miklos Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I just texted 20 min ago and asked him if he wanted to go have lunch. I have urge to go see him at his apt and ask him to give me another chance. I miss him and I love him. We broke up two months ago. Last spoke with him a month ago.
CaliBabe Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I'm on the same boat. It's taking everything inside me to not go over there. Try your hardest not to. Let him come to you.
Author miklos Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 It's so hard!!!! I want to head there now. And ask him. And not be a hysterical mess like last time.
Thunderchild Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Sit down at your computer and write him a letter. Write down what you feel about him, about the pain and anguish and everything that you are going through. And, when you've finished, print it out and then - tear it to pieces before deleting it from your screen! I know it's tough and I know it hurts. And, it is because you are human. You have loved someone. You will be able to love someone (possibly someone new and more worthy of your feelings) in the future. You should celebrate that!!
MushyPeas Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 This is such a toughie! Just think to yourself, if you did get back together, yeah it might be lovely but would it bother you that you had to do the chasing? If you just left things the way they are, is it likely he'll come back to you? If he did make the first move then for sure you'd know that it wasn't something you said or that you caught him in a weak moment, but then maybe by the time he did this you'd have moved on and have had the strength to say no (if that's obviously what you want at the time, if this did happen) You've made it so far, no doubt it's been unbearable, but be in control of the situation, like CaliBabe said, let him come to you, he knows you're interested because you text him, leave it at that for now and focus on filling your days with positive things that take your mind off the situation. 2
iouaname Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 NO. Do not do that. It will not make him want to give things another try. All it will do is put him off of you further because he's going to think of you as a crazy stalker. Read a book that makes you feel good. Watch a television show that you love. Call someone (other than your ex) and catch up. Just don't contact your ex and definitely don't show up at his apartment.
spiritofjosh Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Don't run and tell him how you feel! He already knows so the more you try and remind him the more likely he'll get annoyed, not sympathetic. Like somebody had said, let him come to you! If you chase, he'll run. But if he looks back and sees you aren't running after him, he'll turn and start walking back. It is one of the hardest things to go through and I'm feeling the same about my ex girlfriend. I constantly wish she would just text me but I know it won't help to bug the other person. Stay strong.
Author miklos Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Its so hard. I'm already seeing a counselor. I love him. I want hom back. Despite him drinking and smoking a lot. Despite him having a long sexual history with men and women. I love him and I forgive him for all he did to me. I just want to be with him but he obviously doesn't want to be with me.
Author miklos Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 I don't know what to do.. I'm going crazy!!!!!!
jovan Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Its so hard. I'm already seeing a counselor. I love him. I want hom back. Despite him drinking and smoking a lot. Despite him having a long sexual history with men and women. I love him and I forgive him for all he did to me. I just want to be with him but he obviously doesn't want to be with me. whoah, stay strong! dont let your self do it. Only you can make your self happy. So go fly little bidry and beee freee your better off without him. I maybe a bit drunk atm, but thats not the liker talking 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 You got that right. And frankly, you need to re-examine your boundaries and levels of self-esteem if you really are willing to settle for someone with all the morals of a snake in a wheel-rut. Why do you forgive him? Is it truly excusable? Do you forgive him, because morally it's the right thing to do - or because you're desperate and will stop at nothing to demean yourself to a low enough level for him to walk all over you? healthy, much?
AlexfromBoston Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Miklos, just understand that if you do that you are actually doing more harm then good. You want to fix your relationship right? Then you need to disappear at this point and leave him wondering. I am a guy and I can honestly say that your behavior will appear desperate, crazy and really turn him off. Listen to me, YOU ARE RUINING A SECOND CHANCE. So take a breath, relax, hit the gym or hang out with friends. Stay busy, stay active and be beautiful. Why don't you write down his number and store it away for at least a month. Now, delete him from your phone so you don't have the ability to give into the urge. Your'e like a heroin addict who walks around with a loaded syringe in your pocket...lose the number. Now build up your confidence awhile you go full NC for a month or more. After things cool down, shoot him an email and ask how things are going. Hopefully, he will respond and you can snowball it from there. You're doing irreversible damage at this point...you really need to back away. Trust me, I am speaking from experience. 2
iouaname Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Its so hard. I'm already seeing a counselor. I love him. I want hom back. Despite him drinking and smoking a lot. Despite him having a long sexual history with men and women. I love him and I forgive him for all he did to me. I just want to be with him but he obviously doesn't want to be with me. Exactly. And as much as it sucks, and as hard as it is - that is actually the best news that you could ask for in this situation. He doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't want to hear from you. So that should make it easier to not contact him because: what an idiot for not wanting you!
