe it has been asked and answered already. WTF is OLD? EDIT: never mind, online dating I assume. Never done it, don't need it. Edited March 20, 2013 by nofool4u 1
PJKino Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I messaged an obese women the other day just to see how far its swung in the womens favor and she told me im a ugly midget and need to leave her alone[im 5'8 shes 5'2 pushing between 2 and 3 bills] 1
dasein Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Can't remember if I posted to this or not, and not going to read all the pages. I have had really good luck with OLD pulling very good looking women. It just takes accepting some given realities, humility, and the willingness to learn and put in a little effort over time. After that is gained, it saves a ton of time and money over having to go out all the time. 1
Object_a Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Can't remember if I posted to this or not, and not going to read all the pages. I have had really good luck with OLD pulling very good looking women. It just takes accepting some given realities, humility, and the willingness to learn and put in a little effort over time. After that is gained, it saves a ton of time and money over having to go out all the time. Maybe philosophers are just really good at OLD. I'm guessing you are one too with a name like Dasein Like I said earlier in the thread I wouldn't consider myself particularly good looking and I'm doing just great from OLD.
dasein Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Being good with words is a huge advantage in OLD. I had disadvantages to balance that. Part of the learning process of OLD is an honest evaluation of your strengths and weaknesses in the dating pool, and how to leverage and highlight strengths, minimalize weaknesses.
sweetkiwi Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Yeah I tried OLD because my town was small and I wanted a bigger pool to pick from. And I tried it in Italy as a way to find English speakers. I never had a problem finding dates in real life. But on OLD it was difficult and the guys were extremely clingy and expected commitment after one date. All except two turned out to be complete weirdos. The last one, and man I am currently with, was certainly the cream of the crop in my opinion. He'd been on that particular site for six years!!! I asked why so long of course since I had only been on that site for about a month. Less actually. He said that initially he started it to lose his virginity. Then subsequently went long stretches inbetween dating insecure needy women. He was overweight, shy, and very involved in his studies. Then we met eachother. He's certainly the most interesting person I have ever met and I am glad I joined that site when I did!!! 1
CryForNoOne Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I knew 10 or so co-workers, friends, family, etc. who tried online dating. These are quaility, healthy, professional, attractive good people who had no problems in real life dating. Now leaving out all the crap they had to deal with to get a date... These 10 or so people went on 100+ dates. Of those 1,000 or so people they actually went on dates with... Less than 5 were what they considered quality who they would consider dating / entering into a relationship with. The rest either misrepresented / lied about their weight, height, pictures, profile, etc. or were rebounding, attention whores, crazy, desperate, needy, clingy, tried to hard, perverts, in a relationship already, losers, married, etc. I know of two friends of friends who actually met and married their spouse through online dating. I wouldn't wish their issues and their marriages on my worst enemy. One is in the middle of divorce and the other is already in marriage counseling after less than a year. Based on the experience of my friends, co-workers, family, friends of friends and what I see here and other places... You would have better luck meeting someone at a Truck Stop than through online dating. Wow to think I've gone on 5 dates from OKC and I already found one I see long term potential with. Not only that, all FIVE were normal people seemingly capable of healthy LTRs. I must be incredibly lucky. Not one liar, pervert, crazy, attention whore, stage 5 clinger, or scammer. I guess the law of averages suggests my next 995 dates will be exclusively with the scourge of humanity... This is post is actually completely ridiculous. Either you need new friends or your full of $h!t. Sorry but with a sample size of 1000 dates, you're going to have a fair representation of the OLD demographic. Your conclusion is that about .5% of people from OLD are LTR material. Unless your friends are the EXCEPTIONAL cream of the crop, all within that elite .5% AND also with a penchant for picking complete losers, it would be reasonable to assume that they themselves are fairly representative of the general OLD demographic. The scenario you describe is mindbogglingly unlikely statistically speaking. If I grabbed 2000 people off of OLD, you're saying there are decent 10 people. You know 10 people who've tried OLD and ALL of them are decent people. Yeah right...
