miklos Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 We were a gay couple in our last year of college. We only lasted 2.5 months. He broke up with me on Dec. 25 while I was in Mexico over facebook. I love him. He was my first love. My first relationship in college. I came out to all my friends because of him and he was barely coming out too. I met him on oct 3 on grindr. We hooked up that night. The next day we had a date on campus and then our story began. We became a couple on oct. 15. and by that time he was sleeping at my place every night. He was basically living with me. I met his sister and cousin during thanksgiving break. We were part of a dance competition on Oct. 25 and he was the choreographer. In November, we went to mendocino county for a weekend and we stayed in a cabin. It was a great time. It was amazing. However, some complications. When we got together, he told me he had trust issues and holds a grudge a long time. He told me never to break his trust. Second, after we got together he told me he was still texting his ex. They had something over the summer and broke up around Sep. 6. I was able to read his messages. Third, he drank alot and smoke weed alot. I was basically drinking and smoking almost every day with him. sometimes, He would have random emotional outbursts and he was insecure that i loved him but I did. I would follow him and try to calm him down. MAIN PROBLEM/ BEGINNING OF THE END. On Dec. 4 i get on Grindr on my ipad just to look around. The next morning my ex sees the app on my ipad and get mad. He leaves at 3pm and doesnt come back until 6pm. We reconciliate. I tell him I wont get on it again. Im crying I am a mess. He then tells me that we should invite friends over but then tells me that he was in his car and some friends passed by and he got METH from them. He was high on METH. I was like whatever. After our friends leave, we go to sleep. In the middle of the night, I grab his phone and start looking through his pictures and messages. He still had pictures of him and his ex kissing. He also had GRINDR!!!! I go into it and he was messaging a professor on campus. He went to go see him to get the METH. I message the professor because he was online and he told me that he ate my ex's ass and my ex choked on his dick. I get mad crying and I kick my ex out of my apartment. I head to my friends place and he calls crying and begging that he does not want to lose me. I ignore him. The next day I feel bad and I message and call him but ignores me and acts like we got in a fight for my fault. He was making me feel bad making me feel like it was my fault. Later that night, we see each other and we get back together. On Dec 18. when we are back in LA. I get on grindr again. My ex gets on grindr and sees me and calls me crying about why am i on the app again. I told him i was just looking and would never cheat on him and that i loved him. for a week he is texting me. The night before I leave to Mexico for 3 weeks, I message him to see me. That i would drive to his place so he can see me. His excuse was that there were people sleeping in the living room and cant get out. I did not believe it because it was a saturday night and he had just gone out with friends on wednesday night so why couldnt he leave his place on a saturday. He gets mad because I do not believe him and ignores me until dec. 25. I was in mexico facebooking him when he tells me that he is unsure about our relationship and basically breaks up with me that night. AFTERMATH I dont message him until Dec. 30 his birthday i call him from mexico and tell him happy birthday but he kinda ignores me. I call him for New years and he was cold and ignored me. On Jan 6 he tells me on facebook that says "I hate that I miss you. I dont want to miss you. It brings me Pain. I love you" I was so confused. I thought he wanted to get back with me. I tell him that i love him and stuff but he ignores my messages. I go back to LA on Jan. 8 I wake up mad on Jan 12 and message him telling him I was mad cuz I was his rebound and that he never loved me and basically we are telling each other crap through text for like 3 hours. that night i call him saying sorry that i love him and I miss him but he listens but clicks quickly. An hour later he says "there is not a day i do not think of you" He also tells me he is going back to college that Tuesday and If i could see him so he can grab his stuff. I tell him I cant because i dont have money yet so he will have to wait until Jan 22. Jan 22 comes and he comes over taht night. He grabs his stuff and i try not to cry and then he is about to leave and I start crying and tell him that I want to make it work. I follow him to his car. Outside he gives me a hug for 5 seconds. he gets in his car. I put my hand inside the window and hold on to the car so he wont leave. Im crying like crazy. I didnt want him to leave. and he did he left me. he left me there after i left the car because i got mad. he told me " you are scaring me" i left the car after he said that and then he left. The next day I buy roses and kit kats (his favorite) and a letter and go to his place. I know and no one answers. i open the door and he was sleeping on the couch. I leave the stuff on the table next to him. The next day I get a text that said "it creeped me out that you came into my house while I was sleeping" on jan 24 thursday I go to his house and knock. he answers. i start crying telling i want to make it work and that i love him. he says no. that he doesnt want to be with me. That I broke his trust and i lied to him 3 times. i said i was sorry so many times. I got on my knees and begged. When i wouldnt leave, he pushed me all the way to the sidewalk and left me sitting on the floor crying. Left me there like an animal. When he was walking away i screamed that i hated him that he was an alcoholic, drug user, illegal immigrant i hate him for leaving me. I wanted to damage his car. i wanted to damage his apartment. i was so mad. I messaged him the next day and the day after and got no replys I have been on NC for 13 days now since January 26. I miss him everyday.
