Is the world trying to screw me over?!

[ThaWholigan]

I just don't see what happened as an opening.

 

Even if it was, why is it closed now when we were starting to talk more? It doesn't make any sense for a girl to say, "well I gave you a chance to ask me out last week and you didn't so I hate you now."

 

Unless Ronin is right and she just started dating somebody.

That window doesn't always stay open, surely you understand that. In a sense it's like "you had your chance". Just like when girls have looked at me waiting for me to approach, and then they walk away with a look that says "you had your chance". Sometimes they can be actually quite upset.

 

All you did was show yourself to be a neutral guy who is fun and OK to talk to, not a guy who's interesting and intriguing, as well as fun to talk to. Again, that's not necessarily your fault because I know you don't know any better, but this is precisely why you have to listen to us.

 

And yeah, Ronin could be right and she may have her eye on other guys. Remember, this is college and there are lots of guys there. Spoiled for choice.

[Lonely Ronin]

Chances are just like produce, they will go bad if not used in time. You must learn to recognize them and be prepared to throw all caution to the wind when you are presented with one.

 

This is why I strongly advocating learning how to talk with women. it's also why I advocate having female friends, specially for you. You have catch up learning to do, so you should be tying to educate yourself as many ways as possible.

[ThaWholigan]

Chances are just like produce, they will go bad if not used in time. You must learn to recognize them and be prepared to throw all caution to the wind when you are presented with one.

 

This is why I strongly advocating learning how to talk with women. it's also why I advocate having female friends, specially for you. You have catch up learning to do, so you should be tying to educate yourself as many ways as possible.

Both male and female friends in my opinion. Hence why everyone's been telling him to have a social circle, even if it's a small one.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Somedude81,

 

I've read through a bit of this thread.

 

Was there a part where you said some women in your dance class might be interested in you but you thought they were physically unattractive, so you nexted them?

 

Those COULD have been THE women I always talk about. The ones who will be interested in hearing how your day went, the ones who will cook for you, the ones who will be there when you crash your car into a tree and be genuinely concerned if you're OK.

 

As for the other women in your dance class who blow you off and are not physically attracted to you, you think they give a sh@t about you and if you fall off a cliff tomorrow?

 

Take it or leave it homie. You only get one life.

Edited March 20, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember

[ltjg45]

Somedude81,

 

I've read through a bit of this thread.

 

Was there a part where you said some women in your dance class might be interested in you but you thought they were physically unattractive, so you nexted them?

 

Those COULD have been THE women I always talk about. The ones who will be interested in hearing how your day went, the ones who will cook for you, the ones who will be there when you crash your car into a tree and be genuinely concerned if you're OK.

 

As for the other women in your dance class who blow you off and are not physically attracted to you, you think they give a sh@t about you and if you fall off a cliff tomorrow?

 

Take it or leave it homie. You only get one life.

 

That's part of the problem. I don't blame any male for not going for a female that he isn't attracted to, regardless if they are available or not.

 

All that will do is cause him to settle (and I'm sure he will the first chance he gets) and that does him or her any good.

 

Just need to find a female that is available, wants him, and he is attracted to as well. That one will be a keeper. Of course, the way he handles himself is also another part of a problem but you guys already covered that.

[JuneJulySeptember]

That's part of the problem. I don't blame any male for not going for a female that he isn't attracted to, regardless if they are available or not.

 

All that will do is cause him to settle (and I'm sure he will the first chance he gets) and that does him or her any good.

 

Just need to find a female that is available, wants him, and he is attracted to as well. That one will be a keeper. Of course, the way he handles himself is also another part of a problem but you guys already covered that.

 

And you know this from experience?

 

Because every woman you meet is a "Yes, attracted to" or "Hell no, Woof, woof"?

 

1) Life is all about gray areas.

 

2) Life is all about living experiences and learning from them. Not pining for idealized goals and mates.

[Meeks7]

We've talked about this many times...

 

NO CAMPUS LUNCHES. Never, ever. Not until you are solidly boyfriend-girlfriend.

 

The campus lunch is the quickest way to the friend zone.

 

Man up, and ask her OUT. Off campus. Friday or Saturday night. Then it's on. But campus lunch? Sure, if you want to be her friend and nothing more...

[somedude81]

We've talked about this many times...

 

NO CAMPUS LUNCHES. Never, ever. Not until you are solidly boyfriend-girlfriend.

 

The campus lunch is the quickest way to the friend zone.

 

Man up, and ask her OUT. Off campus. Friday or Saturday night. Then it's on. But campus lunch? Sure, if you want to be her friend and nothing more...