Woggle Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 The times I did OLD it was just a trainwreck. I actually had somebody who wanted to meet me somewhere because she didn't want me to know where she lived which I perfectly understood because she didn't know me from Adam. When I got there she was already drunk and I almost had to break up a fight she started with somebody else. There was also the other time I ended up on a date with a neo nazi and the time I almost had sex with a married woman. I bailed right there when I found out she was married. I met my wife by simply going over and talking to her in public which is what I recommend.
MrCastle Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I don't know what's funnier, the sushi story, or the fact that I believed it 100% since it was an OLD tale.
Author kaylan Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Cryfornoone...are you a woman? Cus if so...you and kiwi's posts show how women can more easily go online and find dates or a guy they really like in a much shorter time than men. As someone said before, theres hugely different experiences in OLD for men and women.
MrCastle Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Cryfornoone...are you a woman? Cus if so...you and kiwi's posts show how women can more easily go online and find dates or a guy they really like in a much shorter time than men. As someone said before, theres hugely different experiences in OLD for men and women. Some chicks I know IRL that have tried OLD don't front about it. They've told me straight up they have to empty their inboxes every couple of days and admit they don't exactly read everything--tough to keep up with all the messages.
El Brujo Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 When I created a fake female profile on an OLDS, "she" got DOZENS of messages from guys who were practically on their knees crying for sex. Most just said "hi" or "hey" and nothing else, and some just wanted to send lewd remarks. Only 2 or 3 out of a few hundred sounded like they actually had a brain and were interested in something other than a quickie sex fix... I felt kind of bad for those guys. But, sheesh... after my fake woman got bombarded with a blizzard of come-ons, I can see why women would just say the hell with it and go solo.
Author kaylan Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 When I created a fake female profile on an OLDS, "she" got DOZENS of messages from guys who were practically on their knees crying for sex. Most just said "hi" or "hey" and nothing else, and some just wanted to send lewd remarks. Only 2 or 3 out of a few hundred sounded like they actually had a brain and were interested in something other than a quickie sex fix... I felt kind of bad for those guys. But, sheesh... after my fake woman got bombarded with a blizzard of come-ons, I can see why women would just say the hell with it and go solo. can i haz sechs nao? 1
SJC2008 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Cryfornoone...are you a woman? Cus if so...you and kiwi's posts show how women can more easily go online and find dates or a guy they really like in a much shorter time than men. As someone said before, theres hugely different experiences in OLD for men and women. I stalked your POF kaylan lol. I was going to send you a message with you and mess with you but I was like I better not. 1
dasein Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Right... Sorry, didn't buy the numbers in your prior post either, that you have 10 friends who each went out with 100 people, and of those 1000 only 5 were prospects? Did I misread? Your stats don't leave room for subsequent dates or having a regular life, and IMO are some exaggerated. I was an online dating fiend for 2 solid years (3+ calendar years) other than intervening relationships and only managed to meet 50 women from OLD. It goes in cycles. Some weeks would meet 2-3 women, then a few weeks of 1 or even none. It would take a long, long time to plan and go on 100 OLDs and have any kind of normal life, have an average social life and average work schedule. Moreover, one of the reasons I didn't go meet 2 new women each and every week for a solid year, which is what 100 meets would require, is that so many of the prospects were good. Once you have a full bucket you have to stop and evaluate. You start sleeping with one or more and have to slow things down while deciding whether longer term dating is in the cards. I did meet plenty of nuts and unsuitables OLD, dated some of them far longer than I should have admittedly. Also, to the thread generally, OLD is just another tool in the box, not a substitute for all the worthy ways to meet people out there, but in addition to those methods. It's not a good idea to just do OLD, but incorporate it into a preexisting social life, which should be built first. I feel like lots of bad experience from OLD is due to neglecting building a good preexisting social life first. 2
