Lost my cellphone....

[jnel921]

I almost never look at those messages anymore. I have them yes, but it's not like I go reading them everyday. In the last 6 months I think I've referred to them like 2x to make sure I was being accurate when posting here about something from my past.

 

If anything is a reminder and a trigger for me, it's coming here day after day. You could yell at me for that and I *might* agree. But this is such a good place to vent and to feel like sometimes I'm helping someone else out. Take -->this <--- thread for instance

 

Coming here is a trigger for me.... Totally understand. Sometimes I re-read my ordinal post about D-Day and it all comes back.

 

MY MC told me I should stop posting and stop writing. But I feel it's helped me.

 

I needed the different perspectives of what everyone here is going through. We aren't alone. We have each other.

 

I agree leonine's post sparked something profound in me and had a great conversation with my H after I read it. So thankful for that and all of you....

Edited February 16, 2013 by jnel921

[jnel921]

I thought I was the only one. I have a compulsion to read and re read texts from that time. I want to let them go. I want to not care to look. It's maddening. I am hoping my return to work from maternity leave will distract me.

 

Do you have any advice about how to squelch the desire to revisit that time? I just want to forget just for one day.

 

I think that depends on the level of cheating and how much time has past. A lot to factor. In my case, hundreds of texts, a few disgusting photos, the memory of the phone call with the OW when she was being obnoxious. Stomaching the details of what they did and then deal with the fact that I had been lied to and hurt for that period of time. I am almost 5 months in after D-Day.

 

Now without the texts and pics less to read and hopefully the memory will fade.

[whichwayisup]

I hope the phone is gone this way you can put it out of your head and not have instant access to those texts etc. Time to put that to bed and let it go. focus on what's in front of you and how your husband is trying his best. The past is the past and yes it is still fresh and it hurts but if you hang on to that stuff it will taint your own efforts and you'll have a harder time wanting to trust your H again and let him close to your heart. Hope this makes sense.

 

Stay in the now and just know that if he chooses to cheat on you again, his ass is out the door immediately! I doubt he's stupid enough to go do that again, so give him the benefit of doubt since he loves you and you two are working hard to reconnect again.

[Spark1111]

Spark, I'm not trying to touch a nerve. I just wouldn't want to look at it. It might make YOU stronger, but for others, it's obsessive. People need to move on and forward. If you want to FORGIVE your spouse, reliving it over and over won't. If you want to kick them to the curb, can't help you.

 

Smoke Rat, don't fall off your soap box.

 

CAli, whether I kicked him to the curb or didn't, I, and almost everyone I know who has been betrayed by infidelity, OBSSESSED over it for YEARS.

 

We may not look it, or talk of it, but I can tell you unequivocally, we obsess over the betrayal by someone we loved and trusted above all others for a long, long time.

 

Unlike those who find it easy to cheat, I am incapable of denying or compartmentalizing or justifying my thoughts or my pain. they faded with time, like any other PTSD survivor.......

 

Whether I had the evidence to look at or not.

[2sunny]

And I've stated numerous times, that I will not have an affair. Ever. And never have.

 

Unlike you, I live my life by a set of laws and codes my father drilled into my head.

 

My father would beat me to death, if he ever found out I had an affair. I do not even want to think about what my Fire Chief would do to me, if A). he found I had an affair or B). I had an affair on my wife, with another hall mate.

 

I also dislike the 'mentoring' part. That's my job, and I do not mix that with anything else.

 

You attack the character of someone who lives by a code of honour that's been my life for 28 years. You're attacking the character that would rather burn to death, than let someone else do the same. You accuse me of having the same morally corrupted thought process as you.

 

Am I going to use it as a get out of jail free card? No, I'm not. I'm going to use it to completely and utterly destroy two people, if they ever cross that line again.

 

And I would think that you would recognize that your W missed that moral code growing up... And that you can't MAKE her learn it at this late stage.

 

Some people will just cheat. Recognizing that they will just cheat is most of the battle - letting go of the one who cheats is freedom.

 

Staying - and lying to self that it won't happen again is pure ignorance...

 

I felt complete freedom when I got rid of anything and everything that tied me - and memories - to my exH...FREEDOM!

 

Gone - poof - to strangers or the trash. 23 years of "stuff" disappeared! Not to be looked at or thought of again.

 

He still cheats - it just happens to be he's cheating on his new wife now.

[ver13]

All I want to know is having lost it has it changed anything? I know that people hold on to email,PICs etc... when I went through this door I carried the baggage for a few days at the most. I asked myself what did I want to keep that crap for we both knew what happened. No matter what she had to say sorry would never be good enough. I didn't need to keep some crap that showed me how out of love with me she was at the time. I needed to let her work her tail off to show how in love she claimed to be with me now... You can keep the wound open or you can choose to put on a bandage.

[jnel921]

All I want to know is having lost it has it changed anything? I know that people hold on to email,PICs etc... when I went through this door I carried the baggage for a few days at the most. I asked myself what did I want to keep that crap for we both knew what happened. No matter what she had to say sorry would never be good enough. I didn't need to keep some crap that showed me how out of love with me she was at the time. I needed to let her work her tail off to show how in love she claimed to be with me now... You can keep the wound open or you can choose to put on a bandage.

 

Ver13,

 

It's weird to say...but yes it has changed something. Since I lost it a huge weight has lifted from my heart. I was holding onto it. In a way I admit it kept me angrier at my H. I need to focus on the good things he is doing, which honestly is a lot. I can see why some people here have it in case it's needed for divorce or maybe to hang it over their spouses head to remind them to behave.

 

My H will definetly work his tail to make me say the words or fall in love with him again.