Did you see what happened last time I tried to get a girls number?

 

With a campus lunch I get at least 20 minutes to talk to a girl without any distractions. Also the only girl I ever got an actual date with that I met on campus, we had lunch first.

 

Right now in salsa the only time I get to talk to a girl is the 1-3 minutes that I'm somebodies partner, and even if I can get to her during the class because there are so many girls. I haven't danced with this girl in about 3 classes, so I've barely spoken to her after class.

[ThaWholigan]

Did you see what happened last time I tried to get a girls number?

 

With a campus lunch I get at least 20 minutes to talk to a girl without any distractions. Also the only girl I ever got an actual date with that I met on campus, we had lunch first.

 

Right now in salsa the only time I get to talk to a girl is the 1-3 minutes that I'm somebodies partner, and even if I can get to her during the class because there are so many girls. I haven't danced with this girl in about 3 classes, so I've barely spoken to her after class.

Meeks has a point, and in my mammoth post I pointed that out - you seem awfully limited in your ideas in terms of how to woo these women. Like I said, why don't you try asking them to go somewhere else with you?

[Meeks7]

Did you see what happened last time I tried to get a girls number?

 

With a campus lunch I get at least 20 minutes to talk to a girl without any distractions. Also the only girl I ever got an actual date with that I met on campus, we had lunch first.

 

Right now in salsa the only time I get to talk to a girl is the 1-3 minutes that I'm somebodies partner, and even if I can get to her during the class because there are so many girls. I haven't danced with this girl in about 3 classes, so I've barely spoken to her after class.

 

You can get more than 20 minutes with a girl... UNRUSHED QUALITY time outside campus. You just need to keep trucking on.

 

(from another thread of yours regarding campus lunch and how they are a no no)

 

I think that is what can be miscontrued as a friendly gesture. You're in class, you say "Want to grab a bite to eat?" and bam you're having lunch with a classmate and that's all. If it's something you can say to a guy friend, then it's definitely not clear.

 

Also, campus lunches are too easy and lazy.

 

 

Seconding P's opinion about the campus lunch. When my first college ex asked me out, he made a point to ensure that the proposed venue was NOT on campus , and that really clarified his intentions for me (and earned brownie points). I grab lunch at campus with platonic friends all the time, because we both just happened to be there. Key word being: Platonic.

 

You don't really need to go for a super formal expensive dinner date or such for the first time, but it must must must be outside the damn campus. Purposefully take her to a simple but tasteful diner, or coffee, or the mall, or anything, really. I usually suggest that people consider Asian diners for this because some of them are equivalently priced to McDs but don't have that aura of 'cheapness' about them, but I'm sure it depends entirely on your location and preferences.

 

OK, this is something I wanted to talk about.

 

Where I should actually take college age girls.

 

For some reason I just don't like the idea of taking somebody to a restaurant for dinner or do a bar/lounge for the very first time we meet up outside of class.

 

Turnera's approach is what I normally do. The campus has a decent food court and a bar and grill place where one can get burgers and nice sandwiches. I've had lunch with a few girls at those locations but I never paid for them.

 

I'm not really sure how formal or date like I should go for the first time we see each other outside of class.

 

I want a girl to know that I'm interested in her more than being friends but that I'm also casual about it so she won't freak out.

 

Where to take them? Definitely not campus lunches. It simply doesn't work. Also, your last sentence tells a lot. You can't play it safe! You need to be more upfront. Even if it sounds odd to you, saying something bold like "Hey, can I take you out on a date sometime?"

 

She'll let you know if she's interested or not right away. You'll also know right away. It's time to change up your style man. If something isn't working, then you gotta try something new.

 

If you're settling for campus lunches, then you're settling for "campus acquaintance" at best... in the most platonic of ways, too.

[somedude81]

What's all this nonsense about things being too easy?

 

Yeah maybe it's easier to get a girl to have lunch with me then a dinner date.

 

So how often do you think I have lunch with girls?

 

Last time was about a year and a half ago. So yeah, that's how easy it is.

 

Anyways, what's the better move to make, trying to get the number first or trying to take her to a date activity?

 

And no, I don't have a social circle that I can just invite her to do activities with me. It would actually take longer to form a social circle then to get a date.

Edited March 21, 2013 by somedude81

[Meeks7]

What's all this nonsense about things being too easy?

 

Yeah maybe it's easier to get a girl to have lunch with me then a dinner date.

 

So how often do you think I have lunch with girls?

