Thunderchild Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) I'm not quite sure how this Header will turn out. But, having read the various "Breadcrumb" threads I'm starting to wonder if they are 'good' or 'bad'. Are Breadcrumbs, perhaps, a vital component/stage to any potential reconciliation? Without them, people on No Contact wouldn't be able to show how tough and determined they were - setting in chain the mental processes that might lead to a new start. OK, they hurt like hell and are a manifestation of just how self-centred (and let's face it- abusive) this other person is. I won't try to minimise that. But, surely it is better to receive (and ignore) than not if you still want 'em back. During my own breakup my ex tried to justify her cheating with the usual round of excuses - "I was drunk" and "it just happened". I think I might have asked something like "If "it just happened", did your panties just fall off by accident then?" which kinda took her aback. I then challenged her to take some responsibility for her actions. She knows that I am quite tough-minded and don't take that kind of sh*t. I'll take responsiblity for my actions and failings, and I'll hold others accountable if I feel I have to/need to. Hence, I think I may well have set down a very strong marker that will stop her sending Breadcrumbs, and consequently stifle the communication that might lead to potential reconciliation. Was that the wrong thing to do? What are your views. Edited February 24, 2013 by Thunderchild Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I cant really see where it was the wrong thing to do. In fact it was the right thing to do. I mean many of us begged and pleaded for them to stay even after they pulled that cr*p. So we are dealing with a loss of self esteem on top of the loss of the RS. So your a step ahead in that department. As far as her not sending breadcrumbs. First of all they are meaningless. If she wants back she needs to accept responsibility and to make it very clear she messed up etcetera. Do you even want her back and to be the father of another man child even if she makes every amends possible? In this case if you did want to give her a chance. It sounds like the dynamic would have to be you possibly reaching out. This is assuming you are pretty much indifferent as to the outcome and not concerned about a significant setback in your healing. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone else but you seem pretty even keel about this already. I don't know..just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I don't think breadcrumbs are really good in any way. I almost think not getting breadcrumbs can show that the ex respects you instead of trying to manipulate you for their benefit, whether it be to relieve guilt or to use you for moral support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thunderchild Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Cavalier - "In this case if you did want to give her a chance. It sounds like the dynamic would have to be you possibly reaching out." I think not Cav!! The cheating little so-and-so has to earn my forgiveness. I kept my side the bargain. I was faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
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