steveblack Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I have learned a lot about myself in the last 7 months. I thank everyone here for all the great advice. As time has past, I have become more confident, and finding out who I was before the relationship. I have eliminated a lot of the poisons in my life and are experiencing new things everyday (should still do this more). I have dated a bit, but nothing has stuck, which is ok. Do I still think of her? Yes, not as frequently, but I do. I have dreams a about her, and most of the time they are always the same. The 'how can I save her, dreams'. When I am alone I think about her the most. (like now) But I don't think about the relationship but more like ' I hope everything is ok with her' NC? Not quite, we met up once to chat, which wasn't too bad. It messed with me for a day or two, but it made a lot of things clear about where she is. Am I over her? I want to be, but I can't seem to let her go 100%. There is something that is still holding me to her and I think its fear. I fear that if I do let her go that something might not happen. I know its stupid and not rational. I am trying my best to let her go. All I know she could be in a relationship and be totally happy (I don't check in friends or anything about her) which would be ok. But I still would feel the same. The Future: I am smiling a lot more and I keep telling myself to smile. I do not want to be here a year from now still feeling the same way. I want to forgive and forget. -- almost 3 yr relationship (early 30's) Any other folks out there like this?
jkball Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Hey man I am in a somewhat similar situation. It's only been about 3+ months for me. She broke up with me Nov. 1st. At first I had never heard of NC, did all the wrong things, begged, pleaded, promised to change, etc. Then got mad, locked her out of the house (we lived together) but it's not like she was staying here anyway, but I still feel dumb for that. So since then I'll go like 2 weeks NC, I'm right at 2 weeks currently. Then we'll talk because she owes me money and she wants to see the dogs. I definitely am not able to let go. Every time I see her it's like day 1 again. First two months totally depressed. Now it's like one good day one bad day. The good days I accept that it's over, the bad days just keep asking why? We were together just over 2 years, she's 32 I'm 33. I feel like I had no clue what I was doing and she blamed everything on me. It was my first real LTR and I kinda feel like I'm an idiot to be this age and to have made so many mistakes. You can read my original post if you want the whole story but it's pretty long. So yeah, I still think about her everyday, pretty much constantly. I have been to a therapist and it helps, have you tried that? As much as I know I need to let her go, I can't seem to. I just want to somehow fix all of the thing that went wrong, but then I get even more depressed because I realize it's so unlikely. I think going NC is the best thing to do, because eventually you will have to let go just because it's been so long. So I feel for you man, I can't see the future but I'm sure in another 4 months I'll still think about her
NoLeafClover Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) I have learned a lot about myself in the last 7 months. I thank everyone here for all the great advice. As time has past, I have become more confident, and finding out who I was before the relationship. I have eliminated a lot of the poisons in my life and are experiencing new things everyday (should still do this more). I have dated a bit, but nothing has stuck, which is ok. Do I still think of her? Yes, not as frequently, but I do. I have dreams a about her, and most of the time they are always the same. The 'how can I save her, dreams'. When I am alone I think about her the most. (like now) But I don't think about the relationship but more like ' I hope everything is ok with her' NC? Not quite, we met up once to chat, which wasn't too bad. It messed with me for a day or two, but it made a lot of things clear about where she is. Am I over her? I want to be, but I can't seem to let her go 100%. There is something that is still holding me to her and I think its fear. I fear that if I do let her go that something might not happen. I know its stupid and not rational. I am trying my best to let her go. All I know she could be in a relationship and be totally happy (I don't check in friends or anything about her) which would be ok. But I still would feel the same. The Future: I am smiling a lot more and I keep telling myself to smile. I do not want to be here a year from now still feeling the same way. I want to forgive and forget. -- almost 3 yr relationship (early 30's) Any other folks out there like this? It's been almost 10+ weeks of BU and NC for me. I feel like I never got my peace or said my side but I don't think about her as much. She crosses my mind everyday but I have learned to survive through her breadcrumbs and restricted calls that now I feel like nothing else fades me. It's sad to have to deal with it still, and I hope in 7 months I will be totally over the whole BU. I am not even sure if I am more hurt about her doing this or the situation itself to be honest. You know the feeling of someone talking down on you so to speak. The way things have gone for me so far I see it as a very slow progress to be honest. I have faced this BU day by day as it comes maintaining NC and trying to focus on other things. Some could see it as a big jump compared to my first week of sleepless nights and crying at the most random times, but I am not where I want to be yet. My goal is to laugh about it when this so called relationship ever comes up in the future. This is my story - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/370440-karma-2-months-nc-she-s-texting-me-tables-possibly-turned-but-i-like-nc I am sorry I didn't write much about it, I don't even wanna get into it lol Edited February 10, 2013 by NoLeafClover
PoppyK Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I have learned a lot about myself in the last 7 months. I thank everyone here for all the great advice. As time has past, I have become more confident, and finding out who I was before the relationship. I have eliminated a lot of the poisons in my life and are experiencing new things everyday (should still do this more). I have dated a bit, but nothing has stuck, which is ok. Do I still think of her? Yes, not as frequently, but I do. I have dreams a about her, and most of the time they are always the same. The 'how can I save her, dreams'. When I am alone I think about her the most. (like now) But I don't think about the relationship but more like ' I hope everything is ok with her' NC? Not quite, we met up once to chat, which wasn't too bad. It messed with me for a day or two, but it made a lot of things clear about where she is. Am I over her? I want to be, but I can't seem to let her go 100%. There is something that is still holding me to her and I think its fear. I fear that if I do let her go that something might not happen. I know its stupid and not rational. I am trying my best to let her go. All I know she could be in a relationship and be totally happy (I don't check in friends or anything about her) which would be ok. But I still would feel the same. The Future: I am smiling a lot more and I keep telling myself to smile. I do not want to be here a year from now still feeling the same way. I want to forgive and forget. -- almost 3 yr relationship (early 30's) Any other folks out there like this? I have just posted about a similar situation but I wish I was more on the road to recovery like you. I try to smile but in my heart I feel nothing. Your post gives a little hope, so thank you. 1
winstonsdreams Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Yeah right there with you, but it's been like 9 months with me. NC to a T is the way to go, the Caliguy Guide is the best. Breakups suck, i still think about her most days, i get mad, upset, then i carry on with my day. Even though i am seeing someone new i still think about her a lot. I just got to a point where i wasn't going to let it stop me from living anymore. I just pretend i don't care anymore. I blocked her on Facebook, deleted her friends and just try and live like she doesn't exist. But it's hard. The only saving grace is i know i have been through the exact thing before and it took 2 years before i had complete indifference for that relationship. Such is life. You are doing well, just carry on.
