miklos Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 My Story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/372623-gay-couple-did-he-ever-love-me-i-begged-my-knees#post4595133 I feel like i brought the end of our relationship since I am the one that got on Grindr in the first place. I forgave my ex for seeing the prof. We lasted another 2 weeks when I go on Grindr again and he finds out. A few days after that he dumps me. I just feel guilty. I know he should be guilty as he saw a professor after the first grindr incident. I know i shouldnt be with a person like him, but i do miss the good times and it felt really good being "loved" by someone.
geegirl Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 It's normal to blame yourself for the break-up. The what-ifs will keep coming. Put all that aside, Miklos. This relationship was so toxic for you. Even if you were the perfect partner, how would you have ever sustained a healthy relationship with someone who has those issues. Even if you did everything right, how would he ever be able to be emotionally and mentally available and present in the relationship. Meth is a horrible drug. Picture the relationship you hoped for. Now compare it with what you had with him. If they don't correlate, then you know that while it hurts, it was bad for you and no amount of self-blame would have changed the dynamics of who he was and what the relationship would have been with all the underlying issues. We all will miss the good times and the feeling of being loved. It's an attachment. But in time, you will start to detach. Don't be so hard on yourself. Keep NC, keep on with therapy and strive to get better and soon enough, seek a healthier relationship. 1
Author miklos Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Thank you Geegirl You are right. I shouldnt be with someone who was drinking all the time, who was smoking all the time, who treated me like this. this was my first serious relationship. I did not know what to expect. And we didnt really date to begin with, so i never really knew his faults I will not make the same mistakes
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