Allumere Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I can't tell you if he loved you or not as I'm not in his head. My guess is he probably felt the kind of love at moments like many do during the infatuation stage...thats all the butterflys and chemical stuff. I'm sorry you are hurting..first love and first heartbreak is incredibly intense. But here are a couple of thoughts. At no point were either of you 100% commited to each other and I didn't hear any discussion saying you were exclusive. He continued talking to his ex, you were still looking on Grindr (and huni, there is no such thing as 'just looking'...if the right gent contacted you, there would have been interest) as did he. Also the drinking and smoking are not good things to build a relationship on (...and his METH use is pretty serious stuff as thats on a different level that smoking some pot). It was for lack of a better term, an experience, and you will have many many more. Some awesome and some painful and along the way, yes, there will be love. For now, take care of you and take whatever steps you can to move on.
oracle Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Im sorry you feel like crap, but look: You met the guy on grindr and moved so fast. 2.5 months (no matter how great) is nothing in the grand scheme of things. See all the red flags? RUN next time. You are young, learn from this. What starts in blood ends in blood. I was in a same sex relationship for 14 years since 19. If you want to see my story for some perspective see my post pinned to the top of this section. Breath kiddo.. It will get better. You are young, you will feel it again with someone new. I promise. We were a gay couple in our last year of college. We only lasted 2.5 months. He broke up with me on Dec. 25 while I was in Mexico over facebook. I love him. He was my first love. My first relationship in college. I came out to all my friends because of him and he was barely coming out too. I met him on oct 3 on grindr. We hooked up that night. The next day we had a date on campus and then our story began. We became a couple on oct. 15. and by that time he was sleeping at my place every night. He was basically living with me. I met his sister and cousin during thanksgiving break. We were part of a dance competition on Oct. 25 and he was the choreographer. In November, we went to mendocino county for a weekend and we stayed in a cabin. It was a great time. It was amazing. However, some complications. When we got together, he told me he had trust issues and holds a grudge a long time. He told me never to break his trust. Second, after we got together he told me he was still texting his ex. They had something over the summer and broke up around Sep. 6. I was able to read his messages. Third, he drank alot and smoke weed alot. I was basically drinking and smoking almost every day with him. sometimes, He would have random emotional outbursts and he was insecure that i loved him but I did. I would follow him and try to calm him down. MAIN PROBLEM/ BEGINNING OF THE END. On Dec. 4 i get on Grindr on my ipad just to look around. The next morning my ex sees the app on my ipad and get mad. He leaves at 3pm and doesnt come back until 6pm. We reconciliate. I tell him I wont get on it again. Im crying I am a mess. He then tells me that we should invite friends over but then tells me that he was in his car and some friends passed by and he got METH from them. He was high on METH. I was like whatever. After our friends leave, we go to sleep. In the middle of the night, I grab his phone and start looking through his pictures and messages. He still had pictures of him and his ex kissing. He also had GRINDR!!!! I go into it and he was messaging a professor on campus. He went to go see him to get the METH. I message the professor because he was online and he told me that he ate my ex's ass and my ex choked on his dick. I get mad crying and I kick my ex out of my apartment. I head to my friends place and he calls crying and begging that he does not want to lose me. I ignore him. The next day I feel bad and I message and call him but ignores me and acts like we got in a fight for my fault. He was making me feel bad making me feel like it was my fault. Later that night, we see each other and we get back together. On Dec 18. when we are back in LA. I get on grindr again. My ex gets on grindr and sees me and calls me crying about why am i on the app again. I told him i was just looking and would never cheat on him and that i loved him. for a week he is texting me. The night before I leave to Mexico for 3 weeks, I message him to see me. That i would drive to his place so he can see me. His excuse was that there were people sleeping in the living room and cant get out. I did not believe it because