bruinbasher Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone, As the title states, I'm 25 and have never kissed a girl in my life (or slept with a girl/had a g/f for that matter nor is it something I am hung up on). To give you guys an idea of myself to help me, I'm going to describe myself just a little bit (yes I understand that when people say they have certain qualities, they usually don't) - I am not insecure or lacking in confidence. I have no problem being physical and flirty with women and I do not come across as insecure, desperate, awkward, or any of that bad stuff. Yup. Anyways, I've been seeing this girl for a month now and I've yet to gone for the first kiss. I met this girl on OLD (yeah so well adjusted!) so the the first two times we hung out we just ate and got to know each other, not much going on there. All the subsequent times we've got together, we've gone mini-golfing, ice skating, shooting pool. I planned all of these dates which I knew would give me plenty of opportunities to touch her (yes that came off as wrong) - each date I've elevated the touching from the prior date and she has yet to shudder at my advances (I know, so skilled!) so at the very least I'm not going backwards. Problem is I've never kissed a girl EVER (female relatives do not count!). I just can't bring myself to make this one move, and I do not fear rejection (well maybe just a little) - I can handle that. I also understand that the longer I wait, the more likely she is to lose interest so I've put pressure on myself to kiss her and this is a girl worthwhile of being in a relationship with. On our most recent date, I had a TON to drink - two long islands, two flights of wine, a pint of beer - and I still couldn't bring myself to make a move! To makes matters worse (or better) she's licking her lips giving me prolonged eye contact so it even stands that I have a high probability of being "successful" if I were to make a move. I've spoken to a few of my female friends about going for the kiss and they are always utterly surprised to hear this from me - one even said "what?! I thought you would be in her pants by now!", they all assumed I have tons of experience with the ladies given that I have no qualms about talking to strangers, being decisive, leading, being out going, funny, entertaining, all that good jazz. My female friends even said they were vicariously living through me as they wished their BF's or a guy would take them on the dates I take this girl. So I'm pretty sure I have the attractive traits that women look for. So what's my problem and how do I get over it? Saying "JUST DO ITTTTTT" and "MAN UP" does not count although that's what it boils down to... any feedback/insight is greatly appreciated, thanks! TL;DR version: 25, haven't kissed a girl in my life, not socially awkward, girl I'm seeing has given me the green light to go for it. Still haven't gone for the kiss. What the problem is!?!?!?!? Edited February 24, 2013 by bruinbasher
man_in_the_box Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Have you thought of reasons outside the closet errr- box? Tough luck though.
Shardish Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 You say you don't lack confidence and yet you cannot even bring yourself to kiss a girl? Kissing a girl is fantastic, I love it, it never gets old or boring, I could kiss a woman all day long if time allowed me to do so. The longer you go without kissing this woman the more she is going to think you aren't interested and she'll move on, believe me, it happened to me before I discovered the joy of kissing. 1
Author bruinbasher Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Have you thought of reasons outside the closet errr- box? Tough luck though. Haha trust me, I'm not gay. I don't see how luck has anything to do with the situation? You say you don't lack confidence and yet you cannot even bring yourself to kiss a girl? . I think I have confidence in different areas of life - an interview - getting s*** done, I'd say its just this one particular area... so I guess I do lack confidence in that sense ?
Shardish Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I think I have confidence in different areas of life - an interview - getting s*** done, I'd say its just this one particular area... so I guess I do lack confidence in that sense ? But you don't have enough confidence with women otherwise you would have no qualms about kissing this girl. Btw, most of my kisses with women have just happened, they were never pre-planned, it all happened on its own accord.
Author bruinbasher Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 But you don't have enough confidence with women otherwise you would have no qualms about kissing this girl. Btw, most of my kisses with women have just happened, they were never pre-planned, it all happened on its own accord. You probably are right, this girl is also on the shyer side so I'm pretty sure she isn't going to make a move. I am aware she will also lose interest at some point, I'm pretty sure she hasn't lost interest yet because she's had a blast with me every time we've gone out because I've been able to make her laugh hard constantly and consistently- I know I also need to kiss her before I get "friendzoned" but I've been making other "moves" to avoid from being put in the "friendzone". I've been seeing her every week consistently and she is also very busy - she's an auditor working 60-70 hour weeks right now so she's definitely into me. Besides improving self-confidence by way of working out/dressing well/improving body language - stuff I've already "worked" on - how else could I gather confidence with women and go for this kiss?
