[b]Crossed the line...How can I remain his friend?[/b]

[soulara74]

Here's the deal: I have been friends with my male friend for 7 years. We have always shared an attraction for one another throughout the years--however, we never let our attraction get in the way of our other relationships with other people. Not to mention, that it has always been bad timing for both of us to connect on a romantic level. Don't think that we never thought about it, but the thought of losing the friendship weighed heavy on us if we decided to cross that line. Either I would be in relationship and he wouldn't or vice versa. When that was the case, both of us always respected the other's relationship.

 

Now...we are in 2004 and this summer it just so happens that we are both available. So....we decide to take the chance by deciding to date. Sure..things were cool for a few weeks, but ....I noticed that he started to treat me differently. It was becoming a very sexual relationship and I made it very clear that this was not the type of relationship I wanted with him. I felt as though he were treating me like some girl he just met in a club. So...I brought it to his attention and it was after this that things began to change. Change meaning with me. I expressed my concerns about the direction I felt we were headed and he simply responded that we needed to "just go with the flow". Well...I can't do that anymore..because I need a sense of direction to determine whether or not this relationship was worth pursuing. Then he drops it on me--"I have committment issues" DUH!!! if you knew that --then why would you pursue me on that level. Especially, when he knew that if he was going to step to me--he would have to come correct. He knew that-those were his words. So. clearly, I realized that this was not going to work--so....I made the decision to walk away and give him up.

 

Instead of just cutting him off-by not contacting him--I gave him the respect by telling him that I wanted to just maintain the friendship and leave it like that. I realized that I could not handle the situation--meaning dating. I could not handle the fact that there were other women he was dating at the same time. So...in all fairness..I made my exit. Afterall...I don't want to be with anyone who is not ready to be with me nor do I want to remain in a situation that I am uncomfortable with. So..after sharing with my feelings....I thought that things were cool between us---but by his actions and our conversations---I see that they are not. This is the part that is hurting me the most. Here I thought I was doing the mature thing by being honest with him and thinking that as my friend he would respect my decision--but he's treating me like crap. He won't call me back...it's just bad....and it's bothering me. If we do talk--he always has an attitude. At this point...I am not sure if we can be friends.

 

Does anyone have any advice? I am soooo regretting the fact that I crossed the line with him. I would like to see things revert back to the way they were. That's all. I am not angry or bitter behind the fact that he's not ready for me--the reality is --he may never be ready. But that's for him to decide not for me. I just want the friendship to stay in tact. Any ideas????

[Notorious]

I don't think it can. Once a friendship becomes something more, it can never be the same.

[ECVegas]

Notorious is right.

 

Change in life in inevitable. People sometimes change over years, months, weeks.

 

Obviously what you were looking for when you started dating and what he was looking for were two different things.

 

You didn't compromise your feelings which is why he is probably upset.

 

By being honest, you were the mature one. By being a jerk, he wasn't.

 

If he was your friend, he would be cool with you. He's obviously not the friend you thought he was. Lesson learned.

 

Instead of looking at himself and seeing how he could have treated you better, he pinned his shortcomings on you not wanting to put up with them anymore.

 

You now know he isn't a person who is stable enough for you to count on to be there for you. I would question how much he even respected you as a friend if this is how he ends up treating you.

 

We all deserve the best. People come and go, but our self-respect always stays with us....along with those who respect us.