it was a saturday night and he had just gone out with friends on wednesday night so why couldnt he leave his place on a saturday. He gets mad because I do not believe him and ignores me until dec. 25. I was in mexico facebooking him when he tells me that he is unsure about our relationship and basically breaks up with me that night. AFTERMATH I dont message him until Dec. 30 his birthday i call him from mexico and tell him happy birthday but he kinda ignores me. I call him for New years and he was cold and ignored me. On Jan 6 he tells me on facebook that says "I hate that I miss you. I dont want to miss you. It brings me Pain. I love you" I was so confused. I thought he wanted to get back with me. I tell him that i love him and stuff but he ignores my messages. I go back to LA on Jan. 8 I wake up mad on Jan 12 and message him telling him I was mad cuz I was his rebound and that he never loved me and basically we are telling each other crap through text for like 3 hours. that night i call him saying sorry that i love him and I miss him but he listens but clicks quickly. An hour later he says "there is not a day i do not think of you" He also tells me he is going back to college that Tuesday and If i could see him so he can grab his stuff. I tell him I cant because i dont have money yet so he will have to wait until Jan 22. Jan 22 comes and he comes over taht night. He grabs his stuff and i try not to cry and then he is about to leave and I start crying and tell him that I want to make it work. I follow him to his car. Outside he gives me a hug for 5 seconds. he gets in his car. I put my hand inside the window and hold on to the car so he wont leave. Im crying like crazy. I didnt want him to leave. and he did he left me. he left me there after i left the car because i got mad. he told me " you are scaring me" i left the car after he said that and then he left. The next day I buy roses and kit kats (his favorite) and a letter and go to his place. I know and no one answers. i open the door and he was sleeping on the couch. I leave the stuff on the table next to him. The next day I get a text that said "it creeped me out that you came into my house while I was sleeping" on jan 24 thursday I go to his house and knock. he answers. i start crying telling i want to make it work and that i love him. he says no. that he doesnt want to be with me. That I broke his trust and i lied to him 3 times. i said i was sorry so many times. I got on my knees and begged. When i wouldnt leave, he pushed me all the way to the sidewalk and left me sitting on the floor crying. Left me there like an animal. When he was walking away i screamed that i hated him that he was an alcoholic, drug user, illegal immigrant i hate him for leaving me. I wanted to damage his car. i wanted to damage his apartment. i was so mad. I messaged him the next day and the day after and got no replys I have been on NC for 13 days now since January 26. I miss him everyday. 1
Author miklos Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 ALLUMERE I dont know if he did love me or not. I think at some point he did have feelings for me. You cannot be with someone 24/7 and not develop some kind of feelings. I am hurting still. I cried yesterday and today i miss him but not too much haha. I was committed to him. I would not have cheated on him. But at the time i was having doubts of relationship as he was not satisfying me sexually and he had too many personal issues... he would never go to school and i never really did see him study. I got low grades because of him. Yeah he told me that he started feeling like he was addicted a year ago to meth for a little while and then he stopped. It was an experience and I appreciate the relationship. I came out to my friends, i party more, and i am more comfortable with myself and my feelings. Now I am just in the process of healing. Thank you ALLUMERE, I love you
Author miklos Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 ORACLE i feel like crap but everyday I am getting better. It was a very fast relationship. We actually didnt really date before becoming a couple. But it felt so right. I liked being with him and he liked being with me. Plus it was my first relationship ever so i let my emotions dictate the process too much. for me those 2.5 months were amazing but as I think back it is a short amount of time. Next time I will run if i see the red flags. still texting ex, drinking and smoking all the time, not studying on school. all red flags. I am breathing and i am alive. I am currently dating. I do not know if that is the right thing but its good to know there are guys out there who are interested in me and are way better people than my ex. I am sure I will feel it again. Thank you Oracle. I love you
Recommended Posts