Shardish Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) how else could I gather confidence with women and go for this kiss? By leaning in and kissing her. It's so simple that I cannot explain how you could possibly do it. Why not hold her, slowly pull her body into yours and then leaning in, move your lips towards her and let nature take its course? Just don't ask me about sexual intercourse, I'm still struggling to get to that point. Edited February 24, 2013 by Shardish 2
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 For starters dont drink, do you realize how much extra saliva happens when guys drink that taste like stale beer...yuck....... i have foudn guys tend to go fro the first kiss when i smile ....normally after laughing, the feel i am more approachable maybe.....i am shy.....and instead o fguys seeing that they see em as aloof......i border on unapproachable..maybe you are holding off because she is a little aloof..... so next time when she laughs and is still smiling steal that smile.......kiss her......if she has a sense of humor she would appreciate that kiss...and would smile again....... another successful way from a shy girl perspective...is saying i would really like to kiss you...she will either say yes or no......i have never said no .......that always brings a smile to my face....so hope i helped....good luck happy kissing trails..ps tongue in mouth first.......keep it locked up....soft kisses......deb
Author bruinbasher Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 so next time when she laughs and is still smiling steal that smile.......kiss her......if she has a sense of humor she would appreciate that kiss...and would smile again....... another successful way from a shy girl perspective...is saying i would really like to kiss you...she will either say yes or no......i have never said no .......that always brings a smile to my face....so hope i helped....good luck happy kissing trails..ps tongue in mouth first.......keep it locked up....soft kisses......deb She does have a very good sense of humor and she is definitely in tune with my sense of humor as well, so making her laugh wholeheartedly is an easy thing to do, so I will keep this in mind! Also I've been trying to portray an image of confidence, or fake it at least, so the asking her do you want to kiss is a rather weak option for me. I'm more inclined to lean in and fail than ask and fail. I gather that more women find it attractive if a man just goes in for it rather than ask for it?
ascendotum Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 By leaning in and kissing her. It's so simple that I cannot explain how you could possibly do it. Why not hold her, slowly pull her body into yours and then leaning in, move your lips towards her and let nature take its course? I'm not sure what amazing advice people could give you here OP, beyond something like the above. In other aspects of life you might have confidence, but alas not with girls, yet anyway. I thought getting a bit drunk would have helped do the trick...for both of you. IDK, maybe you could offload some of the pressure on to her. Lean in close and say 'you can kiss me if you want'. or something similar. I'm not quite sure of your mental stumbling block, but maybe you work your way up to her mouth, Gomez Addams style -> start with her hand then her arm then her neck then her mouth.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 If you feel awkward and unsure of sticking your mug out there for a kiss, use your hands to sense if she is agreeable. A woman who will hold hands will likely kiss. If they won't take your hand, you know it's just either platonic or you're being suckered for date expenses. If you haven't held hands yet, you might not just want to stick out your hand. Offer her your arm when you walk together. Some women will take your arm even if they are not that into you--it's when you slide your arm down that you give her the chance to follow it and take your hand. If she doesn't take the hand then, it ain't happening. But it's not a big drama. You can just go on like nothing happened and finish the date but start closing the show on that one. If she takes your hand and you walk around a bit together, you can reach around your back with the other and pull her in closer so that you can put your arm around her and her you. This all adds up to validation that you are welcome to her. If the kiss is still not fluid, ask her and say "May I". If she's gone that far it's unlikely she'll embarrass you and she'll let you kiss her. Then your long wait will finally be over and it's on to the next challenge--making out, feeling up, etc. Remember, if someone tries o embarass or hurt you after giving you the subtle signs that they welcome you, it is on them. Don't beat yourself to death over it. 1
Author bruinbasher Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 If she takes your hand and you walk around a bit together, you can reach around your back with the other and pull her in closer so that you can put your arm around her and her you. This all adds up to validation that you are welcome to her. If the kiss is still not fluid, ask her and say "May I". If she's gone that far it's unlikely she'll embarrass you and she'll let you kiss her. Then your long wait will finally be over and it's on to the next challenge--making out, feeling up, etc. Remember, if someone tries o embarass or hurt you after giving you the subtle signs that they welcome you, it is on them. Don't beat yourself to death over it. We've held hands and I've put my arms around her when she was cold, so all the signs are there that shes welcoming/receptive to any move I've made so far. As someone said earlier, I have a mental block - kissing is uncharted territory for me which I guess is the scary part for me. I sound like the biggest wuss right now so I guess I'm just trying to find that courage/confidence to just do it.
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Ehh its OK. Some people do have confidence issues with certain things. You could just ask her OP and then do it. Im usually not a fan of that but it can be cute
Weezy1973 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Just accept that the first kiss may be a bit awkward and go for it.
newurule Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 It really is so simple, as said above. To gain that confidence, you just have to kiss her. Don't try to wait for the perfect moment, don't try to plan it out. Next time you get a moment where you're looking at each other for a second, or there is a pause in your conversation, just lean in. She'll be prepared for it, and your natural instincts will do the rest, trust me. Think about it this way: Tell yourself that you will either have to kiss this girl, or lose her. You don't plan to go through the rest of your life without kissing someone right? Well think about that. You're going to have to do it eventually, and the sooner you do it, the more enjoyment you will have. Not only will you be much happier, but from the sounds of it she will also be happier.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 We've held hands and I've put my arms around her when she was cold, so all the signs are there that shes welcoming/receptive to any move I've made so far. As someone said earlier, I have a mental block - kissing is uncharted territory for me which I guess is the scary part for me. I sound like the biggest wuss right now so I guess I'm just trying to find that courage/confidence to just do it. So, engage her again by touch and if the warmth is there, you have the green light. Start with a hug. If you're not getting any resistance you're OK. And from here it seems there is no way she is going to suddenly embarrass you or be cruel even if she would prefer that you don't kiss her. You better do something soon because women have fuses and it is possible to blow it by not manning up soon enough.