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Miklos, just understand that if you do that you are actually doing more harm then good. You want to fix your relationship right? Then you need to disappear at this point and leave him wondering. I am a guy and I can honestly say that your behavior will appear desperate, crazy and really turn him off. Listen to me, YOU ARE RUINING A SECOND CHANCE. So take a breath, relax, hit the gym or hang out with friends. Stay busy, stay active and be beautiful. Why don't you write down his number and store it away for at least a month. Now, delete him from your phone so you don't have the ability to give into the urge. Your'e like a heroin addict who walks around with a loaded syringe in your pocket...lose the number. Now build up your confidence awhile you go full NC for a month or more. After things cool down, shoot him an email and ask how things are going. Hopefully, he will respond and you can snowball it from there. You're doing irreversible damage at this point...you really need to back away. Trust me, I am speaking from experience. Your experience, yes. But when the person who has been dumped, has a needy, dependent type of character, where their self-esteem is at an all-time low, and they're out of a relationship which was obviously either one sided or very un-even - such behaviour is actually only going to raise their hopes and make them yearn more for the dumper, not cure them or bring them much needed healing comfort. Your advice may well work for some, but for an awful lot of others, it's really not a good idea at all. This is going to make me sound like a pompous matriarch, but perhaps you could consider being more selective about whom you give this advice to, instead of promoting it as a heal-all method.....?
Author miklos Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Ok I will disapper for a month. Ibjust texted him again sayi g hey. I am desperate needy and crazy. He left me an emotional wreck. I canr erasr his number because I memorized it I hate knowing his numbet!!!! A montth ago I did go to his hiuse and begged. He said I was scaring him and then he pushed me to sidewalk and left me there crying I wish I never met him. It hurts so much still
MushyPeas Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 You're panicking and that's completely normal! Don't beat yourself up about this, a moment of weakness is completely justified, just think before you act on it. Think how you'll feel after contacting him again, will you feel relieved? or will you just regret it tomorrow because you're not giving him the space he clearly needs, and you clearly need it too! Don't feel as though you're just letting him walk out of your life by not going round, at this point, if he has made his mind up then you have to respect that, you going to his place isn't going to change that, it'll just hurt for you, and him too, give yourself a bit of time to fully process things
AlexfromBoston Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Ok I will disapper for a month. Ibjust texted him again sayi g hey. I am desperate needy and crazy. He left me an emotional wreck. I canr erasr his number because I memorized it I hate knowing his numbet!!!! A montth ago I did go to his hiuse and begged. He said I was scaring him and then he pushed me to sidewalk and left me there crying I wish I never met him. It hurts so much still Well, that pretty much sums it up. Hun, his next step could be a restraining order. Disappear for a month or so and only after a strict regime of NC, can you finally call him and apologize for your erratic behavior.
Author miklos Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 This is my story. Alexfromboston. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/372627-gay-couple-involves-meth-cheating-love#post4595165
Author miklos Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 He said I was scaring him when he was leaving my place after picking up his stuff. I wouldn't let go of his car window. I didn't want him to leave.
TaraMaiden Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Umm ****k you Boston That was entirely uncalled for. You're behaving in a manic way - it's extreme, and you're here for help. People are trying to help you, there's no need to be so rude.
geegirl Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 He said I was scaring him when he was leaving my place after picking up his stuff. I wouldn't let go of his car window. I didn't want him to leave. I don't know why you cussed Alex out but he's right. You become less and less desirable when you behave this way. Please ask your therapist to help you find coping skills when you hit your lows. Let this person go. He has given you his answer.
Author miklos Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I am sorry alexfromboston I didn't go to his house. I'm studying at the library. I have class at 6pm.
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