CryForNoOne Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 (edited) Right... This coming from a 41 year old "Nice" Guy who probably doesn't have the stones or success in asking out quality women in real life. Probably why you bragged about screwing idiot 21 year olds and allowing himself to get friendzoned by women of substance and quality in this thread: The nice guy / the jerk / out of my league Based on how superficial and shallow you were in the above thread, I am willing to bet not too many quality women are going to consider you a quality guy and see you as long term potential. Personal attacks. Nice way to deflect the from responding to the fact that your figures are obviously GROSSLY exaggerated. Continue living in your delusional world that all other people except for your friends must suck, which is why none of them can find happiness... You cannot even make a simple point without contradicting yourself. On the one hand, I don't have the stones to ask out women IRL and must go online, yet on the other hand, I'm shallow because I'm "bragging" about how many women I screw. Which incidentally is not that case if you bothered to read the thread. I've stated more than once than I never laid a hand on the 21-yo, or any other flirting girl I mentioned, despite her making herself available to me. Also if online dating is so great like you say... How is the following possible? Weird / interesting OLD meeting later today If this is one of your 5 you mentioned... She sounds like a real gem and you match the description of the men most of my female co-workers, friends, etc. ran into via online dating. Nice how you only quoted the beginning of that thread, which was actually borne out of the irrational distrust by people on this site just like you. After reading all the horror stories on here, I started to suspect the worst - that something had to be wrong. Here's the rest of the story: Turned out to be a great date! So many rules were broken and some things went horribly wrong but it didn't seem to matter as we had great chemistry. I was a few minutes late, and she was already seated so she texted me asking what I wanted to drink. But when I arrived there was nobody even closely resembling her in the restaurant. The only people sitting alone were an old lady and a dude. I was like WTF have I been catfished as a practical joke??? Turns out she went to the wrong restaurant! I found her pretty quickly and we laughed it off as a blonde moment. She skateboarded from the auto shop to the date - gotta say that's a first on a date! Also at one point I choked badly on my drink and practically sprayed all over the table. It wasn't nerves - just coughed at the wrong time as food was damn spicy! I kept my composure and she got up to pat my back. It turned into something positive as we touched hands suggestively for the first time. We talked about all sorts of taboos for a first date - she brought past relationships, and what kind of guys she likes, etc... Thankfully I was EXACTLY what she liked so it's obvious why she contacted me. We noted every time we "broke a rule" until became a running joke. We started high-fiving each other each time we said something the other totally agreed with. Lots of high fives as well as a bit more affectionate touching of hands in general. We walked for a while after lunch and actually skateboarded a bit! I did all the gentlemanly things like pay for the meal, open doors for her, and carry her jacket, bag etc... She's a southern girl and acknowledged later it was a really big deal and noticed all the little things I did. Over a 3 hour lunch date and we're going to see each other soon, so it seems very promising. So yes I see a lot of potential. She's Buddhist and really into meditation. She's a yoga instructor, personal trainer, actress, and performance artist. She's very intelligent and speaks her mind, does what she wants, and doesn't give a $h!t what other people think. So she came to the date on a skateboard and broke every first date rule. It could have been a disaster if we were both incredibly uptight like you obviously are, but we had an awesome date and a great time. I'm seeing her Friday and yes there is long term potential. But we'll see where it goes. And I've also had my fair share of OLD ups and downs. The first 3-4 weeks were very frustrating. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/378377-okcupid-work I could have adopted the bitter jaded attitude 90% of the folks here have, but I decided to stay upbeat and change my approach and its really working for me. Edited March 21, 2013 by CryForNoOne
CryForNoOne Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Cryfornoone...are you a woman? Cus if so...you and kiwi's posts show how women can more easily go online and find dates or a guy they really like in a much shorter time than men. As someone said before, theres hugely different experiences in OLD for men and women. Nope just a guy who seems to be incredibly lucky at meeting quality people online. I guess I'll go buy lottery tickets next.
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