Navajo46 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I hear ya brother. I am at 3 months no NC and still think about her every single day. One day I say I hate her and the next I love her and want her to be happy. We were together 6 years. I got no breadcrumbs, which is for the best, but sometimes you want that just to know that they are thinking of you. I have heard absolutely nothing. I have thought of every excuse you can think of to contact her, but I won't do it and give her any kind of satisfaction. I still think it is crazy when you know your life is better off without them, but you still miss them. Hurts even more when they don't give a **** about you obviously. I almost sent her a facebook message to take down the photos of us the other day just cause it bugs me. I know it means nothing still having them up, but sometimes in the back of my mind I convince myself that she can't bring herself to take them down and it gives me the slightest hope that she cares. Crazy. I hate this so much! 1
RogerWallace111 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) I have learned a lot about myself in the last 7 months. I thank everyone here for all the great advice. As time has past, I have become more confident, and finding out who I was before the relationship. I have eliminated a lot of the poisons in my life and are experiencing new things everyday (should still do this more). I have dated a bit, but nothing has stuck, which is ok. Do I still think of her? Yes, not as frequently, but I do. I have dreams a about her, and most of the time they are always the same. The 'how can I save her, dreams'. When I am alone I think about her the most. (like now) But I don't think about the relationship but more like ' I hope everything is ok with her' NC? Not quite, we met up once to chat, which wasn't too bad. It messed with me for a day or two, but it made a lot of things clear about where she is. Am I over her? I want to be, but I can't seem to let her go 100%. There is something that is still holding me to her and I think its fear. I fear that if I do let her go that something might not happen. I know its stupid and not rational. I am trying my best to let her go. All I know she could be in a relationship and be totally happy (I don't check in friends or anything about her) which would be ok. But I still would feel the same. The Future: I am smiling a lot more and I keep telling myself to smile. I do not want to be here a year from now still feeling the same way. I want to forgive and forget. -- almost 3 yr relationship (early 30's) Any other folks out there like this? 5 months out of a 3.5 year myself & can relate with a lot of what youre going through. The bold points are what I most identify with. Overall, I'm way happier & doing better than I've ever been. The breakup kickstarted me into pursuing some goals I had neglected out of that relationship complacence. And it's become clear that my lack of progress in those areas led to a lot of the frustration and depression that I previously kind of blamed on her (basically I've been pursuing my music, with success, on a level I never had time for while in a relationship). Though I am happier and more excited about my life than ever, I'd be lying to myself if I said I was 100% over her. There are times I find myself missing being there for her to hold her and make her laugh, etc. The kind of protective, maternal sh*t that always felt really good (and receiving that sort of affection too). My feelings about it keep going in notable cycles... I'll have 2-3 weeks where I feel completely content, happy and stoked to be on my own. Not in a "good riddance" way, but in a "wish her well yet am relieved to have moved on" way. Even then I don't go a full day without thinking of her, it's just not sad or painful when I do. But between the good spells I tend to have 2-3 days where I'm kind of nostalgic/wistful and will have some sad thoughts about the situation. Nothing that gives me that stomach pain or makes me shed any tears like I did right after the breakup, just kind of bittersweet reminiscences that tend to come when I'm feeling lonely, stressed or mentally drained. Anyway, it's a relief to be able to maintain a level head when those feelings hit. They never take me over or last more than a couple minutes. A week after the breakup I was just praying for the time I would feel like I do now. Oh yeah, I do still dream about her somewhat regularly an that sh*t blows... Anyway, youre definitely not alone man. Even some of the most "player" of my homies have admitted they still carry some sort of little flame for certain exes of theirs, even years after the fact. In fact I don't think being 100% over someone is realistic if you loved them super deeply. Maybe 99% but not 100%. If so I'd think only after finding a person who you love to a point that surpasses the previous one... Maybe I'm just a sentimental guy but I can never seem to will fond memories out of my brain. They can cease to cause me real pain, but they're still bittersweet. And I'm talking non-romantic memories of my early youth, everything... Keep doing things for yourself man that will bring nothing but good sh*t your way... Edited February 11, 2013 by RogerWallace111 2
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