why is she doing this!!?

[neo]

hi!

 

i've been posting here on and off. i broke up with my girlfriend of several years about 3 months back. this was due to another man aswell as the fact that i had long term commitment issues which she was unwilling to accept. it was rather ugly.

 

she even went to visit this new person in her life who lives overseas in amsterdam. i had in the meanwhile started dating someone new. about a fornight ago, she returned from amsterdam and called. i refused to speak with her. this happened again 4 days ago and yesterday she landed up in my office unannounced.

 

seeing her again brought all the stuff back. the good as well as the bad. she said that she has come to make peace and she couldn't bear for us to ever have unpleasantness between us. we spoke for over three hours. i thought i was making good progress getting over her and then she goes and pulls a stunt like this. i feel i have regressed in the progress i was making and this is unfair to the person i am dating, to the person she is dating, and most of all to me. now she says that she had to do it and that now she is at peace and will be ok to never see me again.

 

i think what she did was uncalled for and what would drive a normally sensitive and caring person to do this. i don't think i'm looking for any answers here. its mostly ranting because i can not explain to my friends why she came here and why i let her stay and what we spoke about.

 

hope she goes to hell and rots. the b!tch!!!!!!!!!!

[Tony T]

She came back to see you because the guilt was ripping her apart. She was looking for closure from you because the guilt from leaving you for someone else was probably impeding the progress of other relationships she has engaged in.

 

She is selfish and has no concern for you or your feelings and circumstances. She turned up at your office unannounced because she has absolutely no concern or consideration for you but was needing to take care of her own selfish personal business. By giving her three hours of your time, you gave her the generous means to relieve her psychological burdens and then to be on her way.

 

I am not so sure your long term commitment issues had as much to do about stuff in your past as it had to do with your reluctance to settle down with such a horrendously inconsiderate sociopath.

 

Consider yourself lucky you are rid of her. Come back to rant and get stuff off your shoulders here anytime.

[Ed]

I'm glad you got that off your chest!

 

What she did was self-serving. You are right, it was unfair and uncalled for. This is a good example of why it is best not to begin dating someone new soon after a long term relationship has ended. Whether you are a dumper or a dumpee, or maybe you've lost someone due to death; each person is walking through an emotional mine field for an undefined period of time. Even a minor incident can well up painful feelings that have not had time to heal or have otherwise not been dealt with.

 

You are well on your way to recovering from this past relationship. One day soon, you will know for sure in your mind and in your heart that the feelings you had for her are no longer there. Then it will be truly over, defusing the possibility of future unfairness to you and whoever your current partner may be.

 

Take care.

[Deejette]

The mistake you made was giving her the three hours. It was over and a clean break is the best way to handle something like this. She came thrusting herself back into her life because she didn't want memories of "unpleasantness." So she got rid of her unpleasant feelings and dumped them on you to experience.

 

Now she is free and clear and you are left with a muddle to figure out.

I'm glad you got that off your chest! What she did was self-serving. You are right, it was unfair and uncalled for. This is a good example of why it is best not to begin dating someone new soon after a long term relationship has ended. Whether you are a dumper or a dumpee, or maybe you've lost someone due to death; each person is walking through an emotional mine field for an undefined period of time. Even a minor incident can well up painful feelings that have not had time to heal or have otherwise not been dealt with. You are well on your way to recovering from this past relationship. One day soon, you will know for sure in your mind and in your heart that the feelings you had for her are no longer there. Then it will be truly over, defusing the possibility of future unfairness to you and whoever your current partner may be. Take care.