miklos Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 A month ago, I went to my ex's apartment and begged him to stay with me. I was a mess and i was crying a lot. Today I want to go again and ask him if he wants to try things out again. As an excuse I will have stuff that is his. This time though I am prepared not to cry. I am prepared to not act crazy like last time. I do not lose anything if I try again and I have everything to win as ill be super happy once again. I feel like I am making a mistake but I want to try and I love him.
Author miklos Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 This is my background story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/372627-gay-couple-involves-meth-cheating-love#post4595165
Kengne Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I am begging you. STOP THIS MADNESS. It doesn't matter how calm you present yourself to him this time. It doesn't matter how snivelly you were last time. STOP BEGGING FOR PEOPLE TO STAY IN YOUR LIFE. You cannot beg/plead/convince a man to stay with you. If he ended things... and over the past month has NOT reached out to you to rekindle - READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL. This man does not want you. If he did, he would've reached out to you. If he did, you would still be together. If he did, you would not be here on LS.org asking for advice about a bad decision you & both know you are going to make. When you go to his apt to beg for him - and it does not "go well" - you will be back to square one in terms of healing. You are making a big mistake. You want him back but by begging you are pushing him even further away from you. Is that what you want? Then go right ahead, and dig the grave even deeper. After you have cried it out, come back to LS.org to let us know how your brilliant plan went, and then we can help you actually get your life back on track - without him. K. 4
destroyed4sho Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Well, I don't advise it. He will take his stuff and tell you AGAIN it is over. Be prepared because you will have to deal with Rejection all over again. If you are determined to do it, don't act crazy...keep your voice normal. (I know its HARD to do) You can ask him some questions to help you get closure, such as When did you start to feel it was going wrong for us?What was it that made you turn away from this relationship? I am sure his answers will be vague.... Tell him you want to be "friends" and then leave it at that. When you go home, block him from everything and go NC for the rest of your life. Why the hell would you want to go out with someone that sees grindr on your phone and then runs out and does meth and sux on someones c***.....he is an emotional hot mess. You should thank God this guy called it off for you. 2
WhatYouWantToHear Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 You didn't explicitly ask any advice, however by posting your plan you implicitly asked for approval for it. Well, you're not going to get it here. First and foremost, if he wanted you back, he would make a move to get you back--your sobbing mess of a visit last time let him know you were open to that. Second, did you plan to be a sobbing mess last time? I don't think so, it just happened and will most likely happen again, especially after you broach the subject of getting back together and he rejects it again.
Njeanne Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I wish people would learn to read what we have to say. I won't repeat myself over again that the relationship is over and unless he say's otherwise you got NO saying in it. But fine, go, and ask... If he say's no and you have to deal with full rejection again do not make a thread saying what happend, you're only going to have replies off "we told you so"
Mack05 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Read this thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/278306-stop-looking-clown 3
destroyed4sho Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) I do not lose anything if I try again Not True. Here are a few things you will lose: Your dignity and self-respect All the healing you have done so far (it may seem small, but you can't see it clearly right now) and I have everything to win as ill be super happy once again. How WRONG you are.....you have nothing to win here. If this emotional wreck of a man wants you back...your boarding on the next train to Hell. I feel like I am making a mistake but I want to try and I love him. Yes, and you know you are making a mistake, because he has nothing to offer you. You love him? No, you are infatuated with him. Edited February 22, 2013 by destroyed4sho 3
Kaza Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 The thing that stood out to me is the 'I'll be super happy" potential. I finally realised that the happiness I'm seeking for isn't there and wasn't there to begin with. If I went back to look for him, it would be like asking him to change his personality. But sometimes you need to talk to get closure. If you're definitely going, I also recommend asking questions and finding out what went wrong. 1
jumbojet123 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Please don't go. I did the exact same thing. A month ago. I went back to get my stuff. it did not go badly. In fact it went well..too well. He was too fine with everything, we was so calm, we watched tv, but he did not want me back. The smells, seeing him, seeing the cat, being there a month later for the last time just for that closure is not worth it. Major set back. yes I got closure, my hopes of maybe his I need space and time are just that..yeah no..I got closure, but it was painful and now I am in this locked in feeling of doom. He said he does not know what the future holds and all he could say was he is sorry..it is the worst feeling. Failing at NC I can go for a week and then send a friendly text that snowballs into i miss you's and leaves me nowhere. Believe me. None of this gets anyone anywhere. 1
Chloe1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 DO NOT GO!!!!!!!!!!!! you'll regret it!! Send a friend, just DON'T GO!!!