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Lol, I'm in the same situation as you that I'm also 25 and never kissed but unlike you, you're in a much better position since I've given up hope in girls now and done approaching them for good. Just get close to her and try going for a kiss when you feel like the moment is right. After a month, chances are very low that she would stop you from kissing her. Even if she did, she wouldn't look down upon you and not take it against you.
slant Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 To the OP, I don't have a lot to add. I just want to say you are making excuses for why you haven't kissed her. "I haven't kissed her but I've done X." If things are going well, she is probably waiting for you to kiss her. From my first experience (which was only a year ago when I was 23) is that once it happened I was kicking myself for not doing it earlier. Really, I imagined all the past opportunities that I missed and the signs she was giving me. My situation was different because she insisted she only wanted to be friends, but she ended up kissing me first thankfully (because how do you do it when she says over and over she just wants to be friends - BTW she was wrong, she didn't just want to be friends). I know it is hard to say just do it, but you really have to. The alternative is to lose the chance and never do it because she loses interest. You'll see you had nothing to worry about and maybe you'll want to kiss her too much .
zanzi Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 it should just happen when it's ready to happen, just like everything that follows. You are. Missing out. You really are. Surely its not so hard to find a consenting partner.
kyle77 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Ya its kind of one of those things that once you get the ball rolling it gets easier. Look at the brightside, most people are not bad at kissing the first time they kiss someone. It's kind of intuitive in a way. Plus you have already done the difficult part, now do the easy part. Most guys are stressing about getting her to like me etc. You seem to already have that, just kiss her when the moment is right. You'll definitely know, but in case you don't, those moments when you two are looking at each other without saying anything towards one another and you're both expressing positive body language (smiling, closeness to one another, etc.) just go for it.
Emissary Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 You're scared, the reality is that every time you are presented with an opportunity to make your move, you're going to feel a pang in your gut telling you this is indeed the moment of action. The reality is, every time this moment comes, you're going to decide it's not the perfect opportunity, so you will bide your time because that's easier than actually doing anything. The reality is, this is never going to stop until you just make your move, the next time you two are alone is the correct moment, it doesn't matter if it's perfect, it's the correct time.
PogoStick Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 (edited) Oh damn I never thought about how bad of a kisser he's going to be even when he goes for it! Do you have a sister or cousin you can practice with? If you're so good with women then this could be so easy for you. You must have several girl "friends". Ask them to kiss you so you can get the anxiety out of the way to make a move with your honey. If you have some good friends and you pitch this right I guarantee one will bite. Make sure you bite her back, but not too hard. Or you can do what I did with a Brazilian girl I once dated. Just tease and flirt constantly until she gets so frustrated that she jumps you first. Basically flip the roles and give all the signs that a girl is supposed to be giving to you. Look at her too long, suggestively, look at her lips, lick yours, let your faces hover too close. Make it a little over the top so she understands you're teasing her. It shows confidence and the "playing" will turn her on. Some girls will never give in but if she plays along you have the green light anyways. Edited February 27, 2013 by PogoStick
Author bruinbasher Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Thanks everyone for the insight! I'm seeing her again on Friday... she is planning everything since I've planned the last few dates, but I'll be picking her up as usual cause I'm gentlemanly like that. I've put a post it on my monitor at work and at home that says "JUST DO IT". It's sad really, I had no reservations about jumping out of an airplane and I can't even pull myself to do this! The reality is, this is never going to stop until you just make your move, the next time you two are alone is the correct moment, it doesn't matter if it's perfect, it's the correct time. On my drive home I analyze all my missed opportunities and the signs that she's been wanting me to make a move... then I realize how big of a chump I am! Time is running out before she either loses interest or puts me in the friend zone as some touchy feely guy, so I need to go for the gold!!! Hopefully I'll have some good news to report.
IndianGuy87 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 it should just happen when it's ready to happen, just like everything that follows. You are. Missing out. You really are. Surely its not so hard to find a consenting partner. It is if you're not a good looking guy, unless you're rich.
NervisPervis Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Oh damn I never thought about how bad of a kisser he's going to be even when he goes for it! Go to youtube. Search "girls kissing". Watch a few videos. Take notes. Pay particular attention to the tongues. (TMI WARNING) Lightly suck her tongue when it enters your mouth.
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