 

Last time was about a year and a half ago. So yeah, that's how easy it is

 

I don't think I myself personally have ever called it "EASY." However, it's just something you gotta do and grind out in life. It's how you find your way and your legs, so to speak. It's through CONSTANT trial and error, not constant what if scenarios that you only play out in your mind.

 

It is not easy and yes it's scary, but it's worth it if you wanna go anywhere.

 

.Anyways, what's the better move to make, trying to get the number first or trying to take her to a date activity?

 

It's hard to answer this without a "It depends." I think the key is, you need to make a CLEAR gesture early on. Don't wait until the middle of the end of the semester.

 

Just ask girls out on a DATE.

 

 

And no, I don't have a social circle that I can just invite her to do activities with me. It would actually take longer to form a social circle then to get a date.

 

And you're sure it would take longer to form a social circle than to get a date based on what data??

 

You know, every daunting and "impossible" journey begins with one simple step, one simple "yes." Imagine if you were more optimistic and willing to try out different things several years ago, where you might be now.

 

One thing is for sure: look where complaining and theorizing has gotten you in the last 5 years.

 

Start saying YES and start doing. Live your life, man. The more you complain, the less things will change.

[Meeks7]

Here's another question to ponder:

 

Why can't you work on forming a social circle WHILE looking for a date/girlfriend?

 

Who ever said these two things had to be separated?

 

You can do both at the same time bro.....

[Els]

Did you see what happened last time I tried to get a girls number?

 

With a campus lunch I get at least 20 minutes to talk to a girl without any distractions. Also the only girl I ever got an actual date with that I met on campus, we had lunch first.

 

Right now in salsa the only time I get to talk to a girl is the 1-3 minutes that I'm somebodies partner, and even if I can get to her during the class because there are so many girls. I haven't danced with this girl in about 3 classes, so I've barely spoken to her after class.

 

Who are you doing campus lunch with?

 

I don't think it's necessarily always a bad idea if you don't mind going the friends route first (and risking FZ), just that you have to understand that if she agrees, it's NOT a date. So if you want to go the campus lunch route, you have to view it as part of interacting with her to build up attraction PRIOR to asking her out on a real date, because the campus lunch won't be a date.

[somedude81]

Who are you doing campus lunch with?

 

I don't think it's necessarily always a bad idea if you don't mind going the friends route first (and risking FZ), just that you have to understand that if she agrees, it's NOT a date. So if you want to go the campus lunch route, you have to view it as part of interacting with her to build up attraction PRIOR to asking her out on a real date, because the campus lunch won't be a date.

That's exactly how I see it.

 

It's just to spend some time talking without any distractions. Find out more about her and then set up a real date.

 

Ideally, my perfect situation would be to talk to a girl a bit in class, express some interest then have lunch. During lunch we talk more, express more interest and then set up an activity date preferably on the coming weekend. By activity I mean almost anything other than getting dinner.

 

The main goal is to spend some time talking to her before I try to set up a real date.

[Els]

If it's just one lunch, I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

If you're consistently going for campus lunch for months on end, yes, you will be FZed.

[somedude81]

If it's just one lunch, I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

If you're consistently going for campus lunch for months on end, yes, you will be FZed.

Yup, just one lunch.

 

If I have lunch more than once with a girl, it's because she's a friend and I would have stopped trying to date/sleep with her.

[Els]

So which girl are you going to ask out for lunch?

 

Hopefully not the girl who declined to give you her number?

[somedude81]

So which girl are you going to ask out for lunch?

 

Hopefully not the girl who declined to give you her number?

LOL, I don't have any way to get in touch with that girl. I'm not going to that class again, I couldn't find her on Facebook and trying to set up a lunch thing through the school email service would be super creepy. Her rejection was pretty awkward, and it almost seemed like she wanted me to talk to her again, but she was probably nervous and didn't know what to say.

 

So I'm planning on trying to get lunch with somebody in my Salsa class. I'll try something tomorrow but I don't know how it will go with the first girl on my mind.

[Els]

LOL, I don't have any way to get in touch with that girl. I'm not going to that class again, I couldn't find her on Facebook and trying to set up a lunch thing through the school email service would be super creepy. Her rejection was pretty awkward, and it almost seemed like she wanted me to talk to her again, but she was probably nervous and didn't know what to say.

 

Best to give it up on that one. There are always going to be 'what ifs' in your mind, but IMO if a girl rejects you, there is little point persisting with her. It may work in 1% of cases, but at what cost?

 

So I'm planning on trying to get lunch with somebody in my Salsa class. I'll try something tomorrow but I don't know how it will go with the first girl on my mind.

 

Good luck.

[somedude81]

Alright, one salsa girl is checked off my list.