jagdude14 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 You know what is worse than being broken up with ignored and treated badly by your boyfriend????? Him getting the cops involved and you with a restraining order he placed on you. We here are all hurt I am too. I miss my ex GF. But I take comfort in knowing I will not be known as the crazy ex bf. Don't be the crazy ex either 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) The thing that stood out to me is the 'I'll be super happy" potential. I finally realised that the happiness I'm seeking for isn't there and wasn't there to begin with. If I went back to look for him, it would be like asking him to change his personality. But sometimes you need to talk to get closure. If you're definitely going, I also recommend asking questions and finding out what went wrong. Its tragic.when you think you knew someone so well and then they do something so unexpected. Then you do a double take and your brain is forced to reevaluate who this person really is and what actually happened. That is when you start to realize ummm wait a minute, this person is did not treat me well, was selfish, did not feel the same. I am a pretty smrt person, why did i not catch on to.this? Was it all in my head? Was i idelizig this person? Was it just my own fanatasy? Sometimes i want to thank my ex for snapping me out of this fantasy world i was living in and making me see her true colors. Thx bitch, i needed that! Edited February 22, 2013 by destroyed4sho
Kaza Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Its tragic.when you think you knew someone so well and then they do something so unexpected. Then you do a double take and your brain is forced to reevaluate who this person really is and what actually happened. That is when you start to realize ummm wait a minute, this person is did not treat me well, was selfish, did not feel the same. I am a pretty smrt person, why did i not catch on to.this? Was it all in my head? Was i idelizig this person? Was it just my own fanatasy? Sometimes i want to thank my ex for snapping me out of this fantasy world i was living in and making me see her true colors. Thx bitch, i needed that! Sounds like me exactly. I also like to think I'm a pretty smart person, why didn't I see that he never truly cared for me, and did nice things for me only at his convenience. And the thing is your past experiences sum up to who you are now. I really wanted a happy relationship, because I never had that with my previous. So I made it all up in my head, took the good fun times and remembered them, ignored the bad things. I didn't have a strong enough sense of self so I was easily swayed into thinking "It's me, not him". I never had this much physical affection before and its such a new nice thing so I cling on to it.
destroyed4sho Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Sounds like me exactly. I also like to think I'm a pretty smart person, why didn't I see that he never truly cared for me, and did nice things for me only at his convenience. And the thing is your past experiences sum up to who you are now. I really wanted a happy relationship, because I never had that with my previous. So I made it all up in my head, took the good fun times and remembered them, ignored the bad things. I didn't have a strong enough sense of self so I was easily swayed into thinking "It's me, not him". I never had this much physical affection before and its such a new nice thing so I cling on to it. That is a powerful realization, but I guess the question is knowing this, how do we stop from doing the same next time?
Kaza Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 That is a powerful realization, but I guess the question is knowing this, how do we stop from doing the same next time? I don't know, but I guess I learn that having fun times and having zero fights is not enough to make a relationship. 1
NoLeafClover Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I am just going to bust out my popcorn bowl and see how this thing unfolds 2
Author miklos Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Thank you for the love people!!!! I love you all!!! Fortunately I did not go see him at his apartment. Instead, a friend took me to the school psychiatrist. I let everything there go. I have a Grief and Loss counseling meeting with her on Monday. I feel better and I know that I should move on and forget about that person. Just today I was depressed because I had too much stress. Thank you everyone! 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I was worried about you...you didn't chime in for a while. Thought maybe you were either groveling at his feet while he was smoking meth with his professor or he had knocked you unconcious. Well, good you didnt go....great friend you have btw. 1
Kaza Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Thank you for the love people!!!! I love you all!!! Fortunately I did not go see him at his apartment. Instead, a friend took me to the school psychiatrist. I let everything there go. I have a Grief and Loss counseling meeting with her on Monday. I feel better and I know that I should move on and forget about that person. Just today I was depressed because I had too much stress. Thank you everyone! Counselling is good, and glad you can have good moments.
Author miklos Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Yeah I love her... she took me personally to the medical place and waited with me until i was attended. It was a 45 min session. It was mostly like a consultation and the real "therapy" starts on Monday. I was really busy today. I had some academic issues to deal with after I posted this thread and then I was at the medical center for a while and then I had other school things to do, then i got a haircut, and now im waiting to go out with a friend. Thankfully, I have a group of friends who support and I can reach out to when I am having withdrawals And I have Loveshack to bring me to my senses and I can tell my problems too when i dont want to bother my friends. It will be a sad and great day when I do not have to use Loveshack because I have moved on.
mishy Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Why do you even want him back? Seriously why? 1
Author miklos Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 I dont know but the counselor made it seems as... My ex reminds me of my stepdad who was deported when I was 15. They are both from the same city in mexico. Its crazy cuz thinking about it, they dressed alike and thought alike. I just didnt want to experience losing a love one again. Besides that, He was loving and I had so much fun with him. Like I am being serious, he was there for me, cooked me for me, drove me places, and we were together 24/7. He is my first love. So maybe thats why im still blinded. Counselor also said based on his behavior, he had mood swings and I think he did. I remember that he would randomly just get mad and leave a club or cause drama.
PogoStick Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I'm going to take the counter view here. Go for it! If you get turned down and blown out it might be what you need to put a period on it and start moving on. Just don't do the desperate stuff, no begging, crying, etc.
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