NoLeafClover Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 My story with breadcrumbs https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/370440-karma-2-months-nc-she-s-texting-me-tables-possibly-turned-but-i-like-nc _____________________________________________________________________________________ Here is how I see it and what I have learned after 3 months NC. Breadcrumbs to me are like a virus. But it also depends on the type of relationship you had with the dumper. If your ex is trying to friend-zone you and throws breadcrumbs at you, it will only lead you on - Those kind of breadcrumbs are the worse. On the other hand, if your ex breaks up with you and ends up regretting his/her decision after a few weeks or months after the BU, they will try to get in contact with you throwing some breadcrumbs (Like in my case) These I consider "positive" breadcrumbs (By any means, NO breadcrumbs are good), but are not sufficient enough for the dumpee to respond because of two main reasons; 1) Dumpees are aware of the BAD kind of breadcrumbs so they try to move on and stay NC when breadcrumbs are thrown by the dumper. Dumpees goal is to stay NC until they move on or until the dumper makes it clear they want to reconcile and that they made a mistake on their end - a well informed dumpee knows that this almost never happens. 2) Dumpers who have a change of heart and want to reconcile things, almost never come forward claiming a mistake on their end or come clean saying that they want to reconcile. Instead they throw breadcrumbs to see a reaction from the dumpee first. During this time either: a)Dumpee has come too far along by staying NC and doesn't want to take the chance of breaking NC and possibly opening old wounds and being hurt again...so they reinforce NC. b)Dumpee can see things clear during the BU period and now doesn't want to go back to the dumper even if they wanted to reconcile so they stay NC c)Dumpee is totally indifferent and couldn't care less about replying. d)Dumpee has moved on and thinks replying back will cause no harm and so dumpee responds. During which either 1- Dumpee and dumper become friends or simply stay in good terms. 2- Feelings develop and dumpee expresses his/her feelings and he gets hurt. Dumpee ends up going back to square one 3- Feelings develop and they get back together (and hold hands and skipping like in the fairy tails) The worse type of breadcrumbs are when the dumper is questioning their decision. They want to stick to the BU but miss the dumpee. They throw breadcrumbs such as "I miss You" just to test the waters, and see if the dumpee has moved on. Such breadcrumbs obviously lead an uninformed dumpee on, making them think there is a possibility for reconciliation. Obviously the uninformed dumpee responds and most times they don't get a reply back from the dumper. A reply from the dumpee, simply gives the dumper an ego boost usually during the period of which the dumper missed the dumpee. An ego boost for the dumper, only reinforces the dumper's original decision - to stay Broken Up. The only time there is truly possibility for an early reconciliation is if the dumper comes forward and is opened about his/her feelings regarding a reconciliation. Any other attempts from the dumper to reconcile including those of using breadcrumbs, will only be looked at as another breadcrumb to friend zone the dumpee or out of guilt. The only other time for a possibility to reconcile is when time has passed and both dumpee and dumper have moved on and forgiven each other(mentioned in part d3, section -3) 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 My story with breadcrumbs https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/370440-karma-2-months-nc-she-s-texting-me-tables-possibly-turned-but-i-like-nc _____________________________________________________________________________________ Here is how I see it and what I have learned after 3 months NC. Breadcrumbs to me are like a virus. But it also depends on the type of relationship you had with the dumper. If your ex is trying to friend-zone you and throws breadcrumbs at you, it will only lead you on - Those kind of breadcrumbs are the worse. On the other hand, if your ex breaks up with you and ends up regretting his/her decision after a few weeks or months after the BU, they will try to get in contact with you throwing some breadcrumbs (Like in my case)[/i] Not strictly speaking, breadcrumbs, if the end result is healthy reconciliation. If they are simply a half-hearted attempt to revert to a comfort zone with you, in order to gain themselves a 'soft place to fall' - then they're still 'Breadcrumbs'. The remainder of the post is simply everything that has already been said about Breadcrumbs by so many people. Just all in one place. Good Collated testimony. Thanks for putting it all together: Basically, the only thing that isn't Breadcrumbs is the sincere, meaningful and committed 180, on the part of the Dumper, with effort and work put in to prove themselves trustworthy.... Everything and anything else, is just chaff in the breeze. *Thumbs-up!* 1
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