 

I talked to her before class though she didn't seem to be into it. Then when it came time to dance, before I could offer to help her up from sitting on the floor, she turned to the guy next to her and asked if he would like to dance. I could tell that asking her out would be a total waste of my time. At one point she was the girl I thought I had the best chance with but there's no chance now.

 

So as I walked away without saying a word, I saw the other girl I have my eye walking towards the middle without a guy so I immediately grabbed her. We danced and joked around for a few minutes. This girl is far more attractive then the other girl both face and body, she also has a warmer personality. After a few minutes of dancing, I don't know what it was, maybe too many close moves, I started to realize I was getting too "excited." I broke off to get some water, talked to an unattractive girl, trying to register how much she turns me off, go back to the girl I was dancing with, and it was getting worse. I told her that I had to use the bathroom and ran away.

 

Then we took the test and I was on the ground next to her, the only words exchanged were her asking what day it was.

 

I finished the test early and was waiting for her to finish then I was going to invite her to lunch, but a guy walks up to her and she asks him what he's doing tonight so I avoid her. I watch them for a minute and she touches on him on the shoulder. At this point I don't know if they are dating or friends. I'm going to talk to her on Tuesday and find out if she has a boyfriend.

 

At this point though I don't know if I should bother with her because she is way out of my league.

 

Right now, I basically feel like an idiot for being attracted to pretty girls.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Right now, I basically feel like an idiot for being attracted to pretty girls.

 

Which one?

 

The Asian one or the white one?

 

Dating is kind of like opening presents at Xmas time when you are a kid. Everybody loves the big box because it offers promise of spectacular gifts. In reality, it could be a bunch of sweaters and socks (which I would love these days).

 

Similarly, everybody wants the pretty face and nice bod though in reality the people nobody wants are often the much better deal on the inside.

 

But, that is just what I have learned from years of dating and relationships.

 

Not saying that you should date women you aren't attracted to. Just saying that if you want a pretty girl, pretty much everybody else does too. As she gets closer to average, less guys will want her but still a significant amount. Etc. That's pretty much all most people care about.

[somedude81]

Which one?

 

The Asian one or the white one?

Oh no, those two girls aren't in my salsa class this year, only the two bigger girls are. The picture that you saw was taken last year.

Dating is kind of like opening presents at Xmas time when you are a kid. Everybody loves the big box because it offers promise of spectacular gifts. In reality, it could be a bunch of sweaters and socks (which I would love these days).

 

Similarly, everybody wants the pretty face and nice bod though in reality the people nobody wants are often the much better deal on the inside.

 

But, that is just what I have learned from years of dating and relationships.

 

Not saying that you should date women you aren't attracted to. Just saying that if you want a pretty girl, pretty much everybody else does too. As she gets closer to average, less guys will want her but still a significant amount. Etc. That's pretty much all most people care about.

While I do agree with you, I don't understand what your point is.

 

I know I'm just another idiot that likes pretty girls and will never have a fu*king chance to date one because I'm a sub-standard human being through no fault of my own. It's all a big fu*king joke. First they make me into what I am and then they decide what I'm attracted to, just to make sure I'll never have a chance. I wish I was attracted to the 200lb girls, life would be a lot easier that way.

Edited March 21, 2013 by somedude81

[JuneJulySeptember]

Oh no, those two girls aren't in my salsa class this year, only the two bigger girls are. The picture that you saw was taken last year.

 

While I do agree with you, I don't understand what your point is.

 

I know I'm just another idiot that likes pretty girls and will never have a fu*king chance to date one because I'm a sub-standard human being through no fault of my own. It's all a big fu*king joke. First they make me into what I am and then they decide what I'm attracted to, just to make sure I'll never have a chance. I wish I was attracted to the 200lb girls, life would be a lot easier that way.

 

There is a point and I think it is good advice, but you have decided that you cannot use it. That's OK. 99.5% of people have decided the same.

 

Just for reference I think the Asian girl in your pic is hot and the white girl is like super hot. I am aware that they are both not far from average. And yes, neither would probably give me the time of day either I'm sure.

 

That's how it is. Dog eat dog.

[somedude81]

Meh, I didn't plan things right and didn't get to talk to the girl on my mind. Not that it really matters, I highly doubt I'd have a chance with her.

 

Another girl in my salsa class as being really friendly, even though she wasn't really my type I thought why not and started talking to her more. Annnnd it turns out she has a boyfriend.

 

I'm just getting really tired of all this. Once I graduate I don't have any idea how I'm going to meet anybody. It's really hard to have any excitement about my life after school.